⚡︎𝙰𝚞𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚢 𝙶⚡︎
Months had gone by since I last saw Jaliyah, and here I was, trying to convince her to come to my final show in Toronto. She kept saying she was going to be busy, and that she had to prep for her trip with that nigga. We've always celebrated our birthdays together, but now she's breaking that tradition for a trip to Turks with him. That irritated me more than I cared to admit. She better remember who took her there first.
Sitting in the studio, I was jotting down some lyrics, but my mind kept drifting back to Jaliyah and our complicated history. I know that I've put her through so much shit but she knows that I'm in love with her and that she has always been my number one.
" Yo!" I heard before looking up.
Chubbs walks in with Jermaine "Cole, my nigga!" I greeted him with a dap and a hug. "What's good, bro?" J asked as both he and Chubbs sat down.
Chubbs, always the one to stir the pot, smirked and said, "In his feelings over Jaliyah."
" Man I thought y'all were done, she had a man. She introduced me to him while I was in Houston, last time. He was too hyped for me." J mentioned. I brushed it off.
"Man, she doesn't want that nigga. She's just with him because she's mad at me."
" Bullshit nigga...." Chubbs gave me a look that said it all, but I shifted the conversation.
" Yo J, let's work on this track," I said while texting Noel to join us back in the studio.
After the session, I found myself at Starlights, surrounded by the usual scene. Ass was everywhere. Girls were trying to get my attention, but I wasn't in the mood. Taking a few puffs from my hookah, a text from Jaliyah caught my attention.
She agreed to come to Toronto but laid out her conditions "OK, I'll come to Toronto. But there will be no staying at your place, I'll provide my own transportation and I'm bringing Khalil."
That pissed me off. "Why the fuck are you bringing him? I invited YOU, not his clown ass. Bring your girls." I texted back immediately getting a response.
" Ok."
I smirked to myself and started typing again. " How many tickets do you need?"
"3," she replied quickly.
I decided to keep the conversation going. Looking at my time I saw that it was past 1 am, and I was curious about what she was up to. " What are you up doing?" I texted.
Jaliyah's text came through. "I'm just relaxing! I had a really busy day, I'm just getting in. My sister's baby shower was today."
She was talking about her sister, Danielle. "Oh shit, I forgot Danielle was even pregnant, What did you get her, from us?" I chuckled while replying.
Mark and CJ sat down, they were laughing about something, but I was half-listening, waiting for Jaliyah's reply. My phone vibrated. "A stroller, car seat, and some clothes. I even bought a car seat for myself to have, I'll need it when Aunties baby is with me🥰." Jaliyah always had a thing about being the best auntie.
She then sends another text. " Us?🤣🤣". I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, us! She's having a boy, right? Yeah, we definitely need the car seat for when we have our nephew for the weekend. I need to get you prepared, anyway" I sent to her. She then sends me a picture of her giving me the middle finger. I was playing around, but part of me wasn't.
I quickly started typing again. "What? You do need to be prepared. You having 3 of my babies, shorty."
"Who are you texting, bro?" Mark suddenly asked.
I looked up from my phone. "My girl, man," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant.
He laughed and shook his head. "Mans like him."
It was getting late, and I realized it was time to dip. "Aye, I'm getting up out of here," I announced to my boys. They all nodded in agreement, and we started to gather our things to leave.
As I settled into the SUV, my phone buzzed with a new message from Jaliyah. Her words were direct, "Nigga, you have 3 sons! You have all the children you need. You don't need any more. And I'm not having your baby!" That text hit me harder than I expected. It took me back to a time years ago when things were a lot simpler between us, yet so complicated. She was pregnant once, back when we were just kids. We were way too young, and she ended up getting an abortion. It's not something I've spoken about much, actually, not at all. Jaliyah might have told others. I've only known of her cousin knowing, only because we needed her when going to the clinic. I'm only guessing that she was the only one that knew.
Sitting there in the truck, a wave of 'what-ifs' washed over me. If things had been different, I would've been a father to an 18-year-old by now. The thought was both overwhelming and somewhat surreal. I shook my head, trying to clear these thoughts, and typed out a message to Jaliyah. "Do you ever think about all those years ago?" I asked, hitting send. I knew that she would know what I meant.
I watched the screen as the indication that she was typing appeared. I put my phone down, looking out the window into the New York night, lost in thought while Chubbs chattered away on his phone. My phone vibrated again. Jaliyah's reply came through. "Yeah, all the time. It didn't really hit me until you found out about Adonis. The what ifs would constantly run through my mind," she wrote. Another text followed quickly.
"There were a lot of what-ifs, but everything happens for a reason. We wouldn't have been able to handle a baby back then. You were living in Toronto, living your life, and I would have been in Memphis, basically with no help."
Her words were a stark reminder of how different our lives were and how different our lives could've been. The reality of our situation back then was harsh, we just weren't ready for such a huge responsibility.
"Look, I'm going to bed. I'll see you in Toronto. Good night," her final text read.
