Word Count: 3,687
"Hey, Y/N, I know you and Rosé started dating after Sports Day, but have you noticed any other changes about yourself?"
We couldn't use the school sports grounds due to the never-ending rain, so some of the us were having gym indoors while some had health class. Just as our teacher left the classroom, the student sitting in front of me asked me that question.
It was just a guess, but I figured the question was prompted by our teacher's reminder to focus on our studies now that Sports Day was over. As for me, my attitude in class was the same as always, or maybe even more serious than before, so I didn't think those words were directed at me. But the mention of Sports Day must have subconsciously reminded the others of me.
The rest of the class must have been curious too, because they all turned to face me, which left me with some mixed feelings.
"Well, I've been getting bombarded with questions like this at school," I muttered.
"Sorry. But besides that, how far have you two gone?"
"...We haven't really done much," I replied. "At most, we've started walking home together and stuff."
It had been about two weeks since Rosé and I started dating, but not much had changed. After all, we already had plenty of physical contact before making it official, and Rosé was still coming over to my place like always.
If I had to point out something, it would be that I had been trying to initiate more intentional physical contact, but in terms of our daily lives, things were pretty much the same.
"No way!"
"Why would I lie about that?"
"Well, I mean, come on..."
"Listen-"
"Rosé's head over heels for you, so I thought you'd be fooling around more or something."
"Fooling around...? Not really. Stuff like that is-"
"Y/N! You're such a prude. We can't rely on you for any juicy stories."
Jennie had apparently overheard the conversation from nearby. "You know, any normal couple would be fooling around... You two are unbelievable!" she said, sounding exasperated.
I shot a glare at my friend, but Jennie just laughed, completely unfazed.
"...I don't even know how to respond to that. I'm not going to force us to do things just because it's what couples are supposed to do. Everything's pretty much the same as before."
"So that means you guys have always been fooling around, right?"
"Listen here-"
"I think they got a point," Jennie insisted. "You might think you're being cautious, but it's obvious to everyone. Even when I try to interrupt you two, you keep flirting. So I figured if that's you guys toning it down in public, you must be even more flirtatious at home."
I didn't mean to, but I ended up unintentionally making it sound like Rosé and I had always been really close. I tried to insist that it wasn't what it seemed, but I knew the other girls probably wouldn't listen, no matter what I said.
"Wait, what do you mean 'at home'...?" I cursed silently as the girls surrounding me started to make a fuss.
Too late, I realized Jennie had added some unnecessary information.
"Rosé is usually at Y/N's place, and I bet when they're alone, they're all lovey-dovey. They're practically married." Jennie said.
"Jennie..."
"If you try to hide it, people are gonna start suspecting things, so I'll just go ahead and say it. Some people have already noticed you two going back to the same apartment building, so I'm just setting the record straight before any weird rumors start spreading."
Jennie gave me a meaningful look, then pressed her lips together tightly. We both knew Rosé would be upset if she became the subject of any strange gossip.
It would definitely be bad if people started assuming that Rosé was already spending the night at my place, especially since we just started dating. I want to avoid any rumors. I know it's normal for same-sex couples to be more intimate, but I don't want anything that could potentially affect Rosé's reputation.
Sure, Rosé has stayed over before, and I've let her use my bed, but we've never actually slept in the same room together. There was one time when she half-asleep asked me to join her, but I didn't go through with it, so that definitely doesn't count.
"Now that I think about it, you did mention that you and Rosé are neighbors... Does that mean she lives really close by?"
"Well, we actually live in the same building, so she's over at my place quite often."
"So that means if we come over to your place, we could also go to hers..."
"I won't invite you up, so you'll get turned away at the entrance. If you try anything suspicious, the security guard will come and kick you out. You can count on that."
Of course, the apartment building where Rosé and I lived wasn't fancy enough to have a concierge, but it did have decent security. The building was designed for residents with some wealth, with an inner courtyard and security guards who would handle anyone acting suspiciously.
"Come on, that was just a joke... So, in other words, Rosé hangs out at your place a lot, Y/N?"
"Hangs out? Well... yeah, we do spend quite a lot of time together, but-"
Rosé wasn't just hanging out. Besides bathing and sleeping, she practically spent all her time at my apartment. She was practically living there. But I knew if I mentioned that, it would set the girls off again, so I chose not to bring it up.
