~Emery's POV~
"It's through that door," Joyce says with an amused smile pointing to the door. She is giving me a tour of the house. Colin is accompanying but he has been silent for the most part.
I glance at the bedroom door, there is a sign with Colin's name written on it in big black cursive letters and below that is another sign that says, 'don't bother knocking, just leave me alone.' I glance at the sign and then over at him with a small curious tilt of my head.
"I was trying to be a typical rebellious teen," Colin says with a small shrug.
"And he got it down rather well," Joyce says, her eyes twinkling with amusement.
I can't help but giggle, I can't imagine Colin as a seventeen-year-old, fresh out of Juvie, angry and desperate for someone anyone to care about him. I can imagine just how much he fought Joyce. How hard he fought the ideas of love and acceptance that she had tried to teach him. Ideas that would have been foreign to him.
I push open the door and step into the room. I gaze around curiously. The walls are painted a very dark grey, it's almost black, which makes the room feel very dark, like it's a cave or hideaway. The carpet is lighter grey.
There is a long double bed in one corner which is perfectly made with grey bedding, a football-shaped pillow sits in the middle. There are two nightstands on either side. An alarm clock sits next to a lamp on the far one and on the other sits a fake cactus and a letter board which spells out 'be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.'
At the end of the bed is a bookshelf where a TV sits, in the cubies below it is books and photos. There is a framed photo of Colin and Joyce at a Blackhawks game and another of them on some beach somewhere. Beside them is one of a little girl, probably about nine, she is smiling brightly. There is a desk next to the bookcases, above it sits a map of the world and a picture of the constellations. A poster is posted on the closet door of some wrestler, and another is taped to the back of the door of the Chicago Bears.
There is a shelf next to the bed which holds nearly two dozen magazines with girls in underwear on the covers. In the last corner is a sandbag hanging from the ceiling and a pair of boxing gloves are placed on the shelf on the wall.
"Wow," I say looking around the room. It's like stepping through into the past. It's like I am invading the seventeen-year-old Colin's privacy. I wonder what is hidden in here. Did he write journals? Maybe an old-school assignment meant for his future self. I just want to search through all of it and get to know the Colin who used to sleep in this room. The one who had so much hurt, the one whose pain was still so fresh.
I step closer to the pictures and lean closer to the girl, after a moment I pick it up and examine her. Finally, it strikes me why she looks familiar, she has Colin's nose and eyes, but the colour of them is different, hers are blue, but the shape is the same. "Is this your sister?" I ask gently glancing over at him.
He is standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall. He nods slowly. "That was her school photo a few months before she died." He murmurs a small frown crossing his face.
My face softens and I turn back to the photo. She looks so happy in it. She probably was. This would have been after the nightmare of her father was gone. Any foster home after that probably felt like a haven. I want to cry as I think about how she died so soon after this was taken. I carefully place the picture back where it had been. I walk over to the football sitting on the desk on a holder. It is covered in signatures. I grab it and read a few.
"Have a great summer," – Brody 65. "Enjoy Stanford," – Will 77. "Don't screw up that hair," – Tyler 43. "What a year," – Silas 12. "Stanford won't know what hit them," – Liam 79. "If you blow off the dance I will kick your ass," – Quinn 35. "What Quinn said. Be normal for one night," – Riley 88. "If you don't go I'll dance with Abby," – Hayden 56. "I can't wait to be away at Stanford with you. Here is to an amazing year and to our future adventures together," – Abby, which is followed by a heart.
I can't help but smile a little as I read each of the words his former teammates had written down. There was a time when he had tried to be normal, tried to fit in and make friends, and this football is proof he succeeded. I can imagine him walking around in a football jacket, guys tailing after him, girls swooning over him. Each of them oblivious to the pain and darkness that lay underneath the façade he put forward. Not like I blame him. I did the same thing. I hid the fact that I was a group-home kid as much as I could.
When I stepped through the doors of my high school, I became a different person. I made someone up. When you create a façade, it is almost too easy to uphold it, especially when the alternative is so bleak.
I read Abby's words again. A part of me flickers with jealousy. What had he been like back then? Had she been what he needed, or had she simply been a distraction? Could I have healed him back then, before he descended so far into BDSM and the darkness? Or would he have pushed me away back then?
"Joyce and I are going to go to her office for a bit," Colin says softly after a moment. "Unless you want me to stick around."
I shake my head looking up at him "no, I'm good."
