The door swung open and I was faced with bright smiles from the 4 guys. I was the last one to get there. I felt a little awkward, but they quickly pulled me inside. I looked down and even saw a dog running around all of our legs. Yeonjun had a dog?
I heard the door shut behind me, not really knowing who had shut it since I was too focused on the dog that was letting out occasional barks to get our attention since we were all clearly energetic so why not be energetic with the dog.
"You have a dog?" I asked Yeonjun as he let go of my arm. The house was cozy to say the least, a little bigger than mine.
I think the dog was a German Shepherd, or at least a dog that looked super familiar, but Yeonjun nodded quickly, leaning over to kiss the dog's head as he squeezed the dog's face between his hands, "His name is Ambrose but we call him Amby."
The dog's tail was wagging back and forth quicker than the speed of sound. I giggled. Oh, to be a dog, no worries in the world, getting all the love and attention you'd ever need from one person. That was all I ever wanted. Plus, dogs never had to go to school and they could sleep all the time.
I bent over and patted the dog's head, "Well hello Amby." I smiled at him as his ears dropped, his mouth open as he was panting. I'd never had a dog. He was cute.
"Let's go upstairs to my room." Yeonjun said, leading the guys up the stairs. I was still down with Ambrose, standing up once Taehyun ran up the stairs, skipping every other step. Ambrose turned and ran up the stairs too. I was left alone in the entryway of the house. Everything about the house seemed bigger. Not just the layout, but the feeling I got while there. It felt like an actual house.
Sure, my house had my family which I loved dearly, but it didn't have a house look, more like a dinky old apartment that was the size of a house. This place had family photos, baby pictures too, pictures of Ambrose and pictures of people I assumed were distant relatives.
I heard shouting coming from up the stairs, so I decided to finally follow them, walking quietly up the stairs. Kai ran out into the hallway to see me walking up the stairs, "There you are!" He ran down the stairs, meeting me halfway before grabbing me and pulling me up the rest of the way.
The grip he had on my wrist reminded me a lot of the grip that Yeonjun had on my wrist in gym class before he suddenly let go. It was tight enough to get me to follow, or to stop what I was doing, but not to the point where it hurt.
When we finally got into Yeonjun's room, my eyes met his as he sat on the floor in front of the television he had. He was staring at me deeply, a glazed over look glossing his brown eyes. Soobin walked in front of him, obscuring my view of him for just a second, but once I saw him again, he was looking at the television, reaching over to turn it on.
"Who wants to play?" Everyone looked over to Taehyun who was holding up some CD for some game or whatever it was. I wasn't much of a gamer so I had no idea what it was.
"Yeah!" They all said in sync as they all threw themselves onto the floor to sit beside Yeonjun, leaving me standing alone by the open door.
Kai looked over at me, then at Soobin, "There's only 4 controllers though." He muttered as he grabbed them from a drawer under the TV.
"It's fine, I'm not much for games anyways." I shrugged, a soft smile on my face, lifting my hand to my head to twirl a little bit of my hair around my finger. The looks they gave each other gave me a sense of relief. They weren't going to push it.
I slinked around behind them to get to Yeonjun's bed where Ambrose was laying, his nose between his paws. I sat down at first, but then got comfortable and laid myself down, Ambrose standing up to reposition himself so his head was on my chest.
The guys were all invested in their game, shoving each other and laughing. I didn't even look at the TV, or them. I kept my eyes on the dog, gently petting his head like I'd pet Honey. His fur was almost as soft as Honey's.
One of the first things I'd noticed about Yeonjun's room was how full and lively it felt. Compared to mine, this place was a vacation. The more I looked around, admiring the photos on the walls, scoffing at the clothes sticking out of his dresser, rolling my eyes at the action figures on the shelf above his bed knowing that I had no idea what they were even from, I realized that my room was more of a prison cell. Empty and lifeless. A lot like me. No, no, I was none of those things, just a little down.
"You're so cute." I whispered to Ambrose, causing his tail to wag gently as it brushed against my ankle. I crossed my ankles to get away from his tail, but it seemed to follow me, making me chuckle under my breath.
"You're not too bad yourself." Kai smirked looking over his shoulder at me. He was right at the end of the bed. I looked up a little and rolled my eyes, but I smiled brightly. I knew he was just joking, but it made me feel good about myself. It made me feel close to him.
He knew I wasn't talking to him, and I knew that too, yet I didn't correct him. I didn't clarify to him that I wasn't talking about him. He was pretty cute, but they all were. Everyone at my school was.
