(Violet's Pov)
We had finished up cleaning the fish I had just finished helping AJ taking the heads off and we go and hand them over to Omar who set them to the side and I helped him with getting ready to put in the fryer. Clementine looked over to our house and she looked to me and motions that she was going to head in and I nod as she does just that.
"You know I don't like pressing but... how did you find her?" He asked and I look to him.
"I saw her run in the woods and I don't know... didn't want her to be on her own." I tell him.
"Got it... how are you feeling though with everything?" He asked and I think as I hand him the fish and he started to fry them up.
"Fine... I mean as fine as I can be... how are you?" I asked him.
"I'm fine as well, nothing bad, been good." He says and I look at him.
"Are you sure?" I asked and he nods.
"Yea... a bit worried for my friends and such but aren't we all?" He asked and I nod. When we got halfway done, I saw Clem walking out the house and I go over to her and she looks to me.
"She's still sleeping, she seems fine though her arm doesn't look infected or anything." She tells me and I nod at this.
"That's good... maybe I should make some soup on the side for her, she doesn't look like she's eaten in a while and I want her to have something light." I explained and she nods.
"That sounds good, maybe use the left-over fish?" She asked and I nod as we go over to Omar and ask if we could make some fish soup on the side and he nods. I get to work and he helps me with some tastes and such. When all of dinner was finished, I go and grabbed the bowl and Clem helped me with the doors and we walk into the room and I see the girl sitting up from the bed.
"Hey uh... brought you some dinner." I say to her and she looked to me and I go and set the bowl on the nightstand and I grabbed a chair and sat next to her. She looked to me and I hand her the bowl and she looked to me and takes the bowl out of caution.
"It's ok... trust me." I tell her and she looks to the food then to me and nods just a little and eats some of the soap. She looked like she liked it and ate some more and I smiled a bit.
"It is good... thank you." She tells me and I nod.
"Our friend Omar helped me make it... how long has it been since you ate?" I asked.
"I don't know... a few days maybe?" She asked and I nod a little at this.
"So, both your parents are gone?" Clem asked and she nods.
"Yea... the group we were in left my dad and I and... bad things happened." She tells us and I look to Clem who looked sadden at this and she goes and takes a seat at the girls feet.
"What's your name?" I asked her. She looked to both Clem and I and then to her bowl.
"Liz." She tells us and I nod.
"Ok Liz... nice to meet you." I say and she nods at this. We sit with her until she finished her food and I grabbed the bowl from her gently.
"If you're still tired you can sleep more." I tell her and she nods as she lays back down and I get up and both Clem and I leave the room. We head out and she goes to get her food and I go to clean the bowl. Once done I go take a seat with Clem.
"How's the girl?" Minerva asked.
"She's fine, her name is Liz." I tell her and she nods.
"She doesn't have a group looking for her?" Louis asked and we shook our heads.
"No, her mother and father are gone, and their group had abandoned her and her father... her mom was bitten." I tell them.
"Oh god." Ruby says.
"So, she's staying right?" Aasim asked and I nod.
"Alright... she knows how to." He stopped and we nod.
"She had a gun pointed at me so I think so... if not we can teach her properly." I tell them.
"Alright, seems good to me." He says. We eat our dinner and I look to the house a bit then back to the table. Louis then pulls out his cards and we played a game for a bit. No questions were asked, just a regular game of war or even slapjack, heck he wanted to try poker but I can't play that for shit so I stopped playing. Now Clem on the other hand could play the game very well.
"Royal flush mother fucker." Clem says and Louis bangs his hand on the table in a slap.
"How? How? Do you have extra cards?" He asked and she smirked as she showed that she didn't have any at all.
"Sucks to suck." She says and Louis shuffled the cards again.
"Another game." He says.
"Game on." She tells him and I looked to the house again and then to Ruby as she took care of her kids. It wasn't long till we all decided to head to bed but I had other plans as I went to the shed and grabbed some tools and went over to the truck.
