"What happened there, wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve one single word that guy said to you, okay?" Fox says and looks deep into my soul that was shattered. He wasn't holding me anymore, since I had went to close the bathroom door that he'd left opened. It would've been unpleasant if someone saw us.
"But I did, you don't understand." I mutter and look down at my shoes, standing in the corner.
"Livia, listen to me. Even if you were careless or you talked shit about your friend or whatever not friend-kinda thing you did, you didn't deserve that. You didn't. And I really mean it, because no one should ever hear that kind of stuff." Fox says and pulls my chin up so I'm forced to look into his piercing emerald eyes.
"Did you hear all that Leo said to me... or what I said to him?" I ask with a mournful expression. It's only till now that I realise what I had said in the cafeteria. Why do I have to always be so short-tempered? But I know the answer to my own question; I was hungry. My self control on eating might be nearly flawless but my temper had seen serious flaws. I couldn't keep my emotions down, it felt like having a long time period. Non-stop my feelings were overwhelming and I could snap at anyone at anytime. And when I snapped, it usually led to arguments. And arguments led to bad relationships.
My every single life relationship had gotten worse, at least ten times. Me and mom's, Elijah's, all of my friends'. When I came home, I created arguments from stupid things without even meaning to. Mom was so upset with me that we hardly even spoke anymore. Elijah didn't ask me for help since all I did was lose my temper. I hated myself for it so much but it felt out of control.
But I had to decide between being nice and ugly, or being skinny and mean. But the mean part was only till I would actually get skinny and then all of it would stop. Then everyone would love me, including myself. Then I could eat again so I would get my kindness back.
But only Fox had not pissed me off every time I saw him, which I was thankful to. He was more supportive than I deserved. I didn't really deserve all his care and encouraging words. I wanted it so badly, craved it more than I should. How badly I just wanted to feel wanted made me want to sob against Fox's chest. I wanted to feel his arms around me again, so soft and strong. He made me feel safe and comfortable, he made me feel enough. Like no one else ever had.
"I wasn't there when it happened but I heard pretty much everything from friends." He states.
I fall quiet for a while and stare at my shoes. Thinking about everything when Fox slowly takes a step towards me with unreadable expression. It was a mix of worry and understanding.
It felt like he was asking the permission to hug me, and even though I knew damn well that I didn't deserve it, I gave in.
I take a step forward and let myself crush against his chest, listening to his calm heartbeat. My hands find their way around his waist and he wraps his gentle arms around me too. Fox's cheek rests on top of my head, somehow making me even more comfortable.
The quilt washes over me but I'm too tired to care about it. Nothing matters anymore, if I could, I would choose to be in this position for the rest of my life.
A sob echoes in the room and it takes a while for me to understand that it's coming from me. Without even knowing, I had unconsciously started to cry and tears made their way down my cheeks, even though some of them stopped at Fox's shirt.
"It's okay, I'm right here." Fox whispers and strokes my hair softly.
"Can we please leave?" I ask quietly sobbing.
"Of course." He whispers softly and we pull apart, but Fox doesn't fully let go of me. And I'm a bit more grateful from it than I probably should be.
He supports me by having a strong arm around my shoulders while we walk through the empty hallways. Thank god they were empty since my cheeks were still full of tears and my eyes glowing red. It would've been awful to run into somebody.
"Where do you wanna go?" Fox questions when we finally get out of the school building.
"To your place." I answer, cringing a bit for my immediate response.
"Okay." He nods and we walk in silence for a long time. He still hasn't let go of me.
"Is anyone home?" I ask when we are almost at his door.
"Hopefully not, since mom would kill me for skipping school." Fox says and grins at me.
I stop right after hearing that and realise what I had done. "Oh gosh, I didn't even think about you. I'm so selfish I'm sorry." I mutter and stare at my converse again.
"Huh? What do you mean?" Fox tilts his head in surprise.
"You can't be skipping school just because of me, if you get into trouble for this it's my fault. I-"
Fox cuts me off quickly, "Hey, don't worry about that, I wasn't really looking forward to my next lesson anyway. This is completely okay with me, my choice." He reassures and opens the front door. I decide to believe him and step inside to their lovely cozy home.
The house is completely quiet and lights are off. "Don't worry no one is here." I say to Fox.
"Thank god." He sighs. "Well, what do you want to do?"
"Oh. I hadn't thought that far." I mutter.
"We could watch Gilmore Girls?" Fox suggest with a sweet smile.
"Great." I smile back and we head straight upstairs to his room. His room was probably the most comfortable place that I could ever find in this world. I fall asleep there often, but Fox doesn't mind. He just continues to watch Gilmore Girls and wakes me up when something important happens. But this was the very first time ever that we were hanging out without doing a school project. Just casually hanging around. It was nice.
"What do you think, will you be able to be awake for the whole episode?" Fox laughs and nudges me teasingly while we climb up the stairs to his room.
"Oh shut up, of course I can!" I laugh and nudge him back.
"I bet you can't." He says as we jump to his huge bed and open Netflix. "Should I make us some popcorn?" Fox asks right before hitting play.
"Sure." I mutter trying to keep my face straight. There was absolutely no way that I could eat right now, I had started to eat slightly more so I wouldn't faint but it was hard enough. One meal a day felt too much already and I was afraid that if I took popcorn or other snacks I might lose control and overeat. Then all my process would be nothing.
"Do you want anything else?" He asks before heading out of the room.
I just shake my head for an answer. What the hell should I do? I can't eat popcorn, even though it's lower in calories than chips it was too scary. I would be fat again.
I hear him downstairs putting the popcorn bag to microwave, the sweet buttery smell flutters into my nostrils, making me feel ill. It makes me want to eat, and nothing in this world was as bad as the want to eat. I despise that.