But even with just that information, the other girls crowded around me, their eyes widening. I could hear the sound of their chairs scraping across the floor, indicating their surprise.
"Hold up, hold up, that's not right!"
"It's like something out of a cheesy romance game plot. The classic 'childhood friend' trope! It's just not right!"
"And on top of that, you two look like the most innocent couple ever! It's driving us crazy because you're such a Goody Two-shoes. The only advice we can give you is to make a move."
"What...? Make a move? We've only been dating for two weeks; there's no way."
We had only been dating for two weeks, and I wasn't in a rush to do anything like that. And even if I did want to, I was worried that Rosie would think I was only interested in sex.
I had no intention of rushing things. I would let Rosé take the lead instead of pressuring her or trying to force things to move forward.
Besides, we hadn't even kissed yet, so there was no way we were going to jump straight into anything more.
"It's better to let time pass and take it slow," I said. "We'll do things like that when we're both ready. I'm not going to pressure her into anything."
I felt a bit embarrassed talking about the subject and ended the conversation with a rather anticlimactic statement.
Jennie looked at the others and dramatically shrugged. "You see? This is one of the things that Rosé likes about you, Y/N. You're so kind and considerate, like a true lady. You're so cautious and thoughtful, you could almost say you're gentle-hearted."
"Y/N, are you out of your mind? Are you made of sugar and spice? How can you even call yourself gay?"
"I see how it is. You're all here to make fun of me."
I scowled, wondering how anyone could see anything other than a strong and confident woman when they looked at me.
From all sides, I heard comments like, "If you had such a beautiful angel by your side, why wouldn't you make a move?" and "This is what a loser looks like," which made my mouth twitch.
"It's none of your business, so just back off," I insisted. "We're taking things at our own pace, so we don't need anyone interfering."
"You know, I heard that Rosé has been getting advice from Lisa," Jennie mentioned.
"Well, you can tell Lisa to be careful about what she says. Rosie doesn't need to learn everything that Lisa has to offer."
Even though Rosé was smart and level-headed, she was still new to adult relationships, and I worried that Lisa might give her false expectations.
"So you're saying you should be the one to guide the innocent Rosé?"
"Enough of that, seriously."
I gave Jennie a critical glare, wondering why she always had to twist everything, but Jennie played innocent.
"Now, now. Besides, even if I told Lisa to stop, the other girls are probably giving her all sorts of advice too. Rosé is in love, she's adorable, and they're going to share their wisdom with her."
"And what good does that do me if they give her all kinds of weird ideas?"
"Well, at least you get to appreciate Rosé's charming and adorable efforts," Jennie replied.
"Well, I guess I can't argue with that, but just try putting yourself in my shoes; think of the shock my poor heart will have to endure."
"Isn't it nice that she's putting in so much effort for you?"
When Jennie put it that way, I couldn't possibly argue, so I just frowned and kept my complaints to myself. Jennie must have known how I would react because she burst into laughter.
"Well, I can't stop Lisa from trying to help, since she's determined to encourage Rosé's love for you."
"...It's your fault for not knowing what kind of advice your girlfriend might be giving."
"I don't think she's telling her anything too extreme. Even Lisa has some tact, after all."
"I wonder..."
"Just the other day, I saw Lisa lecturing Rosé on how to cuddle, telling her, 'Y/N will be happy if you do things like this,'" another girl added.
"Jennie, you have a duty to control her..."
"Like it's my fault?!"
I looked accusingly at Jennie and said, "So she is teaching Rosé all kinds of weird stuff?"
It was easy to imagine Lisa had, for better or worse, been filling Rosé's head with all sorts of information about relationships. The only one who could keep Lisa in check was Jennie, so I thought she should be the one to stop her.
I let out an exasperated sigh, and the girls surrounding me stared at me in silence. The atmosphere was indescribable.
"So, are you just here to brag about your love life?" one of the girls asked, summarizing what everyone wanted to say.
"...That wasn't my intention," I replied. But there wasn't a single person there who believed me.
-
"That reminds me, you girls were all worked up during gym today; did something interesting happen?"
