Adeline's Pov
"Your mother was a really kind lady." Mom's colleague —whose name I never learnt— smiled at me.
I mindlessly nod to her words while my eyes were glued to my mother's casket as it was descended in her soon-to-be grave.
A broken sob escaped past my lips and a stream of tears started to flow again. I knew I looked like a mess but I couldn't care less.
I wish George and Josh were here but they weren't. No flights were available at such short notice so they will be meeting me at the airport when I land in my father's city.
My father. The man who conveniently called my social services this morning claiming my custody after abandoning me before I was born.
I wiped my tears and stepped forward to let the soil fall down from my hand and cover the beautiful face of the mother I'll have to live without for the rest of my life.
————
Dim light welcomed me as I woke up at an odd time. Mom knew I get scared of dark so she always flicked on the ferry lights when she left my side.
Turning towards the side table, I checked the time on the digital clock. It was 4:50. The bathroom was empty as there was no sign of light coming out from under it.
Where was my mom?
As my bladder forced me to get up, I reluctantly left the warm duvet and dragged myself to the bathroom.
Once I was done I saw mom still haven't returned to the room so I decided to go and check downstairs. She must be having a midnight snack or maybe watching TV without me.
I kept my footsteps light as it was very late and almost felt illegal to make a big noise at this hour. Mom didn't notice me as I snuck behind her and engulfed her in a hug.
She was startled by my sudden appearance but held my arms nonetheless. She turned on her seat at the kitchen island as we pulled
away.
"What are you doing here, sweetheart? Couldn't sleep?" Her voice was kind as always but I noticed a hint of weariness in it.
There was only one light switched on so I had to really focus on her face to finally notice her wet cheeks. She was crying. But why would mom cry?
"Mommy, why are you crying?" I was getting scared of the situation.
There's just so much an seven year old could handle.
"I'm not crying, baby. Something went in mommy's eyes." Her smile never faltered.
"I can help you get that out. I offered genuinely wanting to be helpful.
"It's fine. I got it." She swiped her thumb over one eye and wiped the remnant of tears.
"Next time if you need help. Wake me up!" I commanded, putting a hand on my hip to emphasize my point.
"I will." She laughed and kissed my cheek.
After a bar of chocolate, mom forced me to bed as I had school tomorrow and we cuddled as I started slowly dozing off.
Before I was consumed by sleep I heard a mumble that could've been my imagination. "I wish I never left."
————
"George!" I almost screamed when I saw him. I hated it when he had to leave for work!
He wasn't even prepared when I ran towards him and jumped dropping all of my weight on him. Mom laughed as he slightly stumbled
backwards but managed to catch me in time.
“Someone missed me.” He chuckled and kissed my hair.
“Stop trying to steal my dad.” Josh loved to quarrel with me.
“Then you stay the fudge away from my mom.” I sassed back.
“Well…..” George tilted his head putting me down. “There's this new ice cream parlor down the block…. If you two are done fighting then how about we go and see if they're really up to the mark?”
Josh and I immediately rushed to grab our phones and raced to the car to claim the passenger seat. I got in first and mom took the backseat with Josh as George started driving.
The whole ride Josh and I kept bickering and our parents laughed at all our silly comebacks. Once there, we chose our flavors from the menu and Josh got out with George to get the order.
“You know I love our family time. We should make more spontaneous plans like this.” I happily commented looking back at mom.
“I'm glad you're happy. He’s really a great father.” Mom said smiling back.
“He is. There couldn't be anyone better.” At that, she fell silent.
“Mom?” I frowned at her lack of response. “What happened?”
“Do you ever wonder what our life would’ve been like if your father… if he was here with us?”
This is the first time mom had talked about him herself. My father has always been a forbidden topic in our home.
I don't even know his name. I just know that he died before I was born. She said he was a good man but everytime I asked questions, she had brief and vague replies.
“Why imagine our life with a dead man?”
I didn't mean for it to come out so rude but it felt weird to talk about him now that I just got the family I always wanted.
It has barely been two months since mom and George got married after a year of dating. My life has been perfect ever since.
George was the father I always wanted and Josh filled in the shoes of an older brother and a best friend.
“You still miss him?” I asked after a minute of listening to the car’s engine.
