Gio
MAY 1998
Ren and I got back into town from San Francisco in the late afternoon. I planned to just drop her off at her mom's and go home, but she lured me in with an invite to the hot tub in her mom's backyard, and there was no way in hell I'd turn that down.
Her laughter rang out as I raced her up the stairs to her room, probably only then alerting her mother to our arrival. She rummaged through her drawers, throwing me my faded red swim trucks, which she had conveniently stored in there for me since summer.
She turned slightly away as we both stripped and quickly changed. Ren always acted modest while changing, even though I'd seen her up close naked hundreds of times by then. She lifted her hair out of the way, and I automatically tied the back strings of her hot pink bikini. I bit on my lip, thinking of the many times I had untied them here while her mom was away at work.
"Ready?" she smiled, and I blinked back to the present. Then we raced back down the stairs, grabbing old towels from the open linen closet, saying hi in passing to her mom in the kitchen before quickly slipping out the sliding glass patio door.
The afternoon temperature was dropping along with the day's shadows, which spread across the backyard lawn like long, dark, transparent strips. Goosebumps prickled my arms, and Ren hugged her towel closer to her chest. Our bare toes quickly tapped over the cool cement to the hot tub, and after dropping my towel, I practically threw off the cover onto the raised decking. We both scrambled in and then sank slowly into the ecstasy of the steamy water.
Ren is always complaining about feeling chilly, but weirdly, she also says hot tubs are too hot for her. Girls are so finicky with temperature. And like clockwork, even after only a few minutes, she informed me she felt like a crab cooking up in a pot and changed locations to the highest seat—the cool air lightly kissing her steaming skin.
With her legs still submerged under the water, both her hands began to dance over the surface, forming long arching ripples on the water. I watched them entranced as the waves collided. I thought they might cancel each other out, but instead... they crossed over each other.
Their energy was changed, and they became more disturbed, moving slower. But I was impressed by their constancy to keep going in their chosen direction from her disturbance of the otherwise still waters. My thoughts danced on in my head, spinning out in their own wide circles while my muscles relaxed, still fully submerged up to my traps.
"What are you thinking about over there?" Ren's giggle rippled into my ears like fish bubbles against the surface of a glassy lake, breaking me from my trance.
"Hmm? Oh, just nothing important."
Her sexy eyes sparkled, "I'm curious."
"Okay... since you want to know." I grinned widely. She will not be expecting this. Clearing my throat to create formality and anticipation, I then continued with a humorless voice, "In your opinion... what's the biggest nonphysical location."
Her eyebrows pinched together, "Non-physical location?"
"Yeah, just think about it," I smirked now—knowing she would have to work hard for this one.
"Umm... I don't know..." she stalled, probably trying to think of any non-physical location, let alone the biggest.
Suddenly, a hella smart-ass look covered her face. "Space! Ha!" she crowed, looking so fucking cute and proud of herself.
"Ok, yeah, I came up with that one first, too. Space—it's mindblowing to think how big it is... but what about... your imagination?" I said, touching my forehead for effect. "That's like also literally limitless," raising my eyebrows. "And emotions! They're bottomless too, like love... and fear—"
"Are you secretly smoking pot again?" poking me playfully in the ribs with her foot.
"Fuck off," I huffed and wrinkled my nose at her. "I just think people's minds are cool."
I grabbed her foot and pulled her off the bench into the water. "You're my drug," I said as I licked and bit her toe.
"Ahh! You're so weird sometimes," she laughed, pulling her foot back, but I caught her elbow and floated her all the way over to me.
I know I am, but I know she loves me despite that, or maybe even because of it.
"Yeah... you like it, though."
"Yeah, I do," she smiled as she spun around to sit on my lap.
I hugged her body to me. I loved the way it felt so feminine, slippery, and sexy, and my dick twitched against my leg as I became more aroused. Under the water, she placed my hands on the sides of her body and guided them up and down, gliding over her hips and back up to rest on her soft tits, encouraging me to squeeze them. I could feel her hard nipples brush against my fingers, and I'm sure she knew how hard she was making me, with only the thin piece of swimsuit between us.
"I'm not sure we should be doing this right now... your mom's right over there in the kitchen—she can probably see us."
"What are we doing?" she asked innocently.
"Making me want you," I growled in her ear, giving her shivers.
"Mmm," she hummed, and the sound sent signals straight to my cock.