"Doesn't need any work done." I hear and looked to the side to see Aasim.
"Sure, it does... always need work." I say as I popped the hood open and took a look inside.
"I mean yea but you worked on it not that long ago." He tells me and I nod a bit.
"Just making sure is all." I tell him as I get to work on anything I could get my hand on.
"Besides I'm going to have to check the oil soon." I mutter as I felt around a bit and found a loose bolt so I tightened it a bit.
"Yea... alright I'll let you get back to work than, just make sure to get some sleep." He tells me and I nod as he heads to his house. I look back to my truck and take a breath as I work on anything I could. I checked the oil, checked everything, heck I even was thinking about rotating the tires but with my one arm right now I couldn't. So I felt defeated at this point I then put my tools back in the shed and went into my house. I go and lay on the couch for a bit and looked to the ceiling before I finally closed my eyes and went to sleep, though it seemed like a short nap because I was woken up by a jolt and something jumping on my chest and I looked to see Sasha and I pet her head.
"Hey girl... you woke me up." I mutter and she licked my face and I smiled a bit as I pet her head. She stopped and laid down on me and I look back to the ceiling and I see the light of the sun pouring into the house so I get up a bit making Sasha jump off and I looked around a bit to see no one up just yet. I get off the couch and I walk over to the kitchen and grabbed some water we had and I drink some of it and splash some on my face.
"Seems like someone needs a shower?" I hear and turned to look at Clementine and I smiled at this.
"Yea... should head down to the river I suppose." I mutter a bit and then looked to the window.
"Well, we can head out, just us girls." She says and bumps her hip against mine and I laughed a bit.
"Sure, sounds nice." I say and she nods.
"I'll go get Ruby and Minerva." She tells me and I nod and go take a seat on the couch after I fed Sasha and gave her some water as well. It wasn't long till I see Minerva and Ruby come in.
"Heard we were heading to the river?" Minerva asked and I nodded.
"We stink... well according to Clem I need a shower." I joke and she laughed at this.
"Alright than, let's get cleaned up." She says and I nod as I get some soaps and shampoos, along with towels and we all head to the truck Liz had asked if she could come with us and I along with the others agreed and Ruby decided she wanted to drive so we let her. When we get to the river Ruby parks the truck and we all get out and head to a safe spot and they start undressing. I felt a little uncomfortable at this point and I go to the side a bit and keep my eyes away from them.
"Vi you, ok?" Clem asked and I look down a bit.
"Just... I don't know, just uncomfortable is all." I muttered and I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"The scars?" She asked.
"Everything." I tell her.
"Everything?" She asked and I nod at this.
"The scars... the... people... I don't know I just don't... want them to see." I tell her.
"I get that, honestly I do, you don't have to if you don't want to." She tells me and I rubbed my neck a bit.
"I'll just... wash my face and hair." I tell her and look to her a bit.
"Ok, we'll be over there ok." She tells me and I nod. I then here someone come up next to me and it was Liz and I smiled at her as she sat with me.
"Going to wash your face?" I asked and she nods at this. I then hear the water splashing a bit as they washed themselves and I go and place my head into the water. When I pulled my head out, I shook my hair a bit and washed my face a bit with some of the soap we had. When I finished with the soap I washed my face again by grabbing some water and washing my face away from the river so the soap wouldn't get in it. I then grabbed shampoo and got to work on my hair for a while and when I was done I dunked my head into the water again and shook my head as I pulled out. I then looked to Liz who did the same thing as I did.
"How are you feeling?" I asked her and she looked to me as she was in mid washing her hair.
"Ok I think... you guys are really nice... why?" She asked and I look to the water a bit and take a breath as I think.
"We think people should be treated kind... I mean even a kid born in this world needs to know that there are still people that are kind... at least know what kindness looks like." I tell her and looked to her as she looked back to me.
"Think of it as... good people still exist, they're hard to come by, but they are still here... My little brother Tenn, he was so sweet, how he lived as long as he did will be a mystery." I tell her.
