Hi folks!
The chapter took longer than I expected, who's shocked? Good news, next chapter is mostly smut and just needs to be edited, so that'll be up in a few days. Happy reading.
-Parks 🖤
Considering how long their stay at the cabin was going to be, they opted to take a small cart with them to carry their belongings, the supplies they took from headquarters, and the goods they planned to buy at a market in the nearby town. This market was also a factor in Levi choosing to travel at night.
"The trip is long enough on its own, but the horse will be slower pulling the buggy. If we leave during the day, the market will be closed by the time we get there, so if we leave the night before we can arrive as the market is opening," Levi explained over their breakfast.
Y/N just sat listening. She would have simply left whenever she was ready, and when she arrived was when she arrived. However, that lack of structure would likely have caused Levi both stress and irritation, and Y/N didn't mind letting him make the plans. If it made him feel better then so be it, but she also liked the opportunity to not have to think or worry about anything. It was nice to shut your brain off and just be taken care of.
I probably should've added that to the daddy kink explanation, Y/N pondered as they began their journey down the bumpy road.
Ten minutes before, Levi had woken her up at exactly 1:50 am with a cup of tea and everything packed in the cart. It wasn't until they had settled in, Y/N's head resting on Levi's shoulder, when he squeezed her thigh twice and she realized he hadn't done that all day. Y/N was glad Levi couldn't see her face because the realization combined with her three hours of sleep left her visibly pouting.
Why hasn't he done that all day?
With a "hmph," Y/N chose to ignore it for now and spent the first three or four hours of their trip in the weird place between waking and sleeping. It wasn't particularly restful, but at least she wasn't bored. It was, however, a bit hard to tell reality from her dreams; she jolted awake more than once thinking she heard something, but Levi reassured her there was nothing wrong each time.
Y/N had been too tired to insist they spend more time perusing the wares at the market, so after shopping quickly, they finally reached the cabin before noon. Together they brought everything in, unpacked, set up the horse in the small stall outside, and collapsed on the couch. Levi was not the kind of person to nap, but even he was tired from the trip. It only took a little convincing from Y/N before he was snuggled up on the couch with her under a plush blanket.
Her head was tucked under his chin and into his chest when he exhaled a contented sigh and squeezed her hip once. He immediately tensed up, an almost imperceptible change that may have been missed had Y/N not been directly against him. Only a second later, he seemed to catch himself and finished the habit with a second, more tentative squeeze.
Y/N decided then that she wouldn't bring it up. Did she want to talk with him about his little habit? Yes, absolutely. But not because she was overwhelmingly curious; of course, she wanted to know, but she was far more concerned with how much it seemed to trouble him. Over the next few days as they developed a routine at the cabin together, Levi continued to interrupt his own habit. He would occasionally squeeze her hand or tap her thigh in twos, but only absentmindedly. If he did notice his action, Y/N could always tell because there would be an uncomfortable pause between the taps or squeezes before he hesitantly finished it.
At this point, it was painfully obvious to her, but considering how patient he had been (and still was) with her, she wasn't going to rush him. She had instead settled on being equally not subtle in reassuring him through taps of her own. Anytime she wanted to say it, she would instead find a reason to tap him twice or give him two quick kisses, which usually resulted in one of two reactions: a soft, contented smile or a flash of shock and confusion in his eyes before both emotions were neatly tucked back behind his mask. Once again, these were decided by how much attention he was paying in the moment.
~
Erwin considered whether or not he should say something. He had entered the kitchen to grab something for his lunch as he had skipped breakfast today, and he almost jumped out of his skin when he turned the corner into the storeroom and found Levi standing stock still with a small container of flour in his hands. There was a wooden crate at his feet that was mostly filled with goods from the pantry. Normally, Levi would have already been looking up, anticipating the arrival of whoever's footsteps he heard, but he didn't move at all, even as Erwin stood in the doorway.
You're his commander, Erwin, and probably his friend. You should ask him if something is wrong. Erwin gave himself a little pep talk before clearing his throat.
Levi flinched, quickly collected himself, and turned to Erwin with a neutral face.
"Packing for your trip?" Erwin asked and took a few steps into the pantry. It was a large room with lines of shelves stacked up the three walls, so there was still a bit of distance between the men.
"Yes," Levi looked up from the flour in his hands to the shelf where he had gotten it.
Lightly push the issue. Just a nudge, Erwin thought before he asked, "Are you finding everything you need?"
Levi's mouth barely moved as he pulled a small part of his lip between his teeth, and his eyebrows pulled together an infinitesimal amount. To anyone other than Erwin, and now Y/N, these minute facial movements may have indicated that Levi was making a small, insignificant decision. When in reality, the fact that anything had made it past his perfect exterior was cause for concern.
Levi still hadn't answered his question, so Erwin pressed on and took a single step closer.
"Is everything alright?"
Levi exhaled through his nose before he finally turned to Erwin with a frustrated look on his face.
"Yes? No? Honestly, I don't know anymore, and it's irritating me."
Erwin knew he needed to control his face, lest a stray raised eyebrow stop Levi from sharing his feelings. But he wanted to offer an inquisitive look with raised eyebrows at Levi's words.
"Are you and Y/N having issues?"
Levi scoffed with an eye roll then mumbled, "No, that's the problem."
Erwin stood quietly, waiting for him to continue. Levi put the flour back on the shelf and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets.