My head fell back down to the pillow. I let my eyes flutter shut as my head fell to my right towards the wall. I was really tired for some reason. Yeah, the guys were being super loud and obnoxious, but I felt like I could actually sleep. I was safe and satisfied.
I don't really remember much of what happened after that. Sleep must've swept me away because all I remember was waking up to all of them jumping on top of me. Ambrose was long gone by then. The whole room was a lot darker as I was shoving and pushing them all off of me.
First, Taehyun fell from the bed, lying limp on the ground. Then Kai did the same, then Soobin, and then it was just Yeonjun on top of me, trying to wrestle with me, holding my one arm down as I tried to lean over to bite his arm to let me go.
After a bit of back and forth, Soobin stood up, the other two guys still playing dead on the ground, and he yanked Yeonjun off of me.
Yeonjun and Soobin bickered a bit, but I couldn't help but laugh as I rolled over onto my stomach, "You have a pretty comfy bed, Yeonjun." I mocked as he glared at me, his eyes quickly being covered by Soobin's hand.
I chuckled a little more as the other two on the floor finally sat up, giving each other a weird look. But then I made eye contact with Taehyun.
My eyes widened slightly as I tried condemning my message to him. He understood, standing up and making up an excuse of having to use the bathroom as he somberly trudged out of the room, dragging his feet behind him.
I stood from the bed, my knees feeling a bit weak from having to fight off the 4 guys, but I quickly made my way out of the room after him. I don't think any of them noticed right away.
"You wanted to talk to me, right?" I stated as I saw him reaching for the bathroom door handle. He froze in place before nodding, continuing to open the door and letting me follow him inside before he shut it behind the both of us.
His once cheerful, bubbly, personality was replaced with one that looked kind of depressed, honestly. I felt bad, awful, even, to the point that all I could find myself doing was leaning in to give him a hug, tighter than the one I'd given him in the hall just a few hours before at school.
"Thank you." He whispered softly into my ear as I felt him squeeze his arms around me. I couldn't help but feel tears welling up in my eyes. I was such a sympathetic person. Everything I did was in sympathy.
"What did you mean? Earlier, when you said I was the only person you could hug genuinely, what did that mean?" I finally asked as I pulled myself away from him, feeling him linger a little longer before pulling away too. My hands rested gently on his shoulders.
He had tears in his eyes too, more than I did, but not quite enough to make them fall, but if they did, I knew I was going to be there to help him, "I love the guys, I really do. I've known them for years and they made me who I am today, the person I'm proud to be, but sometimes, It's hard to be genuine. It's hard to let my guard down. They don't really understand that sometimes I do just get sad randomly. Sometimes I just need a hug rather than a shove to cheer me up." He trailed off a bit at the end before quickly bringing his eyes back to mine, "I don't mean to get philosophical, but you know what I mean." He finished off his statement quickly.
My heart stopped when his words finally sank in deep for me, deep enough for me to pull him back into another hug. Taehyun was such a funny guy, he was the definition of a good friend in my mind. Sure, it had been just over 24 hours since I actually met the guy, but sometimes, most of the time, you can just tell.
I let him hold me just as tight as I held him. His head rested on my shoulder as I felt his chest rise and fall against mine. I'd always think about what it meant to hug. 2 hearts right next to each other, only a few things between them, only a few things keeping the two people from becoming one.
"I'm always going to be here for you, Taehyun. Always, okay?" It honestly surprised me a little, that he would've been so down during a time that should've been enjoyed, but I knew what it meant to be sad sometimes, and not being able to control when or why.
He didn't reply with words, but the grip he had on the back of my shirt was plenty enough for me to know what he meant.
The two of us hugged for a while longer, our arms wrapped snugly around each other, and for the first time in a while, I felt completely safe and whole. He and I eventually pulled away from each other, hearing a knock on the door.
"Are you both in there?" Soobin asked through the door, putting an unnecessary amount of emphasis on the word both.
Taehyun looked me in the eyes, a somewhat worried look washing over him. I shrugged as I turned to look at the door, reaching for the door handle. I felt Taehyun's hand grab my arm to stop me.
"What?" I whispered. His eyes widened.
"He's going to think it's something it isn't."
"Well let's just be honest."
"I can't tell him why we wanted to talk though."
"I'll do it." I reassured him, the tight grip he had on me slowly loosening as he fell back against the sink counter. I reached for the door handle, the final stretch, opening the bathroom door to come face to face with Soobin.
Soobin eyed me up and down, then Taehyun, and finally spoke up, "What were you guys doing in there?" He narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brows as he leaned in, aggressively sniffing my neck. My face went a bright red at his sudden movement towards me. I could even hear Kai sigh from behind me.
