It was uncomfortable around the fire
My body was warmed, but yet I felt so
disjointed from the moment. Finan sat
next to me, and he was talking about
something. Something I wasn't hearing
because I was staring through the flames and at Sihtric. He was staring back, though, and I felt warmed by his eyes on me, maybe more so by his gaze than by the fire.
"Red?"
"Hmm?" I looked at Finan. Shit. What was he saying? Something about a barmaid in Rumcofa? I decided to take a shot and just agree with him. "Yeah."
"I don't know.. what if she doesn't feel the
same?"
"Oh, I am sure she will. Bring her flowers.
Let her know you were thinking about her." I hoped that's the direction he was going.
He nodded. "Flowers. Of course, flowers.
Women love flowers, right?"
Across the fire, Sihtric fought a smile that was threatening to break out. "Do they?" He asked across at us. His voice felt like velvet as it washed over me and made my skin tingled.
I shrugged. "Usually."
"What else do women like, Red?" Sihtric
asked as he opened his waterskin and took a small sip. The slightest hint of pink lit up his cheeks, from the fire or from thoughtsof me, I couldn't be sure. His voice held a challenge of some kind in it. Whatever it was, I was up for it.
"Attention," I laughed. "And sweets."
"Sweets?" Finan latched onto that thought. I nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! Like tarts or custard."
"Oh, I love tarts!" Finan enthused. "So
flowers, attention, and tarts? That's all it takes to get a woman's heart?
"A tart for her heart?" Sihrtic laughed.
"Pretty much," I giggled. "Finan, you will be fine. Just go up and tell her you want to court her.. and bring flowers." I bumped his shoulder with mine to reassure him.
"You're right," he sighed and sat up
straighter. "I will just walk up to her when
we get back and just. speak to her. Easy."
"And bring flowers," Sihtric eyed me and
smiled. I felt my cheeks getting hot again
and looked away.
"I must say, lads, I'm relieved you two
seem to be getting on again," Finan said.
I shrugged in what I hoped was a casual
fashion, unsure what to say.
"We are.. getting on," Sihtric confirmed,
then took a sip from his water skin. His
words were so casual, but there was a fire in his gaze that he reserved for only me when they locked with mine. Heat spread across my belly, and I shifted my weight to dissipate it.
"Good. I was getting tired of splitting my
attention between you two."
I rolled my eyes at Finan. "Oh, please." He laughed in response.
"I must say, I think you give Red more
attention than you give me," Sihtric joked,
but I sensed a twinge of jealousy hidden
within. For me or Finan, I couldn't be sure.
"I do not! And I resent you suggesting that I don't give you enough attention," Finan pointed at him like this was a threat, and Sihtric laughed in response.
"Well, I did not see you hugging me on the battlefield," Sihtric mumbled.
"What? I hug you all the time!" Finan threw himself at Sihtric and pulled him into a hug against his will. "Happy now?"
"Gods, no," Sihtric laughed as he shoved at him.
I snorted and stretched my legs out as I watched them. They trembled in response, and a fresh wave of exhaustion rolled over me. "Fuck," I yawned, "I am so tired."
"To bed then?" Sihtric asked as he peeled Finan off of him. His eyes shot through me, and I wished that I didn't have to sleep. I would be content to stay here and let him look at me all night.
"I think should." I slowly pushed my
way to my feet and winced as all of my
bones settled again. Everything hurt, and
everything felt tender and sore. I took
careful steps and found I could keep my
balance well enough. "Good night then," I
waved my hand at them
"Rest well," Finan said. He spoke to Sihtric again as I was walking away and said, "You're still my best friend, lad. That hasn't changed, and I am..."
I smiled to myself as I walked out of earshot of their conversation. Finan was a good man. He felt deeply about his friends, and I was glad it seemed they were making up, but I couldn't stay to witness it. Sleep called for me, and it was not a call I could resist.
I stood over my bedroll and sighed as I thought about how good it would feel to
lay in it, but my body protested the idea of moving lower to the ground with my sore muscles and tired joints.
My shoulder ached in tune to my heartbeat, causing a deafening crescendo of sound that pulsed in my ears. I pulled the shoulder of my shirt down to look at it, but the stab wound didn't really look like anything at all. It was bruised around the edges and scabbed over in the middle. Yet it shot pain into the muscle. I prodded it with my fingers, and it didn't really hurt to touch it. The source of pain must have been deeper in.
