San scratched the back of his head while smiling awkwardly. The four of them were currently standing in a big hotel, the blonde lady behind the reception eyeing him with attentive, big eyes.
"Is something wrong?" The lady slowed her speed of speech a little, thinking that San's English may not be advanced enough to understand the first time which was not the case.
"You said two bedrooms — A bedroom with two beds and the other has one bed only, did I get this right?"
The blonde lady smiled and nodded. San sighed and turned to Wooyoung and his bodyguards, his fiancé looking at him with a slightly confused expression.
"Is it possible to book another room with two beds?"
The receptionist started typing something and a few mouse clicks later she frowned and shook her head. "I'm afraid all of them are booked."
San looked stressed all of a sudden and the lady felt the need to explain the situation further, "I apologize, but you need to take into consideration that this is Las Vegas and a weekend too-"
"I'm aware. Thank you for trying and for being so kind," San smiled politely and thanked the blonde once again when she handed him the keys. Each of them followed San who was approaching a big and elegant elevator. It was framed with golden patterns and so was almost everything else wherever they looked. The reception, the benches around this area, and even the pots that contained big green plants. When the elevator doors opened a few people intended to walk outside so the four men stepped aside before entering once it was empty.
"So, what's the problem?" Yunho asked and San chuckled.
"Jieun knows that Wooyoung is my fiancé, but that's all. She doesn't know that we're not actually a thing. So she booked a room that only has one bed for me and him — You two, however, get a room with two beds."
"Cool," Mingi answered, not really phased by anything.
"Who is Jieun?" Wooyoung asked.
"Secretary," the other three said in unison, Wooyoung just nodding at that.
It was quiet in the elevator and the youngest among the four felt the need to break the silence. "It's so weird. I feel extremely tired. It's as if I'd have to fall into a bed as soon as possible, but it's super early..."
"That's because you'd be asleep right now. Timezones," Mingi remarked with his back and head leaned against one of the elevator walls that consisted of mirrors, "And to me, for example, traveling is super exhausting. Could be the same for you."
"Seems like it," Wooyoung answered. San faced him and looked surprised.
"Have you never traveled before?"
"Not... like this. I've never been to a different country before."
Wooyoung shrugged when he said that and San nodded. A weak smile started to appear on his lips when he thought of the fact that he would get the chance to travel from now on — Not necessarily always to a different country, also not often, but it was possible. And then he cleared his throat at the thought, because why would he even feel excited about that? It was business and he was serious about continuing to treat it as such.
Soon they arrived on one of the higher floors —Wooyoung had not paid attention to what button was pushed in the elevator— and they were following San who had the information about the number of the rooms on the keys in his hands.
He unlocked a door and handed Yunho the key because he stood closer than Mingi. "This is yours, guys. I'd suggest you rest for a little and we meet later."
"Sounds good," Yunho answered and eventually disappeared into the room, Mingi still standing in the doorframe. The bodyguard was eyeing San who was currently unlocking the other room and didn't move until he let Wooyoung step inside. San turned around, gave Mingi a nod which he returned, and refused to close the door before making sure San had entered fully.
Wooyoung had already put his luggage into a corner and spun around, wide eyes taking in the interior of the hotel room. "Everything looks so fancy!"
San placed his luggage next to Wooyoung's and started looking around too. The first thing he saw was white, semi-transparent curtains that covered the entrance to a small balcony, a tv on a white sideboard, and a floor lamp that had a similar golden pattern as the one he saw at the reception. His eyes then found Wooyoung again and he smiled a little at the sight of him jumping onto the huge bed. He felt his body relax when he witnessed a pretty big, golden patterned sofa standing in the middle of the room. As if he wanted to claim it, he immediately opened his suitcase, took out his laptop, and walked towards it. After letting himself fall down on it he released a heavy sigh.
Wooyoung groaned and stroked the sheets with wide arms. "I don't think I ever lay on such a comfortable bed in my entire life..."
His butt was halfway up in the air as he kept moving his arms up and down on the soft fabric and San laughed at the sight before speaking, "Good, it's all yours."
"What?" Wooyoung asked when he lifted his head to look in San's direction but failed as his neck gave up on him very fast and his cheek met the sheets again.
"I'll sleep on this sofa."
