"Wh-what?" I asked, staring steadily at the nurse. My hands started to shake, and out of the corner or my eye I could see Hannah's eyesight flit between me and the nurse nervously. I didn't look directly at Hannah, but kept my grip tight on Phil's hand, making him shake with me.
"Someone confessed to hitting your boyfriend. Do you want to talk to them?" The nurse stayed completely calm throughout, not a breath out of place, no stuttering and nothing out of the ordinary. I stayed silent, biting the inside of my lip before slowly nodding. "Come to the reception when you're ready." The nurse informed me curtly, before leaving the room. As soon as the door closed I collapsed. I leant over Phil's body, resting my head on his chest, feeling his beating heart on my forehead and his steady breathing on my head, snaking its way through my hair. I sobbed into his chest, willing him to wake up and wrap his arms around me, cuddling me tightly into him. As usual, nothing changed. My tears soaked through his hospital gown and onto his pale skin, and I kissed the now salty fabric gently. My whole reality had been blown apart. In the space of a month everything had changed for me. Phil had been hit and was lying unconscious under me, alive but not living, my best friend had turned out to be his cousin, and my parents had gone to prison for something that they didn't actually do. I couldn't rely on anything any more. Everyone had been lying to me, my entire life. Nothing was true any more, all of my trust had gone. I was just falling, falling with no one to help me and nothing to break my fall. Maybe it was meant to be like this. Maybe I was just meant to be sad. I had had such a bad childhood, and that was how it was meant to be. As soon as I see happiness it is taken from me at 12:56 at night by a stranger and a car.
"Oh, Dan..." Hannah murmured sadly, before gingerly resting a hand on my shoulder. I flinched at the contact, pulling Phil closer to me, trying to breathe in his old, normal scent but only smelling antiseptic and sterilised clothes.
"I should go see this person..." I mumbled, pulling myself up from the chair that I had previously been sitting on. I gave Phil's hand one last squeeze and showed Hannah a sad smile before leaving the room. The nurse smiled at me sympathetically before leading me to the reception, where two policewomen were stood, hair tied back and shoved beneath a black cap with a few strands that wouldn't fit into the ponytail hanging down on the nape of their necks. They look kind enough, although very serious. I suppose they had to be with the job that they're doing. They, without a word, gestured for me to follow them, so I did, walking just behind them and towering over them. They opened the back door to the police car, letting me get in and leaving me to feel like I was an actual criminal that was going to prison.
The car journey was long and awkward, and the policewomen barely spoke. I, of course, was quite fine with them not speaking to me, however I would have liked to hear a bit of sound in the car, whether it was them speaking to each other or even just some old songs on the radio. The only time I was told something was just before we entered the police station.
"His name is Andrew Reckleback." The policewoman with blonde hair informed me.
"Who?" I asked, having not really paid attention to either of the constables.
"The man who ran over Philip." The other one told me. I nodded meekly and their gazes softened as they saw the nervous look on my face.
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." The blonde one reminded me again.
"No, I want to." I said, not looking up at either of the women. In my peripheral vision I could see them start to walk towards the station, so I followed again, feeling like a giant behind their 5'4 frames. They showed me into a room where there were lots of different booths, each of them numbered and separated from the rest. You had to go through a door to enter the booth, and I suppose that was so other inmates and visitors couldn't see nor hear you, although inside the room was a security camera and a microphone, and I guessed that there were others hidden away so they wouldn't be broken. The policewomen told me to enter booth three so I walked over to it and opened the door.
"Daniel?" A man's voice asked when I entered the spotless, white booth. I grimaced and nodded, looking through the solid, clear glass that separated me from the man who had ran over my boyfriend. The man - Andrew - looked about forty, with messy strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. His face was quite tanned with stubble growing on his chin and above his top lip; it was obvious he needed to shave. His eyes were urgent and scared, the pupils large as he momentarily made eye contact with me before his iris' tore their gaze from mine and darted back and forth, quickly and suddenly changing direction, trying to take in all of the details of the room.
"When did-"
"I didn't mean it!" He burst out, interrupting me hurriedly. My eyes widened from how rude he was being.
"I honestly didn't." He continued. "I was just driving along and, yes I was speeding but only by ten miles per hour and if I had seen Philip I would have stopped!! But he came out of nowhere right in front of me, he definitely wasn't there before. I would never mean to harm another human, trust me. I know I shouldn't have been speeding but I was angry at my wi- ex wife and I just wanted to get home. He jumped out in front of me I swear my life on it!"
I watched him, startled. He had just confessed that he was speeding, that he had actually hit Phil. After a few seconds he realised that I was still speechless so he carried on explaining.
"After I saw in the newspaper that two local people had been sent to prison for abuse and being involved in a hit-and-run incident, I felt so guilty. I knew that it had been me almost immediately, and I know that what they did to you wasn't acceptable, but they can't take the blame for something that I did as well. So I handed myself in. They're still going to be locked up, promise, but just not for as long. They're going to be kept away from you too once they do get let out." I carried on watching the man, who was getting more agitated and frantic by the word.
"Phil wouldn't have jumped out." I said steadily. I saw the colour drain from the man's face.