“More than you could imagine.” She was looking out the window now.
“Do you love George?”
Silence.
I waited for her. One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. But she never said a word.
“Mom?”
“He’s a great father.” That's all she said before the doors were opened and Josh handed us both our ice creams.
“They were out of blueberry so I got chocolate instead. And the shit shop didn't even have sprinkles.” Josh huffed before getting scolded for his poor choice of words.
Mom and I were both quiet throughout the ride back home. She knew what she said and I understood what it meant.
Her words stung like an open wound. Something I can't do anything of. I was helpless as the damage was already done.
My mother prioritized me over herself. She chose George because he was fit to play my father. She knew I always wanted a father even if I didn't need one.
She only married for me.
And I wish she hadn't.
————
"Please, I have to go." I said in my most convincing voice but he never liked refusal.
"You promised you'll stay atleast half an hour today." He raised a beautiful brow.
"But mom told me to come straight home. If I get late she might start picking me up from school again." I pouted.
Mom always had to make a big deal out of it. She always starts panicking if I'm ten or twenty minutes late. I'm already eleven, why can't she start giving me some freedom?
"Ok then. Leave." His harsh tone made me move back a little before I bit my lip and try to see this from his perspective.
He waits the whole day to meet me and when we do I'm always in a hurry. He must be heartbroken by my regular early leaves.
“I'm sorry.” I touched his arm but he moved it and ran a hand through his beautiful brown curls.
“Ok, I'll stay another five minutes?” I poked at his stomach hoping a little more time would brighten up his mood.
“That's my good girl.” I smile at the praised but it suddenly fell when he pulled me closer on his lap.
Our faces were inches away from each other and I felt something poking me from underneath making me feel uncomfortable. His hands rested on my waist as mine were on his chest trying to create some distance.
This felt odd.
“Baby?” His loving voice was back and it set me a little at ease. “I think it's time we have our first kiss.”
As he saw my eyes practically bulge out of the sockets he quickly added, “It's been a whole month since we know each other, it's time I get to show you how much I love you.”
His words were beautiful and I knew I'd love to do anything for this man but something just didn't feel right.
“Jordon, I…. I promise next time-”
He cuts me off with a scoff. “I knew you were such a baby. If you want to be treated like an adult then act like one.”
He was right. I know I'm not the best match for him. I never even imagined he would choose me. But he did, because he loved me.
He always said he didn't see my age but the beauty within me.
I know I'm embarrassing for him to hangout with. He always denies being with me. None of his friends or my family know about our relationship.
I wish I could become the girl he deserves.
But I could atleast try.
“I'm sorry.” I looked down at where I sat on him. “We could… kiss if you want.”
He cupped my face and locked my eyes with his own. “You know I love you, right?” He smiles and it's the prettiest thing I've ever seen.
I nod to him mumbling an, “I love you too”, before his lips descend on mine.
A weird feeling settles in my stomach and I felt uncomfortable. I don't like this a tiny bit. I thought my first kiss would be magical, I didn't think I would be so confused.
Despite his strong hold keeping my face angled for him, I manage to pull back. And fell painfully on my side as I hastily get up from his lap.
“Addy?” He tried to stop me but I need time to think so I rush towards the exit.
“I'm sorry.” I apologize for the fifth time today. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Mom must be waiting.” With that I was out the door running back to my home.
————
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. The baby pink skirt set right over my knees as the white sleeveless top compliments my upper body —with non-existent breasts.
Jordon said I look the prettiest in soft colors and short skirts. I wanted to make today special for us so I wore everything of his choice.
Although he said he likes me the way I am —cute and innocent— I still decided to put on some blush and lipstick. I even added my three inch white heels that are so uncomfortable to walk in.
Jordon's been so understanding towards me. It's been five week and three days —I know because I was counting— and he's still haven't tried to touch me —apart from the kiss that he later apologized for— but now I think I'm ready.
It's the only thing he's ever asked me for. He never demands anything from me. I feel so bad by how much he cares for me but I never return the affection.
I can't even buy him gifts with the little pocket money mom gives me. But he never forgets to get me something, either chocolates or jewelry and these cute gestures just makes my day.
I look down from my balcony and access where I could get down from. It's my first time sneaking out and I'm hella scared. Jordon said he'd meet me at the end of the road but I would've preferred him standing outside.
