TRIGGER WARNING: use of homophobic slur
Landon Reilly
"I think I'm a little bigger than you," I told Wren.
He was making me try on these Christmas pajamas his mom had bought for him because apparently she wanted to get me some to match the family. It felt a little strange doing something like this considering for my whole life Christmas was a drab holiday spent at church with my miserable parents. But I would at least try to be enthusiastic, especially since I wanted to make a better second impression on Wren's family than my first.
"I don't know. I think a tight clothes look is sexy," Wren replied with a shrug, his eyes roaming up and down my body.
I hated that I blushed at that. My face scrunched in anger and irritation, which only caused Wren to grin at me.
I turned to look at myself in the mirror and Wren's eyes landed on my ass as my back faced him.
"Maybe you do need a bigger size," Wren said, still staring. "I don't think either of us want all that showing in front of my parents."
I felt even more heat rise in my face.
"No shit!" I exclaimed.
Wren just refused to believe I was bigger than him. He was tall and lean with a small waist. I had a more athletic build. The only time I really fit in his clothes was when they were oversized on him.
He walked up beside me and smacked my ass with a wide grin on his face.
"No need to worry, darling, I'll tell my mother to size up," he said, trying his best to sound endearing but all he did was annoy me more.
"I look ridiculous."
Wren leaned down from behind me and rested his chin on my shoulder.
"Imagine how much more ridiculous you'd look if you were the only one not wearing this on Christmas morning," he replied.
He was right, of course. He knew how much I didn't want to stand out. And he knew how much I wanted to make a better impression on his parents. If his mom wanted me wearing Christmas pajamas to match the family, then I would wear Christmas pajamas to match the family.
"You know, you've never taken me on a date," Wren said after a few moments.
I turned to face him with a confused expression on my face. He stood up to his full height, taking his chin off my shoulder.
"What do you mean? We've been... out," I replied, realizing we really hadn't been on any actual dates.
"Those don't count."
"Well, what do you mean I haven't taken you on a date? You haven't taken me on one either!"
"I suppose that's true," he said. He thought for a moment. "You could take me ice skating."
"You don't even like ice skating," I reminded him.
"But it would be a good date," he said. "You could hold my hands and pull me along."
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to decide if he was being serious.
"You actually want to do that?"
Wren shrugged, but he didn't give me any other suggestions, so I assumed that was what he wanted. And now I had to plan some date to take him on when I had never planned a date in my life.
"Okay... we could go after dinner tonight?" I suggested, but it came out more like a question.
Tonight we were having dinner with the Hansons, and Wren would be meeting them for the first time. I was less nervous than I thought I would be. Wren was good at speaking to people, and he wasn't one to get nervous. I had no doubts that Anne and Matthew would like him.
I changed out of Wren's pajamas and handed them back to him. Wren went through my clothes and picked out a sweater and jeans for me to wear. It seemed like he liked picking out clothes for me, so I just let him.
"When will Anne and Matthew be home?" he asked as I got dressed.
"Any minute I think," I replied. They were out running some errands and last minute Christmas shopping, and they would pick up the food while they were out.
It felt a little strange that Wren would be meeting Anne and Matthew. They weren't my parents, but they were a big part of my life. And just last month Wren basically laughed in my face at the thought of meeting them. So much had changed since then. I looked at Wren now and couldn't believe we had come so far in such a short time.
"So, are you saying we don't have time?" Wren asked, stepping closer to me.
"Time for what?" I asked.
He brought his mouth to my neck, kissing me skin slowly and sensually. His hands gripped my waist then moved lower, Wren bringing one to palm the front of my jeans. I let out a shaky breath, tilting my head back slightly to give him more access. I felt a smirk against the sensitive skin of my neck, his hand beginning to rub against me.
"Wren..." I trailed, my voice low and breathy like it was starting to be hard for me to inhale.
"Hm?" Wren hummed. "What do you want? Do you want me on my knees for you?"
Wren knew exactly what he was doing to me. It was hard for me to grasp just how much control he had over me. All he had to do was touch me and I'd be putty in his hands. It probably didn't even have to be a touch. It could be a look or a word and he'd have me.
"Yes, I want..." I trailed again. If he was feeling nice, that would be all I had to say for him to do whatever he was planning. If he was feeling like an asshole, he'd make me tell him exactly what I wanted in all the obscene words it required.
It was when Wren started unbuttoning my jeans that we heard the front door open.
"Shit," I muttered. Wren pulled away with a smirk.
"I suppose we'll have to save that for later," he said, his eyes moving up and down my body. "You might want to take care of that or cover up."
His eyes were zeroed in on where his hand had just been.
