Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
Selene couldn't sleep. She'd been trying for hours, but even as Sirius snored on the bed next to her, or as the clock on the bedside table ticked on, she was wide awake. So, rather than staring up at the ceiling, counting the number of spiders that travelled from cobweb to cobweb, she went downstairs in search of a late-night cup of coffee.
She tiptoed down to the kitchen, trying very carefully not to wake anyone. She opened a cupboard, wincing when it creaked. She pulled a mug out and turned to the coffee pot to start a pot of coffee.
And then she froze.
The coffee pot was steaming; it was already full.
"What are you doing, Selene?"
Selene whirled around, gasping. Remus was sitting at the kitchen counter, wearing his flannel pyjama pants and a t-shirt, a green mug held between his hands.
"Merlin, Remus, you scared me," Selene said, taking a deep breath.
"Sorry," he said quietly. "But what are you doing awake?"
"Couldn't sleep," Selene said simply. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down opposite him, clutching the mug in her hands. "What about you?"
"Couldn't sleep either," he said. "I had too much to think about."
The air in the kitchen shifted slightly, and Selene pressed her lips together.
Remus set his mug down on the counter, looking pensive. "Selene, do you remember the day that Sirius proposed to you?"
Selene's eyes flickered towards him, surprised. "Yes I do, like it was yesterday."
"Come on, Selene, come on!" Lily said excitedly, tugging her towards the portrait of the Fat Lady. "We're going to be late!"
"Late for what, Lily?" Selene said exasperatedly. "You haven't told me what we're doing! I'm not even supposed to go in there!"
"When has that stopped you before, Selene?" Lily asked, grinning. "Just come on – phoenix feather," she added, giving the password to the Fat Lady, who had been looking at her expectantly.
"Come on in," the portrait said, looking at the two girls knowingly.
Selene looked between the portrait and Lily in suspicious confusion. "Seriously, what is –"
"Just go in!" Lily exclaimed.
"Alright, alright, I'm going!"
She crawled through the portrait hole, and Lily followed closely behind. After a moment, they emerged into the Gryffindor common room, and Selene gasped.
Sirius, her very best friend, was kneeling on the ground before her, the common room empty except for their closest friends, all of whom were smiling eagerly and expectantly.
"Hi," Sirius said with a grin.
"Hi," Selene said breathlessly, still taking in all that was happening around her. She could barely believe her eyes, and despite herself, she'd already begun to tear up.
"Selene, come on, don't cry just yet, give me a minute to propose first," Sirius laughed.
"I'm so sorry," Selene giggled, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her jumper. "I'm so, so sorry. Please go ahead."
"Okay," Sirius said, a nervous edge to his voice. "Okay, I'll go ahead." He fidgeted with the ring in his fingers. "Selene, you're my very best friend, and you always have been. You were the only one who truly understood my life... even when I felt so distant from everyone because of my family, and who I thought I was... I knew I had you.
"Maybe this isn't the most conventional way to get married... I know people usually fall in love first... but I do love you. I could never imagine being arranged to be married to anyone else."
Selene gave him a watery chuckle. "Me neither."
Sirius laughed. "All that to say... Selene Persephone Malfoy... platonic love of my life... will you marry me?"
"I will," Selene said softly. She allowed Sirius to take her hand and slip the beautiful, glittering ring onto her finger.
Around them, their friends erupted into cheers and applause.
"Congratulations, you two," Lily said warmly.
"This calls for some celebration," James said mischievously, elbowing Peter in the ribs and motioning towards the portrait hole.
"A group trip to the kitchens?" Peter grinned.
Sirius pumped his fist in the air. "Ah, yes! Sounds like a great idea."
As their group of friends began to file out of the portrait hole, and the common room began to empty, Selene sighed contentedly, knowing that there wasn't a better way to spend an evening at Hogwarts. She made to follow them out, and then she realized that someone had stayed behind in the common room.
"Congratulations, Selene," Remus said quietly, giving her a weak smile.
"Thank you, Remus," Selene said awkwardly.
They were quiet for a moment. All Selene wanted to do was run away from him and hide, and from the look on Remus' face, it looked like he did too.