"Have you ever-" Levi started then cut himself off with a huff. He couldn't bring himself to say the words; it was such a vulnerable question, the context of which Erwin would immediately understand. Is it really worth asking him? Can I not figure this out on my own? Levi debated. But realistically, he was on his own and in uncharted territory at that. I don't have anyone else to ask.
He sighed and let his head hang forward a bit before asking: "Have you ever been in love before?"
Erwin almost stumbled back a step as if the question itself had shoved him. Of course, he assumed Levi and Y/N were headed in that direction, yet he had never once thought Levi would speak to him about it. He also didn't expect Levi to look so upset about it.
He put his hands in his own pockets and answered, "Hmmm, yeah. Once when I was a teenager." He wondered for a moment if that was a sad answer. "I was head over heels in love actually. She's a prominent figure in the majority of my memories from that time; we were inseparable."
Levi didn't say anything, so Erwin continued. They were some of the few happy memories he carried with him, so he was fine with talking about it.
"It didn't matter how much time we spent together, I always wanted more. She was stubborn as an ox," Erwin chuckled. "Horribly competitive, but she expected the same out of you. I let her win a game once, and she caught me. I never heard the end of it," he smiled softly. "She was my best friend."
Levi finally turned and looked at Erwin. "How did you know?"
"Oh she told me," Erwin laughed, and Levi felt some of the tension leave his shoulders. "We were childhood friends first, so spending most of our time together was nothing new. It didn't even occur to me that we were essentially already dating until she sat me down and told me."
"She initiated the relationship and said 'I love you' first?" Levi didn't know a lot about love, but he at least knew that this wasn't the norm.
"Yes, at the same time actually," Erwin wiped his hand down his face with an airy chuckle. I haven't thought about this in so long. "We were fourteen, and she sat me down outside my house and said, 'I love you. Do you love me?' Honestly, I couldn't remember a time before we said 'I love you' at the end of the day. It seemed like a stupid question to me, but I said yes. She just said, 'Then we're a couple,' and we were even more insufferably in love after that. Mostly because I actually knew what was going on then."
Levi almost smiled listening to Erwin's story. It probably would have been simpler if Y/N had done the same. But maybe she's just not there yet, Levi contemplated. She did squeeze my hand last night though. I can't believe I didn't realize. He sighed and, similar to Erwin, rubbed his eyes and face with his hand.
"I love her." Levi suppressed a shiver from the immediate repulsion of sharing something so private. "I'm concerned that it's taken me too long to notice, so long that I think I've been in love with her for an amount of time that seems unreasonable. Rash even to have fallen in love so early in a relationship."
To Erwin, it almost sounded like Levi was scolding himself.
"Typically, people like you and I are reluctant to give up control, but unfortunately, this is something you cannot control," Erwin said. "There's no need to be upset that you've fallen in love quickly, especially when you have a worthy partner." Levi was looking somewhere near Erwin's shoes, but Erwin could still see the slight smile that tugged at one corner of his mouth when Y/N was mentioned. "Your partner is also far from dumb. Do you really think she hasn't noticed?"
Levi groaned and turned to rest his forehead on the nearest shelf. "I'm actually quite positive she has," he grumbled.
Erwin chuckled to himself. "If you're not ready to tell her yet, then you don't have to. However, if she truly has noticed, you should probably at least consider doing it sometime soon."
He moved further into the pantry to grab a jar of preserves off the bottom shelf behind Levi. He patted Levi's shoulder once and added, "She might even be feeling the same as you."
Assuming the conversation was over, Erwin was passing through the doorway of the pantry when Levi spoke again.
"What happened? Between you and her?"
It was Erwin's turn to sigh and let his head fall forward. "Our competitive spirits evolved into ambition as we reached adulthood, and we quickly realized our ambitions would take us in opposite directions. Neither one of us was willing to give up our dream, but we didn't want to see the other person give up either. The only thing we could do was say our goodbyes."
They stood in silence for a moment before Levi asked, quieter this time, "Do you still love her?"
Erwin never turned around. He lifted his head up, said, "Have a nice trip, Levi. Send Y/N my regards," and walked out.
~
They had been on the road for about an hour before Levi felt Y/N fully relax into his shoulder. He smiled to himself at the memory of her sleepily getting ready for their trip; he had been impressed by her ability to get dressed without opening her eyes.
She's just so cute, Levi thought as he kissed the top of her head.
He glanced at the road then looked back to her. Erwin's words had taken up residence in his mind since yesterday. There was no doubt that he was in love with Y/N; of course he was. Now if he could just work up the courage to say it.
"You're my best friend," he said quietly. His hand fell to her thigh; he gave it two soft squeezes and said, "I love you." His stomach did a flip at his own words.
Levi was granted a moment of relief, in which he felt lighter having said it, before the cart hit a hole. His shoulder bumped into Y/N's temple and jostled her awake. She sat straight up, her eyes wide as she searched the darkness.
He shook her thigh to get her attention. Her head whipped to him, and when she saw him, she paused before visibly relaxing. She slouched and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.
"You're okay. Everything is fine," Levi assured her. He reached up and cupped her far cheek to gently guide her head back to his shoulder. "Go back to sleep, baby."
For a split second, he faltered as he realized what he had said, what he had called her, but she was unfazed. Y/N let Levi lead her back to her napping spot, reassured that she was safe with him.
She didn't notice, Levi sighed. Damn road.