How in the hell we've already arrived at the last night of the tour is completely beyond me. However, I suspect the reasoning behind that may have something to do with my lack of focus on the tour and the rise of focus on simply staying upright for the past few weeks. Up until yesterday, my symptoms had only grown worse, my morning sickness would've been debilitating if it weren't for trying to keep the secret. Did that consist of constantly disappearing for moments at a time to double over in pain from nausea or throwing up as discreetly as possible without drawing any attention? Sure. But we've made it to the second trimester as I'm fourteen weeks today, and what they say about morning sickness fading off seems to be true as I haven't vomited in 48 hours.
"Okay, so we've decided to still keep the secret, correct?" Joe asks, grinning as he exits the bathroom and looks over at me.
I nod. "Yes, I think we deserve the right to relish in the secret a bit longer."
He smiles wide, nodding. "I agree. Still no nausea?"
I shake my head. "Nope. I feel good."
"That," he pauses, leaning over and kissing me. "Is what I like to hear."
"Me too, I'm so over not feeling well. Even more so not being able to show that I'm not feeling well. It's been a huge pain in the ass. It'll be a lot easier now that the morning sickness is hopefully gone," I reply.
He chuckles, nodding. "I know. Awful timing though since tour is over after tonight and we won't be around everyone every day for you to have to hide it."
I roll my eyes, nodding. "This is true."
"All right," he sighs. "We better head over to the arena. I'm sure Dani and the girls are there by now. The guys are probably waiting for me."
I nod and we soon make our way over to the venue, entering to be instantly greeted by two excited little girls.
"Aunt Addie!" Valentina exclaims, running up and letting me pick her up for a hug while Alena does the same to Joe.
"Hey guys," Joe grins.
"You excited for the show tonight?" I ask them, making them nod excitedly before running away to go play.
"Well, that didn't last long," Joe chuckles.
"Well, they've kinda been in their own world since we got here," Dani says, grinning as she walks over and hugs me. "I hear you've been feeling better recently."
I nod, sighing. "Thank God. I was getting so annoyed with always being sick."
She laughs lightly, pulling me away from Joe as he walks over to Nick and Kevin, a grin on his lips.
"So, how have things been?" Dani asks once we're alone.
"What do you mean?" I ask nervously.
Did she figure it out? Please tell me she did not figure it out.
"Just y'know, married life. You guys have been married a year, I just wanted to check-in. Especially with you being sick so much I wanted to make sure there hadn't been any conflict or anything."
I shake my head. "No, none at all. Joe's been amazing through me being sick all the time. He's been understanding and helpful. No issues."
She smiles and nods. "Good. I mean, I wouldn't suspect him feeling angry about it, the man adores you. But, you never know sometimes. People can surprise you."
I nod. "True. But I consider myself lucky. Joe's never shown any type of anger or annoyance towards me being sick. He's been absolutely amazing."
"Well, I'm glad. Any plans for when you guys get home?"
I shake my head. "Not that I'm aware. I mean, we had been talking about maybe going away for a couple of weeks, taking a vacation or something. But we never put anything in stone 'cause I started getting sick."
"You guys should!" She exclaims. "You guys deserve it, plus, you're not sick and it's the perfect time since they're gonna take a little break and spend some time without working on any music for a few weeks."
I nod. "No, I agree. We just need to figure out where to go."
"I'm sure Joe has a few ideas," Dani says, wiggling her eyebrows at me.
I roll my eyes playfully at her suggestion. If only she knew that at this point a vacation for us would be sitting in our backyard with her pups. A mocktail in my hand and no doubt a beer in Joe's. I can imagine he'll spend part of the days upstairs turning one of the bedrooms into a nursery the moment we learn the gender.
Dani and I spend the next couple of hours talking about anything and everything, including how she wants another baby. Kevin is satisfied with their two, but she wants another, and knowing Kev, she'll get her way. Kevin has always wanted girls, and now he has two. I understand how he feels done. He's got all he wants. But she wants another and hey, Dani always gets her way. Kevin loves her and their family too much to fight her for one more little one. Pri had shown up in the middle of that conversation, agreeing that there's no way in hell Dani would lose that battle.
As the show becomes closer, we decide to order dinner, wanting to all sit backstage and enjoy the last night of tour together. The boys find themselves in a disagreement about where to order dinner, each having their own opinion of the place with the best food.
"Please don't tell me you three are arguing about where to order food on the last night of the tour."
The three of them quickly turn their heads, Pri, Dani, and I doing the same in surprise.
"No way!" Nick grins, standing.
"You guys said you weren't gonna be able to come!" Kevin continues, standing as well.
"Liars," Joe says in a playful dramatic tone, standing and walking over with his brothers to hug his parents and Frankie.
They laugh in return, hugging them and then walking over to hug us girls as well. With Denise's help, the boys agree on a dinner menu to order from and we all order, my mouth watering simply at the thought of my dinner. After not being able to eat food for a while, I can't wait to dig into the food I've been spending all of the tour waiting for. Missing out on the cuisine while traveling has probably been one of the hardest parts if I'm being honest.
I can't help but wonder if today would be the best day to tell Joe's family. I know we agreed that waiting would be better because we want to keep it a secret for longer and enjoy it just the two of us, but everyone is here now. No, Joe and I decided it would be better to wait. We decided that we wanted to keep it just between us for a while longer. It has made pregnancy feel intimate, in a way, with only the two of us knowing.
