Pittsburgh. I've never really been interested in the area, but now being here it's kind of nice. Spending the earlier part of the day with him out and about in the area might've helped as well. Not being able to spend a lot of time with Joe lately has been a lot. It's given me plenty of time to write, which is going massively well, but I'm not sure the extra time to write has been worth the lack of intimacy with my husband. Granted, I knew what I was signing up for traveling alongside him on tour. I knew he'd be busy and working constantly. But I wish there was a bit more time for us to be us as well. Even on their nights off, they're doing something.
"What are you thinking about over there?"
One, two, three, four. My eyes blink heavily, my focus being brought to the man adjusting his outfit.
I put a small grin on my lips, shaking my head. "Nothing. Just thinking is all."
He narrows his eyes at me. "Addison."
"I don't know," I shrug, looking down at my fingers as I absentmindedly pick at my cuticles. "I just miss you."
There's a mild silence, neither of us speaking for a moment before Joe's hand covers mine stopping me from picking and causing me to jump slightly in surprise.
"Look at me," he says softly.
I do as he requests, my eyes matching his.
They're soft, guilt swirling around in them as he notices how much it's been bothering me. Instantly, I can't help but feel bad bringing it up. He's only working. I know that. Now he feels guilty when there's nothing he can do about it.
"Listen," he says, sighing. "I know that I'm working... a lot. And I know that I can get caught up in all that I have to do. But I don't want you sitting around feeling any sort of way. Do you just miss me or are you feeling like, a disconnect?" he asks nervously.
I shake my head. "No, no. It's not that I feel disconnected from you. I just feel like I don't know. I feel like I never see you. Like we're in the same place but we're not together. Does that make sense?"
He thinks for a second before swallowing. "Yes?"
I sigh. "I just... I mean, I guess it kind of is a disconnection. But more physically. Emotionally we're in the same place we've always been. I am so in love with you, and you are so in love with me. But I feel like," I sigh again, this time in frustration. "Intimacy."
He raises his eyebrows.
"I feel a lack of intimacy," I sigh. "And not just sex. This morning? This morning was perfect. Just us, holding hands walking around the city, spending time together. More of that. That's what I need. Even if it's only a few minutes. Small dates. Just us sitting for ten minutes and having a conversation. I just need- I need-" I stumble on my words, not being able to think straight enough for the sentence to put itself together.
"Quality time," he finishes for me, cupping my face in his hands to get me to focus on him yet again. "You need more quality time. Which is valid. Most of the time I'm doing things by the time you wake up and I get back to the hotel room when you're either asleep or half asleep. I understand that. Tell ya what, I'll talk to the guys, see if we can work out something where we each get some time each day to ourselves. How's that?"
I nod, my face still sitting in his hands. "Thank you."
He grins, pulling me closer and attaching our lips, a knock on the door immediately interrupting.
"10 minutes to stage!" is called from behind the door, leaving Joe to sigh.
"But hey, you're family is here tonight," Joe grins.
I nod. "Yeah, they're gonna love it."
"And we're all gonna hang out later too, so we'll get some more time after the show," he tells me reassuringly. "Okay?"
I grin, this time lifting my hand to hold his face. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"You better do your push-ups and let me slap the hell out of you, you've got 8 minutes."
He chuckles, kissing me once more before dropping to the floor to do his push-ups.
After quickly going through the last of his routine, I walk with him as far as possible before kissing him one last time.
"Aunt Addie!" Valentina calls, her arms raised.
I lift her, placing her on my hip while Alena holds Dani's hand, the two of us walking side by side to B-Stage.
"Ads!"
"Hey!" I grin, hugging Autumn tightly with one hand. "I'm so happy you're here!"
"Me too!" she exclaims.
I set Valentina down who walks over to Dani and begins talking with her.
"Hi," I smile hugging my parents. "You didn't bring Aria?"
They shake their heads.
"No, she's a little too small still, I think," my mom explains.
I nod. "Gotcha. Joe's so excited you guys are here too."
*
Once the lights go back on, I turn to my parents. "Are you guys gonna just meet us at the hotel? We're about to head there now."
My dad nods. "Yeah, yeah, we'll meet you there. Text me the address though."
I nod, lifting Valentina back onto my hip and walking backstage with Dani again, giving Valentina to Kevin and making my way to Joe's dressing room as he slides on a tee shirt.
"Hi," I smile at him.
"Hi baby," he grins, kissing me softly as I grab a water from next to him. "Where's your family?"
"They're gonna meet us back at the hotel," I tell him. "Autumn is here but they left Aria at home. They said they feel she's a little too young still."
Joe nods. "Got you. Well, then we better get going so we can meet them."
I nod in agreement, taking his hand and allowing him to lead me to the car, clearly being adamant about keeping me close.