"What happened?" She asked and I take a moment to think.
"We lived on a farm for a year... nice quiet, no people to deal with, just all of us together... a family... then a bunch of people come in the middle of the night... he was shot." I tell her the truth.
"I'm sorry." She says and I look at her.
"You, don't need to be... it happened so long ago, it'll stay with me until I'm gone." I tell her and when she finished washing her hair, she takes a seat next to me and I look down at her.
"Your arm." She says and I look to it, and I nod.
"Yea... cool hu? fixed it up myself." I say as I moved it a bit in a twisting manner, and she looked at it.
"Had to work on Clem's leg for a long time to get this good." I tell her.
"You both got bit?" She asked and I nod at this.
"Yes, we did... I don't know how it happened to Clem; she never told me how it happened, but it did... I got bit about two weeks maybe?" I think and rub the back of my head.
"My mom... got bit here." She says and points to her hand and I felt sad at this.
"Did you... see it happen?" I asked her. She nods a little and I don't know why but I pulled her to me and I rubbed her shoulder gently. She seemed to relax a bit at this, and I look back to the water for a bit.
"All good?" I hear and look to Clem, and I nod at this.
"Yea... feels good." I tell her and she smiled at me.
"How's the arm?" She asked and I looked to the prosthetic, and I take it off. Liz looked at it I think she was a bit curious. I then looked to my stump a bit and waved it a bit making Liz laugh a bit.
"Got to wash it." I mutter and do just that. Clem takes a seat next to me and works on her own stump. I look her up and down a bit as she sat next to me only in her bra and panties. I turn red at this and look back to my stump as I cleaned it up. I then feel a hand go through my hair and I look over to her as she looked to me, and I smiled at her just a little bit.
"You, ok?" She asked with a look of worry, and I nod.
"Yea, I just need to make sure it's cleaned up." I mutter and get back to work and looked away from her. It wasn't long till we all got back in the truck and headed back home. I was sitting in the bed of the truck and watched as the trees were rushed by. It was quiet, and I must admit a little calming. I then looked to my prosthetic as I held in in my hand and looked it over for anything. I guess I just wanted to keep myself busy with anything at this point, even if it's something as simple as looking at my fake arm. I chuckled a bit and looked to Clem as I realized something.
"What's so funny?" She asked. I smiled a bit and lifted my fake arm up a bit.
"Haven't seen her or the others for a week or so." I tell her and she looked to me, and I shrugged a bit.
"It's a nice feeling." I tell her.
"I bet, so you think you're ok? for now I mean." She tells me and I nod.
"Yea... for now." I tell her and I worked on putting the prosthetic back on. We finally get back to the house and I hopped out the back of the truck and Liz comes over to me.
"You know, she kind of looks like you when you were little... just with brown hair and eyes." Ruby says and I look at Liz and then to Ruby and she laughed as both Liz and I shrugged.
"Perfect copy." She says as she shakes her head and walks off. I look to Liz and rub her head and we went over to the house.
"I got to work on my arm a bit, you can play with Delilah and Aasim junior." I suggested to her.
"I... want to watch." She says and I nod a bit at this and I grabbed my tools and we went over to the bench and I look over to Clem as she worked in the garden.
"Hey Clem, mind lending me your leg?" I asked and she looked to me.
"It's fine." She says as she comes up to us wiping the dirt on her pants and I look at her.
"Come on humor me a little." I say and she rolled her eyes a bit and pulls her leg off and sets it on the table and leans on the picnic table and I smirk at her.
"Trying to intimidate me?" I asked.
"Oh, you know I don't have to try Vi." She says and I nod and whispered to Liz.
"She's scary when mad, trust me." Clem then flicked my head and I laughed at this.
"See, scary." I tell her she rolled her eyes at me, and I smiled then she went and grabbed her crutches, and I smiled a little. I then got to work on the leg and thought of getting new paddings for the leg and then worked on the joints to make it bend a little more.
