Interlude
Wiz: Superheroines. Millions have been drawn to these modern myths of comic book lore.
Anis:"Superheroines ? So this battle is between two women, right ?"
Agent:"Yep."
Red Hood:"Time for some females to step up the fight then."
Neon:"I wonder if there's us though..."
Agent:"You guys no."
Neon:"Oh."
Agent:"Also like, are you sure you wanna see you on Death Battles and then die a brutal way ?"
Neon:"I-I'm good."
Agent:"Alright."
Boomstick: Or you could, uh, just be drawn to the way they're drawn.
Anis:"Really ?"
Agent:"I mean, yeah. You guys are fucking the same..."
Anis:"What was that last part again ?"
Agent:"Nothing to worry about Anis. Just watch."
Anis:"Okay then."
Wiz: Like Anna Marie, the Rogue.
Boomstick: And Diana Prince, the Wonder Woman.
Anis:"The Rogue and Wonder Woman ? What the heck are those name ?"
Agent:"You said like none of our name are not weird. Also, those are just nickname, not their actual name bruh."
Anis:"... Fine."
Red Hood:"Still, Diana Prince ?"
Agent:"Yeah her life is, you'll know why eventually."
Wiz: He's Boomstick and I'm Wizard.
Boomstick: And we're here to watch two chicks duke it out! CATFIGHT!
Anis:"He's gonna enjoy this, isn't he ?"
Agent:"He's not too wrong though."
Wiz: It's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills-
Boomstick: And maybe a few other things.
Wiz: -to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Anis:"What does Boomstick meant by few other things ?"
Agent:"Just stop and just watch."
Anis:"I was just wondering, okay ?"
ROGUE
Wiz: Rogue has possessed a variety of different powers over the years. For this duel in particular, we will use the most well-known version: the original iteration from the comics and television show. Her deadliest weapon is her own skin. With just a touch, she absorbs a person's memories, talents, personalities, and abilities, whether superhuman or not, to use them herself.
Anis:"That's a good power right there."
Neon:"But why they go with the most well-known version ?"
Agent:"Cause she has a wide variety of powers, and they can't choose all of them so, they just have to go with whatever they can."
Red Hood:"So if someone touch her or the opposite, she'll have their... everything ?"
Agent:"In a sense, yes."
Red Hood:"So does she-"
Agent:"No she doesn't grow that if she touch a guy. Only what Wiz said. Are you like deaf or something ?"
Red Hood:"I was just wondering, geez."
Smol White:"It's not that approriate to talk about it, Red Hood."
Red Hood:"C'mon, it won't hurt anyone, right ?"
Agent:"Pretty sure not everyone need to know that."
Anis:"I can agree to that."
Neon:"Me too."
Boomstick: Too bad it knocks them out cold. And if she holds on long enough, it's game over.
Anis:"... Well that's scary."
Agent:"You guys probably won't die though, I think."
Anis:"... Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhh for safety measure, I'mma stay away from her as much as possible if she ever come here."
Wiz: Tenacious foes like Juggernaut can resist it, but in the end, nobody is safe from Rogue's parasitic touch. For every second of contact, Rogue can keep these powers for a full minute. Though sometimes, there's unforeseen side effects.
Anis:"Who's Juggernaut ? And what unforeseen side effects ?"
Agent:"Juggernaut is the exact same as how his name is. And the side effects part, just watch."
Exia:"... Sounds like a video game character."
Agent:"Yes, in a way."
Boomstick: She held on to Ms. Marvel for so long she absorbed her powers permanently. Now, she's got super strength, speed, and near invulnerability. Not that I blame her, though. I'd be holdin' on to Ms. Marvel for as long as I could! Plus, then when she's unconscious I could-
Anis:"Ah, C'mon Boomstick! I don't need to know that !"
Neon:"Yeah!"
Red Hood:"Boomstick's comment aside, who's Ms. Marvel ?"
Agent:"Another Marvel character, which I don't really know much about though."
Red Hood:"Really ?"
Agent:"Hey look, I'm not the one that really read that much comic books alright ? I don't know everything. No one know everything, unless gods gave them the power to do so."
Red Hood:"What ?"
Agent:"Just watch."
Wiz: She also gained a seventh sense, the ability to unconsciously predict her opponents' moves.
Red Hood:"Unconsciously predict opponents' moves ? That sound awesome!"
Boomstick: But her seventh sense doesn't seem to always work. That or the writers just forgot about it 'cause, uh, Rogue gets her ass kicked a lot.
Anis:"*facepalm* Seriously ?"
Agent:"How do I know ?"
Wiz: For plot convenience.
Anis:"What the heck were those comic books writers thinking anyway ?"
Agent:"Don't ask me about it."
Boomstick: And damn, she's got a hot ass.
Wiz: What?
Anis:"Yeah, what ?"