This was enough for Wooyoung to turn around and sit up. All he could do was to frown at San's brown hair. He had a feeling that San was not completely okay with the fact that there was only one bed, but didn't think that he'd actually feel uncomfortable enough to not sleep in it. He didn't get why. With Yeosang he had shared a bed on several occasions as well and thought it'd be a normal thing to do and was sure that he and San passed the stranger phase by now. But maybe this was a thing people in his world simply didn't do and Wooyoung realized that he had yet to learn several things about San and his ways of living.
"Look, if you don't want to share a bed with me, that's fine. But please let me sleep on the sofa then, it's you who is paying for all of this after all."
San was able to hear the change in Wooyoung's voice and felt a little bad but he was determined about sleeping on the sofa and letting his fiancé sleep in the comfortable bed at least. He shook his head, still not turning around to face the boy.
"No, you sleep on the bed, I'll sleep here. It's fine. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. It's not like we're dating or something..." he answered, the last sentence passing his lips more in a mumble.
"I'm obviously aware of that. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable, reall-"
"Wooyoung!" San warned and even turned around now to pierce his eyes into the person's who sat on the bed, gaze softening a little when he saw Wooyoung's eyes widen slightly.
"You, bed," he said as he pointed at Wooyoung and the sheets afterwards, proceeding to point at himself and the sofa before saying his last words, "Me, sofa. End of the story."
"Got it, boss," Wooyoung eventually answered. The title caused chills to run down San's spine for a second, and that not in a good way. Something about it threw him off and he didn't know what it was. He would rather have Wooyoung call him by his name and never say anything else to him. Boss sounded so distant, and although it must've been somewhat fitting to their whole deal, San didn't like it at all.
It was the first time Wooyoung had referred to him as that too, and he couldn't tell what was going on inside of him when he looked into his eyes. Wooyoung understood by now that this whole bed thing must've been something personal and he would not allow San to sleep on the sofa when there was this huge, comfortable, and soft bed waiting for him, but he wouldn't get further into it for now.
"Please don't call me that," San spoke, facing his laptop again.
"Then don't talk to me like one."
The sass in his voice made San smirk, and god , he hated himself for the way he physically couldn't bring himself to not smile at basically everything Wooyoung said or did. Then he got startled by Wooyoung shoving his head next to his.
San inhaled sharply and took Wooyoung's scent along with the air into his nose. He smelled clean, pure, refreshing. Masculine. Attractive. So attractive that even his nose followed the scent and he turned his face into Wooyoung's direction for the slightest, tiniest bit. He didn't understand how he didn't notice the fragrance after being next to him for so many hours on the plane, but he blamed it on being distracted by his fear of flights. Chills traveled down his spine once again when he heard Wooyoung's voice. He didn't have the deepest voice, that was clear, but the vibration of it still caused San to squirm inside for a millisecond. Goddamn.
"What are you doing?"
San cleared his voice, "Trying to work."
Wooyoung scoffed. "We arrived not even two hours ago and you immediately go back to work? Boring."
"You can lie down and get some rest too."
A hum escaped Wooyoung's throat and he got back on the bed, this time staying on his back. "Don't work too much. You need rest too."
This time San hummed, trying to reassure Wooyoung, "I'll only check a few emails, don't worry."
Wooyoung nodded. He knew San couldn't see it but he felt satisfied with that answer and yawned one more time before drifting into a needed nap. He couldn't tell how much he had slept when he woke up again, all he knew was that his head felt mushy. When he looked up, he didn't see San sitting on the sofa anymore so he figured he must've gone somewhere and Wooyoung would just wait until he'd return. He got up, went to the bathroom, and washed his face with water in hopes to get back to his senses a little.
A certain view caught Wooyoung's interest when he returned. He didn't see it from the bed angle and didn't pay attention when he got up, but now when walking towards the sofa, he saw San sitting on the carpet with his head on his arm that rested on the low table, eyes closed and his back rising and falling slowly. His laptop was still opened and a few inches away stood a cup halfway filled with a brown substance.
