warnings: leaving? losing a friend. also this one's like really sad.
A second ago Elsie was joyous, walking the streets of District Twelve. She had her perfect life, her perfect man, her perfect job. She could feel the eyes on her though, she could hear the hushed whispers and she could see mothers moving their children away from her. She held back her tears, she gave everything to make sure everything stayed perfect. She felt the crisp wind on her skin and the small hairs on her arms pricked up to form hundreds of goosebumps. She didn't care about who knew about her and Coriolanus, she couldn't be bothered to. She felt melted whenever he said her name, whenever he touched her, whenever he came up from behind her and grabbed her hips. She was lost in her thoughts but for the first time they weren't making her terrified to breathe.
Elsie felt the grip of somebodies hand wrap around her forearm and her heart rate spiked. She could feel her head pounding as she almost tripped over her feet as somebody pulled her to the side suddenly. The grip felt familiar as she looked to see who had just grabbed her arm and she met the eyes of him. Coriolanus' face was not one of happiness, not like hers. He held a sort of serious gaze as he looked at her, his eyebrows slightly furrowing.
"Coryo?" She was slightly out of breath, "You scared me." She didn't smile, she could tell he didn't want that. He stayed completely silent as he studied her, his sky blue eyes looking into hers. She desperately searched in them for some sort of answer. "What is it?" She continued as her gaze fell down his entire body. His shirt perfectly fit around his biceps, and his muscles had gotten bigger since the first time she met him.
"I need to leave," He breathed out finally and Elsie felt her stomach dropped, she could feel the tears prickle the bottoms of her eyes as she looked down, "I overheard the commander talking and he is going to stop at nothing to find out who killed the mayor's daughter. I-" He paused studying her face and his twisting to one of regret, she couldn't meet his eyes. Elsie's heart shattered as soon as the words had left his lips and he had realized how poor his wording was. "No, no Elsie." He quickly said bringing a hand to lift her jaw so his eyes could connect with hers. "Elsie you'll come with me?" He asked her and her eyes hopefully darted to meet his as a small smile crossed her lips and the corners of them upturned. "There she is." She smiled at him and nodded her head.
"Yes." Elsie looked at him, the sensation of her stomach going back to normal left her at ease. She had been hopeless a second ago, she could imagine life without him but it wouldn't be a life.
"Good. Tonight, we'll meet here okay?" He continued, sharing his thought out plan with her.
"Tonight. Here. Got it." She could feel her heart beating quickly inside of her as she realized what she was going to do. Her perfect life was gone. Gone for him... and she wouldn't have it any other way. He dropped her face lightly, leaving it to hang without his touch. Elsie watched as he methodically turned to walk away from her, glancing back once as she gazed at him leaving.
She had been back once. One time since their fight. She had gotten more clothes because she didn't bring anything with her when she left the first time. Her knuckles stung for a second between each knock she made to the door. She didn't know what she'd say, or how she'd go about telling Lucy Gray but she had to. There wasn't anything to say, an unspoken agreement not to talk had fallen between the two of them and everytime Elsie felt herself remember her no longer best friend she felt a small pang eat away at her heart.
The door flung open and the smile Elsie was met with quickly fell as Gray suddenly realized who was standing there. Lucy's body language showed how unhappy she was to see the frail girl. Her arms crossed in front of her chest as she moved her legs close together waiting for a reason that Elsie was there.
"I'm leaving." She quickly spoke and Lucy Gray's face twisted into one of confusion. Elsie's mind flashed back to the same look that she was given that day. The day that Lucy Gray promised she wouldn't tell anyone. "I just wanted to tell you- because you mean so much to me." Elsie continued, almost pleading Lucy Gray to listen, to show some sense of remorse. She knew that she didn't deserve anything from Lucy Gray but she just wanted her friend back, or at least the most she could get.
"Come in." Lucy Gray spoke quietly and Elsie's head shot up in shock. Elsie nodded as Gray stepped aside to welcome her into her previous home. The first step Elsie took into the house was unwelcoming, a small scent of shame could be smelt from the inside. It was messy, the same way she left it, nothing was moved except Lucy Grays boots which stood at the side of the broken down couch.
"You haven't changed mu-" Elsie began but Lucy Gray cut her off. Sting.
"With him?" Her words sounded dirty and Elsie wanted to just curl up and crawl away from the uncomfortable situation, but she couldn't. She knew she had to stand and let Lucy Gray feel betrayed. Elsie's thoughts flashed back.
2 years ago..