"Hey don't let it bend to much, don't want to swing that thing around like a propeller." Clem says as she looked to me.
"Damn ok, no fun." I mutter.
"Last time you tried to do that I fell flat on my face." She says and I laughed.
"It was a sight to see." I mutter and work on the leg. Once I was done Clem came over to test it out and it looked good to me.
"How's it feel?" I asked.
"Great." She tells me and I nod.
"Good, good, I'll get more padding tonight got to make it more... fluffy." I tell her and she laughed a little at this. I watch her as she goes back to the garden and AJ was helping her a bit and I got to work on my arm.
"What are you trying to do?" Liz asked.
"I want to try and make sure the arm is stabled, and a bit weatherproof, I mean some already had been before the Walkers, but I want to just make sure." I explained and cleared my throat as I looked to see some rust and I sighed.
"Rust already... well beggars can't be choosers." I mutter and look to Clem who looked to me and I rolled my eyes a bit and moved the hand joint a bit to show that there was a small issue. She comes over with AJ and I point to the rust.
"Just a little rust, not much of a worry about but I'd like to get some parts later on in the week." I explained.
"We can head out today if you want, we still have light and I need to head into town." AJ says and I look to Clem who nods a little at this and I nod as well.
"Can I come?" Liz asked and I look to her and then to Clem.
"I think you can help me here Liz." Clem says and the little girl shook her head and looked to me.
"Please can I come?" She asked.
"I um... n-not today, ok? I uh..." I stopped and looked down to the table as I remembered Mary and I rubbed the back of my head and looked to Clementine as she comes and takes a seat.
"Liz, I think Violet wants to get you something while out there... mind asking her what she could get you?" Clem suggested and I nod quickly at this.
"I want to come." Was all she said, and I think for a bit and AJ looked to her.
"Hey how about this... you stay here with Clem and help her out a bit for Violet... and we can play a game when we get back?" AJ asked her.
"Will Violet play too?" She asked and I look to her, and I nod at this. She nods and then I put my prosthetic back and looked to AJ and then Clementine who takes Liz and I look to AJ who leaves to the house, and I get up and follow him. We grabbed our bags for the trip, and I look at the rifle and then to the pistol.
"I think you should take this." He says and hands me a knife. I look to it as it sits in my hand and I look to the guns as well. As AJ left the house I felt like I was being babied at this point so I set the knife down and holstered my pistol. I'll be damned if I'm going to be told what weapon I can or can't have. I get out of the house and look over to Clementine who was talking with Liz and Minerva and I look over to AJ who was getting into the truck. I get in with him and we head into the town.
"I gave you the knife." He tells me and I just keep looking to the road for a bit.
"Violet." I hear and shake my head.
"Violet... I just..." He stopped speaking and I look to him then to the road again as he drove.
"I'm not going to be babied." I tell him.
"It's not babying you." He says.
"You think I can't shoot?" I asked him.
"I think you can but right now it's safer for you to have a knife." He tells me.
"Why?" I asked.
"I just... I don't know, I know you can work with a knife at this point, until we get you more adjusted with one arm... you're not going to bounce right back." He tells me and I rubbed my head a bit at this headache.
"Look, AJ I just want to try and live like I use to." I tell him.
"But you can't... look at Clementine, she's way different than what I grew up with, before she lost her leg, you saw how depressed she was on days where she had to wear her leg, she had to adjust to the life she has now." He tells me.
"Yea and she threatened to leave me, even kill me if she had to." I mutter.
"That was because of Joan... I understand why you wanted to stay at that point now that you've finally talked about it, which I'm glad you are." He says and I rubbed my head a bit at this.
"You've changed too, I've seen it, I basically grew up with you, I'm trying to look out for you." He says.
"I didn't ask you to look out for me AJ, I'm an adult."
"An adult who has trauma from a psychotic bitch, a walker bite that took your arm, and even more trauma from watching Tenn and Mary die, all at the hands of fucking Joan... I know you don't want to hear it-."