There wasn't a strong coffee scent which meant that it must've stood there for a good while now, and Wooyoung slowly sat down on the sofa. He was surprised by how comfortable it was and bent forward a little to take in the peaceful sight. After a few seconds, Wooyoung noticed that San had drooled a little on his black pullover and snickered, immediately slapping his hand in front of his mouth due to it being louder than expected and he hoped that the sleeping one didn't hear it. San however shifted a little and inhaled sharply when he woke up, eyes hastily looking around the room.
Once he realized where he was, he stretched and his eyes met Wooyoung's. "You're awake?"
"You only wanted to check emails?" he countered and San scratched the back of his head.
"I ended up doing more than that."
Wooyoung's eyes snapped to the cup and he hummed, telling San that he was aware of that. He wondered when the other had ordered the coffee to their room and for how long he slept in that position. San and Wooyoung eventually decided on checking up on Mingi and Yunho because two hours had passed since the four separated into the rooms by pairs and they still had to take care of the marriage license Jieun organized for them to pick up.
The four of them made their way to the place, got everything arranged, and then went to go eat at a restaurant they found on their way back. While they spent time there, Wooyoung actually got to see Mingi laugh for the first time, followed by a smile which was also the first one he had seen, and how the ice between him and Mingi was slowly breaking. He couldn't help but feel that maybe it had to do something with himself, that the bodyguard might've not liked Wooyoung for whatever reason, but now he was able to completely shake the thought off. They talked about the details of the following day, how everything was planned and would go down and where the ceremony would happen. Wooyoung also learned that Mingi and Yunho are big fans of multiple cool Anime shows.
...
Wooyoung walked out of the bathroom with damp hair and his pajamas on already. It's been quite a long time since they returned and they were now getting ready to sleep. While San ordered coffee to the hotel room after arriving and started working, Wooyoung let the time pass by watching some choreography videos on YouTube, reading on Webtoon, and watching an episode of a K-Drama. Both tried not to sleep so they could avoid jet lag and sleep at night. Even now when it was already late San was strictly focused on the files opened on his laptop, tapping sounds of the keyboard filling the silence in the room.
"Businessman, you can go in now."
San looked up from the screen and saw Wooyoung smiling weakly at him. He grunted when stretching his arms, got up, and walked to his suitcase to grab the necessary utensils and clothes to change into. When he walked past Wooyoung he returned the smile once he locked eyes with him.
"You shower long," Wooyoung remarked when San entered the room again after twenty minutes and the latter let out a short and silent laugh at that.
"You don't."
Wooyoung was already under the covers, back leaning against the headboard when San approached the bed. So all the coffee made him come back to his senses and he decided to sleep on the bed instead of the sofa? Every movement of San was eyed attentively by Wooyoung, and when he grabbed the pillow and blanket that won't get used, Wooyoung sighed. Nevermind.
"Are you really sure that you don't want to sleep on the bed?!"
San patted the pillow a few times before letting his head plop down on it and threw up his thumb. "Nope, I'm good."
"So stubborn," Wooyoung mumbled and shook his head.
After that, none of them said anything. San's will seemed very hard to break, so for now, Wooyoung wouldn't try any further. He just hoped to fall asleep quickly at this point. The day had gone by very slowly ever since they got back from their small trip and he felt super bored because San wasn't talkative at all while he was working. Why he worked for so long anyway was a mystery to Wooyoung considering all the things he could've done instead. He remembered San liked to read so why did he not do that instead of frying his brain by staring into a laptop for hours?
All Wooyoung got from that was that San was a hardworking guy, and to be fair, it was a Friday, so he kind of understood why — still, in his opinion things do not fall apart immediately when one takes a day off.
It took a little for Wooyoung to fall asleep. Sounds of a blanket rustling or a body turning from one to the other side were heard quite a few times before he entered the land of dreams, and when he woke up again, he didn't know if he felt well rested or insanely tired. All he knew was that it was still dark when he opened his eyes. The moon was the only source of light that illuminated the room a little and it was enough to see San's silhouette. His left shoulder leaned against the white wall that created a small path leading to the balcony and he just stood there, not making a sound, not moving either.
Wooyoung turned in the bed to check the time on his phone, soon realizing that it was almost three in the morning. After that he turned the small light next to him on. He wanted San to know that he was awake but didn't want to scare him so he figured this would be the most subtle way to signalize it. San turned around almost immediately, soft eyes meeting Wooyoung's.