Colin nods, he glances at Joyce before the two of them head out. I can tell she wants to talk to him about what happened this afternoon, and maybe what we talked about over dinner. I had not meant for the conversation to get so... dark and depressing but I was curious. He answered all my questions willingly and promptly. I couldn't believe that he spoke so openly with Gael within earshot. I guess he must know the story of his father and what had happened. I wonder if Joyce told him or if Gael just found out after so many years.
Gael and Colin hate each other? When did they start hating each other? How did that work when Colin was her Submissive? Why does he hate Gael? I know he said it was because Gael tried to become a parental figure to him, but is that it or is there more? What is with all the talk of him being more of a man than Gael? Is that honestly what Colin believes?
I step around the bed and pull a magazine off the shelf and blush when I flip through the naked women. So, if Abby and Hannah weren't his first... does that mean Joyce was? I don't know if I overly enjoy that idea. I'll have to ask him. What will I do when the answer is yes?
It doesn't matter. Who cares if she was his first? I am going to be the last girl he has ever had sex with. He loves me, he asked me to marry him, I am the one carrying his child. What he did with any girl that came before me doesn't matter, including Joyce.
I step over to the bedside table and pull it open, inside is an unopened box of condoms, which have long since expired and a few rolled-up phone cords. In the drawer underneath I pause, there are two framed photos in this one. I blink as I look at the first, she looks like Colin. So much so, except the colour and shape of his eyes. Everything else is the same, the colour of her hair, the shape of her face, her nose, her lips, everything. She even has the brow line that sits between his eyebrows. I stare at the photo in confusion before I realize who I am looking at. This is his mother.
Why is there a photo of his mother in here hidden away? I gaze at it curiously. Guess he got all of his looks from his mother except his eyes. The shape and colour must be a trait he shares with his father. I remember him telling me that. I put that photo back and look at the one underneath. It's a photo of Colin standing in a black suit, he looks to be rather young in this photo... fifteen? It has to be. The girl standing next to him is wearing a pastel green dress, it's truly beautiful. There is something about her that is familiar. She has blonde, slightly wavy hair and her eyes look to be green. She's rather pretty. Why does she seem so familiar? I know who she is. It's obvious. This is Hannah Wilson, the night of their prom.
I feel so much pain for her. I can't imagine what it had been like for her. To be kidnapped by your boyfriend's father and used to torment the man you had feelings for. Used like a pawn in that sick man's games. The fear she must have felt. But I am thankful, thankful to her for her sympathy towards Colin. She didn't need to say the things she did to him, but she did. I don't approve that they led to him killing his father, but I think they are words he needed to hear. Words that made it so he could get out of there when he did. And I'll bet she was right. I'll bet that Colin was running out of time. How much longer would it have taken for him to turn off the humanity he was hanging on to? How much longer before he dived into the darkness and let his father teach him everything he knew? How long before Colin became the very monster, he had spent ten years fighting against? He was only a boy, it was a miracle that Colin had managed to hold on as long as he did.
I put the photos back and shut the drawer, straightening up, I step from the room and head down to the living room. Gael is back sitting on the couch, watching the game.
I glance at the TV and then at Gael. "Mind if I join you?"
Gael glances at me and smiles nodding "please."
I return the smile and sit down on the armchair, glancing at the TV. "Colin's been trying to explain the different sports to me, I never could get into sports. I'm sort of surprised he watches them. He never seems to sit still long enough to watch TV of any kind."
Gael glances at me with a small smile "if you really want to get into any game the first thing you must do is go watch a live one. It helps you get into the atmosphere of the game. It's truly an amazing experience."
I glance at Gael "you took Colin?"
Gael holds my gaze and nods "I did. In an attempt to bond with him. I took him to an NHL, NBA and NFL game. Sports was the only thing we could bond over. Still is. As you can see it was a pointless attempt."
I gaze at him curiously. Did he want that to be different? Did he want to be some parental figure to Colin when he came to live with them? Is that what he is to all of Joyce's other Subs? I glance at the TV for a moment. "Is that what you were to Brandon? A father figure?"
Gael glances at me "I like to think so. I like to think that I am making a bit of an impact on these boys that my wife brings home. I find it terrible how many kids have had to deal with horrible parents and situations. Situations that they never should have been put into. It makes me more thankful for my parents and upbringing than anything else."
"So you are disappointed that your relationship with Colin hasn't worked?"
Gael nods. "He's important to Joyce. A reminder of the friend she lost and I felt a responsibility to form a better relationship with him than I did with any of the other boys. But... you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped."
I frown at his words "and you don't think Colin wants to be helped?"
"I think he did at one point. But what he has been doing with all these girls... did with you. That's not right. He is not his father but he is forcing his will on women just as much."