Right when I'm about to almost give up frightened from the height, my door opens and mom steps in. I thought I had locked the door.
I delay turning around because I know she would question why I was dressed at two in the night when I'm supposed to be fast asleep.
When I turn around, I panic more than ever as I see her holding a piece of paper in her hand. It's a letter. It's my first love letter from my boyfriend.
"You're sneaking out?" She asked what she already knew.
"What is this, Adeline?" She waves the letter. "Who gave this to you?" Mom has never been this angry before.
"I'm sorry." That's the only thing I thought appropriate at the moment. Even if I tried to explain, she wouldn't understand.
"Who gave this to you?" She repeated again. This time more calmly.
"How old is he?" She asks seeing right through me.
I wanted to tell her that age didn't matter if you truly loved someone but I knew it was useless. So I stayed quiet.
She knows him and if I tell her who it is she'll surely disapprove of our relationship. And God knows what else she might do.
"For Heaven's sake, Adeline, how old is he?" Seventeen.
With my lack of response, she tried a more gentle approach. "You have to tell me, baby so we can think this through. I promise I won't be mad."
I couldn't say it. So I didn't.
She tried her best to get the name out of me but I was adamant on saving my love. I wouldn't betray him.
Mom was smart enough to know that taking away my phone would cut off my contact with whoever I was dating. I didn't remember his number and I wish I had his social media —where he refused to add me for some reason.
Mom also changed my school so Josh and I went to the same one and he was strictly instructed to not let me wander off anywhere.
Two months later, Jordon had to move cities and I didn't even get to say a last goodbye before he left. After months of crying, I became used to living without him.
With the occasional "mom and daughter one on one" —as mom used to call it— I realized that maybe my relationship wasn't appropriate to begin with.
I must've known it somewhere in me which is why I always hesitated with physical touch or telling mom about him.
———
"But what's wrong in USA? Why can't we move there?" I whined.
"I thought you loved us, Mary?" Josh had his own strategy to convince mom. His fake sadness almost always worked like a charm.
"I said what I did. No more arguing. Eat your food." Mom firmly refused to change her decision and stormed off to the kitchen.
It has been three weeks since all of us were constantly trying to ask why she didn't want to move. And each time she failed to come up with a good excuse.
We weren't exactly social and didn't have a community as such —except for a few of George's relatives who lived close by. So it didn't make sense why she'd want to stay here in Australia.
Josh and I never got along with our school fellows. They were all aristocrats who never failed to remind us that we didn't belong among them.
Josh was two years older than me so we had different classes but in recess we would sit together as we didn't have any friends. So naturally we both wanted to change our school and moving to USA could've been a new start for us.
Another week passed with mom making unreasonable excuses to not change countries. One afternoon when we returned from school loud noises were heard which sounded close to an argument.
It was coming from the master bedroom and the voices belonged to my mom and stepfather. It was odd because they never argued.
Josh and I tiptoed upstairs —not finding any fault in eavesdropping our parents. The moment we got to their bedroom door, the words were clearer.
"You know how beneficial this move could be for my career. And kids would love it there too. They're already so excited for it-" George sounded almost helpless now. He had tried his best but all his efforts fell short to change mom's mind.
"I can't go to USA because Addy's father and brothers live there." Mom's voice broke at the end and she fell in George's arms, crying and cursing her fate, blaming it for her own actions.
The floor creaks as I step back trying to make sense of what she just said. Three sets of eyes are drawn to me and my whole family —the only one that I knew then— rushed to me.
That's how I found out I had a family that I knew nothing about. Mom told me everything and I stopped speaking to her after knowing the whole truth.
I didn't know how could anyone take such a horrible decision. How could parents divide their kids? How could my own mom be so cruel to leave the rest of her children for me?
It was clear I was supposed to never meet my father and brothers, and when mom divorced George she was the only family I had left so eventually, I forgave her.
———
"This doesn't mean we're not a family. I will always be there for you whenever you need me." George repeated his words that he had been telling me for the past three months.
"I know." I hugged him and we both stayed like that for a couple of minutes until mom came downstairs.
"Loser, you good?" Josh smacked the back of my head.
