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C A N ' T K I L L A
R O U T L E D G E
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Ruminations full of bargaining and reasoning had clouded much of the day and dampened the feeling of everything.
The question that bugged Harley the most about the Pogues, why didn't they come look for her? John B she understood, because his last ever words to her were about not wanting anything to do with her. Kiara, Pope, and especially JJ hadn't shared in that sentiment, so she couldn't fathom why they wouldn't search or try to save her from the Cameron's. If it had been any of the others kidnapped and trapped, she'd do everything she could to get then out.
They were her best friends, and JJ had wanted to be her boyfriend. Did she not matter?
Her mind reasoned with her and pushed the idea that it was because John B and Sarah were gone. They were mourning. But that provoked another issue. Surely, they would have wanted to find Harley even quicker to let her know what had happened. They knew how much she treasured her relationship with John B, maybe it wasn't enough to them. They had known him longer.
The negatives were loud, yet at the end of it all Harley still wanted to be around her friends. Her new, old family felt way too awkward and suffocating. Plus she had built up some resentment.
Dust kicked up in the air as Harley kicked her feet through the dry path to the Chateau. She turned and waved at Frankie, before disappearing into the silent house. The door closed shut behind her and bathed her back in darkness. The air felt stale and depressing. Everything felt still and... dead.
"Kiara, I already told you, I don't need you to stay here with me."
Hazel eyes shot up to the shirtless, shaggy blonde emerging from the hall. Her heart lurched in his direction, straining to reach him. She held back. She had missed JJ, she knew that. Everyone at the Cameron estate, and her new family knew it. Now seeing him she realised she missed him more than she originally thought, if that were possible, and so she felt even more hurt.
"Harls?" JJ flicked on the light. She shut her eyes in protest at the brightness and missed the pure look of shock on JJ's face. She opened them back to see his face morph into one of elation. "Harley!"
He charged at her and engulfed her in a loving warmth. His frenetic heart sang into Harley's ear. He smelt good, like a dark musk, but she also caught hints of something else - it reminded her of herself.
JJ pulled back, only to jump start Harley's feelings for him with a passionate kiss. All of the questions and sadness melted away, all she felt was her love for JJ. She entered a haze and could only kiss him back with as much emotion. It was like falling into clouds and floating onto cloud nine.
It was scary how much she needed JJ and how much her happiness came from him. And just like that the soft touch of heaven disappeared and Harley plummeted into reality.
She eased back from the kiss, but JJ wasn't deterred. He pulled her back to his chest and peppered kisses on top of her head.
"Where have you been? I thought you were dead."
What?
Harley didn't understand.
Tear sprung to her eyes, followed by sniffles. He thought she was dead. She could have been if Rafe hadn't been pulled off her by Ward and Rose.
"Are you crying?"
Sobs followed. John B was gone.
"Wait. No. No." JJ leant back enough to hold Harley's flushed face and fail at trying to wipe away her tears. "Don't cry, baby. Why are you crying? Does something hurt?"
Harley shook her head, then nodded. She didn't know. She was too overwhelmed.
"Shit. Shit." JJ picked Harley and let her latch on like a koala bear and returned back to Harley's room.
Her little lamps illuminated the room in a cozy hue, her candles flickering and creating a sweet ambiance. JJ sat on the ruffled sheets and laid them down in the heap of blankets and pillows.
"It's okay, Harls. I'm here now. You're okay, I promise."
JJ's soothing touch eventually calmed Harley down. Enough for her to ease away from him slightly. She was conflicted on how to feel and what to do. She had missed JJ so much that it hurt, every second at the Cameron's her mind went back to him. Every second of the drive back to the Chateau her body fidgeted more and more with the anticipation of finally seeing JJ. She wanted to be with him. But she couldn't say with certainty he felt the same. He nor the Pogues had come to get her from the Cameron's. They weren't there. And now JJ was saying he thought she was dead.
What had Sarah said? Even if she hadn't said anything, John B knew he left her behind and the others would know that too. The only place she could have been was with Rafe.
Harley gulped down the lump in her throat. "Why didn't you guys come back for me? Why didn't any of you?"
"I tried. We tried."
Harley wiped her tears and frowned. "You tried?"
"Yeah. I wanted to go back for you immediately, but the others stopped me. John B said you'd been shot and that Rafe had you over his shoulder. Immediately my stomach dropped and I thought the worst. We all did. No one knew where you'd been hit. Rafe was loose with a gun. And the Sheriff was dead. Pope kept spewing reasons as to why logically we couldn't go back. And how in some twisted way Rafe would make sure you'd be okay because... because he still liked you or something." JJ sighed. "Then JB had to get out of here. And there wasn't a chance to look for you."
