Quickly biting a couple bites off my apple and then tossing it into the bin, as I was in a really big hurry. I was almost late from school since my dumbass forgot to put an alarm last night.
A week had passed and it had been pretty cool, my weight was down a pound and I was quite pleased about it. Leo hadn't said anything to me, and I got over my frustration about my body since I started dieting. My birthday was coming in 10 days so I already started to get excited.
Although I was thinking about strictening my diet a bit, I wasn't that hungry anyway and didn't need that much fuel. I figured I could maybe just easily skip breakfast. It would probably save a good amount of calories.
"Bye!" I yell before shutting the front door.
I have to run to the school, but that doesn't really bother me that much since it will burn a lot of calories. I was actually feeling great, the lost weight felt amazing. I couldn't wait to see Leo's face when I wasn't chubby anymore, probably in like a month or two.
"You are just in time Livia. Sit down." My teacher announces as I step into the classroom and nod, trying my hardest to contain my breath. I've never ran so fast in my life.
I take my usual seat next to Dahlia who smirks at me. "What?" I ask, still breathless from the running.
"You should probably work out a bit, a walk shouldn't be that hard." She mutters and stares at my heavy breathing.
"I was running almost the whole way!" I argue.
"Sure." She just shrugs. My heart did a flip, why didn't she believe me? Come on I wasn't that fat.
"No, I like totally ran the whole way okay?" I'd worked hard to lose the one pound, I was proud of myself. Why would she say that?
"You know that you have to do a calorie deficit if you want to lose the weight? Not the lame ass walks you're doing." She said and turned away, minding her own business again.
"I know?" I say but she doesn't even care. Shit, I gotta lose the weight somehow quicker. Should I stop eating snacks? Or maybe lunch? It's not healthy, but it's only for a couple weeks, can't be that bad right? I'll just skip the lunch and do something productive meanwhile. That's a great idea. I can't wait to refuse my meal today, they'll think I'm healthy and great person. Why didn't I do this sooner?
With the new power of mine, it's easy to concentrate on my math problems. They aren't that hard today, just the usual. Dahlia however just cannot understand the process and tries to talk to me the whole lesson about how stupid math and the whole school is and how she's gonna be a fashion model in her future cuz apparently "school is not that important". Well she is pretty and skinny, wonder how she feels when I look like that, and maybe even better than her. I just need to lose weight. Fast.
I do my questions pretty quickly, I glance at the clock, only 10 minutes left. Great. I wasn't really in the mind of explaining every damn solution for Dahlia right now so I just slid into my own thoughts. About my weight and Dahlia's suggestions.
I had only eaten like 50kcal today from the apple, and if I didn't have lunch or snacks, I'd save up so many calories for dinner. And if I said I wasn't that hungry at dinner I would get skinny even faster. But was it worth the lying tho...? I couldn't lie to my mom. And I would be hungry then. I guess I could eat normal portion at dinner and breakfast, that's enough. I should be losing weight pretty fast then. If I also worked out a bit, I'd lose even more and faster.
Before I even notice, the ten extra minutes are gone and someone is waving their hand at my face. Dahlia of course.
"What?" I ask, still into my own calorie counting. What would be better, to eat 1000 or 900 calories per day? I think that's pretty good idea, but is it too much?
"The bell rang, and you have biology next so hurry!" Dahlia says and I realise we're the only ones in the class by now. Shit, I must have had a very good thinking process. "What were you thinking so possessively?" Dahlia asks as she helps me pack my things quickly.
"Oh, nothing. Just a really difficult math thing." That always got her quiet, since she hated math more than anything else in the world.
"Right. Well I gotta hurry, my chem professor kills me if I'm late one more time." She just says and almost runs outside after that. I watch her run-walking through the hallway, her thighs and waist were so small. I glanced down at my own legs, chubby. I didn't even have a thigh gap. My waist was full of fat, it looked horrible. I always wore oversized clothes since the sight in the mirror was too painful to watch otherwise. Even my wrists were chubby. Why was Dahlia so skinny and I looked like a chubby fail of person? I couldn't even imagine wearing a cute skirt and a tight shirt.
But when I finally lose the weight, I can wear basically anything and look cute. Like Dahlia and June and almost every other girl here. I could style my hair to be adorable without minding the face fat. I'd finally be actually happy and the others would respect me with all their heart. I could maybe talk with Dahlia about our dreams to become fashion models together, we'd look like supermodels and have fun together. No one would look at me because I'm chubby, but they'd look at me because I look so pretty and skinny. Skinny is pretty. Dahlia tells me that all the time. And I think she's right. I mean, all the boys look at her, not me.
Only now I realise though that I'm literally standing in the middle of the hallway just staring at the other end where Dahlia disappeared probably a while ago. Shit. How long have I been here? I really gotta stop thinking my weight that much, I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I'm also staring in the whole wrong direction, my biology classroom wasn't even that way.
Some students were staring at me like I was a dumbass. Or maybe I was, I mean who normally just stands in the middle of the hallway doing absolutely nothing but blocking people's ways. I still can't help but think, would they stare at me like that if I was skinny though? Because I don't think so. If I was skinny and pretty they'd probably think 'what is that pretty girl staring at?'. I want that so much, I need to lose this weight quickly. I guess 900 calories it is then.
I make a whole 180• rotation to change my heading way, but as I step another step something bangs into me. Shit. Why was this day so freaking shitty?
I fall down, embarrassingly slow and painfully, and someone falls down besides me. This day was too much, I should just give up already and go to sleep.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't look where I was going at all." I mutter my apologies, cheeks starting to heat up and glance up to the person I was down with.
"No problem." He mutters back, awkward. "You okay?" He then glances at me, something about him made my silly heart jump a little. Oh gosh what the heck am I thinking about.
"Oh, yeah. You okay?" I ask him casually back.
"I'll live thanks." He smiles and struggles a bit before getting back up. I hop up too, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. I can't lie: he looked fine. Dark fine hair that was in the most perfect shape I've ever seen and soft but dark green eyes. Facial features on top, straight nose, the kindest looking eyes and soft looking lips. He was like really really good looking.
If I can remember right, we had one class together. I wasn't sure though since I usually never really minded other boys than my last crush. But that thing with my crush didn't end well I can say. Until last mont I had had a crush on the school's jock, Atlas for like a couple months and I did the biggest mistake ever. I told about my crush to Dahlia who of course blabbered about it to Leo and he told Atlas. I didn't even know they were friends before that. However, Atlas came up to me one day, called me ugly and said that I should mind my own business. I was so down by that, even though it wasn't even a big crush. But maybe after I lost weight I would get to experience teen love too. Maybe. Hopefully.
"Hey, don't we have biology together?" He asks after a while.
"Do we?" I ask and then seriously feel like banging my head into a brick wall. Was this really how I was talking to a cute guy?
"I think so yeah. When do you have biology?" He asks.
"Um, right now." I mutter embarrassed. Why couldn't I meet him after I lost some weight, not now.
"Cool, me too." He says then.
"Nice." I say and give him a slight awkward smile. I was so embarrassing in these situations, what was I supposed to say??
We walk to the class quickly, not saying a word to each other anymore. Well that was embarrassing.
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