Chapter 1: Revolution
Tap tap tap tap tap. The keyboard tappings were honestly the most relaxing noises I've heard in some time. The disastrous chaos is over. I looked over to my small hook located in my cubicle. My keys hung there nicely. Kazuo's photo was hanging on it.
Everyone calls me foolish. They constantly ask me why I still gave a single shit about him. I loved him. No matter how cruel he has been. Even if he took Ita away from me, and my family. I couldn't hate him. I felt loved by him. Even though his love was possessive, and bizarre, I didn't care. I'm just as weird as he was.
"You may get off now." Shouta approaches me, and hands me back my files. "Thanks for doing this last minute. I really needed the prototype labels. Seiji will be pleased." He smiles a bit.
"Yeah, no problem." I've been accustomed to working at Raine. At first, I hated everyone, but now it has became relaxing. I guess this is my occupation, unless I find something else. I didn't hate it. I actually love drawing. I just knew Kyou wasn't fond of me, and Seiji was awkward towards me. I've accepted my wrong doings, and they both chose to forgive, but they won't forget. I guess that is the best resolution I can get for now.
I gathered my stuff, and left the office. The lady at the desk says her goodbyes, and I did the same. She was friendly, but was so clueless to the drama that the whole office was in. She would gossip with me from time to time. I enjoyed her company. The only thing that annoyed me was that I still didn't catch her name. I feared that if I asked, I would look bad, and because of that thought, I never bothered asking her.
I went back home to my apartment. It felt lonely. I lived alone. I wasn't fond of jumping into a new relationship after mine had passed away. I wished I saw him get buried. I wished I was there, but I wasn't even notified.
I tossed my suitcase on the couch, and poured myself some coffee. I needed to be awake. I wanted to stay up, and clean the house. It's been a while since I did that.
My dirty clothes laid all over the floor. I dropped to my knees, and covered my face. This was so painful. Living when Kazuo is dead. I wanted him back. Why was it so unfair? Kyou, and Seiji could be happy, but I had to suffer. I wanted Ita back. I wanted my parents back. I wanted everything.
I could feel my hot tears dripping out of the corners of my hands. I don't normally cry, so I felt an instant headache. This was the worst realization ever. My lover is fully gone.
"He's no good for you...." Ita's voice rung. I looked around, and saw him sitting on the couch. He smiles sweetly.
"Ita!" I cried, and crawled to him.
"Satoshi, don't cry. It doesn't suit your stupid face." He smiles sadly.
"I lost everyone. What did I do wrong? All I wanted was to be loved." My voice broke out.
"You didn't see the big picture. I loved you, but you chose to be with the wrong one." He sighs.
Ita's ghost haunts me every now, and then. He constantly kept reminding me how I made the wrong choice. I knew I did, but I followed what my desires wanted. I wanted Kazuo at all costs.
I banished the voices, and went about with my day. I saw all the hospital bracelets scattered on my couch. It hadn't been that long since I've been released from the asylum. I didn't even realize I was going insane until I saw visions of Ita all the time.
Losing everyone all at once took a toll on me. Staying at the asylum for a good three years has made me calmer. I didn't have the tendency to want to end my life anymore, and I felt like a new person. The only thing that still lingers in my soul is that I still do get depressed from time to time. I refused to go to a therapist since I was pretty much fed up with seeing doctor after doctor.
I got up to make myself some ramen. I wasn't in the mood to cook. I hadn't really had human interactions except for work. Luckily Kyou forgave me, and insisted to Seiji that I worked there for the time being. I did my work fairly well, and I blended in with society.
After the noodles were done cooking, I took chopsticks, and sat at the table. It was quiet. Living alone was boring, but I didn't want anyone around me at the same time. I was scared they would think I needed help coping, and send me back to the stupid mental hospitals. I know deep in my heart I had no mental illness, and that people around me just wanted me to suffer. I didn't feel different from when I had first met Kazuo. It was only guilty visions that haunt me. Why couldn't anyone understand me?
I thought of all the events that had happened. It's been years, but everything was still as clear as it can be. Kazuo was abusive, and controlling. I didn't know when he had became that way. He sincerely loved me, but started changing slowly. Was it me? Hiro was.....I didn't even want to think about Hiro. Everyone ended up betraying me in some way. My parents are pretty much gone. I had nothing left. No best friend, no lover, no family. I am amazed that I'm still alive after that.
