I'm not sure what's going on today but it's been absolute shit. Everything that could go wrong—in this 'perfect' little life—has. It's been a few months now and Audrey's in her third trimester at this point. The mood swings and cravings have only seemed to increase over time. I've not taken it too personally because I know she's just frustrated, but today is different.
I've tried steering clear of her because the slightest thing may set either one of us off. Billie's off today too and so when I get home from a little field trip with the girls, I meet them on the couch together. I simply smile and head to the room to get out my clothes and shower. Once I'm all done with that I head to the kitchen for a snack before I join them.
As I'm coming out, Audrey passes me and heads to the room I presume. I take a seat next to Billie and she smiles warmly, placing a kiss on my cheek. I hum contently and then glance to the tv to see they're watching Jane The Virgin. I love this show so I sit back and hold my drink close to me, occasionally sipping from the straw.
After a while, I realize that Audrey hasn't come back and I tap Billie's shoulder. "Yes, bunny?" she prompts, "where'd Audrey go?" I ask softly and she seems to think about it for a moment before remembering. "Bathroom, why?" she questions, "nothing, she's just been in there a long time. I'm gonna check on her" I say as I place my drink down and stand up.
I head to our room, checking for closed doors on the way there. I get to the master bath and enter, seeing the actual toilet room door is closed. I knock softly but I don't get a response so I call her name. "Audrey? Honey, are you in there?" I ask and I hear a mumbled reply. "I just wanted to see if you were ok, you've been in there a while" I say, pressing my ear to the door so I can hear her better.
"I'm fine" she mutters, "are you sure? It's just that-" "I said I'm fine, Natalia" she barks. I flinch away from the door, taking deep breaths to gather myself before saying anything else. "Ok well... do you want me to wait? In case you-" "just get Billie and go... AWAY" she screams and I frown deeply. I leave without another word, slowly walking back to the main space.
"She umm... she asked for you" I whisper before showing myself out. I slipped on some shoes and decide to go for a little walk. By the time I look up, I'm at the nearby park. I take a seat on the bench that overlooks the lake, hearing the squirrels jump through the trees above me. I pull my knees to my chest, resting my forearms on top of them and my head on top of those.
I don't think about anything in particular, just watching the water ripple in the wind. My phone buzzes repeatedly in my pocket, I know someone's calling me but I don't rush to grab it. I see a missed call from Billie, actually three since my phone is on dnd. A message notification pops up and I click on that first.
Where are you??
I'm not sure I want to tell her just yet. Of course she'll come get me and there's nothing I want more than to be in her arms but I'm still uneasy from the encounter with Audrey.
Out
I know it sounds kind of bitchy with nothing else behind it but I just don't have the energy to make an effort. Sitting by the lake always makes me feel better but clearly the effects haven't kicked in yet.
Why?
I just need a minute
What else am I supposed to say? 'Your pregnant girlfriend yelled at me and now I feel like shit'? Well, our girlfriend but she didn't even wanna talk to me. How good of a girlfriend am I, if she can't even tell me anything?
Is this because of whatever Audrey said? She won't really tell me what happened but she says she yelled at you?
Yeah...
Oh baby, it's ok. Just tell me where you are and we can talk about it
I don't wanna come home
She types for a while, the bubble disappearing and then instantly coming back.
Can we call?
Sure...
Within seconds my phone is ringing, displaying her name and picture on my screen. I pick it up and hear a door closing, waiting for her to speak. "Bunny?" she calls out and I hum in response. "I'm sorry, darling" she sighs, "it's ok" I whisper softly. "She's really sorry, she wants to apologize" the blonde tells me and I sigh.
"It's fine" I mumble, "it's not, Lia. I'm sorry you feel like you can't come home" she whispers sadly. "I know I can, I just... can't" I mutter in frustration, "tell me what you need. I'll do it" she offers which only makes me feel worse. Both of us have really been working hard to care for Audrey and now she has to take care of me too.
Audreys pregnant—what's my excuse? "I don't want anything" I lie, "we both know that's not true. I could... get you chocolate or umm if you just want a hug maybe?" she continues and my eyes well up with tears. I don't know why I feel everything so strongly today. My feelings have always been a mystery to me but even more so now.
"No I'm just being a baby" I say dismissively, "that's not true. I could tell something was off when you got home. Do you know why?" she asks and I shake my head but realize she can't see me. "No..." I mumble, "hmm, did anything out of the ordinary happen today?" she asks and I think about it but can't quite pin it down to one thing.