Classes were over for the day, and we had returned home. I wasn't prepared for Rosé's sudden question, and I dropped my smartphone, letting it fall onto my lap. It was quite heavy because of the wallet-style case, so I felt a bit of pain in my thighs as I returned Rosé's gaze, and our eyes met.
She was sitting beside me with a very puzzled look.
She obviously knew the girls had been talking about something. We had kept chatting after the period ended, so she must have heard voices when she came back to the classroom.
"Oh, well no, um, please don't worry about it."
I averted my eyes. I couldn't possibly tell her that they had been asking how far Rosé and I had gone.
"Huh...?" Rosé sounded upset. "Usually when you say something like that, it's exactly the sort of situation I should be worried about."
"It was just regular girl talk; we had some catching up to do, you could say."
"Uh-huh... The type of conversation that you can't repeat or don't want to?"
"It's not that I can't repeat it, it's just embarrassing."
My reply seemed likely to invite misunderstanding, but I was ashamed to explain our conversation in detail, so I settled on being vague. Rosé stayed quiet as she stared at me.
Is she fed up with me or displeased...? I felt a slight twinge of pain somewhere near my stomach, but Rosé gave an uneasy smile.
"Ah, if you don't really want to say, that's fine; you don't have to. It wouldn't be nice for me to pry; you deserve your own privacy too. I'm sure there are some things that girls only talk about with other girls. Some topics that I shouldn't ask you about."
"I have mixed feelings about how understanding you are, but... Well, it's nothing that serious. Would it be okay to not talk about it?"
"I mean, you would never ask me what I talk about with other girls, right?"
"I guess not. If I approached it poorly, I would probably offend you, though I wouldn't ask anything you didn't want to answer. Even if you're my girlfriend, that doesn't mean it's okay for me to tell you how to live your life, you know?"
I was smart enough to know that people have all sorts of secret conversations among themselves. Even though I was curious about what Rosé might have discussed, I was also afraid of the answer, so I didn't really want to ask. Still, I figured there were probably people who would have liked to pry.
Rosé was her own person with her own life, so I intended to respect her privacy, even if she was my partner.
That's the difference between them and me.
This time, I looked directly at Rosé, and she smiled softly, looking amused.
"I feel the same way," she said. "I don't think it's right for me to try to know everything about you just because I like you. Even if there are things I don't know, that doesn't change how I feel about you, Y/N."
"...That's one of the things I find charming about you, you know."
"Right back at you."
Rosé giggled in her elegant voice and leaned against my arm. I felt self-conscious because I could sense her trust in me. Tracing the pad of my finger lightly over the smooth back of her hand, I whispered, "Is it really alright if I don't tell you?"
My conversation with the others wasn't something I particularly wanted to share, but neither was it something I felt like I had to hide. I was prepared to tell her if not knowing made her anxious, but Rosé smiled, still leaning against me.
"If you want to tell me, I'll listen, but if it's something you'd rather not share, then I won't ask."
She left it up to me to do as I pleased, and I pondered over what to do for a full ten seconds before slowly opening my mouth to speak.
"...Well, um, how do I put it? The others were asking me how things have changed since we started dating, and they asked me how far we've gone, and other typical questions like that."
The others probably already had their suspicions, but they hadn't said them out loud, so I hadn't responded to them. But they had also expressed interest in how things had changed for me, so I had decided to make that the main point when telling Rosé.
I spoke hesitantly, but Rosé seemed to understand. "I guess they were curious about it, huh?" She smiled wryly. "But things that have changed since we started dating... I guess my awareness of you has. Like, I touch you a lot on purpose now, but that's it."
"That's because we were already close to begin with. Rather than saying we've changed, I feel like our surroundings have instead."
We had always been touchy with each other even before we started dating. Holding hands, hugging, and even a cheek kiss for revenge. It's funny how we hadn't become a couple sooner with all that physical closeness.
Looking back, I feel embarrassed about not being able to return her affection at the time. I was cautious, maybe even cowardly. But now, I want to take the lead with Rosé and put in the effort to be more confident in our relationship.
"You're right about that. And you've totally changed your appearance, which has made it easier for everyone, even girls, to talk to you."
"No, the only time girls speak to me is to cheer me on, so..."