"Oh." Harley murmured.
"I was straight over there after everything with John B and Sarah, but I couldn't find you and there was no good way to scope the place. As far as I knew you weren't at the Cameron's and you weren't at the hospital. So I started thinking the worst. I thought you were gone too."
Hearing someone else that loved John B talk about him made everything hurt more. However, she couldn't understand how JJ brushed over it so casually. They were best friends, he'd stayed at this Chateau more often than not.
"I was locked in a room in the Cameron home. I was with Rafe and then Ward had to split us apart."
"Why what happened."
"I tried to escape. I couldn't take it anymore and said some things to Rafe. He didn't like them very much and he strangled me. He didn't seem like he wanted to stop."
JJ blazed up in anger. "I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch." His fingertips had been softly running over the bandage on Harley's thigh, until his eyes locked on her neck and he began to fuss. He tilted her head so he could get a better look, but the bruising had mostly faded. "I should have listened to my gut. Just because he supposedly loves you doesn't mean you're safe with him. He's hurt you before. And he wouldn't know what love is even if it smacked him in the face. Fuck. I'm so sorry, Harley."
Harley could see the guilt in JJ's eyes. She could feel the remorse oozing out of him. Despite the hurt she felt at thinking she was being abandoned again, she didn't want JJ to feel bad. It truly did sound like he had a lot going on too. He had fought with his dad to get John B the key to the boat he escaped on. He had to play mediator between Kie and Pope. His best friend died at sea trying to evade the police. Then his dad left him to deal with it alone, luckily Heyward stepped in for JJ. And between all of that he had tried his best to search for her.
"It's okay," Harley whispered. She felt lighter knowing JJ had kept thinking about her and tried his best to get to her. That's all she wanted.
"No it isn't. I'm so fucking sorry, H.R. I should have been there." JJ affirmed. "Rafe is a dead man."
Harley hummed. She relaxed as JJ ran his hand through her hair.
"How did you get out of there? And did someone drop you off? I thought I heard a car."
"Rafe's little sister, Wheezie, helped me escape." Harley recalled all of the planning the youngest Cameron had done to help get Harley out of there and it made her smile with fondness. Wheezie was way too good for that family.
"Okay. And who drove you here?"
Harley hoped JJ wouldn't ask again because she didn't know how to explain that her blood family was here. She wanted to ignore their existence, like they had ignored hers, and act as though she'd never seen them on the island. She knew she couldn't though. Ignorance was a bliss that Harley had over-experienced last year. She knew better now, and being ignorant and naive wasn't going to get her anywhere.
"My brother."
JJ looked at Harley as though she had a screw loose. Questions began to float in his eyes and dance along the tip of his tongue but Harley beat him to it.
"When Rafe was strangling me, I started thinking that he wasn't going to let up and I was going to die. None of my struggling helped and I couldn't get any words out to make him stop. So, I started thinking about my life. I thought about John B, Kie, Pope. I thought of you. And, then as I thought I was going to pass out, something broke and all these memories came flooding in. Ward got Rafe off me and I could breathe again, yet the only thing on my mind was all of the memories of my past spinning in my head trying to push through with new clarity."
JJ's face had morphed from anger to wonderment as he stared at Harley with inquisitiveness. She could see a happiness twinkling in his eyes as he smiled at her and stroked her cheek. "You remember your past?"
Harley nodded.
"No more amnesia?"
Harley shrugged. "I guess. I don't know."
"That's fucking amazing, Harley! You've wanted this for so long. You've wanted to know about yourself and your family and now you do." JJ was ecstatic for Harley, he knew how much her memories had meant to her. He'd seen and heard her crying herself to sleep over it all so many times. He'd watched her giver herself aggravating headaches trying to remember even a slither of her past. She'd basically been drowning herself to get a glimpse of the past. He would never forget when he pulled her from the bathtub thinking she was attempting suicide. She had scared him so much that day.
JJ was right, she had spent so much time wishing she remembered who she was and who her family were, however she had also spent a lot of time living in the present and giving up on the past. She had unknowingly built up resentment towards her family and now it was surfacing.
"Why don't you seem happy?" JJ caught onto her somber mood. She hadn't so much as smiled about getting her memories back or seeing her brother. "Did something happen when you were with your brother? How did you even find him?"
"He found me." Harley sighed. "Once I got away from the Cameron's, Kiara's dad found me and took me to the The Wreck. I heard this voice that was familiar and then I realised it was Frankie. I guess some of my memories are a bit hazy, because I thought it was him who had drowned me in a bathtub. I ran away and bumped into Renfield. He's my uncle. It was him. He was the one who drowned me. The night I washed up here was because of him...."