"I don't think s-" then it hits me. I check the calendar and sure enough it's today. "What is it?" Billie asks softly, "nana—she..." I can't bring myself to say it. "Shit. That's today? It is today..." the blonde whispers and I nod, knowing she can't see me but I can't say anything either as there's really no more words that need to be shared.
"I'm coming now, ok? Just sit tight" she mumbles, "ok" I whisper as I surrender. I sit there for a while and just watch the trees swaying, fish sporadically jumping out the water, and ducks floating across the surface; thinking about how ironic it is that I'm drawn to the water—any special place she'd take me always had a body of water close by. "Bunny..." I turn to see Billie who sits down next to me and I lay my head on her shoulder. She moves my legs to be on her lap and pulls me closer.
"Did you tell her?" I ask quietly, "yeah..." the medium whispers. "She's in the car" she adds, "she didn't wanna get out?" I question as I worry if maybe her back is hurting her again. "She wanted to... she didn't want to upset you more" I bury my face pretty much in her shirt when she says this. "I'm sorry" I whisper shakily, "you have nothing to be sorry for, baby. You're overwhelmed, it happens to the best of us" she replies.
"She didn't want me to tell you—especially now—but I thought that maybe it'll help before you see her" Billie mumbles and I tilt my head back to look at her as I sniffle. She carefully glides her manicured hand over my cheek, wiping my tears. "Audrey... well she never thought she could get pregnant because of prior conditions she has" Billie tells me.
"So when she did get pregnant and so quickly, it was amazing. However, she's been worried that something will go wrong before the baby can get here, understand? So today... she was in the bathroom so long because she was spotting. She saw the blood and got scared, she didn't want to freak you out too and assumed you would call for me had you seen anyway" Billie explains and it makes sense.
"Does she know I'm a certified nurse?" I ask funnily, "that's what I said!" she exclaims before chuckling. "Either way, she was scared and god knows she's been moody lately. She really wants to make it right" Billie sighs, "ok... I'll talk to her" I state as I sit up to stand. "You want me to come with you?" she asks, prepared to get up, "no it's ok. I can do it" I assure her and she nods.
I make the short walk to the car, being able to sort of see Audrey through the tint as she looks down at something. I knock on her window and her head turns quickly as she flinches before relaxing upon realizing it's just me. She opens the door and I step back as she gets out and closes the door behind her.
She stares at me and I can practically feel the anxiety radiating off her. "Hi" I mumble, "I'm really sorry, Natalia" she whimpers as tears come to her eyes. "Hey, hey... there's no need to cry" I say as I debate on reaching out to her, not expecting her mood to change so drastically. "No I-I was a bitch and it's not fair. I just—I didn't want to scare you and... I didn't realize that maybe telling you was a better option. I didn't think—I didn't mean to hurt your feelings and-" I place my hands on her shoulders and look in her eyes to stop her.
"It's o-k" I say slowly, "and Billie told me about your nana..." she whispers in reply and I nod as I glance away for a second. "Honey I- I don't know. I feel like a terrible girlfriend..." she bites her trembling lip to hold back tears, "you didn't know" I remind her but it doesn't seem to help. "Still... I've been so mean and well—the hormones have been driving me crazy but that's no excuse" she states firmly before sniffling which I think is so cute despite her seriousness.
"I understand. It's just that today was a hard day and honestly I didn't even know why until a little bit ago. So it's all good, ok? I just thought maybe you were upset with me or something and just wanted to give you a chance to calm down—also because I needed to calm down myself" I tell her and she pouts a bit causing me to the kiss her lip as it sticks out.
"I'm still sowwy" she whispers and I shake my head amused, opening my eyes to see her smiling widely too. "If you're this adorable I can't imagine how the baby will be. Gosh I might die from the overload" I breathe out, "no, no, we can't have that" she waves her finger in front of my face and I playfully bite it which makes her gasp.
"Maybe we should call Billie over and tell her things are good" I suggest as I chuckle, remembering the blonde is still back at the bench. "No need. I'm right here" she whispers in my ear and I jump a bit, the medium putting her hands on my waist to keep me steady. "So jumpy, little one" she places a kiss right under my ear and I shiver, "hence the nickname" I joke in relation to her calling me 'bunny'. "Mhm... now let's go home" she states and we both nod in response, getting in the car.