EMAN HASHIM
I folded my prayer mat, glancing at the alarm clock on my nightstand as I got up. I had an hour and a half to get ready. It was plenty of time yet it felt as if I had no time at all.
It could just be the nerves but it felt as if time was running away from me too quickly and yet, my world had come to a standstill. I was getting engaged on Saturday, the thought occurred to me every fifteen minutes as if my brain couldn't get used to it.
I admitted that I was more than a little nervous about the decision I had made regarding my marriage. It was a big step. My life was going to change once I signed those nikkah papers and said those two words that would tie me to Tariq forever. I didn't know how Nikhat had done it, how she'd given up her old life for a new one.
As I put my prayer mat in the drawer in my desk, I walked over to my almirah and opened it. I'd already planned what I would wear this evening. It was a silver abaya dress with little white beads sewn across the waist. It was a gift from my parents. They liked to spoil me whenever they could and I respected them for it. I loved them for it.
I was going to pair it with a grey chiffon hijab that I owned, which was hanging beside the dress already. I pulled my outfit out and laid it on my bed. I stared at it for a moment as I thought about my decision once again. I was sure about the decision I had made. I remembered Nikhat being distracted and anxious before her marriage, too. I guess it was a phase every young woman went through.
I was about to head to my dresser to begin doing my makeup when a series of voices sounded from outside my room door. My heart stalled in my chest for a moment before it resumed beating with a force and speed which scared me. I ignored its incessant beating as I walked out of my bedroom to see what was going on.
I was glad to be still wearing my jilbab because there was no way I was going to spend another five minutes trying to fix a hijab. There was no one outside my bedroom and I realized that the sound was coming from downstairs.
I could hear Baba speaking but someone was talking over him in angry, rushed words. It didn't take long for me to figure out who it was. As expected, the moment I reached the bottom step, I spotted Shariq in the foyer, his angry gaze fixed on my father as he spat out words that barely made sense to my fuzzy brain.
"You owe my mother your daughter, khaalu!" His words finally registered to me as I came to a stand behind my father. My mother looked at me with a worried expression on her face before turning back to the men.
"I owe your mother money, not my daughter," My father replied calmly but Shariq wasn't listening to him anymore. His eyes found mine over Baba's shoulder and a scowl made itself home on his face.
"This is all your fault!" He snapped and Baba's attention turned to me too. I took a step away from my ex-fiance involuntarily, his words like a slap to my face. My fault? What was my fault? "You couldn't have kept your mouth shut? You couldn't have just went along with the original plan?"
"Mani, go to your room." Baba's hand came to rest on my shoulder. I heard him. I knew what to do but I couldn't move. My legs seemed to have frozen in place as Shariq cursed at me loudly in Urdu. "Mani, I said go to your room." My father's voice was firmer this time.
It propelled me into action. Taking a step away from the madman in the foyer of my house, I turned around and walked back up the stairs. My hands shook as I opened my bedroom door again and stepped inside. My entire body shuddered from either fear or disgust, I couldn't tell anymore. My brain seemed to have turned to mush and a sinking feeling took hold of my heart.
Shariq was not going to leave me alone so easily, I realized. He believed that I was his property because my father had agreed to a relationship between the two families. My stomach turned at the thought and I felt bile rising in my throat.
Never before had a man disgusted me the way my ex-fiance did. Never before had I rushed to the bathroom because I couldn't physically be in another man's presence. Never before had I thrown up so hard that my throat and stomach hurt from the impact. But I did now and I wondered if this was how I was supposed to live for the rest of my life, with Shariq's shadow at my back at all times. And I wondered how I would keep Tariq away from these shadows of my past, how I would protect him the way he protected me.
~.~.~.~
Two hours later, I pulled into the driveway of Tariq's house. Killing the engine, I stayed seated in my car as I waited for my heart to calm down. The shock from the scene Shariq had caused at my house still haunted me. My heart and my head were a mess and I felt a pang of guilt and sadness.
Tonight was supposed to be a special night. Tonight was supposed to be a big night for me. I wanted to enjoy it and to do that, I would have to let go of the fear still clinging to me, would have to become Eman again, not the version of her that Shariq inspired.