They looked at each other for a few more seconds, waiting for the other to say something. Maybe not. Maybe they just wanted to look at each other and not say a thing.
"Turn the light off again and come over if you want," San eventually suggested and Wooyoung did. He slid out of the bed, turned the light off, and walked over.
Mirroring San, he rested against the other side of the wall with his right shoulder instead. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, just like San, and their elbows brushed against each other for a moment. The taller of the two exhaled, eyes never leaving the glass he was looking through. Wooyoung began to understand why San called him over. From here, he was able to see an ocean of colors. It looked as if the city was water that mirrored the stars in the sky.
Wooyoung allowed himself to look at San standing next to him. The city lights still had his full attention and mirrored in his eyes like a small galaxy. Somehow he felt like it was a crime to look at San at this moment. An unexplainable intimacy was surrounding them and he couldn't tell what caused it, all he knew was that San looked vulnerable at that moment.
"Were you awake this whole time?"
San just hummed at that.
"It's because the sofa is uncomfortable, isn't it?" Wooyoung asked, figuring that this must've been a valid reason. Although he had to admit that it felt very comfortable when he sat on it.
San chuckled weakly at that. "No, I just couldn't sleep. I'm used to it."
Wooyoung then started to connect the dots. San's statement about needing sleep on the plane and the fact he was an obvious coffee addict spoke for chronic sleeping problems. At this point he was sure it was coffee running through his veins instead of blood.
"I see."
"Want to hear something funny?" San asked and Wooyoung nodded, "I despise coffee too."
Wooyoung laughed at that, San joining in a second after. It was as if he read Wooyoung's thoughts. Their eyes ghosted over the city lights again. "What is it that usually keeps you awake?"
"Thoughts. Very often I can't sleep and having too much time at night often leads to thoughts you'd rather not think about," he answered.
Wooyoung nodded at that. He knew what San was talking about. On some nights he could not get a minute of sleep when he would think about his debts, on other nights he couldn't fall back asleep after waking up from a nightmare in which he saw himself drowning. At night things always felt rawer, more intense, and maybe that was what caused the intimacy. Maybe that's what caused the vulnerability.
"What thoughts keep you up right now?"
Wooyoung tried to not sound insensitive. He knew that he and San were not connected on a deep level but he hoped to give him the feeling of trust as early as possible. It was obvious to Wooyoung that there was definitely chemistry between them that'd make it possible for this to work, but that didn't mean that they'd necessarily have to build a bond. He wanted that, though. Spending two years with someone in the same house would feel insanely lonely if you didn't have some sort of connection to the other person. Wooyoung wanted to be a friend to San, a good one. A person San could trust outside of his work-life. San sighed and all the thinking Wooyoung did in silence led him to a conclusion.
"It's because we'll be married by tomorrow, isn't it?"
Wooyoung could see San's shoulder twitch from his side view, which indicated that he let out a short, inaudible laugh. "Suddenly everything is so real. It never really hit me till now."
"I feel the same. But we're in this together, you're not alone," Wooyoung tried to reassure.
San chuckled. "Wow."
"Wow?"
"I didn't think I'd ever get to hear that. And it's ironic that out of everyone it's the person I intentionally brought into my life saying it to me. It feels like everything that happens is controlled by actions. I'm so tired of this, the constant control..."
Wooyoung frowned. That was a lot of information to take in and San spoke in puzzle pieces so it was not easy to immediately put them together. He looked up to San, addressing the words towards him directly this time and not against the balcony door.
"It's true, every single action and decision influences your life. Either positively or negatively, but that's something that is out of your control. You decided to solve your problem with a fake marriage, that was your decision. You asked me if I want to agree to the deal, I did. And that was my decision. Something you had no control over," Wooyoung spoke and the words washed over San like a flood.
San now faced Wooyoung too, eyes glistening with an emotion the latter couldn't read. He decided to add something else. "Imagine this. With every decision or action you roll a marble. You pushed it, but where it'll stop is out of your control. So when I said that you're not alone, that's because I decided to not leave you alone. Not because you controlled it."
