Ugh...I am so done with this. I don't know what it is, but no matter where I go, no matter what life it is, I always have to deal with just...assholes...
Assholes!
It happened back then, assholes like those bullies, that doctor, my former father, and Sarina's parents...
And now?
Surprise! Nothing has changed!
Bullshit, all the time. I'm just done with this. I'm sick and tired of all this... It's like I don't have enough in my life to be depressed, but this is just making me feel...upset, and I'm so done with it.
My new mother... A selfish woman, only wanting to further her own interests using me. I feel like I'm not my own person, like I'm some sort of slave, expected to work 24 hours every day, 7 days a week... And even when I'm not working, she questions and questions and questions me!
Not about me. No, never me. It's always about what she wants. And how I'm some sort of... mistake. I'm just a MISTAKE to my own MOTHER!
She threw her own career away and wants to lecture ME about mistakes?!
Then there's that director who made me feel like shit by replacing me... As if I didn't work hard preparing for this role, only to get replaced in the last second... Discarded without a second thought.
Just to be... Discarded... As if none of my hard work mattered. I've been replaced by that director, discarded like some used toy... Discarded like a piece of garbage.
Is...this how my mom felt back then?
Heh, well it's not the first time someone has replaced me! SARINA replaced me too...
That hurt. It still hurts now. Even as Fenix Katayose, the pain that Kisuke Kamijiro felt lives on within me...
How long has it been now...?
Six? Seven years?
No matter how much I want to discard it, I'm still holding onto that pain.
Maybe it's a crutch to motivate me to keep on living?
I mean what I said. When I say that I want revenge? I mean that. This is not an empty threat. This is something that drives me, something I will accomplish at any cost.
Gorou Amemiya and Sarina's parents. They cannot get away with what they did to her...
For parents to abandon their dying child in some hospital, and worse for a doctor who is supposed to be taking care of her to take advantage of her like that...
It makes me realize just how sick this world can truly be. Like, sometimes I wish that something could be done to purge the filth from it. Remove all the bad people and leave everything in peace...
Once again, it's no use talking in hypotheticals because something like that is just not possible.
It's said that kindness is a man's struggle, but evil is human nature.
And you cannot change human nature.
Even so, if I could make the tiniest bit of difference so that other people like Sarina don't have to go through what she did, then it'll all be worth it.
However, to do something like that I'd have to become influential myself. Climb the ladder of life a little so my voice can be heard from the sea of cries.
I'm not saying that I should become a politician, far from it. Because even in today's society the public don't view politicians as the most influential people.
Instead, like I do, they watch idols and take inspiration from them.
If I was to become an idol myself, then perhaps... Perhaps...
*BUMP*
FENIX: "Damn it..."
KANA: "Are you blind?! Watch where you're going!"
FENIX: "Huh?"
KANA: "What, are you deaf too?! Outta my way, amateur!"
FENIX: "...Amateur? Hey, what's your problem?!"
KANA: "YOU'RE my problem bumping into me like that! Last time I checked you weren't in this script so get lost!"
FENIX: "?!"
KANA: "Unless you're an assistant, then make yourself useful and carry my script for me.
You know, the one that you're not in!"
FENIX: "Um... Excuse me?"
KANA: "What?"
FENIX: "...Who exactly are you?"
KANA: "......"
What's with the sudden silence? I don't get what this girl's deal is or what's her problem.
KANA: "How dare you...?"
FENIX: "Eh?"
KANA: "Who am I? WHO AM I?! I'm Kana Arima, the genius child actress who can cry in ten seconds! And you would be wise to remember that name and don't forget it!"
FENIX: *Sigh* "Another spoilt child actor, great..."
KANA: "Spoilt?! Who are you to judge me?!"
FENIX: "I'm Fenix Katayose."
KANA: "Well I didn't see a 'Fenix' anywhere in my script so fly away!"
FENIX: "Cry in ten seconds huh? Then go cry me a river!"
KANA: "Grrr... You little-! *Sigh* You know nothing! I'm well known and you're irrelevant!"
FENIX: "I don't even know who you are!"
KANA: "I TOLD YOU! Want a clue? Go watch some daytime TV and you'll see my cute face all over it!"
FENIX: "Pfft, yeah, maybe you're cute on the outside. But you're ugly on the inside."
KANA: "Why you...!"
FENIX: "And soon that ugliness will catch up with your looks. Without your looks, who are you?"
KANA: "?!"
FENIX: "Maybe get your head out of your ass for ten seconds and take a good look around you while it lasts.
And like you already told me, ten seconds is all you need to cry."
KANA: "Y-You know nothing! NOTHING! Something as easy as acting is a breeze to me, if I've accomplished this much so far then I'm destined for greatness!"
FENIX: "We'll see about that, kid."
KANA: "K-Kid? I'm the same age as you! HEY, don't walk away! Get back here!"
Outta sight, outta mind...
KANA: "Oh... Hmph, I see now. You're that failed idol's bastard child."
FENIX: "...Excuse me?"
KANA: "Ha! You were supposed to be in this movie, but you got replaced!"
FENIX: "..."
KANA: "And ooh, what's this? Yura Katayose? I bet you're just tagging along trying to ride her coattails."
FENIX: "..."
KANA: "It's laughable, really.
You're a failure, just like your mom!"
With those words I turned around and marched my way back to her, the rage inside taking over.
FENIX: "Now listen here... I know just as much as anyone how much of a failure she is.
But she's still my mother, and NOBODY is going to get away with slandering her name!
Do you understand me?!"
KANA: "Tsk, or what? Are you gonna put your hands on me?
Try it.
My connections will blacklist you from the whole industry."
Damn it... Even if she's a brat, she's still a kid...and a girl... I can't hurt her.
FENIX: "...Fine. I won't punish you. I'll let nature take its course. Then we'll see who's irrelevant, Kana Arima."
KANA: "Hmph. That's right, walk away coward! Amateur!"
Hoo boy... You know what?
Mom was right.
Tsukuyomi was right.
I need to become famous.
I need to become influential.
I need to become an idol.
Not only to change this world, but to prove brats like Kana Arima and judgmental assholes like the general public who shunned my mother...
I'll prove them all wrong!