Neon:"Should we be concerned about it or no ?"
Agent:"Eh, it's fine. Boomstick just need some therapy, which he never really went their though."
Anis:"Okay..."
Boomstick: Hey, that counts as a superpower in my book, Wiz! But while she's not invincible, she doesn't have any real weaknesses either. She's a classy southern belle, who I'd like to take out to dinner.
Anis:"I don't think she would like that."
Neon:"And let's not forget about her super powers as well."
Wiz: Who can fly, lift buildings, and kill people just by touching them.
Boomstick: Never mind.
Anis:"At least he knows when to quit."
Agent:"Sometime he kinda doesn't but who am I to blame him anyway."
Rogue: Ain't that enough?
Anis:"Cool."
WONDER WOMAN
Wiz: To the uneducated nerd, Wonder Woman may seem a cheap clone of Superman.
Anis:"Superman ? When will we get to know him ? I mean, we did heard about what he can do in Iron Man vs Lex Luthor."
Agent:"Soon enough, just wait."
Boomstick: With Superboobies!
Anis:"C'MON BOOMSTICK!"
Red Hood:"He's.. not wrong though."
Smol White:"But it's not good if he just kinda like that."
Agent:"Don't worry too much about it."
Wiz: But in reality, she's a whole different story. Created from Earth, born by gods, trained by ancient warriors-
Boomstick: Maker of Wonder Bread! Designer of the Wonderbra!
Anis:"Is he serious right now !?"
Agent:"Kinda."
Neon:"So she's a god ?"
Agent:"In a way, yes."
Wiz: Boomstick, that's not true!
Boomstick: See, I can do it too, Wiz!
Anis:"Not like that, Boomstick."
Wiz: Wonder Woman is the incredibly powerful and near-invincible ambassador of Themyscira, and self-appointed protector of the Earth.
Boomstick: And she dresses like a stripper. A patriotic stripper!
Anis:"I-... I'm not really sure about this one."
Agent:"You guys never heard of history anyway, like you guys actually care about it in the first place."
Anis:"Hey! We don't have time to look back into history alright ?!"
Agent:"Sure, then what about the time where you guys got some rest from doing all the missions ? How is that not having time ?"
Anis:"..."
Agent:"Thought so."
Neon:"I guess we kind of wasted too much time doing whatever we want..."
Wiz: Diana Prince has been trained by the Amazons as a master combatant since childhood. She dueled the best of the best for the right to be crowned Wonder Woman. Her unearthly powers are divine, granted by ancient Greek gods and goddesses. From Demeter, she received superhuman strength and durability.
Anis:"Ancient Greek gods and goddesses ?"
Agent:"Yes."
Smol White:"So she's like an actual goddess ?"
Agent:"You guys' squad literally just took the name 'Goddess' and go along with it. Despite the fact that you guys are not actual goddesses anyway... Not like I care much though since actual goddesses kinda a bunch of bitches."
Lilith:"And we're not ?"
Agent:"No."
Boomstick: And you know that bitch mailman god with the wingy shoes?
Wiz: Hermes?
Anis:"Who's Hermes ?"
Agent:"A speed god, which I ain't explaining bruh."
Boomstick: Whatever. He gave Wonder Woman the ability to fly and move at hypersonic speed.
Wiz: She was given numerous other powers from enhanced senses, animal rapport, and blessings of wisdom and empathy.
Anis:"I kind of wish I have those powers..."
Biscuit:"So... she can talk with animals?"
Agent:"In a sense, yes ?"
Biscuit:"I would really love to meet her!"
Agent:"Yeah she's not gonna come here though."
Boomstick: Aside from the obvious cannons rested right below her neck, she's got a pretty bizarre mix of weaponry. Her Lasso of Truth is a piece of unbreakable string that, well, makes you tell the truth.
Anis:"Is he talking about-"
Agent:"Yes. He's talking her breasts."
Anis:"I-... I'mma just stop."
Neon:"So with the Lasso of Truth, she can just... make anyone say anything she wants ?"
Agent:"Well, the truth that they want to hear."
Hippolyta: What other depraved thoughts must you be thinking?
Steve Trevor: God, your daughter's got a nice rack.
Anis:"Really ?"
Agent:"Hey, it's not the man's fault that happen."
Neon:"I mean, she kind of ask him what depraved thoughts he has with the Lasso of Truth so... I guess you can't really blame him like that."
Anis:"Alright, fine, you have a point."
Boomstick: Hell yeah, she does!
Wiz: She uses her tiara as a long-range throwing weapon, using its razor-sharp edge to slice open her enemies' throat.
Anis:"I don't think I would want THAT cutting my throat though."
Boomstick: Wonder Babe here uses the Bracelets of Submission, indestructible steel gauntlets forged from the remains of Zeus' legendary Aegis. These babies can block all sorts of attacks.