Finally, Remus broke the silence. "Are you really going to marry him?"
Selene pursed her lips. "Of course I have to marry him, Remus, it's an Unbreakable Vow."
"I just – I just thought –" Remus stammered, and Selene stared at him.
"What, Remus?"
He fell silent, looking at her with wide eyes.
She sighed. "I don't know, Remus, maybe this just isn't meant to happen, maybe we're just on completely different paths, you know?"
He continued to gaze at her silently, unable to form words, it seemed.
Selene wiped away a lone tear that had escaped her eyes. "I have to marry him, Remus. I have to do this."
When he still didn't say anything, she looked at him sadly, backing away from him. Then she walked away, trying not to let any other stray tears escape.
"Selene."
She looked back to him, her eyes wide.
Remus smiled sadly, putting his thumbs up. "Good luck, I'm happy for you," he said, his wavering voice barely above a whisper.
And it broke her.
"I hated that day," Remus said quietly, drumming his fingers along the side of his mug. "I thought it was the end of you and me."
"Me too, honestly," Selene said softly. "But we were wrong – obviously. We had a pretty good run after that, I suppose."
"You think so?" Remus asked.
"Of course," Selene said. "We were together for the better part of – let's see – eleven years after that, I think?"
"Eleven years..." Remus repeated softly.
"Yeah," Selene said wistfully. "Eleven years full of wonderful memories – do you remember Christmas, 1989?"
"Yes," Remus said. "Yes, I do."
Selene and Remus never exchanged gifts on Christmas.
It's not as though they didn't want to. However, Remus hadn't really been able to hold a steady job, and even though Selene was well-off enough to support him, he didn't feel right using her money.
He certainly didn't feel like buying her a gift with her own money.
Thus, he made her promise that they wouldn't exchange gifts. And she was perfectly okay with that. And that's how it was for years.
Christmas of 1989 was different though.
Remus woke early that morning to get out the present he'd so painstakingly wrapped and hidden so that Selene wouldn't find it.
Remus was so proud of the gift, and he was so hopeful that she'd love it. He'd saved for months, nearly a year, to be able to purchase it for her. He hadn't told her his plans either. He wanted to get her a present without her feeling she'd have to get him something in return.
He just hoped she liked it.
Selene trudged down the stairs a half hour after he had woken up, when he had a pot of coffee already waiting for her.
"H-H-Happy Christmas, Remus," Selene yawned, pressing a kiss to his cheek as she passed him to reach the kitchen to pour herself a mug of coffee. He tried to appear nonchalant as he waited for her to notice the single present under the tree.
"Happy Christmas, Selene," he said warmly, his hands folded in front of him at their kitchen table.
She smiled tiredly at him, and her eyes slid past him towards the tree. She lowered her mug slowly and furrowed her eyebrows.
"What is that?"
She had noticed.
Remus grinned. "Surprise..."
Selene gaped at him. "Did you – did you get me a gift?"
Remus nodded, hardly able to contain his excitement.
"Oh, Remus..." she said, and she crossed the kitchen to wrap her arms around his shoulders. "But I didn't get you anything!"
"I know," he said, completely unbothered. "I don't need you to. I just... I wanted to get you something for once."
She smiled widely at him.
"Well, open it!" he burst out, grinning.
"Okay, okay!" Selene giggled.
Remus tugged her over to the Christmas tree, and together they sank to the floor, sitting side-by-side.
At Remus' expectant expression, Selene laughed and ripped the paper off of the package and lifted the lid off of the exposed box.
She gasped.
"Oh, Remus... this is – oh my..."
A bundle of the softest starry midnight-blue fabric spilled out of the box, and with it was an elegant, elaborately decorated matching witch's hat. Each star was hand-stitched, and it sparkled and glittered as Selene held the fabric up in the light.
Selene was seemingly speechless; she could merely gape at it in awe.
"Do you like it?" Remus asked. "Is it alright?"
Selene looked up at him, and her blue eyes filled with joyful tears. "Remus, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen..."
Remus smiled a wide smile. "I'm glad you think so."
"Oh, I do," she said earnestly. "Thank you, Remus, thank you!"
Selene threw her arms around him, embracing him tightly.