Kai and Yeonjun then appeared in the doorway too as Soobin leaned back up, "Care to explain?"
I rolled my eyes, "We were just talking. He had something specific to ask me." I muttered as I saw a questionable expression on Yeonjun's face.
"Yeah, I bet." Soobin squinted but quickly straightened out as Kai smacked the back of his head.
"Let's just get back to what we were doing." Taehyun nodded from behind me, walking past all of us, being the first one back inside Yeonjun's room. Then, we all followed him, me being last to shut the bathroom door and the bedroom door once we got inside.
The rest of the night was fun, but something kept drawing me back to Taehyun. I was worried about him. His friends, his best friends, didn't know how he truly, how he really felt. Yet, that was even an ego boost for me, knowing that he trusted me enough to tell me these kinds of tedious things over his own best friends. Though, using that to boost my ego seemed a little wrong. Okay, very wrong, so I tried not to let it get to my head.
Eventually, Kai left, saying something about his sister needing help with school work. I guess I never really knew he had a sister. I mean, the second he said who it was, it clicked, but I didn't dwell on it for too long.
Then, Taehyun left saying that his mother needed him to help her prepare dinner. He said his farewells, and soon enough, it was just Yeonjun, Soobin and myself.
We all stayed up for hours, but then, Soobin got a phone call from his mother, asking him to come home so she wouldn't be alone since his father got called into work last minute. He agreed to accompany his mother since he was a good son, so we then said our goodbyes to him as well.
The front door shut, Yeonjun and I still at the top of the stairs. It was about 10pm, last time I checked the clock. I was worried he was going to kick me out.
"What time do you have to be home?" He asked me, almost perfectly on cue, as he wandered back into his bedroom. I followed him in, patting Ambrose's head as he sat by the door, staring up at the two of us as we conversed.
I shrugged, "Whenever." I said it in a gentle voice as a small grin appeared on his face.
"You should stay the night then, yeah?"
He was surprisingly good at reading my mind. I couldn't help my face from lighting up in joy and excitement when he said that, causing me to nod quicker than ever, "Sure!"
He whipped his head around to look at his bed, "I've only got one bed. So, you'll have to take the floor. Hope that's alright." He muttered.
I didn't care one bit where I was sleeping, I was just happy that I was getting something more than a hug and a shove out the door, "Oh, I don't mind. Where are your parents?" I'd been wondering that for quite some time, the house silent other than the sounds coming from his room, where we'd all been. It was like the rest of the house was empty.
"Vacation. They like to take little weekend getaway trips once every month. I usually don't go." He turned around and turned off the television.
"Why not?" My voice was low and hushed, I felt like I had to be quiet now that the tv was off and the rest of the world around us was quiet.
All I got was a shrug as he tossed the remote on the tv stand, walking over to his bed before sitting down, "I guess it's just not for me. I like it here, I like hanging out with my friends."
I understood where he was coming from, but at the same time, I'd love to go on trips every month. At least I could say I'd been away, "Well I think it'd be fun to go." I smiled.
"I mean, I have gone, I just don't go all the time." I sat myself down on the bed beside him, both of our heads only turned slightly to stare at each other. I should've just replied, but no, my mind and body had different ideas. All I did was stare at him, not realizing the confusion on his face until he spoke up.
"Beomgyu?"
I snapped out of it and immediately apologized, "Sorry." I stood up and plopped down on the floor right in front of him. I was going to be sleeping down there, so I knew I might as well have gotten used to it. He was staring down at me, a confused mask still over his face.
"Do you want to do anything else?" He questioned, rubbing his arm slightly as his eyes scanned his own bedroom like he'd never seen it, his eyes lingering in certain places for a tad bit too long before finally moving on to admire a new spot.
"Like?" I retorted, a slight grin on my face, even though I knew that I was exhausted. I just didn't want to make a bad impression within my first 24 hours of knowing him, even though it had been longer than 24 hours.
He then rolled his eyes, making me think I had done something wrong, but then he just laughed and leaned forward, his eyes shut as he continued to giggle. I just stared at him, tilting my head slightly to the left. Something about him laughing in front of me, sitting on his bed as I was on the floor, the dim light from the lamp being the only thing illuminating his face was all just so thrilling for me. Even yet, I couldn't find myself to smile. I wasn't laughing with him, even just a confused pity laugh, no, there was nothing.
All I did was admire him in that moment.
Maybe it was a little weird, but his eyes were shut, and his smile was pure enough to cure every sickness I'd ever gotten over the years, from the cold as a baby to being depressed after my father passed, to the flu I'd just gotten over a month before. He was pure. I needed pure.