"No no no no no! He did, he did I swear. Please listen to me, please Daniel. Beth and I had just had another argument. I had walked in on her for the fifth time this year with another man, and I couldn't take it. We had agreed to give it another time, but she had blown it again, so I was annoyed. All of the roads were clear, all of them were. They were all brightly illuminated by street lamps, and Phil was on a bit of straight road. It was a clear night so I would have seen him and been able to stop before I reached him but I didn't because he wasn't there."
I still looked at Andrew, scared because his explanation did actually make sense.
"Are you definitely sure?" I asked, still not completely convinced. Phil was the happiest person I knew. He would never have done anything like this, especially not after we got engaged. No, he wouldn't. Andrew's eyes told me differently though. He didn't look like the type of person who would purposefully crash into someone else. He didn't know Phil. At least I didn't think he did. But, this man was speeding, and angry. Phil could have simply been walking across the road, and through his rage Andrew wouldn't have seen him. What else could have happened? He had been getting some more hate recently on YouTube for no particular reason, so maybe some teenagers had found him and pushed him in to the road? It's possible.
"I'm sure." Andrew told me sincerely. I bit my lip. "He jumped out, I saw him about two metres in front of me. He didn't look scared, there was no one behind him. He just looked like anyone would when they cross the road. He sprinted so he'd be in the middle of the car. He looked a bit scared once in the road, but I couldn't stop. The difference from when I saw him and hit him was less than two seconds; I didn't have enough time to actually take in what he was doing. If I had I would have stopped. But... After hitting him I didn't know what to do. He kind of rolled over the bonnet then fell off the side. It didn't make any difference to the structure of my car nor the speed. I wanted to go back, to help him, but I couldn't. If I did I'd be found out and I didn't want that. Who would? But then your parents got their sentence and I felt so bad that I handed myself in." He continued.
Everything matched up. Every little detail that he told me matched up with what I had previously been told. Except one thing. Everyone thought that it was a purposeful hit, and much as I still wanted to, Andrew's theory was niggling at the back of my mind, and I couldn't get it out.
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"I don't understand it Peej." I told my best friend as I paced the living room of my apartment. PJ had come round as soon as I told him what had happened, and we were both trying to figure out what to do. "I mean, everything fits, but Phil isn't like that. He wouldn't do that. I know him. But now the police are coming round to check his room for any clues." I shook my head. I hated the thought of random people coming and searching Phil's room filing through our memories. Since the accident I had entered Phil's room once, and that was at night, to get his jacket. The room was dark then, and that was also a month ago.
"Do you want to see Phil's room yourself? Just to, you know, see if there's anything you want to hide from the police?" PJ asked sadly. I nodded and he got up from the sofa, smiling sympathetically. I started on my way to Phil's room, PJ following me closely behind. I got to the door and slowly opened it. My breath hitched in my throat when I entered the room. It was exactly like it was when I had been there the last time, save a couple of details.
I was hit by a full on blast of Phil's familiar scent. I couldn't quite describe it, all I could say as that it made me feel safe, comfortable, protected. He no longer had that scent in the hospital; the strong smell of antiseptic and generally hospitals had overwhelmed it. His bed was laid, the green and blue covers pulled over the mattress neatly. His body spray was sitting on his bedside table along with a lamp, a few clothes were on his chair. Near his bed was his camera, all set up with the proper lighting around it. On another cabinet were his straighteners, and next to them was his hair dye. Next to his hair things were a load of toys and figurines, set up neatly. Amongst all of the toys lay a couple of framed photos, and looking closer I saw that a few were of him and I, whilst a few were from YouTue Rewind 2014 and 2015, and the rest were him with his family. Various posters littered his walls. He had Muse, Attack on Titan, Death Note, Mockingjay and, of course, a painting that someone had done of him with lion by his side. I smiled, knowing how talented some of our subscribers were.
"Dan... You might want to see this." PJ said nervously. I snapped out of my thoughts and went over to where he was, by the bed. On the bed was the scrapbook that we had been given the year before at Summer in the City. Except, there was a post-it note stuck on the front of it. I read it out.
Dear Dan,
By the time you read this the unimaginable has probably happened. And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. But, I have something for you. Quite a lot of things actually. Go to page 46 of the scrapbook.
Love,
Phil x
I put the scrapbook down and looked at PJ.
"Do you mind if I do this alone?" I asked him. He smiled reassuringly at me.
"Of course." He replied. "I need to go see Chris anyway. Call me if you need any help." He left the room, closing the door behind him.
I opened the scrapbook, thankful that the pages were all numbered. I skimmed through the book, flashes of writing and colourful drawings being seen as I tried to find page 46. When I did find it, I found a drawing. It was Phil and I, sleeping on a bed with some Pokemon sleeping around us. I smiled at the drawing, before looking at the note on the other side.
Remember when we went to Japan? We spent a whole day in the Pokemon store and it felt like we were in an anime ^.^. Next check out page 29 x
I made my way back through the book, counting down the numbers on the corners of the pages until I got to page 29. On it was another drawing. This drawing was from PINOF 4, and Phil and I were pulling the stupidest faces we could. Phil had written another caption on a post-it note and once again stuck it on the page, this time just below the drawing.