I slowly shake my head "no. He hasn't forced me to do anything that I don't want to do."
"Emery, I have known Colin since he was seventeen, I have met every girl he has ever had a relationship with. And to an extent, I know the sort of darkness that he commits you girls to."
"You know about Colin's... tastes?"
Gael nods "Joyce and I are married, we tell each other everything. Even when it comes to Colin. She told me about how he learnt BDSM while he was at Stanford and that was one of the many reasons Abby finally left him. Because she couldn't deal with the darkness."
Well, that is a very convenient lie. I wonder why Joyce is willing to tell Gael about Colin's BDSM adventures. Maybe she was gauging his reaction? Perhaps that is why she decided she couldn't tell him everything about her life. So, was Colin her first Sub?
"And I know he kept the fact that he wanted a child with you a secret until the very last second," Gael says. "Did he tell you or the doctor?"
I raise a brow.
"Most of the girls before you he didn't tell. It was Dr. Falcone who told them. The only reason he didn't knock one of them up was because they all used birth control before they met him. If any of them had stuck around after the fertility appointment and where what he was waiting for, he had planned on changing their birth control out with sugar tablets."
I blink gazing at Gael.
"He hasn't told you that part, has he? That's the point, Colin tells you everything he can to make you fall for him. But the bad, the dark, the worst parts of him he will shut inside and never tell you."
"How much worse can it get?" I ask with a deep frown. "He has told me everything about his past."
"Did he tell you the man he was when he first came here? When he was first out of Juvie. How many fights he got in? How many times he took out his anger on someone weaker than himself."
I shake my head. "I can imagine. He was hurting, he had just lived through hell, of course, he was acting out."
"He is condemned to his darkness, Emery. How can he ever be a husband or a father with all that? Hell, he can't even let people touch him without hurting them," Gael says. "Why are you staying with him? Because of convenience? Because of the money? I can help you, Emery. I can help you get away."
I frown gazing at Gael "no, it's not just because I need his money. Of course, it's not. I am not that kind of girl. I am with him because I love him. Because I know despite all his darkness and all the complications that he will be a good father to my baby. I know he loves me."
"He is telling you whatever he needs to, Emery. He is manipulating you into believing that," Gael insists shifting closer to me. "He is drowning in darkness and has been since he was four years old. He can try all he wants to contain it but eventually, it will explode out of him and when it does he will hurt you or that baby."
"Why do you care?" I ask glaring at him.
"Because I will not stand idly by and watch Colin continue his father's legacy. He might not force women to have sex but he hurts them. That is his father's legacy. He will hurt you, Emery, all he does is hurt women."
"You don't know Colin," I say getting to my feet.
"I know him, I know the pain he felt as a child and I sympathized for so many years with him. I did! But there comes a time when you have to stop blaming all of your actions and mistakes on your past. He is not his father, but he is a man with a lot of darkness," Gael urges. "Listen to me Emery, he is going to hurt you and I will not stand by and let him ruin your life or the life of your child. I would be a rather terrible guy if I stood idly by and let Rylan Watson's darkness damage another generation."
I blink gazing at him "Rylan Watson? That was his father's name?"
Gael sighs heavily and gets to his feet "God that is the only part of that you are hearing?"
"I heard all of it I am choosing to ignore the rest."
Gael grimaces draining the rest of his drink "I can see why Colin likes you so much, you are just as stubborn as him."
I can't help but smirk a little and gaze at him "thank you."
Gael gazes at me, he slowly shakes his head as he gets to his feet to freshen his drink.
"Colin is not his father."
"No, he's not."
"He has made it through every cruelty that this world has thrown at him and somehow, he has managed to come out a man who is willing to give me everything he can. He loves me, I know that. I see it in everything he does and all of it he learnt. He wasn't taught any of it by his father, he learnt it. Learnt it so one day he would be able to have the family that he never got, that takes a strength that I will never be able to comprehend. That is the kind of man I want to marry, the kind of man I want to be the father of my children. So forgive me Gael but I am going to believe in him until I get concrete proof that I shouldn't."
"Why did you leave him?" Gael asks frowning holding my gaze. "And look me in the eye and tell me that the only reason you are back with him is not because you feel you need to because of the baby."
"Stop talking."
I turn my gaze over my shoulder to find Colin standing next to Joyce, his gaze is dark, and his jaw is tight. I can tell he is beyond angry. Joyce is gazing at Gael with a disapproving frown, she is shaking her head. She glances at Colin touching her hand gently to his bicep.
"Easy Colin," she murmurs.