"Here." Fox barges into the room with the fresh popcorn. I smile but turn away, the smell was so strong.
We click play and begin the fourth Gilmore Girls episode. It's fun, me and him just chilling around. I try my best to just concentrate on this specific moment and ignore what happened in the cafeteria and the smelly popcorns.
He was here, with me. And he wanted to be with me, and that meant the world to me. He had become more important to me in a month, than any of my other friends in years. I don't know why, or how. He just kinda snuck into my life, like a fox.
Thirty minutes into the episode and my head starts to feel heavy. Shit, Fox was right. I try to shrug my tiredness away but my yawn exposes me.
"Sleepy already?" He asks smiling when he notices my yawning.
"I'm not." I say and force my eyes open.
"Your eyes twitch." Fox laughs.
"No they don't." I say but yawn again, causing Fox to laugh even more. There's no point in trying anymore to stay awake, not even coffee could save me now.
"Just five minutes, okay?" I mutter finally and begin to close my eyes. The last thing I hear is his soft chuckle before falling into deep sleep that does not in fact last five minutes.
***
"Liv! Wake up!" Someone brutally shakes me awake.
"Huh?" I ask and blink several times before my eyesight gets better. For my embarrassment I realise that I had snuggled closer to Fox in my sleep. My body was leaning into him and my head rested against his shoulder. Embarrassment makes my cheeks blush.
"My mom got home!" Fox says in urgent but quiet voice.
"So?" I ask confused, not understanding why that was a bad thing.
"We're supposed to be in school!" He explains in a rush.
"Shit." I mutter quietly, now fully awake. The embarrassment leaves my body and worry takes over. Fox would get into big trouble because of my stupid request to leave school early.
"Who's home? Why is there a popcorn bag in the table and lights on?" A women yells from downstairs. His mom I suppose.
"Oh fuck, why did I leave it there?" Fox asks and frowns to himself.
"Boys? Fox? Tod?" The woman asks in demanding voice. She didn't sound very sweet. I had never actually seen any of Fox's family members since I usually left pretty early. And now wasn't a very good timing to meet them, I think.
"She can't find us!" Fox mutters quietly.
We hear her starting to climb up the stairs and Fox looks panicked.
"Under the bed, quickly!" I whisper sharply and we roll out of the bed as quiet as we can. I throw our schoolbags there so we wouldn't get caught from that.
I creep under the bed first, him coming right after me. I go all the way until my back meets the wall and there's no room to move anymore. Fox comes close to me, so even if his mom paced around the room she wouldn't see us. Only if she decided to check under the bed, we'd be in a deep shit.
My stupid heart started to race when I realised how close Fox was. For a moment I'm afraid that he'll hear it, but at least he isn't saying anything. I'm glad that it was dark here since my face is probably redder than a tomato.
A small laugh comes from Fox's throat. It's so quiet that only I can hear it, since our faces were probably like five inches apart.
"What's so funny?" I whisper.
"I mean, look at us." He laughs again, but it's the us that makes me blush again. I feel stupid to blush for something like that, I didn't even like him?
I chuckle back until we hear his door open. A woman in high heels walks in, but her feet are the only things that I can see from my spot. They are rich looking cherry red high heels. I bet they cost more than my house.
My glance at Fox tells me that he's gone suddenly serious too. His glamorous green eyes glance down at me too, and he flashes a dimpled smile for me. I don't find anything smileable in this situation, his mom searching his room and us skipping school but oh well.
"Fox? Are you here?" The woman asks and paces around a bit before heading to the door again when nobody answers. Thank god.
I'm about to open my mouth to tell Fox how scary that was but he puts a finger on my lips, shushing me quietly. The heat starts to rise to my cheeks again but I keep quiet.
Until we hear that the woman has stumbled down the stairs, Fox takes his hand from my mouth and smiles.
"That was terrifying, what if she found us?" I breathe out quietly.
"She would've killed me and probably sent me back to school. You too." Fox says and starts to roll beck. I go right after him, until be both are in his floor standing again.
"Well what now?" I whisper with hands crossed.
"I mean, we could sneak out?" He shrugs and looks at the window.
"What?" I whisper-yell. "Are you crazy, this is a two-story house!"
"Relax, we have ladders. Look." He climbs to his bed with me following.
"Where?" I ask but then he opens the window so I can see them. "But isn't that dangerous?"
"I've used them many times, Tod has too. They're safe I promise." He shrugs and jumps out of the window for the first ladder.
"Fox!" I yelp and grab his arm, afraid he'll fall down and die or something.
"They're safe, see?" He flashes his dimples again but I'm too scared to even notice.
"That's too dangerous, come back!" I hiss but he's not even listening.
He takes a couple steps down and I can finally relax a bit, knowing that they're not gonna break and drop Fox to the ground.
"Come on Liv. Before mom sees you." He says and I nod, still a bit unsure. I grab my school bag that I had hid under the bed and place my feet to the ladders. They are sturdy for sure, but I still can't bear to look down. I take a few deep breaths.
When my hands are holding the ladders too, I reach up to close the window which is surprisingly easy. Then I slowly start to climb down, carefully placing my feet to every step. Fox waits me patiently, not hurrying me one bit.
"Gosh, that was horrible." I mutter when my feet are finally on the steady ground.
"It wasn't that bad." Fox smiles to me. He really likes smiling, he reminds me of a sunrise.
"Oh it was." I assure him but he just burst out laughing. This time I smile too, I had never done this kinda stuff with anyone so it was actually quite funny.
"What do you want to do now? I'm afraid you can't sleep this time." Fox says as we begin walking.
"Shut up!" I laugh and nudge him.
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