The classroom was quiet, all the boys were sat in line outside of the principals office. Chemistry was extra boring without the back of Descamps to look at, instead I focused my attention the neatly organized test tubes by his empty seat. I wondered if they'd figured out yet that it was his magazine and for some reason the satisfaction I thought i'd feel was replaced by a tinge of worry.
I shrugged it off and focused on the teacher.
School ended, some of the boys had returned to class and were refusing to tell anything to the girls. Even Pichon wouldn't tell Annick what exactly had transpired in the office. Annick and I leaned together against the school wall, a cigarette between my lips as she spoke.
"Well Pichon told me that if no one was held accountable, we'd all get detention. Even the girls!" She shared, clearly agitated by the entire situation. I stopped mid smoke and looked her, eyes wide with worry. Detention meant that I wouldn't be able to work after school so I would only be able to do it on the weekends, meaning less money. Less money meant I wouldn't be able to afford tuition or help my parents with rent and bills. The hand not holding my cigarette began picking at my nails nervously.
I swallowed down the nerves resting heavily in my throat before speaking, "Did they find anyone yet?" I asked. Annick shook her head and sighed in defeat. I looked away and back out at the bustling courtyard. I didn't want to tell on Descamps, I didn't like him at all but it felt wrong to purposefully get him in trouble like that. Although I knew he would do anything to make my life harder just for his own amusement.
I had to face the fact that I had been trying to hide from myself, I had a thing for him. An annoying little soft spot that made it impossible for me to ever really hate him. He lost his eye and although his actions led to it, it wasn't fair that Jean Pierre got away with it. And he didn't just get off with a suspension, he was still the golden boy here. Meanwhile Descamps was half blinded for the rest of his life. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.
But I had to suppress all of that for my own good. "It's not like he was looking out for anyone else when he brought that magazine. He was selfish and mean, he only ever cared about amusing himself" I thought in a desperate attempt to alleviate the guilt I was already feeling. I said goodbye to Annick and stomped out my cigarette, walking to the office feeling a lot like a lamb to the slaughter.
"You saw Descamps and Dupin with the magazine outside of the bathroom?" Bellanger asked me as he wrote down my report, looking up at me with those logical brown eyes. I gripped the side of the chair uneasily and nodded. He sighed and set down his pen nodding. "Thank you, the school and I will handle this tomorrow morning with the two of them".
I walked home, my feet feeling heavier than usual. It's not like we were friends, we were actually far from it. The issue was I knew by doing this I was ruining any possibility of him ever liking me and the idea made my stomach queasy. "It's for the best" I thought, and I repeated in my head like a mantra until I reached my apartment.
I opened the door and saw my parents sitting at the table, a grim look on their faces. My heart dropped and I shut the door slowly behind me. A single light was on above them, creating an ominous atmosphere that I was forced to walk into as I approached them.
"Lydia sit down, we need to talk to you" My father spoke firmly and I sat, the chair moving being the only other noise in the apartment. My eyebrows furrowed, my brothers were never this quiet. My eyes scanned the kitchen and narrowed in confusion as boxes filled my sight, all of our possessions backed away.
I opened my mouth to speak but my mother interrupted me, "The city is getting too expensive for us" she paused and inhaled deeply, "And your sister Chloe told us her neighbor moved so she can get us a deal on a nice house in the countryside".
I didn't move, I didn't even breath, I just stared at them. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, a wave of confusion washed over me instantly followed by denial. I watched my mother wipe a tear from her eye with a kitchen towel.
"But I've been helping with money, I can just work more hours" I pleaded, fighting my own tears as they tried to pour out of my lash line. I couldn't move, not now. I was finally in school and I had friends, I had my own life now. Frustration boiled inside of me and it burned at my skin.
"It's not enough Lydia. We're starting to go into debt just trying to survive here. We're behind on every bill and rent every month, they're going to evict us. And your mother can't work with the boys being so young, the factory's talking about downsizing too" My father spoke. He had a commanding voice, the kind that seemed impossible to argue or even reason with. I covered my face in my cold hands, back shaking as a few deep breaths came in and out of me.