"I love you," Remus said softly.
Selene buried her head in his chest. "I love you too."
Remus gave her a small smile. "I was really proud of that present."
"I know you were," Selene said. "I'm still proud of it."
"I just – I was always so ashamed that I could never provide for you," Remus said, and his eyebrows furrowed with frustration. "Or – or contribute or whatever... I was just so poor... I still am, honestly."
"Remus, none of that mattered to me," Selene said earnestly. "We took care of each other, and that's what was really important."
"Hmm..." Remus said thoughtfully. "I always thought you took care of me more than I took care of you... remember when you came home for my thirtieth birthday?"
Selene grinned. "Yes!"
March 10, 1990 was a Saturday. Thus, Selene Black found herself home for the weekend, hurrying up the walkway to her and Remus' shared cottage. She knocked on the front door, grinning.
There was a long silence, and Selene almost wondered if no one was home – but then someone fumbled with the door knob from the inside. The door swung open and –
"Selene?"
"Happy birthday, Remus!" Selene said, launching herself towards her best friend. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing a kiss to his scruffy cheek. "Happy 30th, Rem."
Remus grinned, his eyes bright. His hair was sticking up on one side, and he had dark shadows under his eyes. He clearly hadn't shaven in at least a week, and although it was late afternoon, he was still wearing a worn t-shirt and his flannel pyjama pants.
Selene looked him up and down, raising her eyebrows. "Is this what you look like when I'm not around?"
Remus shook his head, still smiling. "Well, you're not here to take care of me." He squeezed her tightly. "What are you doing here, Selene?"
"I just got so lucky that your 30th birthday landed on a Saturday, so that I could easily take a trip to come see you," Selene said, tracing one of the long, jagged scars on his cheek. "But clearly, I should have notified you ahead of time so that you could shower."
Remus grinned wearily. "Please don't remind me that I'm 30-years-old."
"Okay," Selene said. "Then you're still twenty-nine. It's your 29th birthday, and we're celebrating."
Remus gave her a small smile. "What does celebrating with you include?"
Selene smiled innocently. "Anything you want. It's your 29th birthday."
In response, Remus pulled her inside the door, shut it, and locked it.
"Quite possibly my favourite birthday," Remus said, giving her a small smile.
"Mmm-hmm. You particularly enjoyed your birthday festivities," Selene said slyly.
Remus smirked. "Yes, I did." He gazed at her quietly for a moment, his hands folded in his lap.
Selene shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "It's – it's a shame that that time has passed."
"You think so?" Remus asked lightly.
"Yes," Selene said quietly, looking down at her fingers. "Remus, I don't mean to bring it up again, but I really am sorry that I lied to you. It's always been my biggest regret – it always will be. I know that I can't change the past, but – but I just wanted you to know that I truly was sorry."
Remus said nothing.
The words kept tumbling out. "I also don't want you to think that I kept the truth from you because you're a werewolf and I didn't think you'd be a good father – because that's not true. You'd be the best father, Remus, and obviously I don't care that you're a werewolf. It's never been about that. I just – I just knew that if I told you the truth, things would get so complicated, and I'd lose you forever."
Remus just kept looking at her.
"I don't want you to think these are excuses, because they aren't. I-I know there's no making up for what I've done," Selene said desperately. "I just... I wanted to explain why I'd done what I had... though, I suppose none of my reasons were very good. I just – I didn't want to lose you."
Selene looked up at him, trying to blink away her tears. "I suppose, though, in the end, trying so hard to keep you is what really caused me to lose you, huh?"
"What makes you think you've lost me?"
Selene stared. "Haven't I?"
Remus gazed at her for another moment, and then, slowly but surely, he shook his head. "You could never keep me away."
Selene kept staring; she was without words.
Then, the door to the kitchen flew open, and Sirius came bursting through, looking wild-eyed and alarmed.
"We have to go, now."
"Go? Go where?" Selene asked, standing up from her chair.
"What's wrong, Sirius?" Remus asked, standing up as well.
Sirius exhaled shakily, gripping the countertop with one hand, as if to steady himself. Then, he said, with a wavering voice –
"It's Harry."