Messages From the Void

My heartbeat slows;

my thoughts, they escalate
causing my mind to go into a state of disarray.
I try to recuperate, but it fails,
the numbness starts to wash over me.
I lose all sense of touch, hearing, even thought,
I lose myself in the storm.
For a few moments, I'm unable to breathe
but I catch my breath on the verge of unconsciousness
so that I don't miss a single beat.
"There's a lesson to be learned in misery."
I hear echoing throughout my head
but I can't triangulate the source,
probably just me again.
Why is this happening? Why? Why? Why?
Fuck. Is today really the day?
Will the fabric of reality finally collapse?
No, but it takes a toll on me.
I drag my body along one more day
and at night, I look up at the sky.
I explore the stars and planets,
leaving my meat bag at home,
hoping to find a better place for my mind
but alas, it's all my fault
and it's all in my head.
I can't escape what me, myself, created.
Every time I try to relax,
I feel it gnawing at the back of mind.
The killer instinct, the Mr. Hyde mentality,
wanting to tear everything to shreds.
But everything is beautiful, you might say.
But everything is designed to destroy me, I would reply.
And now I'm speaking to you in my head
but it's a fabricated lie, it's just me.
And the things I say, the things I do,
the things I think to myself throughout the day
drive me fucking crazy. WHY?
Why must I stop at nothing to ruin myself?
And why can't I ever stop it?
Maybe the me who's making me think these things
isn't me at all but rather, who I used to be.
But then, why can't I shake him..?
What if the me causing all these illusions
is a form of me that I cannot see
because who I am now is separate from who I could be.
What separates me...from me?
It could only be me.
But then, who are you?