"You're right, I don't want to hear it."
"But you are going to hear it, listen to me, I know life sucks, you get drunk, you were... in a vulnerable situation with someone who could take your family away, you've dealt with assholes that didn't want to listen to you and you're going to end up killing yourself or getting yourself killed like Marlon."
"I AM NOT MARLON!" I yelled at him as I slammed my hand on the dashboard and I glare at him.
"I... I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that but... you see it at least a little don't you?" He asked and I still glare at him.
"I am not him; I don't hide-."
"You hid what Joan did to you, you hid your emotions from us, you almost killed yourself, and you drink until you can't remember." He tells me and I shake my head.
"Doesn't matter how much I drink I still remember." I mumble a bit and look out the window a bit.
"But you hid it." He says and I laughed.
"Hid being drunk? The hell I did." I tell him.
"I mean... god damn it." He mutters and I look at him.
"AJ... I'm sorry... I just want to... I'm working on it." I tell him.
"I know but... I just worry." He tells me and I look to the road again and sighed.
"I know... I'm sorry that I made you worry, and I am sorry for yelling at you I shouldn't have... I just don't want to think that others are trying to baby me or treat me different than what I once was." I tell him.
"We will never be the same as we once were... I know that already... I knew it since I got to the school." He says and I look to him.
"Clementine told me that people change, she told me about how the school was for people who were troubled in life and it had made them change, then you told me about your grandma, and everyone told me about themselves, not all was as traumatic but it still changed you... then the teachers leaving you guys to fend for yourselves made you think twice on trusting adults, Joan made you rethink about trusting others, so did Javier and David." He tells me and I look down a bit.
"We all changed Violet, not just you, everyone... I mean look at me." He says and I rubbed my neck a bit.
"I'm not the same, I use to be weary of people and Marlon doubled that... but then you did everything you had done to make me who I am, Clem too... I mean I'm still weary, but you know." He says and I nod a bit. We finally get into the town, and I look around a bit and sighed as we got out.
"Now I got to look for a gift." I joke and look to AJ as he smiled at me. We get to one of the stores and looked around. The building looked like it could collapse at any time with how unkept it was. The earth was taking back the land and taking over the buildings. Many greens taking over the old buildings and I place my hand on some of the vines on the building and looked to AJ as he looked around.
"All these buildings lost in time, no more people shopping in them, no more jobs to take care of them... lots of places that have no purpose anymore." I say and he looked to me.
"Was this place any good?" He asked and I smiled a little and looked to the side.
"Before my grandpa died... we came here to get stuff for small parties, he'd gave me some money to get some candies... and a soda too... Grandma would tell him he was spoiling me and... I think he wanted me to remember the fun times with him... I think he knew I was dying." I tell him and I look at him.
"I'm glad they aren't around to see this... if they became Walkers I would have broke." I tell him honestly.
"Is that why... you're so afraid of Clem and me leaving?" He asked and I rubbed my neck.
"Losing so much family... makes one think a lot, I'm sorry if I'm being rude but you never got to know your birth parents so it's hard to explain." I tell him.
"You're not being rude at all... I'm afraid of losing you and Clem... I know I don't call you mom a lot anymore, or call Clem mom as much but you both still are my parents... not just because you married Clem." He joked and I laughed a bit. we looked around the store a bit and grab some items that were salvageable. I see something off on the side and I grabbed it to see it was a teddy bear. It was wrapped up in plastic so the mold and such didn't get to it I keep it in the bag, and we head out and look around more. I head over to the gun shop, and we pack up any and all weapons and such to take back home. I see some writing on the wall and took the time to read it. Then there was some old news paper clippings here and there and I read an article.
"What's that?" AJ asked and I look to him then to the article.
"Old article paper." I tell him and rip it from the wall and placed it in my pocket as AJ walked away. We headed on over to the truck and began the drive to the hospital. Once we got in we looked around a bit for any other supplies like bandages and such but to be fair in the few years we lived here we did take a lot of stuff. We went into the back rooms, and I looked around as I found a different prosthetic and I saw it had moving joints, but it wouldn't work for me.
