A/N: Double update! Make sure you read chapter 5! ☺️💝
REUBEN • POV
Pressure.
I was feeling it like a creeping stalker hiding around every corner, hovering, waiting, coercing me into making changes in my life that I found to be frankly terrifying and I wasn't sure if I was willing to give into his demands or if I should be fighting his creepy stalker ass away with a stick.
Nolan's presence here was stirring everything up into a whirlwind and he was making me see and realise things I'd been perfectly content to remain ignorant about, yet now I could no longer ignore them. Watching Daddy break down like that out in the hallway because I'd admitted to, and apologised for, my passive existence in our relationship and tendency to hurt him without remorse, had been like a slap in the face.
It was confronting, terrifying actually and I think it really hit me that Daddy would've walked away from me if we hadn't met Nolan and he was perfectly justified in doing so. I'd given him little to no reason to stay. I was a brat, I didn't work or contribute financially in any way. I fought him, I hurt him. I loved him - yes - but intent and outcome were drastically different and impact mattered.
My behaviour had been nothing but harmful to us both and I couldn't be sure what kind of lasting damage I'd done to our relationship and to Daddy's heart in the past. Though after seeing him sobbing so brokenly like that, I was pretty sure there was a large hole in my Daddy's heart that needed filling and I wasn't sure how to do that.
While I could step back and reflect on my life so far, the bad choices I'd made, the hurtful things I'd said and the many apologies I hadn't offered, I also found it difficult to determine how I could change the feelings that triggered those actions in the first place. I ran when I was scared. I made bad choices when I was angry and well... I never apologised because facing Daddy's hurt and pain and rage was harder than facing my own.
It made me feel insecure and small and disposable.
Though, I could admit that Daddy and I had been through enough hell together that I'd fallen into a false sense of security. He would never leave. No matter how many fights I got into, or how many times I stole from him or ran from him or broke into his house, he'd stay. I'd really believed that nothing could push him away and that was... unhealthy, for the both of us. A mind fuck.
In the end, he had wanted to leave, my fight with Prescott and being banned from the club - our community - pushing him over the edge.
The safety net was torn away and now Nolan was holding it back together. In my heart, I knew that he wouldn't be enough, that I needed to pull my own weight too and show them both that I was worthy of being wanted, of being forgiven... of love. Because I loved them both so much that the thought of being without them was more terrifying than being locked in a bathroom with Michael Myers.
Either way I wouldn't survive.
Blowing out a deep breath of air, I pulled my blankets up around my shoulders and fell back against my pillows, staring up at my ceiling, looking for answers. I'd locked myself away in the Reubix cube after dinner, after our serious meeting with Nolan about our plans for the future and expectations and all the scary, adult things that came along with commitment, triggering an existential crisis I needed to work through alone.
Both men had seemed surprised at my request to retreat to the Reubix cube instead of watching a movie with them downstairs before bed, but I'd need to retreat to my safe space, just for a little while to work out the confusing, unsettling way that I was feeling. They respected me, of course they did, and they left me alone, promising to be around if and when I needed either one of them.
We'd discussed Nolan returning to his home for a few days. His annual leave had finished and he'd be back at work within the next few days, which meant a long commute back and forth from here, to his veterinary practice, to his apartment.
I was worried that I wouldn't see him as much, and I'd become so accustomed to returning home from class at the end of the day to find him cooking dinner for us in the kitchen with his bright smile and deviously kind eyes that the thought of coming home to an empty house made my heart ache with disappointment. We'd lose out on time playing together and he wouldn't be able to help me study either.
It was going to be unsettling, the change. I hated change with a burning passion.
There was some good news however. His absence would only be temporary, until he was able to find someone to rent out his apartment and find a veterinary practice close by. Then he'd move his belongings into Daddy's house permanently. That meant he was really committed to our relationship and just the thought of him bringing his personal things over, filled me with happiness, excitement and security.
He wouldn't be disappearing for good any time soon - as long as I didn't fuck this up.
To further the reassurance and solidify Nolan's place with us, we'd drawn up and signed a new contract that recognised Nolan as my official Master Dominant alongside Daddy. Signing the papers he'd promptly printed that promised my submission and devotion to both men, had been thrilling. There was nothing quite like a promise in writing and this time, instead of the contract being temporary, it was forever - until I fucked up.
I won't fuck up.
Having Nolan's details now, within the contents of the contract, had brought up conversations of playtime and kinks and how devoted we were going to be about visiting the club on a regular basis. Nolan was quite high maintenance in a funny kind of way that was both not surprising and totally inline with his character.
While Daddy and I were in the BDSM lifestyle, we weren't as immersed as Nolan, nor did we delve deeper into hardcore kinks, but Nolan did.
