Tour happened to be a lot of things, what it wasn't was easy on the Sturniolos. On neither their bodies nor minds. Matt figured that out the hard way.
They were pre-recording videos at the moment. Making sure to have enough content scheduled for them to be able to post them each week. Throughout the expanse of their tour.
During filming was when it happened, when the weight on Matt's shoulders finally had him cracking.
Matt usually was pretty level-headed when it came to being interrupted. He had experience with it. Today however was not the case, Nick's eyes roll at their youngest brother snapping back at Chris while the other speaks.
''Do you not get it, kid? I want for Matt to speak, let him talk,'' Nick riots, hands thrown up almost animatedly while talking. The eldest's voice continuing to snip heatedly at Chris. ''Let Matt talk!''
Matt watches the scene unfold, as attentive, and watchful as ever. He's a mere bystander In it all, having not added or denied any of what's being said. He's just there, as he has been throughout the entire video. And as the blonde's gaze meets him, an accomplished little grin on thin lips he wonders. It's ambiguous to him if his brother even realizes how hypocritical that is. Or if Nick even recognizes that the eldest is keeping him from speaking as well. That it's not only Chris doing it, it's the both of them.
He doubts it, highly suspects even that Nick had never bothered to think of it that way.
Unhurriedly Matt breathes, in and out. In and out, he repeats the action. Trying to stifle the vibrant cloud of annoyance his brother's voluminous voice brings up. And instead chooses to take a moment to gather up what he'd been wanting to say. Conjuring it again to speak, only that's interrupted as well.
Why wouldn't it be when everything he ever hopes of saying is always interrupted? Why would he hope of today being any different?
It wouldn't.
''Besides Chris, you've said enough. So much even that my ears might actually fall off if -''
Matt can't do it any longer. All of his stress, pressure, and anxiety comes pouring out of him. Pooling out in front of him, it's all directed as anger. Irritation at the ones he loves. And Matt just about hates himself for it. But he's just so, so incredibly tired.
That fatigue is what has him slashing into his brother's statement,
''Oh my god, I'm done. Will you two actually just shut up, for two seconds, that's it? Two, that's all I'm asking,''
Chris snorts in response, and Nick? He should know by now that Nick doesn't get it, either. Because Nick laughs too. Probably thinking he's getting like this for the video, that it's done in jest when it's not.
''One, two,'' Nick ripostes out sarcastically. Throwing up the fingers needed to count. ''There Matt is that what you want, do you feel better now? I'm sure all your little Matt girls are going to want to edit this,''
Maybe it's his brothers condescending tone that does it, or the stress, hell, maybe it's nothing Nick even did, maybe it's him - all him. All Matt knows is that whatever it was sends him over the edge.
''No, it isn't any fucking better! I'm serious, do you guys ever stop talking or think that maybe I wanted to talk? Or is that not something that crosses your minds? Obviously, it doesn't because how the fuck do you ask me something only for you to interrupt me immediately? Is it on purpose Nick, like do you even want me to answer you? Because then you're whining when I'm not talking at all! But then this shit happens and it makes me wonder if I have anything worthwhile to say at all -''
Abruptly Matt cuts off. And it's funny to him how quickly he does it. How fast his emotions go from dark and unsightly anger to this embarrassment he feels, to sadness. When his voice does fade into the abyss he feels Nick and Chris's expressions are stunned. Realizing for once that he isn't joking. Matt almost wishes he was.
''Oh,'' Matt mutters in shock, running everything he'd just said in his mind. ''I - I didn't,''
The youngest is the first of his brothers to break their silence, of course it's Chris, it's always Chris.
''Matty?'' Chris says, ''Dude, are you - are you okay?''
Matt wills his eyes to close at that, because if Chris asks him again he thinks he might genuinely cry. Not even because he wants too either, but because Matt's so frustrated and overwhelmed that it feels like he needs too. Shaking his head in reply Matt grants himself a second. Then he goes to speak, hoping Nick'll at least take in what he's saying.
''Wait, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that, I'm just sorry - I'll go,''
He thinks he's really going to, that the tears in his eyes and pang in his heart mean something. That they mean he should get out before he causes his brothers any more grief. They're dealing with enough as is, they didn't need his childish little outbursts on top of that. All because he can't regulate his fucking emotions.