Harley had sat in her bedroom at her aunt's house. She could here yelling and a commotion downstairs. At the sound of crashing china she sat up straight and laid down her book. She knew her parents, her aunt, uncle and some man called Ward were downstairs. They had said they needed to have adult talk and dismissed her from the drawing room they'd been sat in. She didn't want to leave, but had no choice when Frankie had plucked her up and gone upstairs with her.
Now curious, Harley had dog-eared her book and stood to open her door. In an instant, Frankie had swooped into the room dismissing her questions on the yelling and ushered her back to her bed. He slipped his headphones over her ears and told her to sit tight whilst he quickly went to the toilet, then they'd play one of his video games. He had come back from college for the summer and decided to spend most of his time with her.
Harley listened at first, then curiosity killed the cat and she left her room. She slipped Frankie's headphones down around her neck and listened to the yells as she descended the stairs. The yells stopped when she reached the bottom, then a tremendous ruckus began as she appeared in the doorway. Her dad had Renfield pinned against the large oak wood table.
From there it all happened so fast. Renfield knocked her father back and to the floor. Frankie came barreling down the stairs calling her name. Renfield went to hit her father with a champagne bottle, but her mother wrestled his arm down. Ward noticed her and pulled her aside trying to block her from the scene. She could her aunt's calls to stop the fighting. Her brother had slipped by and moved to help his father up, but hold him back. The last thing Harley saw as Ward pulled her outside into the stormy night was Renfield attacking her mother.
Ward must not have seen what had happened, because when Renfield came out saying Ward was need inside it didn't take much to convince him to go. From there, Renfield had taken Harley onto an unfamiliar boat despite her protests. He ignored her questions and begging until he couldn't anymore. He exploded and it was only made worse when Harley had tried to use her phone to get help and when she'd tried to see if the boat radio, he'd severed the wires of, was working. He'd attacked her with a fishing gaff.
Harley traced the faded scars on her torso. "Frankie scared him off. Then, he'd said.... he told me that John B was dead." Harley's chest constricted. "He died at sea with Sarah." Tears threatened to burst their banks again as Harley looked away from JJ. She'd lost her adoptive family and gained her blood family. She hated it.
"Don't cry," JJ rushed out. His warm fingertips tilted her chin and made Harley look at him. She was about to bawl her eyes out again, until she took in the grin on JJ's face. Her eyebrows crinkled while she glared at JJ appalled.
"Why are you smiling?"
"Because, JB isn't dead. He's not dead, Harley." JJ dutifully wiped away Harley's tears. "We thought he was, when the cops said they couldn't find him and Sarah. And then, yesterday we got a text from an unknown number. It was John B and Sarah. They're alive."
JJ rummaged around looking for his phone, eager to prove to Harley that her brother was fine and she didn't have to cry anymore. Harley let JJ pull her over so he could hold up his phone for her to see. He was showing her a group chat that began with a picture of JB and Sarah grinning in the sun.
"They're in Nassau. Look."
The more of the chat Harley read, the easier it became to stop her sniffles. It was him. It was really John B.
"He's okay."
JJ nodded. He kissed Harley's forehead and wrapped her up in his arms. "Clearly, you can't kill a Routledge. John B and Sarah are okay. They're fine."
⚓
JJ and Harley had been alone for the rest of the day, yesterday. They had spent their time cuddled in Harley's room. She had expressed her desire to stay in her room attached to JJ's side which she could see JJ loved. He didn't question her motives any further until she had refused to leave to get food. Eventually, JJ had pried the reasoning out of her and her answer left him pissed off with Rafe Cameron all over again. Harley was too scared to leave the Chateau in case Rafe found her.
After a couple of kisses and a big hug, Harley managed to make JJ cool off. For the rest of the evening he then made it his mission to make Harley feel as comfortable as possible, make her laugh, and show her how much he missed her. Harley appreciated all of it, she loved that JJ wanted to see her happy. It was a delightful change from being on edge in the Cameron house all the time. She was so relaxed that she drifted off to sleep easily not too long into the night.
When Harley woke up, she felt the most refreshed she had felt in a while. She got up to brush her teeth and get a glass of water before returning to her room. She slipped back into bed only to be pulled flush to JJ's chest. She giggled as he hummed into her neck, and turned to face him.
"Good morning."
"Morning, beautiful." Harley smiled brightly. JJ pulled back so he could gaze into her eyes as he said, "I missed you a lot. I really thought I wasn't ever going to see you again. I don't want to feel like that again."