"I know you wanted to go to school," My mother began, reaching across the table to rest her hand on my arm lovingly, "But you can learn out there too. There's no school above primary but they have so many jobs on the nearby farms" She said. Her words only made my cries worse, I couldn't imagine living on a farm. In no world was that better than me learning and I think deep down we all knew that.
I pulled my now red and teary face out of my hands and stared at my parents, "I'm not coming". I rarely argued with them, much less about issues this important. I knew we were poor, that my father struggled to keep a job, that every month was a battle to afford living. I just never thought it would ruin everything we worked for.
"How are you possibly going to survive in the city by yourself?" My father inquired, eyes narrowing slightly as he looked down on me. I looked away at the wall, old family portraits staring back at me while I thought.
"My school has housing for students struggling, it costs some money but it's definitely cheaper than rent" I lied. I stared at them intently, internally begging for them to believe my fib.
They both paused and looked at each other, my mother whispered something in my fathers ear and he nodded slowly. I didn't dare move a muscle as they discussed what would determine my future. Finally after a few agonizing slow minutes, they turned back to me.
"Okay, you can stay but you must write us weekly and we'll try to send you money monthly". I noticed the tears brimming in my mothers eyes before she got up and embraced me tightly, sobbing into my shirt. My own tears began to fall again as I hugged her back. My mother's arms made me feel like a young girl again, scared because I had just scraped my knee and didn't understand the stinging pain I felt. Even when she had to watch over all of my siblings, she still found time to softly caress my cheek or wipe away the dirt staining my nose. I cried harder as the realization sank in, I was leaving my mom.
After the tears, my parents explained to me that my brothers had already gone with my sister and that they'd decided weeks ago to move. They just didn't know how to tell me when I would come home everyday smiling and gushing about school. My parents tucked me into my bed, my semi packed up room seeming smaller than before with all the bodies in it. My father kisses my forehead and another tear fell down my cheek, sinking into the pillow case behind me head.
My last night with my parents, I wondered if any child was ever prepared to be on their own.
My parents were gone when I woke up and I wiped away the lingering tears. I knew I had to leave the apartment for the "school dorms" soon and worry began to eat away at me. I had some savings from the bakery over the years I hadn't been in school. It was enough to get an apartment though its quality would definitely be questionable.
As I walked to school, my shoulders sagged slightly as the weight of all of my new responsibilities began to set in. After school, I would have to find an apartment somehow in my price range, do my homework and move all of my things. And return my old apartment key back to the landlord.
I smiled at Annick as we walked to class together. She continued to talk about the Latin homework from the other day and I nodded along, trying to listen. Before we reached the classroom though, I felt myself being forced against the wall.
I looked in bewilderment up at Descamps who was holding onto my shoulders roughly, pressing me harder against the stone wall. He ignored Annick's yells and continued to stare coldly down at me like I was some kind of scum.
"What is wrong with you?!" I yelled angrily, wiggling under his grasp. My book bag fell off my arm and landed with a soft thud on the floor next to us. There were hardly any students left in the halls but those that had been running late slowly looked over.
"You're worse than his niece you know," He started with a harsh tone, "You just had to go and tell". I froze realizing I had been caught, Bellanger apparently had never considered confidentiality and now I was facing it's consequences. I sighed and finally pushed him off of me, reaching for my bag as he stood angrily across from me.
I could feel his hatred towards me from his intense glare alone, "Descamps" I began before he cut me off, stepping closer to me. Annick watched with wide eyes at the scene before her.
"I have detention, everyday for two weeks now thanks to you" He gritted out and I didn't miss how his jaw was clenched. I shook my head in frustration before looking back up at him.
"You broke the rules! What did you expect?" I asked, fed up of him trying to place all of the blame on me alone.
"You're a bitch" Descamps muttered before he pushed past me, broad arm shoving into my shoulder. He walked into our History class just down the hall, as if nothing had even happened. Annick's hand on my shoulder brought me out of my anger and I just shook my head. She understood and we walked in together. I refused to look back at Descamps the entire time I walked to my seat, I couldn't bare it.
I sat just as the bell rang shrilly, Madame Giraude walked in and began attendance. Rage was radiating off of me, my eyes trained on a blank spot in an attempt to reel back in my emotions.
I felt someone throw a crumpled piece of paper at my head, I didn't bother reacting.