I sighed again and looked down at the
bedroll. I mentally prepared myself for
the stress that sitting down would do and took a deep breath. I lowered my body quickly onto my bottom on the bedroll and groaned as the muscles all contracted weakly. I breathed out slowly as I laid back, and my muscles relaxed.
I didn't dare move from the position on my back as I waited for sleep to come. It didn't take too long for it to come. Darkness fogged my mind, and the sounds of the outside world began to dampen.
_____________
"Again." He tossed the wooden sword at
me and raised his own.
I gritted my teeth. "Fine." I picked up the
sword and gripped it tightly.
"Now advance, just like before," Hakon
aimed his practice sword at me, and I did
as commanded and advanced. Slow steps, just like he had shown me. Each step forward means something, or at least that's what he had said many times before I swung the wooden sword, and it clattered against his with a sharp pang of wood on wood. He swung his out at me, and I blocked.
Back and forth. Back and forth. We
swapped blows, blocking each with easy
precision. He swept low, hoping to knock
my feet out from under me, and I stepped back. He advanced quickly, slicing at me again.
I parried and wacked him in the ribs with
the dull blade, and then while he was
off balance, I swept his feet out from
under him and placed the dull tip of the
wooden sword at his throat. He laughed in excitement and delight spread across his features.
"Better!" He exclaimed. "You will master
sword-skill in no time."
"You always say that," I offered my hand
and helped him to his feet.
"And it is always true," he laughed. "You get better each time."
I beamed. It was true, I felt that I did
improve my skill with each skirmish. I was proud of myself as much as he was proud of me.
"Father wishes you would stay," I said
suddenly and then frowned at my own
stupidity. The same words, the same
responses. I felt like it always led here.
He sighed and pulled me to sit on a stump we used for balancing firewood to cut. "Reddy, I must go with them. You know this. I have sworn an oath."
"You could not have known that it was -"
"No," he held up his hand to stop me from
speaking the words. "It does not matter
now. My word is my word. I will not go back on it, Reddy.. but please. I will come back. I always do, yes?" Hakon asked.
I nodded. "You must. Someone has to
teach me how to swing an axe."
He shoved my shoulder playfully. "You
can swing an axe all day right here." He
motioned to the woodcutters axe, and I
laughed as if this was ridiculous.
"Not that kind of axe, Hakon!" I punched his shoulder, and he feigned pain in response.
"I know," he smiled as he pulled me into a
hug, "I know."
_______________
When I woke up, before reality could catch up to my foggy brain, I felt warm and loved. I could still feel the arms of my brother wrapped around me before it all got sucked away with the pain of my next inhale. Sharp pain shot across my side, and I gasped. I sat up on the bedroll and grasped at my side, but it did it again with the next breath.
"Fuck," I groaned. I shoved myself to my feet and pulled up the hem of my shirt to expose the deep purple that spread across my ribs. "Fuck." I repeated a little breathier.
I was admiring the deep hues when someone whistled from my tent entrance. My heart jumped into my throat as I spun around to see the face of my intruder: Sihtric. I dropped the hem of my shirt and glared at him. Pain flared across my side once more.
"You don't announce yourself?" I pushed my hand against the source of pain.
He laughed. "Sorry. Broken ribs?" He stepped in and let the tent flap close behind him, which made this feel personal, but I was aware we were still in the camp. We were not alone just being separated by a sheet of canvas.
"I think just bruised." I took softer, shorter breaths to try and alleviate some of the pain.
He stepped closer. "Let me see?"
I swallowed. How was this making me more nervous than the intimate moments we had shared the night before? I guessed in some ways this was more personal than just humping each other. He wanted to inspect my wounds, and it made me feel vulnerable.
I lifted the hem of my shirt again, and he leaned down to get a closer look. He prodded at the wound with his fingers, and spots of color burst across my vision as I gasped. He stood back up and shook his head. "Not broken," he confirmed.
"Well, that's a relief. Still fucking hurts." I dropped my shirt again.
He laughed again. "Gods, you are -"
"Wakey-wakey!" Finan's voice permeated the privacy of my tent as he pulled the flap back. He looked between Sihtric and I strangely. "I was just looking for you."
"And I was here," Sihtric responded cooly.
"Yeah.. why?" He seemed suspicious of Sihtric's intentions here.
"Same as you, waking up Red." Tension could be felt between them in the small space. What the hell?
"Sihtric says that my ribs are not broken." I changed the subject. Why were they being so weird?