I blushed furiously at his words and pulled my sweater down so that it covered the front of my jeans.
"I hate you so much," I said with a scowl.
Wren looked at me fondly, leaning in to kiss my cheek.
"You don't." He was right. Of course, I didn't.
We stayed in my room for a moment before Wren motioned toward the door.
"Well," he said. "Introduce me."
I led Wren down the stairs and to the kitchen where Anne, Matthew, and Micah were setting the food on the table. Anne was the first to notice us when we arrived and she had a wide smile on her face.
"Hi guys!" she exclaimed, walking over to Wren with her hand held out. "It's so good to meet you, Wren. I'm Anne."
Wren shook her hand and then Matthew's as he walked over.
"It's lovely to meet you both," he said politely. "It's nice to see you again, Micah."
"Yeah, you too," Micah replied, grinning over at me like he was in on some type of secret I had no idea about.
After we got settled at the table with food on our plates, Anne and Matthew started asking Wren all sorts of questions, which would have made me uncomfortable if I were him, but he took it in stride. If Wren was good at one thing, it was talking, though he was good at other things too.
"So, Wren, how did you and Landon meet?" Anne asked. She sat across from him, giving him all of her attention. I had already given her a brief explanation on how we met, but knowing her, she was hoping for more details if she asked Wren.
"Well, Landon knew my brother last year, so I met him very briefly then," Wren told her. "But we ran into each other in Providence a few times and started hanging out." That was basically the same version of events I had given her.
"And you go to Brown? That's a great school," Matthew added.
"Yes, I'm very fortunate. I love it there," Wren said.
After a few more minutes of questions, Wren excused himself to go to the bathroom, and then all eyes were on me.
"He's so polite!" Anne said, grinning over at me. "And very cute too."
"Yeah, he is," I said, feeling slightly embarrassed.
I knew Anne and Matthew would like him, but it still felt a little strange introducing Wren as my boyfriend to them. It felt weird that they knew we were dating, but I liked it this way anyway. It made it feel normal in a way I never thought it would and never imagined for myself. I finally felt a little less bad about myself and my sexuality now that I could be here with Wren as my boyfriend, introducing him to my family. Next we would have to tell Livi, though I was sure she probably already knew or assumed.
"It seems like you two have come a long way since the last time I saw you," Micah said with that same grin from before.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "What is that supposed to mean exactly?" I knew what he meant. I just wanted to know what that fucking smirk was all about.
"Well, before you could barely even admit to me that you were together, even though I saw you guys kissing-"
"Micah!" I exclaimed with wide eyes.
"Micah, don't embarrass him," Matthew said, then turned to me. "I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to introduce him to us. He seems like a wonderful boy."
Before I could say anything, Wren was back at the table and the small talk continued.
When we finished dinner, Wren offered to help clean up, but of course, Anne and Matthew wouldn't let him. So, the two of us got ready to go on our date.
We bid goodbye to the Hansons and got into Wren's car, starting toward the ice rink.
"They seem like good people," Wren said as he drove away from the house.
"They are," I agreed. "They, uh, really helped me a lot."
No one ever liked to admit they needed help, and I was no different. But I wanted Wren to know what they had done for me because he and the Hansons were all important to me.
"I was in a really dark place when everything went down with my parents," I admitted. "My dad, he tried to send me away to some conversion camp and I just kind of lost all hope. Anne and Matthew took me in and cared for me like I was their own son. They got me set up with a therapist, got me into college. They just treated me so much better than my parents ever did."
I looked straight ahead through the windshield, fearing that if I looked over at Wren, I would stop talking. It felt good to be vulnerable with him.
"It's kinda crazy how people following the same religion can get very different things from it," I continued. "Like my parents were so traditional. My dad was the man of the house and my mom was his subservient wife, and he expected me and Livi to listen to him without question."
I realized I was talking about them in past tense like they were dead. They kind of were in a way, dead to me.
"And the Hansons are the opposite," I said. "They're so loving and kind, exactly what you'd expect from people so religious. They don't expect me to be a certain way. They just let me be who I am."
"People often read the same book and get very different meanings from it," Wren responded, glancing at me briefly. "That doesn't justify how they treated you."
"I know."
Sometimes it was hard to realize that. Back when I lived with my parents, I thought I did deserve it, My father had instilled in me that I needed to do everything exactly as he said to otherwise I would get punished, and deserved whatever punishment he decided to give me. It was hard to get out of that mindset even after moving in with the Hansons.
"My dad... I always felt like he just hated me," I continued. "But I don't know if that's entirely true. He hated who I really was, but he loved me when I was what he wanted me to be."
"That's not love," Wren said. "I'm glad you're out of that situation."