Unlocking my phone, I pulled up the fake Instagram account I had made to catfish Shariq. I needed a reminder that I was capable of destroying him before he could do further damage in my life and my relationships. I needed a reminder that I was halfway there, that I could expose Shariq in a way that he would never try to be disrespectful to another woman.
It wasn't revenge I was planning on him. No, I didn't believe in revenge. This was a way to save other women from him. Shariq didn't deserve to settle down. He would make life miserable for his future spouse so I was going to make sure he never got one.
I opened my chats with him and responded to his text. So far, he was just trying to get to know me. But it wouldn't be too long before he would ask me to meet up. I knew it because he had mentioned it before already. Desperate man. Foolish man. I asked him how his day was and logged out of the account again.
When I put my phone back in my purse and got out of my car, I felt a hundred pounds lighter. The anxiety faded from my stomach and I inhaled deeply to get rid of the lingering sadness. Tonight was special and I was going to enjoy it to the fullest.
I walked to the front door, looking around the clean and smart front yard. Tariq's house was beautiful. It felt surreal that I was going to live here once we were married. It was a good thing that I liked the place.
I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to let me in. I glanced at my wristwatch, wondering if the others had shown up yet. I was hoping they had because it would be weird being alone with Tariq. As if to answer my question and ease my fears, Ahvi opened the front door.
Her face lit up when her eyes met mine. I had called her this evening to invite her to dinner at Tariq's. It was a giveaway, I knew but my best friend pretended that it was completely normal and that it didn't mean we were making things official between us.
"Hey!" She pulled me into a side hug now as I stepped inside. She wore a sleeveless, deep blue dress that hugged her body. Ahvi rarely wore dressed but she looked gorgeous tonight with her hair pinned up in an updo.
"You look beautiful." I complimented as we walked down the hallway toward the living room from where voices already flowed out.
"Thank you." She grinned, tucking her bangs behind her ear. "You look stunning yourself." She praised, her gaze dipping to my dress. It was indeed beautiful. It fit perfectly. It didn't give away the shape of my body but still felt as if it was made for me. I felt comfortable in it. And beautiful.
I thanked Ahvi, turning my attention to the polished floor, trying to gather myself. I felt my stomach do another silly flip as we reached the living room doorway and walked inside.
"Look who's here!" Ahvi cried, making every pair of eyes in the room turn toward us. I smiled as I met Jace's stare, the safest option. I pointedly ignored Tariq, whose eyes I could feel on me from the other side of the room.
"Em! Oh. My. God. You look so beautiful!" Jace complimented. "Do we want to know who you wore that dress for tonight? Oh, we already do." He slapped a hand over his mouth in a dramatic gesture. I wanted to roll my eyes at him but all I could do was smile shyly as I walked to an armchair and took a seat.
"What did we decide, babe? No teasing Eman," Ahvi said as she walked over to Jace and took a seat beside him.
"What about-" Jace began as his arm slid across her waist as if he couldn't bring himself to stop touching her even for a moment.
"No, not even Tariq." Ahvi cut him off as he pulled her closer to him until she was sitting on his lap. I glanced at Ren, gauging his reaction to the PDA but he didn't say anything. A small frown was the only displeasure he showed. I guess he was getting used to seeing them together.
"You look lovely," Ren said when he caught my eyes. He wore a black button down shirt and pants. I guessed Ahvi was the one who told the guys the dress code because there was no way they randomly showed up to their friend's house all dressed up.
"Thank you." I dipped my chin in a nod. The hairs on the back of my neck rose as I tried to keep my ground and not look at Tariq. But my eyes betrayed me and I found myself seeking him out. He was sitting in the armchair across from me, a glass of what looked like a mocktail, in his hand. He took a sip as his gaze met mine.
A small smile tugged on one corner of his lips and I returned it with one of my own. The others were either watching us or they were busy among themselves, I didn't know anymore. All I knew was that Tariq was looking at me and I was suddenly all too aware of the fabric of my dress caressing my skin, of my heart thundering in my chest, and of my breath that seemed to have turned shallow all of a sudden.
Thank Allah that the others were here already before I showed up, I thought as I peeled my gaze away, reluctantly but surely.