"But I've been hearing people say you look cool too, you know? And that your smile is cute."
"That smile was probably directed at you, though... You're the only one I see," I whispered quietly to calm her. As our eyes locked in intense eye contact, I couldn't help but feel a surge of emotions.
Even as her cheeks flushed slightly, she pressed her head against me and didn't seem at all dissatisfied.
I thought about how cherubic and cute she looked when she did that, but I knew that if I said it out loud, she would scold me for treating her like a child, so I kept it to myself and smiled quietly.
As I gazed lovingly at Rosé, who seemed to be in a good mood, I recalled what had happened when I was surrounded by my classmates and remembered there was something I needed to ask her.
"Anyway, I did hear one thing that I want to ask about."
"Oh?"
"Rosie, it seems you've been getting advice from Lisa and some of the other girls. They're not telling you anything weird, right?"
I stared at Rosé with the unspoken additional question of "And you're not telling them any details about our relationship, right?" Rosé looked up awkwardly at me and then suddenly averted her gaze.
"...Only a little bit-"
"They are, aren't they? Well... I won't tell you not to talk to them, but please try not to expose too much of our personal lives. It'll be super embarrassing if rumors start circulating."
"I-I'll be careful."
Consulting with her friends wasn't an issue, but I didn't want Rosé to share too much about our relationship. Of course, I trusted her to exercise good judgment, but she could also be a little careless sometimes, so I figured it would be best to warn her, just in case.
Rosé shrank back into her seat, perhaps thinking that she had already overshared, even if they were her friends.
Not that I hadn't also consulted with Jennie and Jisoo, but I had always chosen my topics carefully and had never asked them anything particularly deep. I was starting to suspect that maybe Rosé had some major complaint or insecurity about our relationship.
"...Are you really that anxious about dating me?" I asked.
"A-anxious? It's not like that... Um, I j-just asked them how I could make you happy."
"But I'm perfectly happy just being with you..."
"Yes, of course... You're the type who says it's more than enough just to be with me. You don't desire much, and you rarely make requests of people, isn't that right?"
"I feel like I could say the same about you."
All of what she had said also applied to Rosé herself, but after blinking several times, hiding her eyes for a moment each time they closed, she smiled at me coquettishly.
"...I can be quite greedy, you know? I want to have you all to myself; I want to pamper you and be pampered."
"Right back at you, as you would say."
"You want to be spoiled?"
"...W-well, I like you, so yes, and I want to do the same for you, too. As for keeping you all to myself, well, I'll try to only do that when we're at home."
Rosé probably didn't think so, but I had always considered myself to be the more possessive one.
I knew, of course, that Rosé had her own feelings and her own life - and that she should be able to live however she wanted. I did want to respect that, but... be that as it may, she was my girlfriend, and I often caught myself wishing I didn't have to share her with anyone else.
I knew Rosé was popular, and I could accept that for what it was, but I still wanted to pull my cute girlfriend into my arms and keep her for myself. I wished she would show her sweet side only to me and that she wouldn't be affectionate with anybody else. That was how deeply I loved Rosé.
That's heavy, even for me..., I chided myself. But for some reason, Rosé smiled pleasantly, looking tickled.
"...I found one thing that has changed about you since we started dating, Rosie."
"What?"
"You're more honest about expressing your emotions now - and showing love."
Far from balking at my heavy feelings, Rosé looked up at me bashfully and leaned in close, happy to accept me.
I also thought that I had become more honest, compared to before we were dating. I had pined after Rosé for so long, and I wanted to treasure her and never upset her with my words. Thus, I naturally became gentler as I tried my best to express my love so that Rosé would never feel disheartened.
"Well, I figure that nice words aren't enough. If I don't show you properly how much I love you, you'll sour on me, I hear."
"That's just like you, Rosie."
"Is it something you're unhappy with?"
"No, it's a good point, of course, but just... Sometimes it's bad for my heart, you could say."
I felt a surge of love for Rosé, who had her cheeks puffed out slightly as if I was being unfair, and I patted her head.
"I don't want to hear that from you; you're just as bad."
"And what would you say I've done?"
"Everything about you is adorable, and you leave yourself so defenseless. It's tough to bear."
"...You really are bad for my heart," Rosé said, slapping my arm playfully.