Relief filled San's chest with every word Wooyoung was adding. He never saw it from that perspective. His whole life revolved around trying to have full control over it, to always know what would happen next and he often felt exhausted and tired of it. Loneliness must've been the feeling San felt most familiar with — it was a friend that never left him. And he didn't want it to leave. He found comfort in it.
The feeling that spread in his chest when Wooyoung said that he wouldn't leave him alone was a completely foreign one. It was comparable to a hammer slamming against a wall (his wall, to be exact) and he felt it crumble a little.
With crossed arms, Wooyoung continued to just look at San. The moonlight that shone on his face illuminated the side that was facing the balcony door and made him look even more comforting than he already did. San didn't know what to answer. He thought that there was nothing more to add than a nod and a weak smile and Wooyoung understood fully that words were not needed at that moment.
"I want to show you something," San said and Wooyoung followed him to the middle of the room and turned the light on when he saw him roam around in his suitcase. Once San found what he was looking for, both approached the bed.
Wooyoung made himself comfortable and sat cross-legged, San sat on the corner of the bed instead and asked Wooyoung to open his hand. He did, and then a plastic ball was placed in his palm. Wooyoung brought it up to the level of his eyes and perked his brow at the sight of a vending machine ring. Their eyes met and San smiled and shook his hand slightly to pull Wooyoung's attention to it. Wooyoung got distracted by San's sweet dimples and it took another glance to notice the second vending machine ring.
"Our wedding rings," San smirked and Wooyoung laughed, the other joining in a second later.
Wooyoung opened the plastic ball and took the ring out. "Mine has a cat face on it, what about yours?"
"Mine has a fox face on it," San answered and both had a pure smile on their mouths.
He was slightly startled at the touch of Wooyoung's fingers on his hand and he felt his wall crumble a little more when Wooyoung gently pushed the cat-faced ring on his finger with the sweetest grin. "Hm, there you go! It suits you!"
San curved two of his fingers under Wooyoung's hand to bring it forward as well, his thumb now putting slight pressure on the back of Wooyoung's hand as he pushed the ring on his finger as well. His eyes lingered on the fox-faced ring for a few more seconds before they shifted to Wooyoung's face, his smile intensifying when he saw how happy Wooyoung eyed the vending machine ring.
"This was not what I expected when you said you'd take care of the rings but this is not bad either," Wooyoung giggled, eyes still on the ring that he twisted a few times.
"Well, to be honest, I got these from the vending machine in the restaurant earlier," he admitted and pulled a small, black box out of his pajama pants pocket that revealed two gold rings, "These are the actual ones."
Wooyoung widened his eyes along with his mouth. They were very simple but shiny and he couldn't fight the urge of wanting to touch them. He brought his finger forward, was about to stroke over one but then-
"Tomorrow."
San closed the box fastly before Wooyoung could feel the cold gold against his fingertip, the action causing Wooyoung to roll his eyes. chuckled and got up but Wooyoung pulled him down by his arm again. San furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at that.
"I need to ask you something."
"Go ahead."
Wooyoung inhaled sharply before blurting it out. He figured that there wasn't a way to ask this subtly anyway, so why not just shoot straight at it. "Are you homophobic?"
"W-" San looked completely dumbfounded and couldn't even form the word properly at first, "What?!"
"Uhm... I caught the thing you said to Mingi on the casting day. That you made it clear that you wanted to cast no men. So my question is-"
San suddenly burst out laughing. So loudly that Wooyoung feared he might wake someone in the hotel up at this hour. Now it was his turn to furrow his eyebrows in confusion.
"Wait," San said under his laugh, holding his stomach while trying to calm down, dimples displaying beautifully. "You really thought I'm straight?"
Wooyoung gasped. He felt his cheeks heat up and wished he could shrink to the size of a pea so he could find shelter in the opened plastic ball that was still beside him. He had just accused a not-straight guy of being homophobic. What else was I supposed to think?! To be fair, non-hetero men could be homophobic too, so he could not be blamed at all.
"I... Yes," he answered and scratched the back of his head.
"What about me and my red car looks straight to you?" San asked amused and the pillow next to Wooyoung yelled at him. It shouted: Throw me! Now!
He listened to the pillow. It landed in San's face.
"Hey!"
"Don't make fun of me! It's your fault for wording it like that!"
