-Jack-
She looked as confused as I felt, "Why was Paxton talking about me?"
This memory was different than the rest. It came in flashes and pinched words. I had to piece it together myself and when I did that, it's like a wave of realization. "We were sitting at the diner, I remember that. I don't remember how or why I was there, but I remember being there with Paxton."
Juliet kept her eyes on me as she dropped down on the edge of the bed, "And how was I brought up, Jack?"
I tucked my hands in the pockets of my sweatpants while trying to figure out what to say, "He saw you and then pointed you out to me. He wanted to ask you for your number but I remember stopping him. Then he said some...things that shouldn't be repeated."
Her mouth dropped open.
"I know." I whispered, "I can't remember too much of what I said to him. I told him you would never go out with him because he's definitely not your type. He was surprised that I knew you and I told him you were just the girl that lived next door."
I decided to keep some of what was said to myself. Juliet doesn't need to know how much of a pig Paxton is. Well, she already knows what a giant tool he is.
I can't believe he never mentioned that he was with me that night. I think part of him liked to see me suffer. And that shouldn't surprise me at all. Paxton has always been nothing but selfish. I regret ever becoming friends with him. That's another long story that's too annoying to get into.
Paxton's barely twenty-one. I'll be eighteen at the end of this year. The age gap isn't really ideal. I met Paxton when I just turned fifteen and discovered drinking and partying, of course. Paxton was the one to take me under his wing and show me things I didn't know existed. And ever since Lily died, I've been trying to get away from him. He's hell bent on revenge and he's hell bent on taking me down with him.
So, I guess I can believe he never mentioned that night to me.
Juliet looked down at her hands. I kneeled in front of her, curled my finger under her chin, and tipped her head up, "I'm sorry, Juliet. I never wanted any of this to happen."
"It's not your fault." She said softly, "I'm a bit freaked, but I don't blame you for any of it. You didn't know, Jack."
"I'll make sure nothing ever happens to you."
"Don't worry about me." She kept her tone soft, "Worry about yourself, I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about."
I gave her the best smile I could, "You don't need to worry about me. There's only so much trouble I can get into here, I told you."
She caressed my face lightly in her hands and searched my eyes, "He hurt you once already..."
My smile fell. I forgot she witnessed the aftermath of that.
Paxton came over that night, completely livid. He wouldn't talk, he just kept mumbling complete nonsense. And when I tried to calm him down, he lunged at me. Punched me anywhere he could. I was basically his personal punching bag that night. It only took him two minutes to realize what he did.
He kept talking about Lily and that's all I remember. And the second I mention her name, it's like setting off a ticking time bomb. I will never fully understand why she's such a touchy subject. I mean, yeah, they were as close as you can get to another person. They were disgustingly in love. It shouldn't be an excuse to act out and hurt everyone around you.
Especially the only person that's been there for you for years without any problems at all.
After all of this blows over, I'm writing him off.
"He won't again."
"How can you be sure?"
I thought for a second and shrugged my shoulders, "Just don't worry. He's not stupid enough to do it again, okay?"
She dropped her hands away from my face and nodded. I leaned forward and captured her lips with mine. I cupped her face in my hands to deepen the kiss and tell her I mean everything without speaking.
I pulled away and lightly brushed my lips over hers, "All of this can't be over fast enough."
What happened between Juliet and I did happen pretty fast. Was it a good fast? Possibly. We have known each other since I was eating crayons in preschool. There was just nothing...there. During freshman year I thought maybe. We've known each other so long, why not, right? My thinking wasn't justified.
I knew about all the things we had in common and I really did want to be her friend. But I was a lost cause, too far gone to be friends with her, let alone be emotionally attached to her.
I'm sure you've heard it all before. The boy that doesn't believe in love could possibly be on his way to finding it. And with the person who he thought would be the last person he would ever feeling anything this intense for. That guy is now me. And on top of that, she returned it.
