This is a long one. So, I hope y'all enjoy it! <3 TW - mentions of drugs
Maddison's POV
I clenched and unclenched my fist. It was chilly out but I felt hot and clammy. I drove to Alex's house after being ignored for a few days. I didn't see him at school and if I did, refused to acknowledge me. I was back to square one...being alone. I mean, Kalian and Eva talked to me sometimes. They were so involved with each other that I felt like a third wheel. It wasn't their fault they were a couple. Anyway, I sucked in a breath and knocked on the polished wooden door.
I had no idea of what I was gonna say to Alex. The party was such an embarrassing moment for me. I felt Olivia went out of her to hurt me by hurting Alex in the process. The door opened and I heard a faint sound of music. Unfortunately, the person who opened the door was Alex's sister, Chloe.
"Hey, Maddison!" Chloe said happily. A smile on her face with her hair pulled into a ponytail. A white shirt with a rose design along with jeans. She was so pretty.
"Hey, Chloe. Is Alex here?" I asked nervously. I really should've rehearsed a speech or something. I was coming into this blind, maybe I was desperate and wanted to fix things or feeling guilty. It didn't matter, I was here now. I couldn't back out now.
"Uh, no. He left an hour ago. Do you wanna wait for him inside?" Chloe asked moving to the side as an invitation to come in. I bit my lip, Alex must've not said anything to them. I didn't expect him to, he didn't even tell me the status of our relationship after that night.
"Sure." I said with a nod. Chloe smiled brightly and led me to the living room. The same living room where Alex and I had hung out together on multiple occasions. My face heated up at the memories at many shared kisses.
"Mom, Maddison is here!" Chloe announced as she sat down on the floor, picking up the laptop in front of her. Setting it in her lap. I adjusted the sleeves on my hoodie and sat on the couch.
"So, it's just you and your mom here?" I asked simply. Attempting to spark conversation between us. I hated silence in an environment.
"Yeah, Miles took Lexi and Paris to the mall. I didn't want to go. I prefer only shopping." Chloe mumbled with a shrug. Her fingers moved fast across her keyboard. I let out a quiet laugh.
"Alex has been so moody lately, maybe you can cheer him up," Chloe said looking up at me with a small smile.
"What do you mean?" I asked quietly. What if he was hurting because of me?
"Always stays in his room, or will lounge in the pool until his fingers get wrinkled. It's like a never-ending loop. So I was surprised when he left." Chloe explained.
"Oh." I said looking down at my hands.
"... I know I shouldn't tell you this but...Alex has issues. I don't think the whole divorce and change worked well with him. I mean, he isn't an absolute asshole to Paris and I. It's just...I think sometimes he misses his mom." Chloe said with a frown. "I mean, wouldn't you? The woman disappeared after getting caught in the act. Maybe she was embarrassed or-"
"Chloe Huynh."
Chloe and I both jumped. I looked up to see Lou and Alex. Even in her own home, she was still dressed with a sort of elegance. A purple silk strapless grown that touched the floor.
"It is highly inappropriate to talk about a situation that is not your business. Be respectful." Lou chastised with squinted eyes.
"Sorry, I was just saying." Chloe shrugged before going back to her device. Lou looked at me once before walking off. I quickly stood to my feet.
"Can we talk...in private?" I asked hopefully. Alex just nodded and walked away. I said my goodbyes to Chloe and quickly followed after Alex. My heart was in my stomach. Each step felt like jelly. I was worrying about his reaction once we got to his room.
Once in his room, Alex closed the door and sat on the bed. His room was perfectly tidy and the curtains were closed. I looked over to the tiny dresser beside his bed. Multiple papers were laid out and...a few rolled-up dollars with a packet of white powder inside.
"Do your parents know that you do that?" I said gesturing towards the bag.
"You came to talk to me about that?" Alex asked boredly.
"No. I didn't but I think you should. Tell them, it could become a problem." I said as I walked over to him. I sat down making sure there was space between us. Alex rolled his eyes but didn't look at me. I cleared my throat.
"I'm sorry. I should've said something to Olivia but I was...confused. A lot had happened." I said as I felt my hands get sweaty. My throat felt tight suddenly.
"Do you like Henry?" Alex asked suddenly. He didn't sound angry or upset. Yet, I still couldn't give him an answer. At least not one he wanted to hear.
"I don't. I just want to be his friend. Which-"
"Why did it bother you when Olivia told you about her and Henry?" Alex cut me off, making eye contact with me.
"It bothered me because Olivia is a bad person. She's been nothing but horrible to me and I just thought she was messing with Henry to hurt me even more. I don't think Henry should even talk to her." I said honestly. It was the truth. Olivia wasn't genuinely in love with Henry. Olivia didn't have a reason to have a relationship with him. It didn't make sense to me why they would sleep together.
"Why would it hurt you?" Alex asked softly, the corners of his lips twitched. I quickly looked away. My mouth felt dry and I licked my lips. Biting on my lower lip.
It was silent for a moment. All I wanted was to pretend that night never happened. I felt horrible like I was the reason, everyone got hurt.
"...you said you loved me. I told you I loved you." Alex whispered as he got up. He began to pace the room. I grew confused about what was happening.
"You like Henry? Don't you? It's fucking obvious. At first, I thought I was just making it up in my head. But I'm just stupid, that night made it clear." Alex ranted quickly, I could feel the anger radiating off of him. I got off the bed.
"I don't like him! He's just a friend. That's all it is." I said calmly grabbing onto his arm but he pushed my hand off.
"You don't think I feel you tense up when I try to kiss you or even show you some type of affection? You didn't even want our families to know. You might not like Henry but you don't like me." Alex said raising his voice. I winced and backed away.