"Addison, honey, how are you feeling? The boys mentioned you haven't been feeling the best while traveling this leg." Denise asks, concern written on her features.
I nod, grinning. "I'm feeling much better. I don't know what happened, it was so weird."
She grins. "Well, at least you're feeling better now."
The rest of the night before the show tends to go smoothly, ending with me walking out to B Stage with Denise, arms linked together with Papa Jonas following closely behind.
For some reason tonight's show makes me more emotional than any other show this tour. A part of me believes it's because it's the last show of the reunion tour for the boys. The other part of me believes that it's because in this moment, as the boys wave goodbye to the crowd, I realize this is the last show the boys will have before Joe's a father and everything changes. Who knows if I'll be able to go to the show the boys will have next, seeing as it will more than likely be after the baby is born.
Returning backstage, I excuse myself, not wanting to show my emotional revelation in front of everyone as I know it'll lead to a conversation with me having to explain why I'm so emotional in the first place. Which will absolutely ruin our secret.
After a few moments, I find myself sniffling to myself as the door to Joe's dressing room swings open behind me, Joe crouching down in front of me seconds later.
"Hey," he says softly, holding my face gently in his hands. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
I shake my head, sniffling as a small grin appears on my lips. "I was sitting out there and watching you and all I could think about was the fact that tonight was the last time you'll be up on that stage before having a baby. It was your last show before becoming a dad."
He grins, caressing my cheeks softly. "And does that make you upset?"
I shake my head. "No, not really. Just, emotional, I think. For you."
He nods, kissing me softly. "I love you. Why did you leave everyone though?"
"I didn't want anyone to ask why I was emotional about the last show. I don't think anyone would expect me to be so I didn't want to seem unlike myself and then create a conversation with my over-emotional side."
He nods, chuckling and wiping the tears from my face softly. "That's a good point, my love."
"Okay," I sigh. "I think I'm okay."
He grins, kissing me again. "I'm gonna change. Do you want to wait for me, or do you want to wait for me?"
"I want to wait for you," I answer quickly, not taking my eyes off him.
He smirks, pulling off his shirt and changing his clothes to a more relaxed look consisting of sweats and a tee with a hoodie overtop.
We rejoin the rest of the family, all making plans to go back to the hotel and hang out together. I decide to ignore the want inside of me to spend time alone with Joe, knowing that we'll be alone for the next few months without anyone else. It's the simple fact of my social battery running low, letting me know that I'll probably find myself stuck to Joe's side, cuddling into him and observing everyone else rather than participating in many conversations or games that anyone may bring into play.
"I think there may be one other thing that we need to do tonight," Kevin says, standing in the middle of everyone.
"Oh, yeah? What's that?" Frankie asks, chuckling.
"Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you-" Kevin starts, everyone else joining in as Dani enters the room, a small cake in hand walking towards me.
"No," I whine, covering my face, though my smile is present even so.
Joe's hand rubs my back, chuckling as he sings along with the rest of his family... our family.
"Make a wish," Nick says, grinning.
I lick my lips, biting down on my bottom lip.
What do I wish for? There's only one thing, I suppose. I wish...
Taking in a breath, I blow out the candle, grinning at them as they cheer.
"You didn't really think we'd forget yesterday was your birthday, right?" Kevin asks.
I shrug, grinning. "I guess I should get used to it being remembered now, huh?"
Dani cuts everyone a small piece of cake and we all eat, my eating being slower than normal as my thoughts once again engulfs my mind.
Looking around at everyone here, I can't help but to be genuinely happy. Though, as happy as I am, I also wonder about the three people I haven't seen, talked to, or heard from in months. Sure, we all have our own lives now... but Hope, Victoria, and Stella were once all I had. Is it my fault? I suppose partially. I hadn't reached out to them either. In my defense I'm pregnant and haven't really had the energy to reach out to anyone. But then again, I can't assume they aren't too busy to reach out to me. I also, however, find myself wondering why they didn't bother to show up to a single show. They know I'm traveling with Joe and all they have to do is reach out and ask to be on the list to get in. We'd accept them in immediately. But none of them have made an effort the entire time tour has been in play. I can't help but wonder why. Did I do something? Do they not want to be a part of my life anymore? And if they're not going to put any effort in now, can I count on them to put in effort when this baby comes? Will they even be excited about the baby at all? Will I hear from them to even tell them in the first place? Are they completely uninterested?
"Hey," Joe whispers, making me look at him.
I hadn't touched my cake in I don't know how long, it sits in my hands as I stared off into space, my thoughts overtaking my mind and having me unable to even pretend to pay attention.
"You okay?" He asks.
I nod, forcing a grin. "Yeah, I just.. I was thinking of the girls, that's all."
"You miss them," he states.
I wrinkle my nose a bit, shrugging. "Kinda, I guess. I'm jut confused as to why I haven't heard from them at all. Last I knew Stella was in Texas visiting Jaclyn and I have no idea what Hope and Victoria have been up to."
He nods in understanding. "Maybe you should call them when we get back to California, see if they can come out for a visit."
I nod. "Yeah, I'll have to do that." My vision focuses on the floor, Joe kissing my head. I force my vision back up to Kevin who was currently telling a story of the girls from over Christmas that he had forgotten to tell everyone prior to now.
Call them when you get home. You'll be home soon, call them then. They've probably just been busy.