"That looks interesting." AJ says and I nod.
"Yea only thing is my cut is to high compared to this one in order to use." I explained and he nods as we looked around some more. I got some parts for Clementines leg at least and I grabbed some arm prosthetics to make a build from. When we finish up at the hospital and went to the truck with everything in the back. When we do finally get home the others help grabbed all the supplies and I grabbed a few bags myself. I took them into the one shed we deemed an armory at least and I set the bags on the table where Aasim and Willy took a look at the bags and guns as well, setting them up and taking a log of what we had. I then hear the kids and I walk out and see AJ messing around with them and I see Clem watching them, so I go over to her.
"AJ said you found some parts." She says and I nod a bit.
"Yea... got a few legs for you to keep to the side and for parts." I tell her and she nods at this. I see Liz looking over to us. I looked at her, and she came over to us and I smiled a bit at her.
"Hey." I say to her.
"Can we play?" She asked and I looked at Clem who nodded and I nodded as well and followed her over to the others. We settled on playing tag and Liz wanted to be it so we ran around the homing area for a bit and I was hiding behind a house and I look around a bit and see Liz coming from the other side and I ran to the middle of the driveway and I look around to the area for another hiding place but I see Clem and go over to her and hide behind her as she laughed.
"Shhh, don't give me away." I say as I peek over her shoulder to look for the kid.
"To late." I hear and then I feel a tap on my shoulder and I look to see AJ.
"What?"
"She got me a while ago, used her to trick you." He says and I groaned a bit.
"Smart." I muttered and I looked at him and I sighed as I got up and we played some more. It was about an hour or so before we ended the game, and I was out of breath. I head on over to Clementine and take a seat as she was looking at a map and I look at it too.
"Georgia?" I asked and looked at her as she nods.
"I think I should pay a visit to Lee... it's been so long." She says and I nod.
"Yea... want to take a trip out next week?" I asked and she looked to me.
"It won't be changing you schedule?" She asked.
"You mean my appointments with Minerva?" I asked.
"Yea." She says and I think a bit.
"No it won't bother it, besides I owe him a visit too." I tell her and she nods. I went and explained to Minerva about what we were planning on doing, she tells me that we can talk about our daily talks when I get back from the trip and I looked to the side a bit.
"It's not going to be an issue, will it?" I asked.
"No, you won't have any problems, plus you can talk to Clementine you know." She tells me and I nod a bit.
"I know but... there are some things she should never know." I tell her.
"Yea... look you don't have to tell her those details, just simple things." I tell her and she nods at this, and I go over to Clementine, and we look at the map.
"Got an Ok, so we can head out next week or this week, it's up to you." I tell her.
"We can head in three days." She says and I nod.
"Are we bringing AJ and Liz?" I asked.
"We can." She says and I nod and think about this. As time would pass us by a few days going and I was packing up a bag and I looked to Clementine as she had her own bag ready on her back and I looked to her and kissed her cheek. She looked at me and I smiled a bit and think.
"Taking the truck?" I asked and she shook her head.
"The car this time, less fuel." She tells me and I nod, and we head over to the car and put our things inside. I looked over to AJ and Liz as they come over to us and I rubbed the back of my neck.
"When will you be back?" Liz asked.
"A few days at most, don't worry." I told her and ruffled her hair a bit and she looked at me and smiled. It was hard to get her to stay, I don't know why or how she gotten so attached to me so quickly, but she did. We went about to everyone and said our byes and that we will be back soon, when we got in the car I was driving, and we head out the gates and I head in the direction of Georgia. We were a day into the drive, and I was in the passenger seat laying my head back a bit.
"Anything you want to talk about?" I hear and mutter a bit.
"Hmmm, no." I say and look to the window and saw some trees passing us by.
"Nothing? Really?" She asked and I thought a bit.