Colin shrugs her hand off and walks around the couch, he glances at me touching his hand to my back. "Are you okay?" he mutters, his tone stiff.
I gaze at him, nodding. I glance at Gael and frown. He doesn't seem all that intimidated and I'm not sure that is a good thing. I think Colin reacts better when he can intimidate people into submitting to him.
Colin turns his gaze to Gael shaking his head slowly "who the hell do you think you are? How is any of this any of your business?"
Gael holds his gaze frowning deeply "she needs to know what she has gotten herself into when it comes to you."
"You don't know me Gael!" Colin snarls his dark gaze focused on Gael.
"Colin," I whisper touching my hand to his arm. "Please just take a deep breath."
"Emery don't touch me right now, please," Colin says gruffly. He gazes at Gael "please fucking tell me who you are to be trying to sabotage my relationship with Emery. Tell me who the fuck you are to be having this conversation with her?"
I glance at Joyce as she walks over to me, touching her hand to my shoulder. She gives me a small smile before guiding me a few steps away from Colin, almost like she is purposely putting the couch between me and the argument going on between Colin and Gael.
"I know you better than a lot of people Colin."
"No, the fuck you don't!" Colin growls. "You know this warped version you have created in your head. You can't understand the shit I have been through."
"I don't discredit that, Colin. I don't have any idea what it must have been like to grow up in the situation you did, but as I have said you are not a boy anymore!"
"No, I am a grown adult who has figured out how to move on from all the shit I have been through. I am building a family of my own, just leave it alone Gael. Emery and I, our family it is none of your fucking business."
"Colin be honest with yourself. How are you going to raise a child? A well-rounded functional child. How are you going to be able to give a child the things that a son or daughter requires from their father?"
"Do you have some secret child that I am unaware of Gael? When did you become an expert in parenting?" Colin retorts shortly.
"What happens when the kid misbehaves or touches you or ticks you off? Your temper is razor thin and often when you get ticked off you resort to threatening and... physical means to..."
Colin's eyes flash and he steps closer to Gael, he brings himself, nose to nose with the man. "Don't ever insinuate that I would ever lay a hand on my child, or I will lay you on your ass."
"That's not particularly reassuring."
"You are not the person I have to reassure. You are just the man trying to tear apart everything I am trying to build for myself, and I can't understand why. What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?"
Gael frowns, he holds Colin's gaze.
Colin forces a shaky breath through his teeth. "You are not the person I have to convince. Stay out of mine and Emery's relationship."
"Gael, Mrs Hendricks, dessert is ready."
"Only set three places," Joyce says glancing between Gael and Colin.
Gael and Colin turn to her, Gael is frowning deeply.
"I don't care what you do the rest of the evening but stay away from us," Joyce says sternly. "This is supposed to be a celebration, a dinner party, not an intervention. Disappear for the evening, Gael."
Gael frowns, he hesitates a moment before he glances at Monica. "I'll take it in our room." He mutters before he heads down the hall.
I glance down the hall for a moment before I turn to Colin gazing at him with a small frown "are you okay?"
Colin looks like he forces a few deep breaths through his teeth before he walks around the couch and steps closer to me. He gazes at me with a very serious expression. "I would never lay a hand on this baby, on any of our future children. You know that, right?"
I gaze at him and nod "yeah, Colin, I believe you. I know you would never hurt me or our kids ever."
Colin nodded slowly, he touches his lips to my forehead. He touches his hand to my cheek, brushing his thumb over my lip "I didn't have any examples of a good parent and I know that, but not having them taught me what not to do and I plan on doing everything I can to figure out how to be the best Dad I can be to this baby. I swear to you, Emery."
I smile softly looking at him, I tilt up on my tip-toes and kiss him, tangling my fingers in his hair. After a moment I pull away and smile at him "I know you will Colin. You are going to be an amazing, Dad."
I don't know what makes me believe that. I understand why Gael has concerns, of course it was not his place to voice those concerns. But I don't have the same concerns. I have more worries about mine and his relationship then I do about Colin's ability to be a good parent. I think he will be a wonderful father. He is passionate about everything he wants, and he desperately wants this baby. He built a house years ago that will be perfect for a family, he has read and read about raising a child. I believe him when he says that he is planning to learn everything he can to be a good parent, he already has done that. All the worries that I had when I first found out have been put to rest, at least about Colin being a dad.
"I believe you Colin. This baby is going to be the luckiest kid in the world to have you as their father," I say with a warm smile.
A smile crosses his face, and he looks rather relieved. He kisses my forehead, "ready for dessert?"
I nod.