His kinks had included some pretty terrifying, equally intriguing activities that had me squirming on the edge of my seat. Orgasm denial, breath play, hardcore bondage, spanking in all its forms including whipping and flogging. He also had a thing for turning his boys into cum dumps which had been an admission that had left me red faced and speechless, imagining myself walking around with Nolan's cum inside me and a plug shoved up my ass.
All of this however had brought to light the fact that Nolan was totally holding back on us. He hadn't mentioned any of this, or his preference to visit the club at least three times a week so that he could exercise his control in his safe space, and he hadn't pressured Daddy or I into doing anything so far, really.
His patience was astounding, but I appreciated his self control and his judgement to take things slowly. Daddy seemed to appreciate Nolan's courtesy as well.
There had been many times I'd peeked at him, only to catch his unsure expression or nervous lip biting. Nolan had soothed him with reassurance and promises that he would always respect our boundaries. We were going at a pace that fitted all of our needs and he didn't intend to pressure or coerce us at all. That had led to grateful kisses and soothing touches exchanged, bringing the tension in the kitchen right back down again.
Now, I was here, wondering where I fit into everything. No, where I wanted to fit into everything.
There was no way I could go about things the way I had when it was just Daddy and I. Useless and leeching off his kindness, causing more trouble than I was worth. I had to pull my weight too, so that I didn't get left behind. I also had this intense need to prove that I was just as committed to this, that I found them and their love just as important as they did. I wanted to give them a reason to stay.
A tiny voice in the back of my head was trying to argue that no matter what I did, I'd never be worth their affection. If my own mother didn't love me, if my own mother had thought less of me than her drugs, how on earth could I mean the world to two strangers who owed me absolutely nothing?
"You're a fuck up Reuben. You fucked up my life and you'll fuck up your own."
After many failed foster attempts, my first dominant who'd cheated on me and then Daddy and I's almost-break up, my confidence in myself was so low, it was practically in hell along with my sense of self-worth and hopes for a successful future. That little voice was so, so sure that there was absolutely no way this was working out for anyone involved. So why bother?
My mind strayed, back to the hallway, back to Daddy's forlorn expression, his teary olive eyes and choked sobs. I never wanted to see him like that ever again. I'd rather kill myself than come face to face with his pain - pain that I'd caused. That was my reason. If not for myself, I had to try for him. I owed him this and so much more.
I needed to be the best submissive, the best boyfriend I could be, even if this never lasted in the end.
Rolling over in bed, I wiped at my face, startled to find wetness there. These stupid fucking eyes. I swear they'd been leaking so much these last few weeks - more than they ever had in my entire life. I hated it so much, but it was quickly becoming a part of my normal now. Rubbing the backs of my hand across my eyelids, I reached for Mister Hopper and Spotikus with the other, pulling them closer across my mattress.
"Crying is a perfectly manly and respectable thing to do. Just like farts, it's better out than in, right?" Spotikus quipped, but I imagined him to be gentle and kind with his teasing. His back was rocking side to side like a boat as he dug about in the dirt of his enclosure.
"I'm not crying," I denied, whispering so my dominants didn't hear if one of them happened to be passing outside my door. "I need to come up with a plan. How do I become the best that I can be without fucking things up?"
"Should I give it to you straight?" Mister Hopper asked and I tensed, sucking in a deep breath of air for courage. My best friend could be blunt and his words often hit where it hurt, but I needed it. There was no use cowering now.
"Hit me."
"Well, we're never going to be perfect. That's just a fact. But there are things we can do to be more than bearable! Like learning how to cook! Now that Nolan won't be here, we should learn to make our own meals! I bet Daddy would appreciate coming home to dinner too after work and it's only fair since we're not working ourselves!"
Learning to cook? I supposed I could brush up on my cooking skills. I bet Daddy would be pleased if I could make dinner and he could rest when he got home from work instead of worrying about what we were going to eat. That way I could at least be helpful.
"There's a cooking society at college, maybe we can sign up? Join and get some practice?"
"That's a great idea!" Spotikus cheered. "Learn how to make pizza, oooh I love pizza!"
The idea was beginning to grow on me and I made a mental note to check out the cooking society tomorrow after class. "Anything else?"
"Well on the topic of being jobless, maybe starting to look for a job is a good idea. We don't have to commit, I know how much you hate people, but we might find something decent. You're twenty-three now Reu, it's time to be an adult!" Mister Hopper cried courageously, emphasising the word 'adult'.