"Your scars... they aren't as... visual as mine." I say and place my hand to my chest a bit.
"Mine weren't as deep in all honesty... and it's been years." She says and I gripped my shirt a bit. I look to the front window a bit.
"I don't want to... I just don't like them." I tell her.
"I know." She says and I looked to the side and think some more.
"Why did it have to happen?" I asked and looked at Clem.
"Why did that have to happen to me?" I asked.
"I don't know... I honestly don't know." She tells me and I rubbed my head a bit and lean back.
"Was it cause of you?" I asked and she looked at me.
"I-I'm not blaming you I just... I'm sorry I should have never said anything." I tell her.
"No talk about it." She says and she sounded mad but yet upset at that.
"I'm not saying you are to blame for everything that woman did but... was it because she was mad at you?" I asked her and I kept my head down.
"You think she did that to hurt me?" She asked and I looked out of the window a bit. I couldn't speak but it was something that needed to be discussed, something to get off my chest at least.
"Maybe... or maybe she thought it was fun." I say quietly.
"Fun?" She asked.
"Like she thought it was fun to hurt me." I mutter.
"She is sick in the head... was, sorry she was sick in the head, look at what she did to her entire community, she turned them into Walkers, she wanted to turn you into a walker with her she was going to kill you then herself." She says and I gripped the dog tags under my shirt. Bullet hole damaged them, but they were still readable. I felt tears on my face, and I wiped them away quickly.
"Vi-."
"I... fuck." I mutter and keep to myself.
"Vi, it's ok to talk about this... it's ok to show emotions." She tells me and I gripped my tags harder.
"I don't... I'm not allowed." I mutter.
"Not allowed to show emotions? Who the hell-."
"Joan... I'm not allowed to show emotions because of her." I tell her and the car stops, and I look to her.
"Violet Everett you are allowed to show emotions, you are allowed to express your emotions on this subject because it's a fucked up thing to go through, you are allowed to have these feelings and you sure as fuck are allowed to bring it up if it's hurting you in any way." She tells me and I look away.
"Other people had it worse-."
"Of course people have it worse Violet but god damn it you can talk too, after that outburst with Javier and David... after all the shit I put you through because I was so dead set on leaving the community, the shit I said to you." She tells me but I can't look at her but I take a shaky breath.
"I just... think I don't have the right-."
"What right? For god sake Violet do you want to know what I think?" She says and I take a small side glance to her.
"I think you need to talk about it, so fucking what if you think people went throught worse." She says and I look back down.
"But you-."
"Do not compare you and I when it comes to talking about this stuff Violet, it's not healthy and it's not right to you and the things you have been through." She tells me.
"But you've lost so many people."
"So have you, and they were all kids, fucking kids Violet." She tells me.
"You lost a finger-."
"So what? I lost a leg too and my eye is fucked up but so is yours and you lost a god damn arm too, losing a leg and an arm are different." She tells me.
"You were cut open too-."
"I was cut open like you were for fuck sake Vi do you not see that you had it rough than me?"
"How? You saw your parents as walkers, you couldn't shoot Lee, someone you looked up to, you lost friends and families too, you raised a kid in this fucked up world, you... you keep your emotions hidden too." I tell her.
"My emotions are not what we need to talk about it's yours." She says and we kept silent for a bit.
"You blame yourself for Tenn, he was your brother just as much as Minerva's, you lost Mary-."
"You lost her too." I say.
"She looked up to you Violet, you spent so much time with her she was practically your daughter... AJ is your son too, you helped raise those kids for so long it's gotten to you." She tells me and I keep quiet.
"Violet... everyone has trauma, we can never get rid of it, you have had it since before the Walkers, you had watched kids at your school die, the adults left you, you took that and changed how you think... you took in Mary, you took in Liz, for fuck sake you took AJ in even though you never had to, and he looks up to you god damn it, he talks highly about you even after you yelled at him he still looks up to you." She tells me.
"He shouldn't-."