I glared at him through teary eyes and tried to hit his arm but he moved back. Once he was done laughing at my poor attempt, his facial expressions changed into one of sadness but his smile never dropped.
He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead, letting his lips linger for a while before pulling away cupping my face.
"No matter how many friends you make, I'll always be your best friend and brother. We'll call regularly and update each other on what we're up to. If you don't stay in touch with me, I swear I'll come back and break all the bones in your body. Understood?"
My brother had a particular talent of threatening in the sweetest voice along with the brightest smile.
I laughed at his words and nodded in agreement. Mom gave George a brief hug before going towards Josh who rejected her hug moving closer to the door.
Since mom and George announced their divorce, Josh and I had been mad at mom. She was to be blamed for messing up our perfect family.
Things at home got weird after the mention of USA. Mom couldn't get it out of her head. She realized that she still loved Lucius and she could never love any other man like that.
And the constant guilt of what she lost was getting overwhelming for her. She was always looking up the Storm family —something she didn't used to do— and crying remembering her sons.
Marrying George was a necessity that she felt because of me. She thought a father figure would be great for me but she herself never truly wanted any of it.
Soon their marriage fell apart and they divorced by the time I turned thirteen. George decided to take a fresh start and moved to Houston with Josh while mom and I went back to being a family of two.
"I will miss you guys." Mom straightened up and Josh nodded to her before exiting.
As promised we stayed in contact. Even when our parents went through an ugly divorce, they called truce for our sake.
George and Josh kept sending me gifts and cards on every event, from birthdays to Christmas to children's day, while mom and I did the same.
We never missed to call atleast once a week and catch up on everything. Though I adjusted to my situation, deep down I still longed for the family that I lost.
———
"Babygirl, you must be tired. I could get my car and give you a ride back home?" The humble offer came from none other than my neighbor, Marcus.
"No, thank you. I'm good, Mr. Well." I politely smiled declining the offer.
"Don't your feet hurt?"
I knew he wouldn't just leave me alone without trying to convince me to get in his car. He seems to have the patience of a God. Because getting rejected by a thirteen —soon to be fourteen— years old everyday wasn't off-putting for him.
"No, I'm good." I kept my tone neutral.
I was now walking faster. I wish his house wasn't in my way back to home from school. He gave me the creeps.
As usual he slowed down after some time and we had a significant distance between us. I looked back and saw him licking his lips. If I wasn't wrong, he sure was looking at my ass.
When he first started trying to talk to me, I felt like telling mom about him but I knew she'd freak out.
Ever since she caught me trying to sneak out to meet a boy, she had gone paranoid. She always thought I'd get myself in trouble somehow.
If I told her about Marcus, she'll surely go out of her way —despite her busy work schedule— to pick and drop me to school.
So l didn't bother her with this useless detail of my life.
———
I didn't know how it happened or how I could've prevented it.
This morning I was so stressed by mom's surgery that I thought of taking a sick leave but decided against it.
I wish I would've just stayed home.
I stared at the blood spread all over my thigh and wondered if it was my mistake.
My ripped underwear were lying next to me as my nail marks were deeply dug in the wet soil close by.
I wasn't counting but it has definitely been more than ten minutes since he left. And I was still frozen.
What was I supposed to do now?
I've been trying to breath. Trying to distract myself from the unbearable pain. Trying to think of anything other than what happened.
But nothing was working.
I still felt him inside me. I could still hear his low shush in my mind. I could still feel him holding my wrist and pressing me down.
I tried sitting up but the pain was overwhelming. I laid back down for another few minutes before trying again.
When I finally managed to get back to my feet, my legs shook and I looked down at the bruises on my wrist.
I tugged my sleeves down, shoved the ripped panties in my bag and cleaned up the blood —my blood— with some tissues, successfully hiding any evidence of the horrible tragedy.
I took off my hair tie and made my hair into a high ponytail. Slinging the backpack over my shoulders, I wiped my tears and straightened up my clothes before starting to walk.
I barely managed to get home that day. Mom wasn't home as she worked till evening and when she came back, I told her I wasn't hungry and stayed in my room.
That night I had my first nightmare. All of my worst memories combined together with the toughest times of my life —so far— replayed like a movie.
It was all in front of my eyes and I lived through it again and again and again until I couldn't and woke up with a scream.