•chapter eight•
After he immediately exited my house I sprinted up the steps slamming my bedroom door. Collapsing on my mattress I began to heavily sob. I laid there for a what appeared to be a mere century Wallowing in self pity and destruction. This never ending cycle of pain. It never fucking ends. All these overwhelming amounts of emotions attacking my mind.
I just want fucking clarity.
Was this such an outrageous and absurd request? All I crave is peace and yet immediately when I receive it, when everything seems to finally make somewhat sense everything comes crumbling to pieces. Like I said it's a never ending cycle of pain, utter heartbreak and yet though I'm undeniably use to this...this pitiful feeling it still crushes me every time. I couldn't quite understand how he could appear so stable, like this didn't effect him. Or maybe it was what feared most, that this didn't effect him. that from the very beginning that this entire relationship was merely one sided. Did I visualize and fantasize his imaginary feelings towards me? Did I feel the need to create an alternative universe because the reality of him only referring to me as a platonic friend was to much to bare? Was it all in my mind? I suddenly couldn't breathe, panic began to invade my conscience. breath hitching in my throat as I vocally sobbed, the disgusting sound traveling the entire Width of this ridge house.
I chose not to enter school for the next three days, it was merely too painful. Just the thought of seeing his features caused my entire mind to collapse. Approximately twenty seven missed calls and messages later the obnoxious insessiant hum of my vibrating phone against the solid surface of my side table began to irritate my mind. Eventually I couldn't seem to handle this noise that relentlessly erupted every fifteen seconds, causing me to roughly grasp my phone slamming it against my ear.
"what!" I immediately snapped, immensely frustrated by her persistence.
"How hard is it to pick up your damn phone?" She harshly questioned frustration lacing through her every word.
"Don't fucking start with me Maldonado...I'm not in the mood."
"Really? Well that sucks because I am. If you're gonna spontaneously fall of the face of the earth warn a sister first! Kay? Kay." She furiously stammered on.
"Can you calm down!"
"Don't you are dare tell me To calm down, I've been worried sick about you...it's been three days dumbass!"
"Look I ge-"
"No! you don't get to make excuses...Scott resolve this shit with Mitch or I swear to God Hoying I'm strangling you both." She shouted, immediately ending the call abandoning me to the utter painfully empty silence. The silence that invades my mind leaving me to ponder thoughts that eventually destroy nearly every positive thought I could possibly possess.
Resolve? How in the hell could I possibly resolve this situation when I can't even be in his presence for a mere minute without practically shattering to pieces.
-•-
Eventually my mother took notice to the fact that I've missed multiple days of school, and immediately began complaining on how I'm undoubtedly throwing my high school career down the drain. She couldn't quite comprehend what exactly was going through my thick skull, not that I particularly had the knowledge either.
I felt like my world came crashing down the instant my eyes caught a glimpse of his lips pressed against another's. My entire life felt like a complete and utter lie. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't comprehend. I didn't understand how he could do this, I still didn't quite fully. I deserved and explanation, one that I was persistent on receiving.
Here's the issue, for me to officially receive and explanation I had to be in his presence and that wasn't exactly as simple as it may sound. It was utterly painful and heartbreaking, Spending multiple endless hours with this boy who My thoughts couldn't seem to escape. All I merely wanted was an explanation, but I was terrified of receiving the truth that being the exact opposite of what I craved most.
I wasn't quite positive I was fully ready for the utterly honest truth, and I highly doubted i'd merely ever be.
-•-
We sat against the rough massive mattress in complete and utter tense silence. Our frames distancing as far as humanly possible without tumbling downward against the solid hardwood. When possible we avoided eye contact, and especially physical. I couldn't resist but sneak subtle soft side glances when I had the immediate opportunities. I absolutely despised this, this silence. I was tense and strained, I craved clarify and comfort. A mental battle began to form inside my conscience debating if I could muster up enough courage to question him about the most recent situation. This massive pit began to establish in my stomach, I felt like every ounce of air suddenly evaporated and disappeared leaving me as I attempt to inhale emptiness. I couldn't breathe.