Juliet is kind of the miracle I needed. The push in the right direction. I was on my way to changing, but a huge bump in the road proved to be problematic. As in being on trial for being a suspect in a murder investigation. One that I had no involvement in. Well, I was there, I know that. But I didn't do it. I didn't help accomplish this for someone else.
She also helps me forget things.
I wasn't lying when I told her the distraction was nice. Now the distraction is more than just doing homework. Even just watching a movie with my arm around her is distracting enough.
Kissing her is another story.
She was looking at me now the way I've always wanted someone to look at me. Everything about her soft expression told me she was here to stay not matter what. And I believed it.
I stood back up and got back into bed. I opened my arms for Juliet and she crawled towards me. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. I tilted my head down to look at her and she lifted her head from my shoulder. She met my lips again with a sudden urge.
I grasped her chin in my hand and kissed her back without a second thought. I let go of her chin and moved my only free hand down to her hip. I brushed my thumb over the bare skin and she groaned against my lips.
She pulled back away from me, her lips only an inch away from mine, "I think I need to go."
"No." I breathed, "You don't have to leave. My parents won't be back—"
She laughed, "Completely oblivious." She pecked my lips and got out of my bed.
I jumped up a second later and caught her wrist before she could leave, "Give me a few hints if you're not going to tell me what I did."
"It's nothing and you did nothing wrong."
I raised an eyebrow, "I can't tell."
She walked up to me, stood up on her toes, and kissed me quick, "You did nothing, I promise."
Before she could leave again, I hooked my fingers through her belt loops and pulled her against me, "Then you wouldn't mind staying for a couple of hours."
She hummed against my lips, "Depends. What did you have in mind?"
"What I have in mind involves no talking."
"Clothing?"
"Optional."
Our lips met again and I backed her towards the bed, "It seems we can never make it out of your bed." She laughed and collapsed.
"It's the only spot we have to ourselves." I dropped down beside her and propped myself up on my elbow to face her.
She reached up and lightly brushed her fingers over my cheek, "Very true." She brought my lips back down to hers and kissed me softly. When she pulled away, she continued tracing her finger over my cheek and across my jaw. She watched her finger move swiftly over the angle of my face.
"What are you doing?" I smiled, but was on the verge of laughing.
She met my gaze and smiled at me, "Your skin is soft."
Now I laughed and snatched her hand before she could move again, "You're such a dork." I pressed my lips against the inside of her wrist and slowly trailed kisses down her arm. I felt her shudder under my touch. I moved quickly to her neck and tended to the spot that I know makes her weak.
I maneuvered my body over hers and rested my weight on my hands beside her. I connected our lips again without any hesitation. I rolled my body against hers and she moaned against my lips. Her hands found their way to my back and she dug her nails into my bare skin, which only drive me half mad.
She brushed her hands over my shoulders, up my neck, and got lost in my hair. She wrapped her fingers tight around a few strands and that earned another moan. Feeling Juliet in control would completely drive me off the edge.
Having her under me isn't really helping either.
She kept her hold on me, her lips still moved against mine in a heated frenzy.
All of a sudden, she pushed me off of her onto the spot next to her. She straddled my hips and I sucked in a shaky breath, "It's my turn." She breathed and pressed her lips to my neck.
Her lips were hot on my throat as she kissed her way down to my chest. She brushed her lips over my collarbones and started making her way down the center of my chest. I gripped her face between my hands and brought her lips back to mine before she could go any further.
I dropped my hands from her face and grasped her hips.
She pulled away from me suddenly and pushed the hair out of her face, "Slow, right?"
I nodded, but still stuck in a daze, "Yeah, right." I swallowed the lump in my throat and breathed.
Juliet smiled at me and leaned in. She kissed me quickly and sat up straight again. She moved off of me and I closed my eyes. I felt her get up and I opened my eyes back up. I sat up and watched her slip her jacket on, "Leaving?" I asked.
"Yeah." She answered simply.