"Broken? You seemed fine last night," Finan stepped into the tent, and three makes a crowd. I felt the tent's canvas walls shrinking around me. "Let me see it, then."
I sighed and raised my shirt. Finan leaned down and looked at it closely. "No, not broken. Your liver is probably swelled, pressing against the ribs."
"My liver?" That just gets better by itself, or was I about to die of this ailment?
"Aye. Take it easy on the ale a few days, and she'll be good as new," he stood back up, and I yanked my shirt back down.
"Well, shit. Riding is going to be.. painful."
They both nodded in response.
"Maybe block next time," Sihtric smiled playfully. I laughed and swatted my hand out at him, which he dodged easily. The laugh and the movement shot hot pain through my side like a spear, and I gasped.
Finan laughed at the display and shoved Sihtric out of the tent. He followed him out, though, and then said, "Let's get some breakfast, lads. No ale for you." He pointed back at me, and I giggled, which shot fresh pain across my side again.
"Gods, don't make me laugh. It hurts." I followed them out and towards the campfire.
"But I'm so damn funny," Finan quipped, "you have given me an impossible task." I groaned as I tried not to snicker.
"Ah, my men.. all rising so late in the morning," Uhtred laughed as we approached. He seemed slightly annoyed at us. It was true, though, we were late risers today. My evening shenanigans had no doubt made my tired body even more tired.
"Sorry, lord. We were all exhausted from the battle," Finan said in our defense.
"I slept too late as well," Uhtred sighed, "and now we eat late and leave later still."
None of us said anything, just set to eating breakfast. I took careful breaths, and my side ached, but the sharp pains were kept at bay so long as I didn't take a deep breath. I needed to see a healer, but I didn't think there would be one in this camp.
"Is there a healer here?" I asked anyway.
"No, not here. What ails you?" Uhtred responded.
"My ribs," I grunted.
Finan shook his head. "Even if there were a healer, they can't help you with that. You will have to wear it off, love."
"What is wrong with your ribs? Are they broken?"
"No, lord. Just badly bruised," I said. It didn't feel as serious when I said it out loud to him, and I looked at the ground in slight shame that I was in so much pain over a bruise.
"How badly?" He asked.
Sihric squinted his eyes slightly as if remembering the sight of it. "Pretty bad."
Uhtred looked at me. "Can you ride?"
No. I didn't think I could. "Yes, lord." I had to, though. I wasn't about to be separated from the group. If they left, I was going with them.
He smiled, but he saw through my lie. "No, you can't."
I felt deflated. "Lord, I do not wish to be separated from the group or delay your travels. I will ride, if I must."
Uhtred smiled thoughtfully. "Well, the camp we suspect is on the river has not yet been found.."
"I will stay behind with Red, lord," Sihtric volunteered, "and find the camp myself."
I looked at him pointedly. Was his intention to make everyone suspicious of us? Why would he just volunteer to stay? I guess the original plan was for both of us to find the camp. I eased my irritation back. No one knew. It was fine.
No one knew what we had done.
Twice.
Gods, what a mess.
"Very well. Finan will accompany me back to Mercia. You two will stay here and find the camp. We will rejoin in Mercia in a few days when Red can ride." At least Uhtred didn't seem suspicious in the least. That was good. The last thing I needed was him knowing what had happened.
"Yes, lord," Sihtric agreed.
More time alone with him was an intriguing thought. I wouldn't argue on this point, so I kept my mouth shut. A silly fear inside of me said that if I spoke up or somehow drew any attention, the spell would be broken, and Uhtred would say "No you will not stay, and actually Red is kicked out. And as a matter of fact, I know it all, and you two are terrible and thoughtless."
Obviously, that didn't happen. He seemed satisfied enough with this plan, and he was blissfully oblivious to what we had done. So why would he object to us staying behind together?
Together. My insides felt tight at the word, and I tasted it in my mouth like a drop of honey. Yes. We would spend time together again.
What a fucking mess. I was so concerned with getting more one one one time that I was totally forgetting the whole point. The camp on the river. The impending threat of invasion. Remember that, Red? What was I doing here? I was so distracted and out of control.
When I was with him, though - when I was distracted by him - I forgot about Erik. I forgot about my desire for revenge. I forgot that I wanted to kill him or die trying, and I just existed there in the moment. I craved more of that feeling, more of that carefree version of myself.
I craved more of him.