This is it.
This is how I die.
Goodbye cruel world.
My mind was traveling in a million directions in this very moment, I couldn't comprehend. The amount of fear I was suddenly granted absolutely horrified me. All this fear caused by this one magnificent brunette. I attempt to gather my thoughts and emotions to properly be able to have a somewhat decent conversation. Glancing over at his features I noticed the way his teeth subtlety sunk into his plump lower lip as he nervously fidgeted with his delicate fingers waiting for me to actually vocalize my emotions.
"Scott...can you please say something?" He questioned, shifting his gaze as it fall upon my features. I could feel the amount of pain in his beautiful orbs.
"What the hell am I supposed to say?" I harshly muttered throwing my hands up in defense.
"How you're feeling?" He replied matter of factly, causing me to immediately grant him a massive eye roll. I couldn't comprehend how to accurately describe how this entire situation felt. Why was this so difficult?
I slightly opened my mouth to verbalize how I was properly feeling, but I couldn't quite find the syllables.
"I-I feel..."
Words hoying, use them.
"I feel...betrayed!"
He didn't reply he just nodded, as a ashamed expression flashed against his glowing skin, shifting his gaze downward glancing at his palms. This is torture. Growing up in a household where emotions were merely avoided and never quite involved in conversation resulted in me never exactly being excellent at expressing my emotions. It always seemed to adapt to a jumbled mess, I utterly failed horrifically so I strayed from expressing as often as possible. We remained silent as our tense figures rested bluntly against the mattress.
"Why?" I questioned, causing his neck to shift as he lifted his glance upward, gazing into my pained tear filled pupils as he arched an eyebrow in confusion.
"Please...just please make me understand why." I begged, as tears threatened to cascade against my skin.
•Mitch's POV•
"Please...just please make me understand why." He begged as a muffled sob escaped his lips, tears filling his gorgeous blue orbs threatened to overflow. Those stunning eyes that I could gaze at for a mere century and never once regret the amount of time that shifted onward. I couldn't quite comprehend how to explain what my excuse was without having to admit how I truly felt towards this gorgeous blonde boy who I was undoubtedly attached to. I was terrified, terrified of becoming more invested and attached. The amount of pain and agony that came with the price of admitting those feelings was immense.
There was no doubt in my mind that He undeniably deserved a proper explanation, whether I was prepared to supply him with one or not. Terrified was a understatement; I was practically shaking from fear. The amount of terrible scenarios they traveled through my mind was repulsive. How would he react?
"I-I have this fear, this life crippling fear that once I get attached they'll leave...just like my father did. then I met you..." I began to breathe massive inhales attempting to calm the amount of overwhelming emotions and nervous that traveled through my conscience.
"...I met you and everything completely shifted, it was terrifying. I felt this uncontrollable need to be in your presence, I was getting attached. I made a vow I'd never get attached...fuck! Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"
"So I panicked, I needed to forget...I needed a distraction. Conveniently he Did too."
"A distraction from what?" He immediately questioned, eagerness engulfing his entire being. His begging eyes meeting mine.
"A distraction from..." Spit it out Grassi.
"Ugh From...you."
"Why from me?" He was undoubtedly doing this just to torture me, I could see it in the way his eyes shimmered with amusement as I ducked my head
groaning in embarrassment and defeat.
Dammit Grassi grow a pair.
"....Because I fucking like you okay! Are you happy now?"
Silence, complete and utter silence was all I received. This is torturous, my mind began to panic; did I make him uncomfortable?
"Yes." He contently whispered answering my previous vocalized questioned causing my neck to immediately snap upward till my gaze met with his as he shifted his figure forward till it was directly alined with mine.
And That's when it happened...
A/N: this literally took me forever to write bc my attention span is being a hoe! I'm sorry my life is a mess but I love y'all and hope you didn't totally hate it :) -Laura