Anis:"Bracelets of Submission ? Who the hell name these weapons ?"
Agent:"I don't know."
Neon:"Is it just me or Boomstick actually say Aegis ?"
Agent:"Yeah, Aegis is actually a shield. That's belongs to Zeus."
Neon:"Ohhhhh okay."
Helm:"So our squad name literally take from that ?"
Agent:"Yes."
Wiz: She has persevered throughout the years, fighting a huge variety of foes, even killing the Greek God of War, Ares.
Boomstick: Hear that, Kratos? A chick beat you to it!
Anis:"The Greek God of War ?!"
Agent:"Yeah."
Neon:"I never thought that one day I'm gonna heard that."
Wonder Woman bashes the edge of the shield down to Mad Harriet.
Wonder Woman: Let's see you smile now!
Anis:"This battle is gonna be good."
Neon:"YEAH!"
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: Now it's time for a CAT FIGHT DEATH BATTLE!!!
Anis:"Oof."
Red Hood:"That felt a bit anticlimatic."
Rogue is shown flying in the sky. The Invisible Jet descends in background and Wonder Woman flies out. She kicks Rogue in the face, and both superheroines fly down to the ground.
FIGHT!
Anis:"Okay, that was fast."
Neon:"Is that an invisible jet ?"
Agent:"Yes."
Smol White:"How did she made that ?"
Agent:"It's... I don't want to go and explain it though."
Wonder Woman throws her tiara at Rogue, runs behind her, and roundhouse kicks her. The kick sends Rogue flying, Wonder Woman then flies after her, kicking her multiple times before dashing behind her again and punching her. She grabs a dazed Rogue with the Lasso of Truth and slams her on the ground numerous times, drags Rogue near her, and uppercuts her in the air. She darts around the airborne Rogue with a flurry of punches.
Red Hood:"Wonder Woman is going wild on her!"
Lilith:"Wonder how Rogue is gonna fight back."
When she punches Rogue in the face, however, Rogue absorbs some of Wonder Woman's powers, and she absorbs more of her powers when she takes off her glove and touches her leg. While Wonder Woman breaks free, Rogue strikes her from behind, elbows her in the neck, and sends her soaring with a quick kick combo.
Anis:"She turned the tide!"
Neon:"Rogue is pretty good."
Wonder Woman throws out her Lasso of Truth again, but Rogue grabs it, tugs it, and slams her on the ground. Rogue flies behind her again and launches her tiara again, but Rogue blocks it, -propelling it back on her head- kicks her in the air and uppercuts her. Wonder Woman stops Rogue with several punches, but her finishing kick is blocked and she is knocked in the air.
Red Hood:"They really like the sky, huh ?"
Rogue flies after her in the air, and is responded by a commotion of punches, Rogue blocks one of them and delivers some of her own, which is later blocked by Wonder Woman. She is then knocked down to the ground by a dive kick delivered by Wonder Woman. Both combatants fly down to the ground. Wonder Woman dashes towards her with a flying kick, but it is interrupted by Rogue, who grabs her.
Anis:"What's next ?"
Rogue: Good night, sugar!
Rogue proceeds to plant a kiss of death upon Wonder Woman's lips, killing her.
K.O.!
Anis:"That... was the most unexpected thing I've seen."
Neon:"Yeah... Rogue just gave her the kiss of death."
Rogue then strikes a pose.
RESULTS
Boomstick: Woo-hoo-hoo! This goes down in history as the best Death Battle ever!
Wiz: Poor Wonder Woman was more than a match for Rogue, but then she touched Rogue's face.
Boomstick: Wonder Woman is a trained fighter, so naturally she would strike her opponent's weakest spots, like the neck, stomach, joints and, well, the face.
Anis:"Ooooooh that make sense."
Neon:"Really explain a lot how and why she lose."
Wiz: In the end, her failure was a result of her thorough Amazonian training.
Boomstick: And her stripper outfit! Her leg was just begging to be grabbed there. Though personally, uh, I might have grabbed elsewhere.
Anis:"Not now Boomstick."
Wiz: Wonder Woman's powers may be godly, but Rogue's taken similar powers before, so there's no reason to say she couldn't here. Adding Wonder Woman's strength and speed to Rogue's own power gave her a huge advantage, drastically turning the tide.
Boomstick: A few high flying combos and our favorite X-Girl had Wonder Woman on the ropes.
Anis:"I guess he's not wrong."
Wiz: And with her combined reflexes, speed, and seventh sense, she outmaneuvered Wonder Woman with one fatal kiss.
Boomstick: Rogue sure "made out" in this fight!
Anis:"Not the joke again."
Agent:"Just deal with it."
Red Hood:"That was kinda funny."
We cut to the "Rogue" winner card.
Wiz: The winner is Rogue.
Anis:"So, what's the next battle ?"
Agent:"Oh, you'll see it soon enough."