"Ugh!" I groaned, then whispered, frustrated, in her ear, "I can't wait till I can have sex with you anytime I want."
"Anytime you want?" she whispered back in mock indignation.
"You know what I mean. When we live in a place with no parents."
"That sounds fantastic," she agreed, slightly rubbing her ass back against my already too-stiff boner. Well, that would be a welcome thing if her mom wasn't home, but right now, it felt like a problem.
"Okay, that's it. You need to get up before this gets any harder for me," I said, moving her off me.
"Pff," she laughed at the accidental double meaning, making my cheeks heat.
"Shut up. I have to deal with this on the outside—go in and face your mom. Consider yourself lucky no one can see when you get turned on."
"Sorry," she shrugged, still smirking at me.
"I should get out anyway. I told my mom I'd be home for dinner tonight." I said, standing up, and then looked down to see my dick obviously tenting out my bathing suit. I glanced at the kitchen window and crouched back down. "Um... can you go get my towel?"
She got out and grabbed my towel, tossing it to me. We wrapped the thin beach towels around our bodies and headed back toward the house. When we came in the door, I quickly scooted past the kitchen, hoping to get upstairs with her without being seen.
"Lauren, wait. Not so fast, Gio," Ren's mom said.
I have to admit I was kinda scared of her, and the tone in her voice brought my erection under control immediately. We came to stand on the opposite side of the island in the kitchen as she was wiping the counter. She had her shoulder-length auburn brown hair, the same color as Ren's but slightly greying at the temples, half up, her blue button-up shirt rolled to her elbows. She caught us with her keen blue eyes.
Uh-oh. Shit. Does she know we stole a bit of her vodka to have before the concert or, worse, that she saw my hard-on coming out of the hot tub just now?
"So. How was the concert and your night in the city?" she asked expectantly.
"Goood..." Ren answered hesitantly.
She cocked her head. "Just good?"
"No, it was... really good," Ren replied, not feeding her much to go on.
"And..."
"And... I don't know?" she shrugged like a typical frustrating teen.
Her mom sighed, "You never give me details about your life anymore."
I don't fucking know why, but I felt compelled to offer something up.
"Thank you for getting us the hotel room. The view was amazing. I've never slept in a bed that big..." Oh shit. Why'd you mention the bed, dipshit? "Uh, or anywhere that nice before."
Ren glared at me.
"You're welcome, Gio," she said a little uncomfortably. "Anyway, look!" passing Ren a big envelope. "This came for you in the mail on Friday. Look how thick it is!" as she slid it over the counter.
"What's that?" My brow furrowed. "Another college application letter? That looks big. Open it." Ren only told me about four schools she applied to, and she got all those responses already.
"No, I'll open it later," she said, her voice tight.
I moved closer to Ren to see where it was from, but she flipped the envelope over in her hands. The package was thick. Thick usually meant something. Something good. Rejections were thin. This probably had brochures and stuff inside.
"Open it!" both her mom and I encouraged in unison.
Ren sighed, worry evident in her eyes. Somehow, right now, this didn't seem like a good thing to Ren at all. Why is she so nervous? Maybe Berkeley made a mistake, or someone dropped out, and now they're letting her in. I moved behind her, rubbing her shoulders. "I'm sure it's something good," I comforted her.
She took a deep breath, slowly ripped it open with her thumb, and slipped the contents out of the envelope and into her hands. She put the red folder on the counter and read the cover sheet silently to herself.
"Well?" her mom asked impatiently as Ren just stared at the letter.
"I got in," she said blankly.
My brow furrowed as I looked over my shoulder at an unfamiliar university logo at the top. "What school is that?"
Her mom took the letter from Ren's hands. "Is it that from that prestigious design school in New York you talked about a long time ago?" Her mom's face lit up, "I didn't know you applied?! Congratulations Sweetie! I am so proud of you!"
NEW YORK. The words rang out in my head, and abruptly, I swore I could have heard a crack beneath me. Suddenly, I was not standing on solid ground but instead on too-soft snow masking very thin ice.
"Yeah, thanks," Ren mumbled, dipping her head.
"What?" I heard my voice crack. My stomach felt light as I snatched the folder she had set on the counter. "New York?!" I snapped, and with each page I flicked through, my body grew tenser. "You didn't tell me you applied here."
"I did it last minute," she cringed.
