Graduation day came way too quickly. The day was a blur for Jennie, but she knew her mind was not trying to deceive her when at the tail of the large crowd, as she stood on the stage after receiving her diploma, she saw Riley's car. The day was a blur and she barely remembered the things said and done on same day, but she remembered seeing Riley clearly.
Or maybe her head did try to deceive her. Maybe it played tricks on her. Made her see things, or rather, someone who wasn't there. Because for a few seconds she could see Riley standing next to her car. She wore a black fitted suit with black dress shoes and a light blue brim hat. And although the older woman wore black shades, she knew they shared a stare for atleast five seconds. Her heart had warmed up and she froze on stage, a teacher trying to bring her back to reality. When she blinked and turned to receive the diploma and shake hands with her old teachers, the older woman was gone. So she thought that maybe she imagined her presence. Maybe she just really wanted her to be there so much that her brain created this illusion so she wouldn't feel the void too much. So she shook her head and composed herself, refusing to think about it any further lest she became crazy.
But when after stepping off the stage someone brought her a small gift with a note, she knew she hadn't imagined it. She knew she really saw her. She really was there. She really did come to see her. At that moment, it didn't matter if they were no longer in speaking terms or if Riley had moved on. It didn't matter if she was accused of murder and that the rumour was currently hot news on the internet. Riley came to see her graduate. That's all that mattered to her.
So this time she didn't wait to open the gift. Mia had walked to her out of concern and curiosity while their parents chatted about the two girls. She didn't speak, because she already guessed who the gift was from. Jennie allowed her friend to read the letter with her. It's not like she noticed at first. The only thing she saw was the distant image of Riley that she saw earlier on. Hands buried deep in her pockets like she usually did when she was calm. She looked good. She always looked. She always smelled good too. And on some days, when Jennie closed her eyes and really put her mind into sniffing the air, she could still smell Riley's cologne and it intoxicated her.
The note was simple. Just a "Congratulations Nini. Good luck on whatever you choose to do in the near future. And please don't thank me, I might just start feeling bad." It didn't say who sent it, but Jennie knew just by the nickname that it was Riley. The nickname she thought Riley would never use on her again. She knew the last part was a joke, and she couldn't help but chuckle softly when she read it.
She ripped apart the cover of the gift to find a box. There was something written on its lid as well.
"So you never lose sight of time."
She didn't know if the little message made her feel joy or sadness. She wasted a lot of time in the past. Time she could've used in showing Riley how she felt. How she loved and cared about her. But on the other side of things, she was still young and her life was just starting. So maybe instead of thinking about regrets, she could think about the new possibilities that await her. New people to meet. New activities to do. New memories to make.
Without wasting anymore time, she opened the box. She already had an idea of what the gift is, but nothing could've prepared her for what she saw. A custom-made ladies watch. She picked it up and out of it's cover to better examine it, and she didn't miss the small gasp that left the mouth of her friend.
This is how the watch looks like.
When she turned it around, she saw that something was neatly carved on the back of the watch. Jennie knew even without doubt that Riley spent a lot of money on the watch. The names
"Nini Bear
Xoxo
Big tiger"
Were carved at the back, almost invisible. But she saw it still. And it wasn't until a single tear drop landed with a small splash on her wrist that she noticed that she was crying. But she wasn't sad at all. Infact, she felt like Riley was setting her free. Like the war between heart and mind was over and she could finally let go. So she did. She looked up at her friend who quickly gave her a tight hug. Once they parted, she wiped away her tears and with the help of her friend, she wore the watch on her right wrist and let a genuinely bright smile grace her face.
.......
Layla walked into the nice restaurant and told the receptionist the reservation she came for and was led to the table. As soon as she walked to it, she saw her and her heart skipped a bit. She couldn't help but smile.
Her lover met her gaze with a soft one, smiling at her. She stood up and gave her a hug then kissed her forehead, which made Layla blush uncontrollably. She opened the opposite sit for her and helped her sit down before walking to her own chair and sitting down. They were both dressed formally with Layla wearing a tight fitting black dress with matching heels. Her hair was left to fall in elegant waves on her back while Riley's hair was cut so it only touched the top of her shoulders again.
"You look breathtakingly beautiful," Riley complimented her lover who smiled at her.
"Thank you. You look irresistible, as always," the compliment elicited a soft chuckle from Riley. They had never been on a date before in the past. That's why Riley thought it would be a good idea for her to take Layla out. A polite waitress came to their table and handed them menu's before walking away.
"So, how are you?" Riley asked her lover who's eyes scanned the menu in her hands. She raised her eyes and looked at her for a while, and although their eyes looked into the other's, the latter's mind was thinking deeply about so many things. She blinked and let out a soft breath through her nose before looking at the menu again.
"I'm alright. You?" Riley heard how the question was asked with great caution, and she felt the need to clear some things out before they escalated into something of great worry and concern in Layla's mind. Because she knew that although the woman was extremely beautiful, and always appeared to be confident and sure of herself, she was still very much insecure about herself. She hid a fear inside of her. A fear she raised and natured ever since she was a child in her family house, listening and watching her parents fight almost every single day. A fear that grew with her and has, as the years continued to pass, grown to be very big and powerful.
