- B I L L I E -
tw: talk/thoughts of self harm/suicide
I wake up and see Nevaeh's not next to me, which she usually is.
She's probably cooking or something.
I grab my phone and see it's 11:30am. Vae wakes up earlier than me, so that's probably why she's not in bed.
I see I have a text from Finneas, so I go into iMessage to answer it.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
iMessage
finny
Bil when are you coming back
home again?
i'm here today, tomorrow, then leave
the next day
why??
We just have a few things to
work on for the new song
okay
lemme just spend time with vae for
a little bit and then i'll be home
Take your time, I know you've
been missing her
thanks finn
Of course
Love you
i love you too
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
In real life
I smile at his text and put my phone in my pocket. I go in the bathroom and brush my hair since it's kind of a mess.
Once I'm done, I go out of the bathroom and into the living room. I see Zay and Vae sitting on the couch, talking.
Nevaeh's crying.
"Angel, what's wrong?" I ask.
Nevaeh turns her head and quickly wipes her eyes. "Nothing, just go back into my room. I'll be there in a second." She sniffles.
"No, tell me what's up." I say.
"Billie, it's not your problem, it's fine."
"Nevaeh, I love you and care about you. Something is obviously wrong and I want to help you." I tell her.
"I- there's, um, I.. I can't." She shakes her head and starts to cry again. I go over to her and wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "What's wrong with her?" I mouth to Isaiah.
"Vae, do you want me to tell her for you?" Isaiah asks her. She doesn't say anything, she just nods her head as she cries into my chest.
"Nevaeh's been getting comments on Instagram, saying bad things about her and your relationship. Some of your fans are even going into her dm's and telling her to kill herself, Billie." Zay explains.
I swear my heart just dropped to my feet.
"What?" I ask quietly.
"They're sending her death threats just for dating you, telling her that she doesn't deserve you and that she should kill herself. They're saying that she's using you and all of that type of stuff, when we all know that's not true."
"Baby, is this true?" I ask Nevaeh. She looks up at me with sad eyes and nods her head.
I knew these comments were bad, but I didn't know it was this bad.
"Vae, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" I ask her. "I didn't- I didn't want you to be mad." She cries. "Why would you think I'd be mad? I'm just furious about these people saying these things to you when you did nothing to deserve this." I say.
"How many people have told you.. um, to, you know." I gulp nervously. "I've only read about 15, but there's more that I didn't open." She replies.
This is completely unacceptable. None of my real fans would ever do that, only the one's who act like they are.
I grab Nevaeh's hand and kiss it. Her sleeve falls down a little bit, but she quickly pulls it up and crosses her arms. "Vae, what was that?" I ask.
"What was what?" She asks. "Nevaeh." I sigh. "I don't know why you won't tell me things so I can help you."
"It's not your problem, I don't want you worrying about me."
"Nevaeh, of course I'm gonna be worried about you, you're my girlfriend and I love you more than anything." I tell her.
"I relapsed, I'm sorry." Nevaeh says quietly, looking down at her lap.
My heart feels broken.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm not mad at you at all, okay? I just care about you." I sigh and kiss her forehead.
"Isaiah, could you get me some banda-"
"I already took care of it, don't worry." Isaiah smiles softly. "Thank you." I whisper to him.
"Uh, Zay, can we talk in your room for a sec?"
"Sure." Isaiah nods. "Nevaeh, sit here with Sunny and don't do anything, okay? Please?" He asks her. "Okay." She nods her head.
Isaiah and I go into his room and I shut the door. "Have you known about this and didn't tell me?" I ask. "No, I just found out today when I found her with cuts all on her fucking wrist!" He whisper yells.
"Do you think she needs to go back to the psych ward?" I question. "I don't know, maybe. I know that these dm's are bringing those thoughts back in her head and I don't want her trying to.. you know." He sighs.
"I'm gonna post something about it and block all of those people. If she declines a lot more, I think we should take her." I suggest. "She's gonna be pissed though, she was so angry when she woke up in the hospital and was told she was going to the psych ward." Isaiah shrugs.
"Well she needs to if it gets bad."
"Billie, I don't know if we can make h-"
"She needs to, Isaiah! I can't lose her." I say, my voice breaking as tears start to prick my eyes.
Isaiah frowns and hugs me. "I know, I can't lose her either. She's my best friend."
"I'll tell you what, if she gets really bad, we'll take her, okay?"
"Okay." I nod. "Thank you, Zay."
"Of course. Try to make sure she stays off her phone for the meantime." He says. "I will." I smile sadly. "Spend some time with her and cuddle her, be gay and shit." He rolls his eyes playfully, making me laugh. "If you need help with her, let me know, I'm kind of an expert at this now." Isaiah chuckles. "Okay, thanks, Zay." I smile and hug him again.
The two of us walk out of his room and back into the living room, where thankfully, Nevaeh is sitting with Sunny.
"Is everything okay?" She asks me. "Everything's fine, baby girl. You got nothing to worry about." I assure her. "Okay." She gives me a small smile.
"Can we go lay down?"
"Of course, angel. Let's go." I say, holding out my hand for her. She gets off the couch and grabs my hand. The two of us say bye to Zay before going in her room and laying down on the bed. "Why don't you rest, baby? You've had a hard day." I suggest. "Will you just hold me for now?" Nevaeh asks.
"Okay." I nod my head. She lays her head on my chest and I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She shuts her eyes and I grab my phone and go onto Instagram.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
Via billieeilish Instagram story
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
In real life
I can't stand this, the way people are treating her. Nevaeh hasn't done anything wrong, hasn't said anything to anyone, she just exists and gets hate for it.
I feel like this is all my fault. If it weren't for me, this wouldn't be happening.
All because I typed in the wrong number.
But I'm so grateful it happened and wouldn't have it any other way.
...Except without the people wishing death on Nevaeh.
- Nevaeh -
I can't sleep, the words 'kill yourself' repeat in my head, even though I try to ignore them.
I don't want to feel this way. I was so happy, but that changed so fast when I went on Instagram.
I knew that dating a celebrity would have its ups and downs, but never did I once think people would tell me to die.
I can't believe people can be so cruel.
Although I have these thoughts and urges in my head, I'm never gonna pursue them.
I'm only still alive for Billie and Isaiah. They're the only people keeping me going and I don't know what I'd do without them.
I know Billie is feeling guilty for this, but it's not her fault whatsoever. Her fans can control what they do, not her.
It doesn't make it right though.
I pray that this will all be over soon because I don't know how much longer I can take this.
I'm already feeling myself start to slip away again.
I don't know what I'm gonna do when Billie leaves.
a/n 🤍
i love you all very much and you're not alone 🫶🏻 you can always dm me if you need anything 🤍