Jumbled questions whirl through my mind like a hurricane. Prestigious school? New York? That might as well be on the other side of the world! Why is she doing this? We had our plan. Doesn't she want that anymore? Did she ever really want it? Why didn't she tell me? Why is the thought of this hitting me so hard?
Waving the folder between us, I accidentally stabbed her eyes with a mix of resentment and worry. "You're not really considering this, right?"
"Um, I don't know... I didn't think I'd get in," she replied, dropping her eyes.
She doesn't know? That meant she might. I felt another crack under my feet.
"But—" Sliding the folder back on the counter, I tried to process it, see it from her side, but I couldn't think straight anymore. "We have our whole plan for SF..." I whispered so her mom couldn't hear it well. My eyes searched her intensely.
"I know. I'll probably still go to The Academy," she said low.
That statement was meant to soothe my worries, but I knew her. It was definitely at least still 50-50 in her mind.
"Probably?" I emphasized, my mouth hanging open.
"Gio, hold on a second," her mom interrupted, "You should absolutely consider it, Lauren. Don't discount it because of the distance. Parson's is the top school for design in the country."
My eyes shot out daggers in response to the very reasonable advice.
"I'm well aware of that, Mom," she grits through her teeth. "Can we discuss this later, Gio?" she pleaded with me.
My body felt stiff and frozen. I was staring at Ren, who was looking at me like she was waiting for an answer, but I could barely hear her—my mind was so loud.
"Fine," I finally mumbled. "I'm going up to get changed," and I took off out of the room.
I see her mom wrapping her up in a big hug as I move up the stairway, "Wow. I'm so happy for you! Congratulations, Sweetie!"
And hearing that stabbed me a little inside. I knew I should be downstairs saying that as well. Supporting her. But instead, I was up hiding away in her room because I didn't feel happy for her. Not one bit. I only felt tricked, hurt, and blindsided by all of it—she was my whole world back then, and now it was trembling on a teetering point under her control. Why did she hide it from me? And the obvious answer was: Because she knew it would hurt me. Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming need to get home.
A few minutes later, I was hurrying down the stairs, and Ren was coming up. "Wait, I'll walk you out," she offered. "Just let me change."
She was back in under a minute and found me putting my shoes on by the front door. She opened the door and followed me out of the house and out to my car. I didn't try to hold her hand. I couldn't even look at her. We stopped on the sidewalk in front of my car.
"I just applied for fun, Gio. I really didn't think I'd get in."
I felt more pressure piling up in my chest. "You didn't even tell me!"
She hung her head, "I know. I'm sorry."
"Why, though? And no one just applies 'for fun.' Or at least you wouldn't apply just for fun. You do want to go to that school. Right?"
"It's the top of the top design school, Gio. I wanted to go at one point—before I met you. I guess... I just wanted to see if I could have gone... even if I wasn't actually going to go. The Academy in SF is really good, too."
She looked at me with so much sincerity in her eyes, in the moment I believed her.
"Okay," I said wearily. "I trust you."
She waited a moment like she was expecting something more from me.
"Oh, okay," she murmured. "I love you," she added and flicked her beautiful eyes to mine.
My lower eyelids prickled as I swallowed down a painful knot in my throat. Fuck! Why do I already know this is the beginning of the end?
"You, too," I said back flatly, in order not to breach the torrent of emotion I was barely able to hold back. I paused a moment, then opened my car door and got in. "I'll call you later," avoiding looking at her directly. Then I slammed the door and drove off.
I didn't even hug her goodbye. I'd never done that before.
As I drove home, acid swirled around in my gut, feeling sick to my stomach because, deep down, somehow, I already knew what she was going to do. Or maybe it was that I knew what she should do, even if I couldn't admit that to myself back then.
She was going to go, and she was going to leave me behind. I'd still be in high school, unable to go with her. She'd become an adult, and I'd become a boy back home she once knew. This wasn't a new worry of mine, but I thought if we only lived an hour apart, we could still be together every weekend. She'd remember how much she loved me, and it would work out. But now I'd be three thousand miles away from her. Out of sight, out of mind.
And suddenly, it dawned on me why I'm reacting like this—this has all happened to me before.
My lip quivered, and my eyes crested with hot tears as a wave of old but familiar grief washed over me. One choked sob left my throat before I gripped the steering wheel tighter and pushed the rest back down.
People forget you when they are not really part of your life anymore—even when it's your own fucking father.
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