His hand goes to latch onto his doorhandle wanting nothing more than to throw it open, to leave. Matt wants to be able to breathe. Instead, his hand just barely grips at the latch as Nick leans forward. The elder's hand clasps at his shoulder reassuringly.
It's enough to have him stopping. Giving into the touch for a second. It's not what he deserves at the moment - not after what he'd said. But maybe it's what he craves.
''Matt, no, Matt, calm down, don't leave,'' Nick soothes, running the hand along his skin. ''It's fine,''
Is it, how can it be fine when nothing's fine.
''It's not fine,'' Matt asserts. ''You should be yelling at me for what I said, it was horrible. Why aren't you yelling at me?''
''You're fine, I'm not going to yell at you,''
Nick should. His brother really, really should scream at him.
''Do it, I deserve it, I don't want to feel bad anymore, just yell back at me,''
He waited for Chris to agree with him, for his brother to instigate something between him and Nick, the youngest didn't. And Nick spoke again, the elder's tone honeyed but words blunt.
''Well, I'm not going to so suck it up. There's been plenty of times where I deserved it and you didn't yell at me, did you?''
''No, Nick, what I said -''
''You didn't mean, already know. Already forgiven, I just want you to talk to me, tell me what's going on?''
''I'm stressed,'' Matt breathlessly cries. ''God, I'm so stressed that it's stupid. And I know I have no reason to feel that way when you are both doing just as much as I am. But it's - it's just a lot, and it's getting to me. I never meant to take it out on either of you I swear,''
Nick's face softens in that way that only a loving older brother's can.
"Bubba, no way you think that. You have just as much of a right to be stressed out as Chris or I, that's crazy to me that you don't see that,''
''It's not just being stressed though, you guys are as well and I don't see you guys whining about it the way I am,''
''Doesn't mean we're handling it any better than you, Matty,'' Chris speaks up quietly. ''You aren't whining anyway, I'd tell you if you were,''
''Thanks,'' Matt throws back sarcastically, a ghost of a smile skimming his lips. It's enough for Chris to beam back at him, an accomplished grin on the others face. The care, the love that the gesture holds eases something in Matt.
Even has him thinking that in that moment things might not be all bad.
''Look I think we all need some sleep, alright? We can think on it, figure out what to do about tour tomorrow,'' Nick reasons. ''Right now though it's not important,''
It's not a bad idea, Matt's tired. So unbelievably so that he thinks he could sleep for days at a time and not even notice. Noncommittally Matt hums,
''Okay, Nicky, can I say something first?''
''Hmm?''
''I'm still sorry,''
Gently, Nick lets out a breath.
''I know you are, Bubba, I know, now let's get home and sleep, we'll talk later if that's what you want,''
______
Luckily enough Matt had fallen asleep, the kid needed it. Nick props himself up from where he lays beside Matt, Chris on the other side of the middle child. Nick's eyes never leave his brother's face as the younger lays there, his vision never strays away from darkened under eyes, pale skin. The soft breath that's long since evened out into soft snores comfort him whereas they'd usually annoy him. Matt's depleted, entirely exhausted and Nick only wishes he'd seen that before.
It shouldn't have taken Matt having a meltdown for him to notice something had been off. Chris doesn't seem to be fairing much better. The brunette's head peeks out from over Matt's sleeping form.
''I feel bad I'd never realized how exhausted he was,'' Chris confides in him. ''It's weird seeing him like this,''
''Yeah, it is,''
''Can I be honest?''
''Of course,''
''I feel bad,''
''So do I,''
And he does. In reply, the youngest triplet frowns at him,
''No, like I feel more than just bad, dude,'' Chris insists. ''I don't know how we didn't notice, I knew tour was messing with him - just not like that,''
Nick doesn't either.
''It's Matt, you think he would've let us know?''
''You're right,'' Chris yawns. ''Just wish that sometimes he would,''
Nick can't say he doesn't agree, but before he can even voice the fact Chris's slumped. Nick sighs, taking in the sight of his sleepy brothers before carefully slugging a blanket over them all. He lays on his side, head resting on his hand as he softly plays with Matt's hair.
Matt's going to be the death of him, Nick's sure of it. But you know what, that's okay. The kid deserves someone who'll die for him.
______
Request- Can you do one where Matt has a mental breakdown on tour? I hope you enjoyed this! I've never done a prompt like this so I wasn't entirely sure how to feel about how this one turned out. It's more of a softer one shot then more of mind though! The next one is sure to be angsty. For Shittydaysinlife