Heyyy guys!! So you could skip this one if you want since it is a bit triggering. But the warning is that there's suicide and depression so it's harsh stuff.. I'm writing this because I myself have had thoughts like this before in the past and I know how tough it is to go through that crap. So if you're feeling like this please reach out to someone. I promise that I completely understand what it's like to feel like that. Lemme know what I should right next as well.. I love you guys so so sosososososo much and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Adam:
"Hey sweetheart?" Adam calls.
"Yeah?" You call back. You were about to take a quick shower and he was about to head out.
"I'm going to get started on those errands I was talking about. Do you need anything?" He asks you.
"No thanks!!"
"Alright I'll be back in an hour."
Adam comes home an hour later with bags in his hands and same with his brothers behind him.
"I'm back babe!!" He calls out taking off his shoes with his coat.
"Is it okay if you can help us with groceries?" Adam asks but there's no response from you.
"Babe?" He looks around the room he's in right now which is mostly the living room but you weren't there.
"Babeeee.." He calls out as his brothers look around other areas. Adam walks into the kitchen and past the counter. He was about to look for you somewhere else when he looked at the corner of his eyes seeing something that looked odd in the kitchen. He turns his head and sees you on the floor with white foam in your mouth pills all over the floor.
"Babe!!" He screams running over to you on his knees. Ryan and Jack run over to the kitchen where they heard him.
"What's wrong?!" Ryan asks as they're both sprinting to him. They knew something was wrong from the sound of Adam's voice. They look down at you and Adam from behind the kitchen counter.
"Shit oh my god.." Ryan shakily says.
"I'll call 911!!" Jack says running to the side to talk to the paramedics.
"Yes hi it's my brothers girlfriend. She had an overdose." Jack says trying to stay calm.
"Oh my god." Adam croaks out repeatedly trying to clear out the foam in your mouth. Ryan was in between Adam and Jack trying to help them on what they needed in slight panic.
"Y/N wake up please." Adam sobs lifting the top half of your body to lay down on Adam's lap. You were sitting slightly on Adam's lap and his arm was holding your back and head up.
"Why?.." he asks while he's crying in your chest.
You feel yourself wake up groaning and seeing a bright light and a nurse over you. You look around lazily but also in slight panic.
"Wh-" you cut yourself off when you see a clear mask like thing over your nose and mouth with a tube almost about to freak out again when the nurse interrupts you.
"Hey Y/N it's gonna be okay. You're in the hospital. We'll take this off of you in a minute just breathe for me okay?" She asks you softly. Tears start streaming down your face as you breathe feeling your throat starting to hurt from the tube. You look down a bit and see Adam covering his mouth tears down his face as well. You were about to get up when Adam immediately does and him and the nurse stop you from doing so.
"Babe it's gonna be okay relax.. Just listen to the nurses okay?" Adam asks with his voice cracking from the constant crying. You nod your head almost unable to move from some unknown equipment holding you down. You take a good look at Adam and feel your heart break instantly by the look on his face. His eyes were red, puffy, raw and still teary. He was also shaking really hard and you couldn't tell what he was feeling. Broken but also grateful that you survived. You had no idea
Hours pass by and most of everything on you was removed. You felt okay but also felt like crap not knowing what was going on with your body and how long you've been in the hospital doors. Right now you were alone before the doctor told you that Adam and a few other people were coming in to visit you. All of a sudden the door busted open and Adam rushed to you and hugged you tightly you doing the same immediately. Ryan, Jack, Alba and Cat also came in to visit you too. They were holding balloons, flowers and gifts for you. Adam was crying softly in your shoulder making you tear up feeling Adam's vibe. He pulls away and looks at you in the eyes making your heart stop.
"Are you okay?" Adam asks you.
"Yeah.. How long have I been here?" You ask.
" You've been in a coma for 3 days.." Adam says sadly.
"What?.." you ask in shock. You honestly expected him to say a few hours. Maybe a day at the most but you didn't expect to be in a coma. You just felt like you were in peace finally. Thinking you've successfully killed yourself but that wasn't the case.