"I like your smile." It slipped out of my mouth, but once I'd realized what I said, I did nothing more than give a small smile myself. Sure, I was upset with my mind for not working with me, for not keeping it to myself, but now that he knew that I liked his smile, maybe he'd do it more.
He stopped laughing, but his smile didn't really go away. He just sat up a bit more, his back straightening out as he let out one final breathy laugh, "You do?"
I nodded, being very blunt with my reply. His smile was one of the most captivating things I'd ever seen. Even before we spoke together for the first time in physics on Thursday afternoon, I loved his smile. I'd find myself staring at him in gym when he'd play basketball with them, his smile as he ran across the court just to be shoved to the ground by Soobin. But Yeonjun's smile stayed.
"I've never heard anyone say that before." His facial expression became more soft as his smile dimmed slightly, but it lingered, and the effects it had on me did too.
"Then I'll say it more to make up for all the lost times it could've been said. I love your smile." The replacement of the world like to love was all in my head, but when it, too, slipped out just like the rest, I just let it happen. Maybe it made me seem a little corny, but I'd hoped he'd understand. I hoped he'd like what I had to say.
He stared at me for a moment, my eyes and his locking for the entire time. He still had the afterglow of his smile, my face a more serious tinge. The two clashed together almost perfectly. With his tv off, the world around us had seemingly disappeared, turned to dust and faded away just like all of my worries.
People often say that in certain moments, they can only see the person in front of them, that they can't focus on anything else, and sometimes it's hard to imagine something like that, it's hard to believe that you can be so infatuated with someone that you cease to exist in every other aspect of life until it happens to you. Until you're face to face with them like I was, you think it only happens in fairytales.
Then, he spoke up, snapping us both out of the weird trance we'd been in, "We should get some sleep, yeah?" He turned to grab one of the pillows off of his bed, throwing it at my face. When it hit me, I just let it knock me back to the ground. Then I felt the feeling of a blanket fall over the rest of my body.
"If you need another pillow or blanket, just tell me, okay?" Thankfully he had carpet floors, but it was still not quite as comfortable as my own bed, physically, but knowing I was sleeping in the same room as him was enough to get me through it.
I set up my makeshift bed as I wrapped the blanket around me, getting as comfortable as I could. But as I was doing that, he stood up right beside me, stepping over a few feet to flip off the lamp. Once the light was off, it was pure darkness. I heard his footsteps, and after a few seconds, my eyes adjusted to the dark and I was able to see him get into his bed.
Then, I heard heavy breathing. Turning to my left, I saw Ambrose slowly walking towards me, getting himself comfortable enough to lay down beside me. I smiled at him before patting his head.
"Good night, Yeonjun." I spoke swiftly.
"Good night, Beomgyu." He said in a much slower voice, stretching out my name. It made me feel somewhat special.
I stretched my arms out before getting comfortable once again, comfortable enough to sleep. I kept glancing up onto the bed to see if I could see him moving at all, but I wasn't able to see anything.
After a while, petting Ambrose to help me sleep wasn't working and my brain had finally realized that. I had no idea how long I'd been sitting there in the darkness on the floor of this guy's room, but I finally decided to speak up about something that had been bothering me since gym.
"After gym, before the guys interrupted us, what were you going to say about Soobin talking to me? I asked what him and I talking had to do with you. What were you going to say?" I asked, hoping that I was loud enough to get his attention just in case he was drifting off to sleep already.
There was silence for a while. I thought about what I'd just said. Maybe it was dumb to ask. Maybe it was too soon, or he didn't even remember that conversation we had. Maybe he was asleep already, or too embarrassed to answer. I pet Ambrose a little harder.
"Another time, Beomgyu." He muttered as I felt his hand on my forehead. I wasn't even looking up so the soft touch to my forehead had given me a pretty bad scare, causing me to jump. But then I settled, feeling how gentle he was being. A touch to the forehead though, seemed a bit strange.
I glanced up at him slightly, my eyes meeting his half lidded eyes, "Another time." I repeated as he ran his fingers through my hair. That took me a moment to process. Was that something friends did? I never saw it happen, but maybe it was something that happened behind closed doors.
We didn't say good night again or anything, he just pulled his hand away and went back to his resting position that I could hardly see from the floor. I went back to petting Ambrose, my arm bent in a strange position to pet his head, petting him a bit rougher.
My mind was racing, flying through all the possibilities as to why he wanted to wait for another time. I didn't get much sleep that night, and sleeping on the floor was the last of my worries.