"I'm just not ready to have sex, that's a normal thing," I whispered. I knew he wanted that but I wasn't ready. I just needed more time...I was a virgin and I wanted that moment to be special.
"Oh my God, it's not about fucking sex! It's about you." Alex said before inhaling deeply. "I don't want to be a stand-in. This isn't what I thought our relationship would even be like. We don't do stupid little dates because you find some excuse to get out of it. I- I just wanna know what you want." Alex said sadly. I could see tears threatening to fall. He finally grabbed onto my hands.
"Tell me...tell me what you want Maddy because I cannot do this. I can't keep thinking that you love me when you don't. I can't sit around and wait for the inevitable." Alex said softly gripping tightly on my hands. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt my heart squeeze and not for the right reasons. Being Honest was the only way I could make this right. Honesty never hurts people. Never leaves them broken into pieces.
"I do love you. It's just I don't know what I want right now. Maybe..maybe space is the best." I said, taking my hand out of his grip to stroke his face. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I'm just-"
Alex pushed me away from him. He didn't say anything just avoiding my eyes. I could hear him sniffing and wiping his eyes. I wanted to console him, hug him, and take back what I said. I never wanted to hurt him. I swear. I was just confused and I wanted him to understand where I was coming from.
"I don't know if I like him...but I know I feel something for him." I said with a grin, thinking about Henry. He might've been built with a strict interior but I knew he could be loved and give it in return. He just needed the right person...not someone like Olivia.
"I think you are right. Space is what's best. Can you leave?" Alex asked suddenly. He walked around me. I followed his movements, he grabbed a rolled-up dollar as he sat on his bed.
"I could-"
"I don't want you to stay. I don't." Alex said harshly.
"Alex, you know I would never hurt you." I pleaded attempting to walk closer.
"Please get out." Alex muttered. I sighed and nodded. I didn't want to leave him like this, especially when I was the cause of it. I also knew he didn't want me here. So, I left. With each step I took, tears began to fall. I felt horrible, I was a bad person. I wanted to take it all back.
Obviously, it was too late for take backs.
——-
"It's so late, my grandma is gonna curse me out." Eva said exhaustion laced in her tone. Eva and I walked to her kitchen. I didn't wanna go home, so I went to Eva's place. I couldn't tell my dad about Alex. He would blame Alex and I wasn't ready for that conversation. To be told, "I told you that boy was no good.". I wanted to wait until my tears were dried up. I wanted to wait until I knew I wouldn't cry when I brought it up. So I thanked Eva in my head.
"So, are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" Eva asked as she opened her refrigerator. Pulling out containers of food.
"It's about Alex." I said with a sad smile. Eva looked over her shoulder at me for a second. I blew out a breath and told her everything from beginning to finish. The party and Alex and I's conversation. All of it.
"Imma be honest. It is your fault." Eva said as she placed a plate in front of me. "Food helps me when I'm feeling upset. Just eat." she added on. It was lasagna and round bread.
"What? How is it my fault?" I asked with shock. I mean, I was honest with him. I did it the right way. Yeah, I felt guilty but wasn't their shared fault?
"Maddison, when you got with Alex in the beginning you seemed so invested in him. Yet, you backtrack with gushing over Henry." Eva said shrugging her shoulders.
"So...you think I hurt him intentionally?" I asked poking at the pasta.
"No, it's completely normal to be confused but I do think you led that boy on. Especially if you have some sort of feelings for Henry. You should've never let your relationship with Alex get so far. The blow-up probably wouldn't have been that bad." Eva said giving me a sincere smile. I missed Eva, even though Eva never told me the right things she still made me feel better. I didn't feel great but I didn't feel gutted. I should've never even agreed to the first date in the first place. Yet, I just wanted so much. I wanted to experience the 'romance' that was shown in the movies. I quickly found out...my feelings were all over the place apparently. I closed my eyes for a moment. God, I giving myself a headache.
"Space means breaking up, you know. Alex will eventually move on. So, if you really did like him once you figured out your feelings for Henry. You can't just go back to him. It'll make him feel like a second option and will make him a stand-in. Don't worry though. I'll be here for you every step of the way." Eva said grabbing onto my free hand. I smiled at her and nodded.
"...how'd you even know Kalian was the one for you?" I asked sheepishly. Eva let out a loud laugh suddenly before covering her mouth. I laughed quietly at her antics.
"Girl, I didn't and still don't. You just gotta put in the work, time, patience, and all that shit. You gotta be comfortable with your nigga. That's something that's also important. Listen, when Kal asked me out, I thought he was crazy. I mean, we met through you. Anyway, he wasn't sure a lot either most of the time but he knew he wanted me. I mean, look at this goodness." She said doing a twirl. "All I'm saying is, relationships are painful, amazing, and complicated but worth it if you are with the right person. Relationships and folk operate differently in them. Understand?" She asked arching her eyebrow.
"I do." I said giggling.
"Good because I felt like my granny talking at you like that. I don't like getting mushy like that. Now, let's go upstairs. I wanna watch this new movie on Netflix." Eva said rolling her eyes with a huge smile on her face.
I knew it was my fault, yet I wouldn't let it swallow me up. I know Alex would talk to me in his own time. I wouldn't force that no matter how badly I wanted to. I was kinda happy now. I just hope things will be different from now on. The best way to figure out confusion is to take action.
So, that would be my plan, take action. Things will be better for me. I just know it will.
Wel...there it is. Hoped yall enjoyed it. I hope there isn't any Grammer mistakes and I'm sorry if there is. Remember comments, opinions, ideas and thoughts are welcomed!
Just a friendly reminder...I do NOT Condone doing drugs.
So, Do y'all enjoy the longer chapters or no?
BYE 🩵🦋