"I didn't expect that.." you say dozing off a bit. That's when you snapped out of it and looked up seeing the others again.
"Hey guys." You say with a fake smile still feeling like crap.
"We got you some gifts." Ryan says as everyone places everything down.
"Thanks.." you say in shock of how much they brought.
"We missed you.." Jack sadly says.
"Really?.." you ask.
"We all did.." alba says.
"Wha..."
"Babe of course we missed you! We visited you everyday since and the doctor didn't think you were gonna make it and we had to come to say goodbye.." Adam cries out.
"Shit shit shit Adam." You say trying to hug him and comfort him.
"Do you want to be alone with him?" Cat asks quietly. You nod and they all leave.
"Why did you do it?" Adam cries asking you.
"What?"
"Why did you do that?" Then you realized what he was talking about. That's when you felt that depressed feeling again.
"Adam I'm sorry I.. I felt lonely and I.. I was thinking of wrong awful stuff and... You know how I am with my mental health." You sniffle starting to feel the tears building up.
"You should've called me or something.." Adam says wiping his tears starting to calm down focusing on the conversation now.
"I know but... I didn't want to burden y-"
"Babe I told you you're not a burden.." He says grabbing you and cutting you off.
"But Adam I.."
"Shhhh.. I don't know why you think that... But you're the opposite of it. You're funny, smart, beautiful and amazing. You're my girlfriend. You feel like a gift to me. And I can't loose you. Okay?" He asks. You nod not wanting to hurt Adam like this anymore. You hug him first making Adam lightly chuckle.
"I'm supposed to comfort you." Adam whines jokingly.
"Too bad." You giggle.
"I'll always be here with you." Adam whispers in your ear.
"Thank you I know." You giggle again.
Jack:
"I don't know what to do guys.." Jack sighs stressing out.
"Why don't you call her?" Adam asks Jack rubbing his shoulder trying to comfort him.
"Good idea." He says pulling out his phone from his back pocket and going to your contact and calling you. You've been feeling really down lately and Jack has been doing whatever he can to make you happy again. But most of everything he tried didn't work unfortunately. All he wanted was for you to be happy. The phone kept ringing until it went to your voicemail message making him sigh. He hung up shaking his head getting up from the bed.
"Don't you think you should try calling her back?" Ryan asks.
"I don't know Ryan.." Jack sighs feeling hopeless.
"Well.. Maybe if left a voicemail she'll get back to you sooner?"
"Good point.. I'll try." Jack says calling you again. Like before it got sent to voicemail again but Jack left a message for you.
"Hey babe it's Jack. I was calling to see if you're okay. I'll be home in a few minutes. I love you bye." Jack says then hanging up the phone again.
"She's probably busy. It's probably fine." Jack says as his brothers nod in agreement.
"I gotta go anyway. Bye guys." Jack says hugging Ryan and Adam then leaving.
A few minutes pass and Jack shows up at your shared apartment with him out from the front door.
"I'm home babe!!" He calls out but not getting an answer back. He shrugs as he's taking off his shoes and then his coat.
"Babe?" He calls walking to the living room to the kitchen.
"Maybe our bedroom?" He thinks as he's jogging up the stairs. He knocks on the door and lets himself in but the room was empty.
"Hmm.." Jack thinks. He was about to leave to keep looking somewhere else when he heard something drop startling him slightly.
"Y/N?" He calls out again but still no reply back. He walks in the bedroom looking around until he sees the bathroom door creaked open with the light on making his confused. He walks over to the door opening and widens his eyes on what he saw. It was you standing on a stool with a rope with one end tied to the ceiling and the other end wrapped in a loop with your head around it.
"Babe no!!" He screams as you're about to take a step off of the stool and him grabbing your body keeping you up and not your neck hanging from the rope.
"Babe get off!" You cry out squirming trying to get out of his grip but he was too strong.
"No!!" He yells not letting go off you. You keep trying for a while until you give up and start sobbing. Jack sighs and manages to lift you up more having your neck go back away from the rope inch by inch and finally placing you back down on the restroom floor.
"Babe what's going on??" Jack asks you as your trying to hide yourself away from him.