The two girls laughed as they jumped on the couch, the fading and scratched music from their cheap record player echoed throughout the paint-chipped walls. Their smiles were the only lights they needed, toothy smiles, true ones. Their voices leaving and coming back depending on their jumps, their heavy breathing between lyrics. Their hair was flying up by their faces and falling back to their shoulders the more movements they made. It was all they needed: each other.
"Yes." Elsie spoke quietly, feeling the shame seep into her bones, she felt small almost like she had created a new self. A self that wanted more, a self that was hungry for something greater. The raw knife that she felt Lucy Gray had stabbed her over and over as the two looked each other in the eyes. "I just need to grab some stuff." Elsie brushed past Lucy Gray and entered her old room. Nothing had been touched, she had expected it to be that way. She turned and quietly pressed her body against the door, hearing a small click breaking the silence as the confirmation that the door was closed hit her.
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she scanned the room. The same small picture frames of the two girls hung on the wall and she slowly made her way to them, putting one in her satchel and grabbing some spare sentimental items. She had enough clothes and non-nostalgic peices but she wanted things that reminded her of who she was, who she still wanted to be. The pangs on Elsie's heart quickened and the forever gloss that was coating her green eyes spilled over, covering her rosy cheeks as her eyes squinted to let out more salty tears. She let out quiet sobs as her body shook, wracked with grief. She could feel her shoulders moving up and down as she bent down shakily looking at the framed picture. The smiles the two girls shared made her sob more, tears fell on the dusty glass, sliding down to rest at the bottom of the frame, trying to squeeze inside.
She took a breath. She had lost the most important person to her. She almost regretted it all. She loved Coriolanus but he wasn't there for her in the same way Lucy Gray was. There was always going to be an unconditional love between them. A sisterhood, no matter if they talked or not there would always be a certain sense of love shared. She no longer had her Lucy Gray, the same Lucy Gray who was always there.
Lucy Gray was never the bad guy, she was.
She heard a knock on the door and the creaking of it opening. A couple footsteps and a soft, warm hand resting on her shoulder. A small droplet fell onto her bare shoulder. She turned her tear stained face up to her previous best friend.
"Good luck." The words fell out of Lucy Gray's mouth, they were stable, like she'd been waiting to say them. She meant them and the look the two girls shared was filled with love. Filled with a sense of belonging.
"Lucy Gray I-" Elsie began to speak as Gray held her hands and pulled her up.
"I know. Just-" Lucy Gray began, she hadn't thought of this situation ever. The thought of Lucy Gray no longer being a part of her life had never crossed her mind. The time was bittersweet, Lucy Gray had given and unspoken forgiveness.
"Just what?" Elsie spoke softly, Lucy Gray's hand still rested on her shoulder as the two shared a look.
"Be careful okay?" Elsie knew exactly what she meant. She did need to be careful, not of the wilderness, or of the peacekeepers, or the commander, or the unprecedented, or the unpredictable, or the capitol, but of him. Elsie's eyes began to fill again as she took Gray's hand.
"I love you okay?" Elsie spoke, her voice shaking.
"I love you too." Lucy Gray let a slow and thick tear fall down her face. The only one she would let fall in front of Elsie. Elsie nodded and pulled Gray in for a hug, letting out a choked, loud sob. Lucy Gray was the one to break the hug, reaching her hand up to wipe Elsie's tears. "Don't let it be for nothing." She spoke calmly, about Coriolanus.
"I won't." Elsie smiled slightly, "We'll see each other again?" She whispered, her voice breaking.
"Sure... sure we will." Lucy Gray genuinely spoke. Elsie looked down. Her heart broke, more than it ever had. She bent down and picked up her satchel, slinging it onto her shulder before giving Lucy Gray one last look of remorse before she mouthed, 'i love you.' Lucy Gray mouthed it back as Elsie brushed past her, leaving her in the empty room.
That was it, no more laughter. No more jumping. No more music. No more best friends. Just Elsie. The girl that Elsie had once trusted with her life was a person of the past, a person she might never talk to again. Tears continued to fall down her face as she left the house for the last time. Nobody was around to witness her breakdown.
But Elsie would always remember this as the worst thing she would ever have to do.
Her best friend was gone, and so was she.
The old her was gone.
authors note:
phew! let me wipe my tears hold up. i feel like this might be the saddest thing i've ever wrote. hope y'all are okay. also i totally did the old self thing as a joke to myself but i don't know. anyways, hope you guys are enjoying the story and such and i really hope that you guys can find the will to live aftet this! like always i didn't spell check so dont come for me PLEASE. leave a comment, drop a vote or just shoot me a private message.
as always,
anyways, love ya!
sophie