I felt a twinge of shame, knowing he was right. I had to rely on Daddy for everything, from money, to food, to just the simple fact of having a roof over my head. If he dropped dead tomorrow, I'd be homeless in a heartbeat and probably end up face down in a ditch somewhere. The thought was pretty crazy.
I didn't have a dime to my name that was actually mine and not Daddy's.
"In the words of Kanye - you're a golddigger! Just like my ex wife!" Mister Hopper cried accusingly.
"Hey! I'm not a gold digger! I'm an innocent dependent! That's different!"
"Tell that to the devil! We gotta get employed! Let's look for jobs! Preferably at a place that gives employees free stuff!"
"Okay, okay," I sighed, mulling it over. A job. A real job. I itched with discomfort. The urge to whine and refuse like well... a child... overcame me, but I refused to give in. I was not a child, my massive penis and award-winning balls were testament to that. I had to use said 'balls', pull myself up by the bootstraps, shake off the anxiety, and at least try.
For Daddy.
"Anything else?" I dared to ask.
"It's time to dye your hair again. Uncoloured roots are a turn off." Mister Hopper deadpanned and I glared at him. He was preening, his two antennae waving about in a teasing dance.
"Just kidding! What I meant to say was that we also want to focus on being a great sub. Nolan has a lot of needs and we're going to have to work extra hard to satisfy his sexy ass. It's the little things, always being prepped and ready to serve."
"Only when you feel like it, consent is key!" Spotikus cut in and I shook my head reassuringly. I didn't have to worry about that. I always wanted my men and on the rare occasion I didn't, I trusted them enough to read the signs.
"Define ready to serve."
"Clean bootyhole, sexy underpants that don't have my face plastered all over them and a stellar presenting position. Our knees always wobble when we go down. Gotta make it sturdy," Mister Hopper gushed.
"We can practise!" Spotikus agreed. "Everything will come together, Reuben. Try not to worry so much, gladiator. As long as we put in the effort, I just know that everything we do will be appreciated. You can do this!"
Learn how to cook. Get a job. Always be ready to serve my Daddy and my Master.
Those three goals didn't sound so daunting when I said them in my head. Technically the worst thing that could happen was... crushing... shameful... failure. I smacked my head off the edge of their travel container with a loud, hopeless groan.
"Positive thoughts! Positive thoughts! Feel these passionate, optimistic vibes of awesome success!" Mister Hopper squealed frantically, trying to combat my spiral with voodoo.
"But... It's... So... Hard..." I whimpered dramatically, rubbing the dent in my forehead where I'd bashed it.
"It'll never be easy! But you're strong, like me. A gladiator afterall. You've got this! Just think of the reward! You get to keep your men happy, you become independent, learn some useful life skills and we get our own pocket money to spend on brownies!" Spotikus chirped, ever the cheerful one. He was becoming a great friend already.
"You're right, I guess. I'm trusting you both. If this goes wrong... it's your fault and both of you are going on the barbeque for selling false dreams!" I really was losing my mind.
I ignored their squealed gasps of betrayal as I sat up, kicking my duvet away with my feet. Crawling off the bed, I tucked their travel container under my arm and emerged from the Reubix Cube like a hermit doing the walk of shame. I waddled through the hall and over to Daddy's bedroom. The house was quiet and dark, indicating that they were both probably in bed already.
I opened the door and peered inside. One bedside lamp was on and both men were in bed together, tangled up like hunky squirrels, always looking for warmth in one another. For just a second, I debated running back to my room, but Daddy moved and then he was blinking tired, dark green eyes at me from across the room.
Nolan was asleep, his head on Daddy's chest, their arms and legs tangled.
Daddy reached out with one hand, waiting. I tiptoed into the room, stumbling around the bed. I set Mister Hopper and Spotikus down on the bedside table and took Daddy's hand, letting him tug me down to the bed on his other side. He tucked me in against him like I was a puzzle piece slotting right into his body where I was always meant to be. I snuggled in close, burying my face into his neck, smothering myself against his hot skin.
I felt his kiss against the top of my head and his hand started a soothing rub over my back where he held me. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" He whispered.
"Yes," I mumbled back.
"You know I love you, don't you, Reu?"
"Yes."
His lips brushed across my head again and I closed my eyes, soaking in his attention.
"Okay Reu. Get some sleep."
"I love you too, Daddy. I'm sorry for making you cry."
He squeezed me tightly. "You didn't make me cry. I cried because I have a lot of emotions and feelings buried deep that I should've confronted a long time ago. Hearing your apologies just made me realise that I'd needed to verbally hear you admit you cared. But that's mostly on me, baby. I didn't mean to scare you."
"I am scared."
"I know, but you don't have to be."
"Mmm."
"What can I do to make you feel better?"
"Predict the future?"