"It's hard to explain.." you croak out.
"Well can you try babe?" He asks as he opens the door and having you sit down on the bed with him.
"There's just so much going on with my depression. Things that don't make sense..."
"Babe I've been depressed before and it's not fun. And I completely understand what you're talking about." He says softly. You finally look up at him and he continues talking.
"I promise I'll stick with you no matter how hard things are right now. You're my everything.. You know that right?" Jack asks you with a tiny smile.
You nod turning away smiling like an idiot all shy.
"Hey.. Look at me with that adorable smile." Jack says annoyingly tapping you. You sigh and look at him.
"I'll do what I can.. I just-"
"It's not your fault Jack.." you say cutting him off.
"I know you're doing your best babe but... My feelings just can't help it sometimes." You say sadly.
"But I am grateful for you.. And I'm grateful that... You're here for me right now. It's enough right now." You smile softly. You could see Jack a little bit in shock right now making you chuckle.
"I love you Jack." You say with puppy eyes and a smile. Jack laughs lightly and hugs you.
"I love you too Y/N.." He says then pecking the top of your head. You both squeeze the crap out of each other and do a bit of playful wrestling that then went to being cuddled up comfortable with the blankets wrapped around you both.
Ryan:
"Jesus Christ where is she?!" Ryan asks himself panicking looking all around New York for you. You've sent him a long text message saying your goodbyes to him and saying that you weren't good enough and you were a waste of space. He wanted to call his brothers, friends and the rest of his family for help since it was overwhelming but he knew there wasn't a lot of time to do so. You were very important to him.
He ran over to the side of this long bridge and stopped to take a breathe. He almost couldn't breathe knowing you were in danger and how fast and hard he ran to look for you. He started to tear up feeling hopeless until something caught his eye. He sees you on the edge of the handlebar of the bridge steadying yourself up.
"Babe.." He says nervously but loud enough so you could hear him from a distance. You turn your head suddenly startling you and see Ryan and start to tear up as well.
"Don't move.." Ryan gulps stepping closer to you slowly making you sigh.
"Don't do it just... Please talk to me. What's going on?" He asks still stepping forward little by little.
"You wouldn't understand babe.." You croak out hiding your face away from him.
"Babe.. I've been with you through your tough times but it hasn't gotten this bad.." he says starting to cry but still holding himself.
"I'm sure you're not the only one going through this. I'll help you." He says stopping next to you. He slowly reached out his hands and softly wraps one hands around your ankle hoping you would hug him.
You sniffle crying softly turning yourself around carefully towards him.
"I got you I got you." He says opening his arms ready for you to jump to him. You jump off and Ryan grabs you and hugs you immediately. You both start sobbing your eyes out and you both wouldn't release from the tight hug.
"I love you.." Ryan squeaks out trembling still.
"I love you too.." you cry muffling through his hoodie as he gives you a peck on your forehead.
"I thought I lost you.." he gets out squeezing you more.
"You mean the absolute world to me. You hear me?" You don't say anything because you wanted to listen to him. But he pulls away from the hug first and gets on both of his knees to be at your height and look at you better in the eyes.
"You are so important to me. I don't know if I'd be happier without you. I need you here. I promise I'll help you. You understand?" He asks you. You nod your head making him smile and hug you quickly again.
"Thank you.." He whispers feeling grateful. You still felt like absolute shit but something sparked in Ryan's head to hopefully make you laugh. He stands up but still hugging you and your feet off of the ground. He adjusts his hands on you and spun you around in the air in circles making you laugh and him laughing as well. He puts you down and you hug him again this time.
"No... Thank you Ryan." You giggle softly.
"You're welcome sweetheart." He sighs happily.
"I made dinner if that makes you feel any better." He announces. You pull away and smile big and Ryan laugh again once more. He holds your hand walking you back home to your shared apartment with him. You couldn't be more excited to get good food that was waiting for you this whole time.
Hi!! I hope y'all liked this!! I really appreciate you guys not only for reading this but for also being alive. I love you guys and like I said before if you feel like that please reach out to someone and you'll get the love and help you need.