Henry is so fed up with having to do everything. All week long, Alex had no opinion. He left every decision up to Henry, and it was driving him nuts that even now, when Alex was spending time in the wedding planning as Henry had done for months, he was still no help whatsoever. And then in the evenings he would stay up working and wake up tired everyday, again unwilling or unable to help with the wedding planning. And also, unwilling or unable to take an interest in Henry.
They were still sharing a room leading up to the wedding, and still Alex had not touched him the whole time they've been in Texas. He'd tease during the day, but as soon as they were alone, Alex was working or collapsing from exhaustion. Henry was trying to be understanding; he knew Alex still had law work in New York that he was tending to and campaign stuff was still rolling, although the press about the wedding was surely helping that. But as much as he tried not to be, Henry was still fed up. Alex didn't seem to notice how stressed he is.
Henry just wants Alex to be present here with him.
Tonight it's the rehearsal dinner. Henry can't stop tapping his fingers, and then shaking out his hands to try to stop it, only to go right back to tapping them. He can feel his pulse throughout his body and breathing feels strenuous. He reaches into his pocket for his small travel container of his anxiety meds and pops the small yellow pill dry just as Pez walks up.
"Nervous?" Pez asks.
"I'm fine." Henry straightens his jacket.
"Oh Hen, maybe this wasn't the best–" Henry cuts him off before he can get started.
"It's fine. I'm fine."
"You look far from fine." Pez gives him his look of concern.
"It'll be fine. It's too late now anyways."
"It's not too late. We could–"
"What? Cancel? I'm not canceling my wedding. It's in three days! People are already flying in from around the world! You've invited every celebrity, every sponsor for your foundation, every member of the royal family– my grandmother for fucks sake is sitting just outside on that lawn at this very moment! Can't you see? Everything we are trying to do, every positive message we are trying to send will be reversed if I back out now. It would be so much worse than just having a private wedding in the first place! It would tell the world that we are scared, that being queer is something to hide, something to keep behind closed doors! And worst of all, it would make Alex doubt my love for him and I CAN'T LOSE HIM!" Henry is hyperventilating, trying to catch up after not breathing for so long.
Pez steps closer, but, as always, is waiting for a sign from Henry to know if this is one of those times he wants to be touched or one of those times he doesn't. Pez knows him so well. He reaches a hand towards him and Henry nods. Knowing exactly what that means, Pez rushes to pull him into a tight hug. Henry wants to cry, but he can't cry. He has to go out and face his family and friends in the next five minutes.
"Just breathe with me, H. In. Hold. Out. In, Hold, Out." As his breathing regulates, Pez takes a step back. "You won't lose him. That man wouldn't leave you now even if you told him to. He would fight til his last breath for you, you know that, H. And the rest of it– it doesn't matter what the world thinks. It's your life, Henry. You get to live it."
"But it does," Henry continues to breathe slowly. He can tell the pill is also helping. "It would hurt Alex's campaign. I can't do that to him. I agreed to this. I can do this."
Pez eyes him skeptically, but says sincerely, "Yes, you can. I know you can, if that's what you want to do. You are so strong, H. You got this."
"Don't tell Alex."
"Hen, you know I would never. But you should. That man adores you, and it would kill him to see you like this."
"Exactly why he can't know. He has enough to deal with right now."
"H, it's three days til his wedding too. You should be the most important thing to him."
"But I'm not."
"But you are! Hen, come on! It's Alex, he's always busy, but he loves you more than anything."
"If he gets all worried about me, he won't finish his work he needs to do before the wedding, and if he doesn't finish his work before the wedding, then he'll have to do work on the honeymoon. I'm fine, and I want my god-damn honeymoon, so just leave it be, Percy."
Pez shuts his mouth at the use of his full name that Henry rarely ever uses. Henry feels a little bad because he knows Pez is only trying to help, but he has to keep it all together for just a few more days for this wedding to happen.