Once arriving back at the hotel, we make our way to our room and I immediately kick my heels off, sighing.
"You okay?" Joe asks quietly.
I nod. "Yeah. I'm just tired. And ready to be in comfy clothes," I explain, quickly sliding my current outfit off and putting on a pair of sweats and a tee.
"We don't have to go hang out, we can just stay here," he tells me, rubbing my arms comfortingly.
"My family is here tonight," I sigh. "We have to do something."
"Okay, well then let's go for a little. Then we'll come back and go to sleep."
"Okay," I sigh, leaning on his chest.
His arms wrap around me, pulling me in for a tight hug and inhaling deeply.
We stand for a moment in silence, wrapped in each other's arms and simply enjoying the other being present. I could stand like this forever.
"Alright," he whispers. "Let's go, yeah?"
I nod, once again taking his hand and leaving the hotel room, walking over to Kevin and Dani's suite, and walking inside to be met by Kevin, Dani, Nick, and my parents.
"Where are the girls?" Joe asks.
"In bed," Kevin chuckles. "Including Autumn."
"Took y'all long enough to get here," Nick chuckles.
Joe shoots him a look, making Nick confused.
"Hey," I tell him softly, making him take a few steps back. "What's wrong?"
He sighs. "I'm tired... and I'm just realizing that he makes jokes like that but I'm with them all day. I just want a moment with my wife."
I sigh, taking his face in my hands. "As much as I appreciate your seriousness to our conversation earlier, he doesn't know it happened. You can't take it out on him. You guys haven't been able to have a conversation yet."
He nods, sighing. "You're right. You're right."
We walk over and take a seat, Joe wrapping his arm around me to again keep me close. In return, I hold his arm gently in appreciation.
"So, how's married life?" my mom asks, facing the two of us.
I notice Nick gesture to Joe, asking if he's okay, and feel Joe nod in response.
"It's good. I mean, it's been kind of crazy with all of the Jonas Brothers stuff starting back up right after, but it's been good," I grin.
"Even with the tour? Wow." My dad says, nodding.
"Tour has been," Joe starts, choosing his words carefully. "A bit of an adjustment. We were actually just talking about it before coming over here."
Nick's face flips in realization, his head nodding in understanding.
"Oh, like bad?" my mom asks.
Kevin, Nick, and Dani watch the conversation intently.
"Not bad, no," Joe shakes his head.
"No, it's just been an adjustment," I interrupt, using the same word he used. "We were so used to being home and having time with one another and now he's going going going and I'm here but it's just different not being able to really have that time together like we did before the tour started."
"Oh, gotcha," my dad replies, nodding.
"So, I'm sure you guys have had the conversation, but do you guys know when you'd like to start for a little one?" my mom asks, excitement in her voice.
I was afraid this conversation would be brought up. I haven't even told Joe about the negative pregnancy test. I mean, why would I? It was negative. I faintly hear my father softly scold my mother for bringing it up as she waves him off, stating that she's just asking.
Joe chuckles nervously. "We haven't really talked about it with everything going on."
I have to admit I'm glad he took that conversation. I'm not sure I'd know what to say anyway. I mean we had talked about not planning. Just letting it happen when it happens. But I didn't expect to be so upset when getting the negative test back. I didn't even want kids to begin with. But with Joe, I can't help but be excited about kids. I can't wait to see little humans that can be just like him. To have mini versions of Joe running around would be the absolute best-case scenario.
"Honey?" my mom calls to me.
Joe's grip tightens a little in a comforting manner, but to also get my attention.
Blinking a few times, I notice everyone looking at me, concerned.
"Sorry, I'm just tired. It's been a long day."
"Oh! Well, honey, go ahead to bed. Both of you, we can talk more tomorrow," my dad says.
"No, I'm good. I didn't want to go so early 'cause we don't really get to see each other."
"Joe, take her to bed," my dad tells him. "We'll talk more tomorrow."
Joe chuckles. "Come on," he whispers, helping me up.
We say goodnight, making our way to our room, and quickly getting into bed.
"I'm gonna talk to them tomorrow," Joe states before I close my eyes. "I'm gonna see if we can get some time every day. It'll help."
"I love you," I tell him softly. "And I appreciate the effort to make me feel better while on the tour."
"Of course," he says. "Anything for you. I love you too... now go to sleep, my love."
I grin, nuzzling into his chest and quickly falling asleep.
*
hello hello friends:)
i'm trying really hard to not disappear again as I am so ready to continue writing this story. I've been missing uploading for you guys!
I am going to try my hardest to get another chapter up tomorrow as well to celebrate the new year!
Everyone please have a safe and happy new year's eve!
all my love,
Shan:)