I stared at the screen for a while, absorbing her words. Then, snapping back to reality, I texted her back, "Good night, I love you, please know that." It was important for me to say that, to let her know that despite everything, my feelings for her were real.
As the SUV continued through the busy streets of New York, my mind was a whirlwind of memories and emotions. Thoughts of Jaliyah, our past, the present situation, and the looming future filled my head. It's funny how life turns out. Here I am, a successful artist, living a life many can only dream of, yet there's a part of me that's stuck in the past, wondering about the what-ifs, especially with Jaliyah.
Our relationship has always been complex. We've been through so much together, and yet we've never really been 'together' in the true sense of the word. It's always been this push and pull, an undeniable connection that neither of us seems able to fully let go of or completely embrace.
I was feeling a mix of anticipation and apprehension about seeing her in Toronto. A part of me hoped that maybe this time things would be different, that maybe we could find a way to make it work. But another part of me feared the same patterns would repeat themselves.
Lost in these thoughts, the ride back to the hotel felt longer than usual. I knew that no matter what happened in Toronto, Jaliyah would always hold a special place in my heart. The history we shared, the memories, the unspoken bond, it was something that couldn't be easily forgotten or replaced.
~~
Three weeks later, the day of my last show had finally arrived. Being back home in Toronto, ready to close out the tour, felt good. A part of me wanted to keep the momentum going, but deep down, I knew I needed a break. My phone had been blowing up all week, females trying to get tickets. So today I had to set it to 'Do Not Disturb'. Only a select few could get through. Sure, I'd given out tickets to a few of the women I'd been with, but the one person I was really looking forward to seeing was Jaliyah.
She was supposed to have landed in Toronto around 8 am, but I hadn't heard a thing from her. I figured she was still mad about seeing me with another woman the other night. Videos of us were circulating, and people were tagging her. Frustrated, I tried calling her again, but it went straight to voicemail. I never leave voicemails but today I am.
"Aye Jaliyah! You could have at least told me you fucking landed safely. Shit is childish as fuck! Look, just call me, please." I hung up, feeling a mix of annoyance and concern.
Walking downstairs, I heard my sons laughing about something. Seeing them always brightened my mood. Adonis, Chance, and Chase were engrossed in their iPads, deep in their games. "Dad!!!" they yelled, running over to me. These little guys are my whole world.
"Wassup boys! How was training?" I asked them. They're all into sports: Adonis loves basketball, Chance is into football, and Chase plays baseball. My triple threat.
" It was good, Daddy! I scored two touchdowns." Chance says while jumping. All three boys told me about their morning.
Chance mentioned LiLi, that's what all three of them called Jaliyah. " Dad I thought you said LiLi was coming today?" I had to think on my feet.
"Oh yeah, she uh... she had some stuff to do today. You'll see her a little later at the show," I told them, trying to mask my own disappointment. I then walked into the kitchen area with Chase following me.
I noticed my MacBook open and sat down. Chase climbed up on the chair and sat next to me. I decided to place a few bets on Stake and have lunch made by my chef, Chase was now glued to his iPad next to me. It was quite a sight, me and my boy, each lost in our own world.
Later at Scotiabank Arena, I was pumped for the show. This was it, my last performance of the tour in my hometown. Chubbs walked into my dressing room. " Aye, do you know if Jaliyah's here?" I asked.
" Yea, Mark said she's here." He confirmed, which relieved me a bit.
The show was electric, Toronto never disappoints. But just as I was about to give my closing remarks, I finally saw Jaliyah. And what I saw next confused the fuck out of me. She had brought that nigga Khalil with her, and he was proposing to her right in my VIP section. My cameramen had somehow spotted them because It was all displayed on the big screen. The crowd went wild when she said yes, but I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I dropped my mic, I didn't even want to finish but picked it back up because I knew I had to.
After closing out, I just stood there, frozen for a few seconds before nodding to Edy and Jeremiah to lead me backstage.
Back in my dressing room, I exploded. "Fuck all this shit!" I yelled. Chubbs tried to calm me down.
" Bro calm down!! You don't want the boys to see you like this." He yelled.
" Chubbs, I told her not to bring him here!" I shouted, furious. "She does, and then he has the nerve to propose to her during my fuckin show! I bet he doesn't know we're still fucking!" I was a mix of anger and heartbreak.
Then my mom appeared in the doorway, concern etched on her face. "Aub? What's going on? What's wrong?" she asked. I didn't even know what to tell her.
"I don't even know anymore, Ma!"
"It's time for you to move on, Aubrey." Her advice hit me hard. Especially hearing it from my mom. She kissed my forehead and left.
Move on? How could I move on from Jaliyah? But as I sat there, the weight of what had just happened began to sink in. Jaliyah had moved on, right there in front of everyone, in front of me. The idea of letting go was almost unbearable. "Nah, I'm not giving up," I muttered to myself. Despite everything, I couldn't just let go. Not yet.
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The fuck just happened? Thoughts?