The fear of not being able to find a love that will stay.
Because when for a certain part of your life you had to watch your family break apart, to watch your parents whom you thought loved each other dearly, get divorced, your look on what love is like starts to change. You start to fear it. You start feeling the need to reject and push it away whenever it tried to enter your life. To push it back and lock it out because you think that way, it won't be able to hurt you. That way you can say that you're the one who left love, and not the other way around. You start to have this belief that love doesn't really last. That forever doesn't really last for long. That every person who claims to love you, is really ever looking for a taste of your aphrodisiac body. And so you build up the tallest and thickest walls you can. Until someone can be brave enough to take on your challenge when you dare them to stay. For their love to not be forever but for infinity. To know no bounds and no limits. And even though that someone takes on the job, the fear lives in you still. Atleast until you can fully trust without the need to hold back a certain portion of yourself.
But when you meet someone like Riley, who will still hold your heart close her chest even if it were hot lava. The fear is never to not be taken care of, because she treats you like a Goddess. The standards she sets for you are always too high for others to reach. She holds your hand whenever you're nervous, compliments your insecurities away. She will hold you tightly in her arms whenever you feel unsure. Whisper sweet nothings whenever you're having a panic attack. Always has a joke to help you laugh when you're sad. Always knows exactly what to say to calm the storm that is your anger. And she ensures that you feel just how much she loves you by the way she kisses you. By how she looks at you as if you were the only human on Earth worth looking at.
Then the fear is never to not be taken care of, because you know that Riley's got that covered to the brim. But because you know how rare she is, how special and hard to find she is. The fear it to lose her. And if you're someone like Layla, who has lost the woman before, even as she sits opposite you in a very cosy restaurant, you're still scared that she'll wake up one morning and decide to leave you. To walk away... Again.
"I'm alright now," Riley replied as she looked at her own menu, and Layla wondered what the exact meaning of her response is. Because she had seen the gift and the notes written to Jennie. Infact, she was with Riley when the latter picked out the gift, and she was also there when it was boxed and wrapped up as a gift. She also knew that the latter just left her ex fiancee's graduation because Riley hadn't hid it from her. Infact, as the considerate person that she is, Riley had first consulted her on the issue, asking her how she felt and what she thought about it. She wanted to make sure that it wouldn't hurt Layla, because she was transparent like that. And although Layla had said that she was "cool" with it. She realised later on that she wasn't. But it was already too late because Riley had already gone to the girl.
She knew what Jennie once was to Riley, but she wondered if the latter knew what she currently is to same Riley. It isn't jealousy that she felt, far be it from that. Fear, that's what she felt. The fear of losing Riley to the girl once more. She couldn't take another heartbreak, because this one would surely kill her. Because now she had given almost all of her to Riley, save for the small portion that she was still scared to give out. But she was still afraid of not being enough. Soon, the waitress came to take their orders. They went with simple but still delicious meals then settled on a shared desert because Riley thought it would be romantic. The waitress jotted down their orders before taking back their menus and walking away. Layla kept her eyes down. She felt nervous, too nervous that she feared that if she stood up now, then she would definitely fall down.
Riley reached out and placed her hands on the table, palms up and awaiting. Layla looked at her for a second, she could see tiny stars figuratively swimming in Riley eyes, and she wondered if it was because of her, surely not. But nonetheless, she put up her hands and tentatively placed them in her hands. Riley immediately closed her hands, trapping Layla's slightly shaking ones in her own. She raised them up to her lips, and kissed each of them softly while keeping eye contact. Layla's heart drummed against her chest, and she felt the need to take in and let out a long breath to avoid suffocating herself. When Riley moved her face away from their hands and looked at her with great intensity, she couldn't help but visibly gulp.
"I love you Layla, very much. Believe it or not, I am not going anywhere. I am here for you, and here with you. I am here to stay, and I am here to stay with you for as long as I can. You have given me your heart, and now, I give you mine." The words were said softly and quietly. Soothingly, with every emotion Riley felt reflected on each word. Layla's eyes watered, and all her worries flew away.
"I love you," Riley repeated.
"I am in love with you," she added, and Layla wondered how she always knew when Layla was having her moments of doubts. Or was she just easy to read? Definitely not. Riley let go of one of her hands only to reveal a handkerchief from her suit. She dangled it in the air with a grin and said, "Always prepared." The words made Layla let out a soft laugh. A soft smile replaced her look of worry and sadness. At that very moment, she gave all of herself to Riley. All of it, nothing left out. And as Riley carefully wiped away her tears so as to not ruin the beautiful makeup she spent hours working on, she knew that her heart was safe now. That she needs not hold on to the fear any longer. So she let it go, and she gave all of herself to Riley. Wholly. Fully.
"I love you too Riley, I really love you," she finally said when her tears were wiped away and Riley's hand was holding hers again. Now she was not afraid of crying, because she knew that Riley would be there to wipe away her every tear. She found a love worth keeping. A love willing to stay, and she had no intentions of letting it go. So they enjoyed their dinner. Silence evacuated their table and was replaced by heartily laughter and interesting chatter. And the worry and fear? It was long gone and forgotten.