"Me neither." Harley traced love hearts over JJ's chest, enthralled by the increasing beat of his heart beneath her fingertips. She wondered if he was nervous or scared. She was definitely scared she'd be apart from him again. "I'm really in love with spending time with you. It feels wrong when you aren't there."
Harley laughed when JJ playfully rolled his eyes when she said her classic line. It made her grin harder when he used it himself.
"I'm in love... with being around you, too. I thought I was going to go insane when you weren't here and I had no way of contacting you." JJ chuckled to himself as he twirled a strand of Harley's hair. "You drive me insane anyway."
Harley couldn't even think about cooling her flushed cheeks as JJ had begun to melt her thoughts by pressing his lips to hers. Serenity flowed from her mind to her toes, softening her body against JJ's solid hold. She felt safe and adored. A neediness followed.
JJ's hands that had trailed her hips had lit an intensifying warmth that sparked a fire of desire. Her arm wrapped over his shoulder and her fingertips ran through his soft hair. JJ reciprocated Harley's energy, a smirk playing on his lips.
It had been so long since they kissed like this. So long since they could show each other how much they wanted each other, how much they lusted for each other, how much they lo–
Harley bit back a moan as JJ nipped at the most tender spot along her neck. Her thighs rubbed together as her body begged JJ for some sort of friction. It was embarrassing how much Harley wanted JJ, but she also didn't care. She wanted him to know, wanted him to see, wanted him to feel how he made her melt just for him. And, as if JJ could read Harley's mind, he pushed her legs apart so he could press himself on top of her. His eyes snapped to hers and he used his thumb to tug her lip from between her teeth.
"No one else is here, remember."
To prove a point he, rolled his hips down and peppered kisses along her neck, eliciting soft noises from Harley.
"JJ...."
JJ smiled and looked down at Harley. "I know."
Harley pushed herself up to kiss JJ hard and wipe his cocky smile from his face. Everything about being with JJ felt right, this moment felt right. She let him tug her top off as she teasingly nudged at his shorts.
"Hey JJ! Are you up?" Harley and JJ barely had time to pull apart before Pope came crashing through Harley's bedroom door. "Kiara's dad said he saw... Harley... yesterday." Pope trailed off as he saw Harley beneath JJ, the blonde had pulled her to his chest to create some privacy.
"Hey dude," an annoying smile began to spread over JJ's face.
"Ah. I didn't see anything." Pope slammed the door shut.
Harley peered up at JJ who looked way too happy for this situation, a situation that had Harley mortified, so she slapped his arm. She tried to wipe JJ's cheeky smile away with a pointed glare.
"What?"
"Pope just walked in on us... you know..." Harley gestured between them. She was in her bra and he was shirtless.
"He's seen us kiss before. It's fine." JJ got up and grabbed his t-shirt.
Harley couldn't believe how unbothered he was, meanwhile she was shriveling up in mortification. She hid her flaming face in her hands and whined, "JJ."
"Hey, come on," JJ said encouragingly. Warm hands clasped her wrists and pulled her hands away from her face. "Pope has seen me shirtless countless times. He's seen you in a bikini. This isn't any different. He's seen us kiss before and he survived. He's going to survive now. Plus, aren't you the same body confident beauty that yelled at him to sign your tits?" JJ joked with a teasing grin.
Harley couldn't help but laugh as she hid her face in the crook of his neck. "It's not the same."
"It is. Just a little." He offered Harley a new top which Harley slipped on gratefully. She allowed him to hoist her from her bed and tug her into the hall. They walked hand in hand. Harley had taken note of how touchy JJ had been since her return. They were already a pretty tactile couple, but JJ had made sure he was touching Harley at any given second since he laid eyes on her yesterday. Harley wouldn't complain, she loved it.
"Harley!" Kiara noticed the pair first. She jumped up and bulldozed her friend in a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay. We've been so worried, but then my dad said he'd seen you and I felt this massive relief."
"I'm so happy to see you, too." Harley hugged back tightly. She had missed Kie so much, and Pope. She pulled back enough to get Pope's attention. "I missed you as well." She made grabby hands for Pope. He laughed at her actions but joined in the hug nonetheless.
"Glad to have you back, Harls. JJ has been so annoying since you left."
"Oh, shut up dude. I've had to babysit you and Kie and manage your tantrums." JJ swiped Pope's hat down playfully before dropping all off his weight over the group in a massive group hug. "Let's all share the love guys. Feel it in our bones and all of that good shit."
Everyone snickered at JJ, though truthfully they were all elated and basking in the joy of being reunited with one more member. It had been an awful time for everyone, so this was a nice change of pace. First, they had gotten word that John B was in fact alive. Now, they had gotten Harley back. Things were looking up for the Pogues.