WRONG NUMBER
- Nevaeh -
For a week straight, I've been sitting and staring at the same four walls.
This place feels so isolating.
I just want to go back home to Isaiah and Billie. I miss them more than anything.
The psych ward isn't terrible, just really lonely. Plus, most of the people here are fucking crazy, so I'm not trying to make friends with them.
There's one girl named Jessica and she's pretty nice. We sit together in every group and we hang out in her room sometimes.
She gets me and I get her, so it's nice to have someone to relate to.
Though I still wish that I could be home.
I want Billie so badly. I'd do anything to get a hug from her.
She hasn't been able to visit and she's in LA for a little bit while she waits for me to get out.
That's what Zay tells me at least.
He's only been able to visit twice since I've been here and it's not for long. I'm also not allowed to have my phone, so I can't even text him.
I guess this place is helping though. I haven't been as depressed and they force me to take my medicine everyday which is probably more effective because I haven't been taking it consistently and that can mess it up.
I have four groups everyday and they're all therapy type shit. The rest of the time, we have free time to do things like crafts and drawing which is called 'art time.' Sometimes we get to watch movies, but not often.
It's not terrible, but do I prefer it over my own home? No.
I want Billie back.
I miss her and Isaiah so fucking much.
- Billie -
"Billie, pay attention." Finneas sighs. "What?" I snap out of my train of thought and look up at him. "You're thinking about Vae again, aren't you?" He asks. "Yeah." I admit. "I just miss her so much, Finn. I'm so worried about her."
"She's being taken care of, Bil. I know you're scared, but she's not going anywhere, okay?" Finneas says. "I know." I nod. "I'm just worried about how she's doing in there." I say, referring to the psych ward. "I know she gets anxious and I want her to be okay. Nevaeh and I haven't gone a day without talking to each other for the past year, and I haven't talked to her once in seven days."
"I know you miss her." He nods his head. "But this is good for her. If she didn't go, who knows where she'd be. She's gonna be doing better now."
"I know. This is best for her. I'm just being selfish about how she's feeling all because I want her." I roll my eyes at selfishness.
"You're not selfish, Billie. It's normal to miss her." Finneas tells me. "What if she found someone else? What if she's not thinking about me? What if she doesn't miss m-"
"Billie, stop!" He says. "You're worrying too much. Nevaeh loves you so much. I've never met her in person before, but even over a screen, I can tell she's head over heels for you. She 100% misses you."
"You think so?" I ask. "For sure." He gives me an assuring smile. "You're her everything, Billie. You're like.. her ceiling. You hold her all together."
"I guess I do do that, don't I?" I chuckle. "You do." Finneas nods. "I've never seen someone so in love with someone before. I mean, the way Nevaeh looks at you is like you're made out of fucking diamonds." He laughs.
"Really?" I ask. "Mhm." He replies. "She's always going to love you, Bil. She's not going anywhere."
"Thank you, Finn." I say. "Of course." He grins.
Finneas is right, I hold her together and she holds me together. I don't know what I'd do without Nevaeh in my life.
As much as his words were comforting, I still miss her and am worried.
I just want to hug her and tell her everything's gonna be alright.
I can't help but wonder if she's thinking about me right now. Sometimes I'll look out at the moon and wonder if she's looking at it too, like we're looking at it together.
In my head, I'm keeping a mental countdown of how many more days she's gone. I haven't talked to my girlfriend, the love of my life, in a week. I'm starting to go fucking crazy.
I know that this is what's best for her and that I literally wanted this for her, but I forgot that I wouldn't be able to talk to my favorite person for 2 weeks.
I miss holding her and kissing her and waking up to her every morning, even if it's just on FaceTime.
There's so much I wish I could say to her, like how I love her smile and her laugh. The way she made my life so much better and how without her, I'd be broken.
Everything about her is perfect. I've never loved someone as much as I love Nevaeh and sometimes it scares me of how much I love her.
I'm afraid that someday, she'll go away. Like everything would just disappear. I never want to lose Nevaeh.
Ever since I met her, I wake up feeling happy everyday because I have someone that I fell asleep thinking about, waiting to talk to her the next morning, and doing just that when I wake up.
She's my person and I don't think that could ever change.
Nevaeh is one of the only people I can stand these days. Sometimes when I hang out with some people, I feel so tired and drained afterwards, but with Vae, I could never get tired of her.
I wonder if she's thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about her right now.
For the past week, she's been the only thing on my mind. This girl is always taking up my brain capacity, I swear to god.
I'm so excited to see her. I'm praying this next week goes by fast.
a/n 🤍
just a lil filler for the meantime
i'll have a longer chapter out hopefully soon!!