San then agreed and apologized. Wooyoung felt at ease now that he learned that his assumption turned out to be wrong. He couldn't really imagine it anyway, but had to ask for inner peace.
"What was the reason, though? Why were you against marrying a man at first?"
"So there would be no possibility of falling in love," he answered, a small sigh escaping before he locked eyes with Wooyoung again.
Wooyoung had question marks popping up everywhere in his mind. Many possible reasons for this appeared in his head but he still couldn't put two important pieces together. If he wants to avoid this by not marrying a man... Why did he decide to marry me out of all the women he could've chosen instead?!
Wooyoung didn't mean to say that San would necessarily fall in love with him just because he was a guy, but it spiked his interest anyway. This didn't really make sense to him.
"Why did you choose me then?"
"Easy. First, out of all contestants, you were the only one who actually needed the money. I was getting very frustrated with interviewing the people that entered before you did. And the second reason is that it's more authentic. That day I said it'd throw more attention on me but that's not the only reason. This marriage will throw attention on me one way or another. The moment I saw you is when I realized that marrying a man will be the best and right way. My father knows of my attraction to men and I'm sure that It'll be more convincing to do all this acting with the gender I feel drawn to."
Wooyoung couldn't help but feel that San was not completely honest with him. He believed his explanation but he sensed that San left something out. A part that he knew very well about but didn't want Wooyoung to know of.
"That makes sense," Wooyoung smiled, "I'll try my best to not make you fall in love with me."
It was a joke and both laughed at it but something in the air changed. And Wooyoung felt curious. He wanted to ask why San did not want to fall in love, why he rather wanted to enter a marriage with a stranger instead of finding someone who he actually wanted to spend a marriage with.
"Why do you avoid it? Falling in love?"
"I don't believe it's for me," he answered, and when Wooyoung countered with a weak 'Why?' San sighed. "It starts with the fact I wasn't made with love and it ends with the fact that my mother left me when I was young. If not even my mother can love me who else on this earth will?"
Wooyoung frowned at that. Something dark surrounded his heart and laced it as he listened to San. It hurt him. A child should never be neglected to a point in which they start doubting themself if they're worthy of love, and to say he believed it's not for him is equal to thinking he wasn't worthy of it. Not only that, he was convinced that he didn't deserve it, and that was absolutely not okay. What hurt, even more, was the fact that San did not joke about it this time. It was not like when he mentioned it in the café. This was raw.
He felt a strong urge in his gut to tell him 'I will' but it would be a promise that'd probably scare San, a promise Wooyoung didn't know would do more good than harm. Love has many concepts and one of them must fit both of them, Wooyoung was sure about that. There was so much hate in this world. If people could hate others for no reason, Wooyoung could love San for no reason.
"The idea of it sounds nice but I feel like I wasn't put on this earth for it. That's why I usually read about it," San explained.
"Is that why you read so much?" Wooyoung asked. Because your heart longs for it, but you can't have it?
"Maybe. It's the only way I get to experience it without having to be afraid," he answered, "And it's also because I'm not good with words. Never have been."
Wooyoung almost laughed at that. In all the times he spoke to San, there definitely had been at least one moment that made him feel like San was speaking a poem, but that maybe was exactly what he meant. Maybe he was in fact not good with words and learned how to express himself by drowning in stories that pull him out of his loneliness.
"I understand."
They looked each other in the eyes and said nothing more. The silence was light but heavy, bright but dark. It felt like a cloud somehow, but also as if glass was shattering around them. Many thoughts went through San and Wooyoung could tell.
"We should try to sleep," San suggested and Wooyoung nodded.
They said goodnight to each other and went back to their sleeping places. Wooyoung slid under the covers and San returned to the sofa again. Both of them eyed the ceiling that was illuminated with some moonlight, tracing the shapes of the carved in patterns with their eyes. Thoughts were continuing to keep San awake — The same thing taking over Wooyoung too this time.
His head was flooded and he'd usually be afraid of drowning, but drowning in these thoughts didn't seem too scary. He was just confused. In which direction he should swim was a mystery to him and he didn't know how to sort the thoughts. All he knew was that this night was the first time he felt an actual connection between him and San.
A connection that was not based on a contract signed by their hands. It was a contract signed by their hearts instead.