Pull the sexiest face you can :] Page 77 x
I smiled at the memory of that Phil Is Not On Fire. I used to love doing those little q and a's with Phil, if they were even counted as q and a's. Half the time we'd just be answering stupid questions or doing hilarious dares. Sometimes I worry about the things that go through the minds of people in the Phandom, but I suppose they learn from the best. Once again I flicked through the pages my eyes landing on page 77. On it was a picture of the Manchester Eye, Phil and I in one of the compartments, holding hands, our faces not visible as the picture was drawn as if our backs were to the 'camera'. In the gap between our heads, a little heart was drawn. I looked at the bright yellow note on the other side of the paper.
I remember this day so clearly. It was only a few months after we had met in real life and it's one of my favourite memories. One more page, 13 x
I went back to the start of the book and passed page over page until I got to page thirteen. In a way, I didn't want this to end. It was like Phil was still here, and he was going to be there for me at the end of this 'treasure hunt'. It made me forget about everything for a while, and just made me happy. On page thirteen was a drawing of us in our Danosaur and Phillion onesies, on the sofa playing a game of something or other. The post-it note, was once again stuck neatly to the other page.
I love you so much Dan. We used to do this all the time, and nearly all the time you would beat me, but I still loved it. I loved it because I was with you. You were my ray of sunshine. There are no more pages, but go over to my laptop and switch it on. Then, log in to my account and watch the video that should pop up x
As instructed, I went over to the laptop that was near where his camera was set up, and turned it on. I drummed my fingers on the little desk that the laptop was resting on while I waited impatiently for it to load. As soon as the laptop finished properly turning on, I typed in Phil's password before waiting another agonising two minutes until the home screen turned on. Sure enough, a video came up on the screen. Phil's face flashed up, unseen footage unfolding before my eyes.
"Hey Dan!" He said, waving. I smiled back at him, waving a little back, before realising how stupid I looked. I paused the video and went over to the window, shutting the curtains and turning off the light, leaving me in darkness. I liked it like this. Phil was the only thing that was lit up. It was like before, me and him. It was almost like a Skype call between us, and I loved it.
"How are you?" He continued. Now it was a lot more like a Skype call. He was talking as if he would be able to hear my reply, as if he could respond with comforting words.
"Terrible, Phil." I muttered sadly. The on-screen Phil looked guilty.
"I should be able to guess how you're feeling... I'm sorry, Dan." He replied, a few seconds after I had replied. He had obviously timed the video so it would be like we were actually talking, even though we weren't. It still felt like it though. The filming was done so perfectly that I might as well be having a conversation with him, and it quite honestly hurt to know that it wasn't actually him at the moment, and it hurt more to know that the same person who was in this video in front of me was also in the hospital in a deep coma.
"Do you want to vent?" He asked, looking at me through the screen. I nodded.
"I want to too. You go first. Pause the video otherwise I won't be able to listen to all of it. Pause.... now." I did as instructed and started my vent, not tearing my eyes from Phil's.
"I don't know what to think of everything at the moment. I love you so, so much and I miss you even more. We've been friends for years and I wish I had more time to tell you how much I love you. I've spent every day of the last month or so thinking about you, and thinking about how messed up this whole situation is. I don't understand how we could get ourselves in to this. We must have done something really bad in our past lives-" I laughed bitterly. "But we can't have done anything this bad. I don't know. Maybe it would have been less painful if you had just died immediately. Not saying that I want you to die but I just hate it at the moment because there is no way to tell whether or not you'll wake up. I'm constantly alternating between thinking that you're going to wake up whilst I'm at the hospital and thinking that you're going to slip away right between my fingers, without me there to be able to say goodbye to you properly. I feel like I'm living in limbo; no certain ending. I feel like I'm a character in a discontinued story with no life past what has been written out for me. No one knows what's going to happen. No one knows what's going to happen with you. No one. I wish that you could somehow tell me what you're going to do. They say that people in a coma can say whether they want to live or die, but I don't know. You've been asleep for over a month now, and I'm starting to think that even you can't say whether you want to die or survive. Please survive, for me. You have so much more of a life to live. We have memories to make, memories that I can't make alone. Please, stay." I finished, pressing 'play' on the video.
Phil's face moved back to life again, his mouth forming a frown.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "Um... It's my time now. I can't stand living like this. Everything is blowing up in my face. I don't understand it, but it is. I can't help it, I can't stop it. For the last few months, I've been blackmailed. I hate it because I can't do anything. I don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do and I wish I could help it but I really can't. I'm sorry I can't be with you at the moment, but trust me, it's for the best. You deserve so much more in life than what you have got, and I want to give you so much more but because of circumstances I can't. I know that this isn't that long of a vent, but I had to tell you. I also have to tell you that I love you, and I always will. Never forget me, please."
I nodded at the screen.
I'll never forget the man who saved my life.
A/N: THIS IS NOT THE END. ALSO I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT IT'S A LONGER CHAPTER AND IDK I QUITE LIKE IT AND WOAH 777 READS YAY THANKS ^.^