"Ok, H. I'll see you out there." And he goes to line up with June and Nora. Then Bea and little Maribeth would walk down the aisle, and finally Henry. For the rehearsal, he has on a simple blue suit with white shirt and a fun, colorful tie Alex had bought him. He touches it to his chest. He feels much calmer than he had a few minutes ago; those little pills are a god-send. Henry isn't sure how he'd live without them and sends up a little prayer for the wonders of modern medicine.
---
After making sure everyone knew where they were supposed to walk and stand on the big day, the two families sat down for dinner inside the restaurant on the grounds. On their actual wedding day, food would be served in the tent since the restaurant couldn't hold all the guests. The group they have today already filled nearly half of it: his mother and sister are sitting with Phillip, his wife (holding their infant son), and little Maribeth in a booster seat. His grandmother, the Queen, is also sitting with his family. At another table sits the Claremont-Diaz clan with Ellen, Oscar, Leo, and Alex's grandparents. So far, they seem to be getting along all right, which is a relief; Henry knows it would hurt Alex if his parents fought at his wedding. Finally, Henry sits with Alex to his left and the rest of the super six: June, Nora, Pez, and his sister Bea.
Alex, talking with their friends, seems less tired today, despite not having come to bed until after Henry was asleep. The waiter comes over with the champagne, and starts pouring everyone a glass. When he reaches Alex's glass, Alex puts a hand over top of it and waves the waiter on. Henry also refuses since he took his pill earlier today, but it's strange that Alex would pass.
Was it possible Alex was on some medication as well? But no, he hadn't seen Al in months or been to his regular doctor, so there was no way he had a new prescription Henry didn't know about. Not that Alex would hide something like that from him anyways, since Alex knew all about Henry's pills.
Then Henry remembers their conversation in the diner earlier this week. Is Alex really going to stop drinking completely because of what happened at the bachelor party? Henry never said he wanted Alex to stop; he trusted him when he said it wasn't becoming a problem. Maybe Alex just doesn't want to make himself tired because he had to work in the evening?
Alex catches Henry staring at him. "Admiring the view?" he asks with a smirk.
This is the Alex Henry loves. This is Alex being himself, the personality that had been buried under mountains of work for the past few months. Henry lets himself enjoy it.
"Always, darling."
"Well you're gonna be stuck with it forever pretty soon. Sure you're not backing out?"
For a second that shakes Henry: this wedding has been stressful, but he is sure about Alex. Despite their recent troubles, he loves him so much and couldn't wait for their future together.
"And miss out on looking at that face every day for the rest of my life?"
Alex's face lights up with that intoxicating smile Henry fell in love with each time he saw it: the crinkles around his eyes, his bright white perfect teeth, the suggestive turn of his lips on one side.
Alex moves his hand under the table to give Henry's thigh a squeeze.
---
Despite not having drank, Alex stumbles into their bedroom, reaching for Henry's face, as if drunk on desire alone. As Alex kisses his lips, he reaches for Henry's jacket to pull it off, letting it drop to the floor.
It seemed like, finally, Alex is starting to get into the spirit of the wedding. The whole dinner he talked and laughed with their friends and family and didn't say a word about his work. After he reached for Henry's leg under the table he kept giving Henry these glances. As Oscar drove them back to the house from dinner, Alex had his hand very high up on Henry's inner thigh, and he didn't seem to care that June was on the other side of him. It was hard for Henry to keep a straight face.
Clothes don't stay on long once they make it back to their room. Henry lets himself feel. Feel Alex's hands brush against his sides as he pulls off Henry's shirt, his hands playfully shove Henry onto the bed, Alex's chest push against his as Alex leans down to kiss Henry again, Alex's lips trail down Henry's chest, his stomach, lower, lower. It feels so good to have Alex on him, they don't need words when they're touching. They can speak to each other through their bodies (plus Alex's mouth is a bit full).
But Henry needs more. He weaves a hand into Alex's dark curls and grasps them to pull his fiancé's head back to kiss his lips. He wraps his legs around Alex's hips, and Alex knows what he needs. Henry needs him desperately.
But his desire goes unfulfilled.