"What happened to a couple of hours?" I teased.
She laughed and slipped on her shoes, "I don't think we need to be left alone for a couple of hours."
I didn't dare move from my spot on the bed for specific reasons, "When will I see you again?"
She walked over to the side of the bed I was sitting on, "I'll try coming after my shift on Monday or Tuesday. I need to see what times your mom plans on checking on me."
"Do you want to read tonight?" I asked with a hopeful smile.
"Please." She leaned in and kissed me quick, "I'll see you soon."
I gave a slight nod and she left.
I waited until I heard the door close before I got out of bed. A cold shower was in the cards before I did anything. I gathered my clothes and went into my bathroom to shower. I made it a quick one and got out when I was cooled off.
My parents got home about three hours later and called me down for dinner. It was rare my mom ever cooked. She can cook. She's actually pretty amazing at it, but she just never does it. Disappointing, really.
We gathered at the small table in the kitchen and began eating. The quiet only lasted a few minutes until my dad started asking questions, "Did anything come to you while we were gone?"
I swallowed the bite I just took and nodded, "I remember being at the diner Juliet works at."
They exchanged a look and my mom spoke when she looked at me, "How do you know she works there?"
Now I realize my mistake, "Uh, I saw her there."
"She saw you that night and she didn't say anything?"
I shook my head, "She didn't know I was there. I saw her, she didn't see me."
"Who were you with?"
"Paxton."
My dad rolled his eyes and looked at my mom, "Nothing but trouble." He looked back to me, "What did I tell you about him, Jack?"
"I know." I felt like a child caught with their hand in a cookie jar, "But he would've told me if something was wrong that night." I lied. Clearly he wouldn't because he didn't even tell me I was with him. And he knows about the blank spaces in my memory.
Some friend.
When my dad finished eating, he excused himself and went to his office. I pushed my plate away from me and leaned back in my chair. My mom was quiet, but I felt her looking at me. I lifted my head to meet her gaze, "What did I do now?"
"Nothing." She said, "Are you...are you and Juliet still..."
"No." I snapped, "But you knew that. It's what you wanted."
She reached towards me and wrapped her hand around mine, "Don't make me out to be the bad person, Jack. Do you honestly think you can handle a relationship right now?"
She had no idea, "Clearly I can't handle anything without screwing up, can I?"
"Jack." She said sternly, "This has nothing to do with you screwing up. This is about protecting you."
"What are you talking about? Protect me from what?"
"Getting hurt."
I snorted, "Why would I get hurt, Mom?"
She pulled her hand away and shrugged her shoulders, "Juliet...she's different than any of the girls you've brought home."
And now I was uncomfortable. The girls I brought home weren't even supposed to meet my parents. It was all an accident. And I hate that I lead those girls on. And I ended anything I had with them because the feelings weren't mutual. "I didn't bring her home."
I guess she forgot about Madison.
"I'm kind of surprised it never happened sooner."
"Why? This is exactly how you would've reacted." I leaned over the table towards her and dropped my voice to a whisper, "What would you do if I told you I loved her?"
Her eyes widened and I almost thought she was about to jump at me from the other side of the table, "How long has this been going on?"
"Beginning of summer."
"How did this even happen?"
"I didn't mean to."
Her expression softened just a little, "I don't want what happened to Madison to happen again."
Maybe she did remember. When I broke up with Madison, I told my mom that she broke up with me. I only did that so she didn't ask a lot of questions. Things between Madison and I were...normal. I don't know if I ever loved her. I thought I did, but the way I feel about Juliet is so different. It's nothing like how I felt with Madison.
I really shouldn't even compare.
"That won't happen."
"And how do you know that, Jack?" She fumed, "With everything going on right now, I will not stand by and watch you get hurt again."
I thought this would be about hurting Juliet. And I couldn't do that in a million years. But my mom does actually care if a girl hurts me and that made me less angry about the situation, "I'm sorry." I muttered, "But I want to be so unbelievably selfish when it comes to Juliet. I know I'm already selfish as it is. It's just different with her...I can't explain it."