I did too, obviously. But I was also glad that I had opened up to Wren a bit more. It felt like things were getting more and more serious with us, and I wanted him to really know me and understand me. And I wanted to know and understand him too. I never imagined I'd be sitting beside him, telling him all about how awful my father was to me. Not only was I quite embarrassed about it, but I hated thinking about it and reliving it, especially since there were still times I heard my father's voice in my head telling me how disgusting and wrong I was.
Wren reached out and put a reassuring hand on my thigh, squeezing it lightly. He left it there for the remainder of the ride to the outdoor rink we were going to.
When we got to the rink, it was busier than I think either of us expected. Wren had to circle around a couple times to find parking. Once we were parked, we waited in line to rent skates. I didn't want to use my own skates for this.
"You're going to have to help me with this again," Wren said as we found an area to sit to put our skates on.
I grinned over at him.
"Okay, let me do yours first," I said, kneeling in front of him.
I put his foot up on my knee and tightly laced the skates for him. I couldn't tell if he actually needed my help or if he was just doing this to make it feel more like a date, but I did it without complaint anyway. It was nice being able to do something together that I was better at than him.
Once Wren's skates were tied, I sat down beside him to do my own. Then we made our way to the rink, Wren gripping my arm to keep his balance as we walked down the path to the ice. I stepped onto the ice first, then held my hands out for Wren to grab onto. He slowly put one foot on the ice, waited a moment, then put down the other as he held onto both of my hands. I skated backwards as I pulled him along.
"By the end of tonight I think we'll get you standing on your own," I said to him, causing him to look up from his feet to stare at me.
"You can't let go of me," Wren argued, gripping my hands tighter. "You're supposed to want to hold onto me because this is a date."
"I do want to hold onto you."
It was kind of funny, but also a little unnerving, to see Wren so out of his element. He was always so sure of himself, nothing was out of his comfort zone. But ice skating was, and he wanted to do it just because I liked it.
"I just can't believe you can't skate," I joked, looking at him with fondness.
"It was never my thing," he said. "It was Fox's, obviously. My dad tried to get the both of us into hockey, but it never stuck for me."
I chuckled. "I didn't have much of a choice."
We did a few laps around the rink before Wren complained that he was cold and his feet were hurting. I brought him to the exit and back to where our shoes were, promising I'd go buy us each a hot chocolate.
As I stood in line, a familiar voice called out to me.
"Landon," Isaiah, an old hockey teammate from high school, said from behind me.
I didn't want to face him, but I had a feeling he wouldn't let me flat out ignore him. Isaiah was one of my closest friends in high school after I forced myself to drift from Micah and Elijah. He was ruthless and mean and nothing but trouble. He allowed himself to be manipulated by Elijah's stepfather which caused him and other teammates to go after Fox after the tournament last year.
"Isaiah," I replied, turning only slightly to look at him.
"Does your Daddy know you're back in town?" he asked with a sinister smirk.
"I'm assuming no." I pulled my hands into fists at my sides. It made me so angry to be near him, but I also wanted to be prepared to defend myself if he tried anything.
"Who's the guy?" He jerked his thumb back in the direction of where Wren was sitting.
I just shook my head at him, turning to face forward and move up in the line. Isaiah put his hand on my shoulder, jerking me toward him.
"You think you're just going to come back around here with some guy and no one would notice?" he asked, his hand tightly gripping my shoulder.
It pained me to think that I did think that. I thought I could just exist with Wren in our own bubble as if everyone I went to high school with wouldn't be back in town for the holidays.
I shoved his hand off of me and turned to face him completely.
"You think I give a fuck what any of you think?" I snapped. "You're all fucking nobodies to me."
"You're a liar, but I guess I shouldn't expect anything better from someone living in sin, parading around some guy like a fucking fairy."
I turned away from him, seething but not bothering to respond. I had to keep a cap on my anger. I couldn't be throwing punches out here in front of all these people.
"You're a fucking disgrace, you know that?" Isaiah continued with venom in his tone. "You were supposed to be the pride of this town, going off to Notre Dame, the NHL, but now you're a sick, disgusting faggot who's better off dead. Your own father wishes you were dead. You know that's what he tells people when they ask about you? He tells them that his son passed away because that's better than the fucking truth."
I clenched my jaw and tried to block out his words, but it was no use. I heard every word and took each one like a punch to the stomach. I hated that his words stung, that they made my heart clench and my eyes sting.
I kept my back to Isaiah and moved forward in the line to order the drinks. Once the drinks were in hand, I went back to Wren without sparing Isaiah another glance.
There, with Wren, I would be safe.
**
Thanks for reading! Leave your thoughts!
Christmas chapter coming VERY soon