I've thought of finding another job to make some friends. I knew I was never a people person, and most definitely not after all this drama. Maybe I was lost still. Very lost
It began raining outside. It was pretty unusual since the weather didn't predict rain. I went to look out the window. Maybe today is a good day to visit Kazuo's grave.
I grabbed my wallet from my suitcase, and went outside to the car. I started the engine, and drove down to the same floral shop I buy Kazuo's flowers from every time.
The woman smiles at me, and hands me the same white roses I always get. "I hope he enjoys it." She says.
"Thanks." I nodded, and handed her the money. I shortly left after with the beautiful scented bouquet of flowers in my hand. Time to drive to Kazuo.
The city lights were flashing. It annoyed me. Everything seemed to always be moving in slow motion. Everything seemed so bright like I was high. I hated the feeling. I hated feeling as if I wasn't living in reality anymore. The subtle scent of the flowers kept me at bay with reality.
I turned into the cemetery. It was getting dark. The rain didn't help, and only made the sky darker. I could hear thunder, and I saw lighting already. What a storm.
I parked the car at the lot, and got out with an umbrella. The rain started pouring harder. I made sure the flowers didn't get ruined before they got to the grave.
I saw a couple families at their grave locations. Of course they were weeping, and in agony. I ignored them, and walked on to my direction.
I found it pretty fascinating that there were people at the cemetery in this weather. I didn't think people were like me.
I had a ritual of going to Kazuo's grave when it rains. This will be my second time going to his grave after I had been release from the asylum. I visited once a month, and only when it rained.
I've been free for only two months, and I felt pretty miserable. In the asylum, people actually spoke to me, but in the real world, no one notices me.
I was trapped in there yet I am trapped in the real world as well. I guess in the end, it was my refusal to be a loser locked up, and not doing shit with their life that got me out. I thought the outcome would of been a better one, but I hadn't been happy since I had gotten out.
I hated working, and trying to live a normal life. I was tended for in there, and out here I am forced to do everything on my own once again. It wasn't the best feeling, but it had to be done.
My steps got slower, and slower as I approached my destination. I stood before Kazuo's grave. There were no flowers or anything on it. I couldn't remember many that really loved Kazuo after he had changed. I kneeled down, ignoring my pants getting soaked on the knees. I placed the flowers on his grave.
"Hey Kazuo. It's our third time meeting here. I guess second time since I don't want to count that one time with Kyou. How have you been?" I stupidly spoke to the gravestone like he could hear me.
"It's been two months out here in the wild. I'm slowly adjusting. I would really have to thank Kyou for convincing Seiji to let me have the job even after everything. I am fortunate about that."
The gravestone looked back at me blankly. Of course it wouldn't converse with me. I am silly sometimes.
"I'm a bit embarrassed that everyone knows I went to an asylum. Isn't that some shit? They must look at me differently, but I swear I'm okay." I clenched my fist. "I'm okay Kazuo." I stood up. "Shit." I forgot to get the sweet buns I had in the car. I forgot to bring them in the house to heat then, but it's fine.
I ran back to the car, and opened up the back car door. In the red plastic bag was two sweet buns. Kazuo loved these when he was around. I figured it was generous to place these at his grave.
I took the bag by the handle, and ran back to the grave. I was completely soaked at this point since I left the umbrella by the grave to shied the flowers.
I almost slipped a couple times. The mud was proving to be a problem. I held onto the bag tightly. It would be awful if the bag got damaged now. I hope no one took my umbrella.
I tried walking slower. I saw a couple kids slip, and fall already, and I surely didn't want to be one of them.
I shook my head as water flew everywhere. I hate the rain. My eyes noticed someone was at Kazuo's grave. They didn't use my umbrella, and stood in the rain. The thing that stood out the most about this person was that they had blonde hair. A foreigner?
I walked closer. I knew it was a man by his built. His blonde hair was messy like Kazuo's hair. He looked like Kazuo from the back.
"Excuse me." I reached out to the mysterious blonde man, and he slowly turns to me.
His golden eyes shone my way, and his messy bangs scattered on his forehead. He smiles gently. That all too known smile. My heart froze for a minute.
"K-Kazuo....?" I said in disbelief.
"Hello Satoshi." He responds.
To Be Continued