"You're so different." She said in a low voice, "What happens when school starts again? What happens when you graduate? What if we can't get you out of this? We're trying so hard, but there's always that lingering what if."
She had a point, but I was going to get out of this, "I want to feel as much as possible. I want to have that love I hear about all the time. I want to have a normal life. Being with Juliet is the closest I've ever felt to being normal." I paused, "With what's going on right now, the normalcy is the only thing keeping me sane. Say what you want, but I'm not giving her up."
She opened her mouth to speak, but snapped it shut.
I stood up from the table and walked upstairs.
I sat down on the edge of my bed and put my face in my hands.
Did I just tell my mom I love Juliet? I never admitted that to myself, and I blurt it to my mom like it's nothing. But of course it's something. It's something I have thought about, but never actually admitted it.
I kind of wish I could take that conversation back. But it needed to happen. I understand she doesn't want me to get hurt. That's not possible. I know Juliet would never hurt me and I never, ever want to hurt her. My reputation isn't really the best and if that doesn't make Juliet run, then I'm safe for now.
I'm terrified of the thought of losing her.
Days have gone by and I've stayed out of my mom's way. I've talked to Juliet here and there, but never mentioned the conversation I had with my mom. I know my mom has been going over there a couple of times a day since Juliet's grandparent's left. She doesn't stay long though.
It was midnight when my phone buzzed on my bedside table. I answered it quickly when I saw Juliet's name flash across the screen. "Hey." I said casually.
"Hey you." I could hear the smile in her voice, "I just got the last call from your mom. I have loads of blankets, candy, and I'm in desperate need of a hug."
I laughed lightly, "I like all of those things. I'll meet you in my backyard."
"See you in a minute."
We hung up and I grabbed a sweatshirt before leaving my room.
There's a tree in the corner of my backyard that's out of view of my parent's room and I can go to it without my bracelet going off. I discovered this little spot last night when my mom was looking for me. And clearly it worked out because she couldn't find me at all.
Just as I made it to the tree, Juliet opened up the fence hatch and stepped inside. She closed it quietly behind her and basically ran towards me with arms filled with stuff. She dropped it all and jumped in my arms, "I hate not being able to see you every day." She mumbled.
I squeezed her gently and kissed her cheek before setting her down on her feet, "Believe me, you don't want to see me every day."
She spread out the blanket and dumped her bag of candy on top. I sat down next to the pile and pulled her into my lap, "I think you'd get tired of me." She said while opening up a bag of gummy worms.
"I doubt it."
She glanced at me and back to the bag in her hands, "Want to know something funny?"
"I have a feeling it's not going to be that funny."
"Your mom invited me to dinner every night this week until my grandparents come home."
"Seriously?"
She nodded, "Since I've had late shifts these past two nights, I haven't been able to make it. But she's expecting me tomorrow."
I'm scared my mom's going to mention our little conversation. If she does, well, Juliet will probably be freaked out, "Fun family times."
She pulled another blanket from her bag and covered us with it. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close against my chest. "Anything happen while I was gone?" She tilted her head up to look at me.
"Paxton's tried to call a million times, but I haven't answered. He hasn't just showed up either. I think that's only because my parents have been home."
"Good. What about any memories?"
"None of those either." And the trial's only getting closer and closer.
If I can't remember anything else, it's over.
Everything will be over.
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Yay for another Jack pov! :) And a late update, lol. I was gonna wait until tomorrow, but I couldn't wait, just wanted to post it.
Soooo, I decided to enter this story into the watty awards this year and I know this is probably annoying, but it would mean the absolute world if you guys could vote vote vote! The votes already are amazing, so thank you guys soooo much! <3333 Don't forget to comment with your thoughts as well! :)
Song: Is There Somewhere by Halsey (So pumped for her album tbh)