He chuckled, resuming his soothing petting up and down my back. "I wish I could. Unfortunately I'm not a sexy seer in a fantasy world with that ability, baby."
"Disappointing," I giggled. "You are sexy though. At least you have that going for you."
"Cheeky," he laughed, but it quickly sobered. "I can't promise you that the future will be easy sailing, but I can promise you I'll do everything I can to be there for you and fight for us in any way I can. Is that good enough for now?"
"Yes Daddy. I promise too - to try my best, I mean."
"I believe you. I'm so proud of you. So, so proud. I can see how you've changed already and I love you even more for trying, Reuben."
I preened a little bit inside from his praise, feeling my cheeks turn hot. If only I could hold onto the feeling forever.
"I'm proud and I love you both too," Nolan's sleepy, rumbling voice made Daddy and I startle as he interjected himself into our touching moment. "Can we go to sleep now, we have to wake up early and I'm not getting into a WWE ring with Reuben when he decides he can't go to class tomorrow morning because his eyes won't open."
"You can predict the future!" I squealed indignantly.
"Yes, I can." Nolan stretched across Daddy to grab a hold of my ass, squeezing tightly and I wiggled my butt for him. "Sleep Little One," he crooned, trying to hypnotise me with his deep voice and massaging hand.
It was only making my cock chub in my pyjama pants.
"He's right, Reu. Let's all get some sleep."
I promptly removed Nolan's hand from my butt because there was no way I could fall asleep with an iron rod throbbing between my legs - which I suspected he knew because he was devious and sadistic like that. Instead, I held his hand to my chest like I was cuddling a teddy bear and he let me hold his appendage hostage.
Moments passed in almost silence as we all burrowed down, finding comfort in one another and letting the sleep creep in. Eva's purrs from somewhere around the room, along with Mister Hopper's chirps and the occasional clink of Spotikus' horns against the glass of his enclosure adding white noise we were all used to by now. Pets hey, gotta love 'em.
"Would you guys love me if I was a flea?"
"Boy, if you don't shut your little mouth and go to sleep-"
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A/N: Reuben is unlocking his empathetic mind ☺️ first step to improvement is self awareness! He's doing so well 🥹🫶🏾
Chapter 7 & 8 have been posted to Patreon along with December's oneshot 'Mister Hopper Turns Human per Reuben's Christmas wish'! I'll drop Reu's letter to Santa down below! 🎅🏼🎄💝
~•~
Dear Santa,
My name is Reuben Brett and I am the bestest boy known to mankind, therefore I should be acknowledged as such when you start dishing out gifts this christmas. Not only does my name spell 'good boy' when written backwards, I also have a sparkly green name badge that labels me as such.
It is only right that you too put me on the good list and give me everything I want and need this year. If you don't, you will go to hell and I will tell all the kids in my neighbourhood that Mrs Claus gave you pubic crabs!
Just kidding!
This year, I successfully stopped my Daddy from breaking up with me, was good enough to earn a new Master whom I love very much, and even went to all my college classes without failing a single course! As you can see, this much dedication to the very difficult and extremely tedious task of behaving myself, has paid off and I'd like a reward that proves my efforts have been noticed and appreciated.
I'd like a new sports bike so that I can take Mister Hopper and Spotikus to the park so we can visit their ex wives and children (that last part was an order from insect family court). I'd like the Zelda game for my switch since I finished Mario Bros and Mario Cart. I'd like a chocolate fountain for my bedroom and a swirly slide. Daddy said I can't cut up the ceiling so that I can slide from my bed into the kitchen, but I respectfully disagree and surely, he can't argue with Santa, so please ignore this small hiccup and install it anyway.
Finally, I have a super huge ask. Yesterday I was in the food court at college, minding my own business and behaving myself as previously discussed, when some girl told me that I was a weirdo for talking to my pet cricket and that it was 'giving mentally disturbed'. While I was smashing my burrito in her face and dumping my milkshake down her shirt, I got to thinking...
Wouldn't it be so fucking - i mean freaking - cool if Mister Hopper was human for a day? I think it would be totally awesome to have my bestest friend be seen and valued, much like a human. We could do so many things and I wouldn't have to worry about squishing him! Plus, it would be nice not to get harrassed by cricket hating bimbos. So, please make Mister Hopper human for a day so that I can have fun with my best friend. Also, I spent ten dollars on that burrito and milkshake combo so I'd appreciate it if you could refund my account :)
Anyways! I hope this letter reaches you in the North Pole, or England, since we all know Santa is actually British and the Queen's cousin! Remember the joke I made on line seven? Hahaha, make me happy this year Santa!
From, Reuben.
~•~