"That is for him to decide... Violet he still cares for you." She says.
"He shouldn't."
"Why?" She asked and I let go of my shirt and took a breath.
"I hurt him." I tell her.
"He forgave you."
"He shouldn't... I wouldn't forgive me either after what I did to him." I tell her.
"You're acting like you stabbed him or something." She says.
"No but... it's not... right... yelling at him... even hitting him." I tell her.
"He understands Violet." She says.
"I..." I stopped and kept quiet for a bit.
"You what?" She asked and I get angry. Not at her, never at her.
"Why... why did this have to happen, what did I do wrong Clem? Was it because I didn't call an ambulance for my grandmother? I thought she wanted to die, what right did I have to try and save the life she didn't? Why the hell was I even born if my dad didn't like me? my mom was so busy, couldn't spend time with me, I get sent to that shitty school with shitty ass teachers and they leave us to die like we were nothing... then Marlon betrayed us, made me think." I stopped as I cried.
"Made me think Minerva was dead, messed with my fucking emotions for a whole year making me mad at Brody all that time... then we have to deal with the raiders, they kidnapped you and I felt like shit but couldn't show it because we just started dating, I was so scared Clem, I thought you... I thought they were going to kill you I thought you fucking hated me when I didn't save you." I tell her.
"Vi-."
"And then... when we have a moment of happiness... it get's ripped away by fucking Joan and her people... they killed Tenn and then it was all my fault Christa died and Mary lost her mother... I didn't want to replace her mom god I never wanted to do that." I say as I gripped my head.
"And Joan... doing all that stuff to me... fucking... screwing with my head, everything... what did I do to deserve what happened to me?" I asked her.
"Violet... you didn't do anything wrong." She says and I shake my head.
"No... no I had to have done something wrong... I did something to cause all of this to happen." I tell her.
"No, Violet don't think like that, that's not... the right mindset."
"Then what is?" I asked, panicking a bit.
"Think about this, you took care of AJ for me, you helped me in more ways than what you know, God when I was depressed after my leg you fucking helped me, be me again, you did that Violet... yea you made mistakes, you've fucked up but look at me... I'm fucked up central, I got my friends killed, I always thought I was a bad omen, that's why I stayed away from people for so long, I was on a war path when I was looking for AJ and yes I fucked up, we all do but that doesn't mean you deserved what happened to you, no one deserves to be treated like that Violet, especially you." She says and I still keep my hands to my head.
"Violet look at me please." She says and I shake my head and I feel her touch my hands gently, but I moved away a bit.
"I... I wanted to die... back at Joan's... not just once or twice... every time she did that... thought you'd be better off, thought you'd be happy, thought everyone would be happy... thought if you found out how broken I was you'd just leave me to rot." I tell her.
"God no, if you had told me sooner I would have killed the bitch myself... Vi... you didn't deserve what had happened to you... your smart, Brave, kind, hell you're motherly to kids, you help others without asking for anything in return, you never once asked anyone for anything, you busted your ass in her community and she did that to you." I hear her say to me and I feel her place her hand on my shoulder, but I moved a bit and hugged myself.
"I'm so sorry." She says and I shake my head a bit.
"N-no my bad." I mutter.
"Violet." She says and I shake my head.
"You say you think you can't talk about what you went through because people had it worse right?" She asked and I nodded at this.
"Well, I'm telling you that right here in this car, you have the most trauma." She says and I shake my head.
"No-."
"There is no, no in this Violet you listen to me and you listen to me now." She says and I look at her finally.
"You are allowed to show how you feel, you are allowed to feel the way you feel, and if someone tells you otherwise they're fucking pricks and I'll take my damn leg off and beat them with it, and if you don't stop this right now I will beat you with it." She says and I chuckled a bit at this. I knew she was joking about hurting me and it was funny.
"Sorry... for making you stop the car." I tell her.
"It's fine... are you ok?" She asked and I nod a bit.
"I don't know why I talk about this stuff." I muttered as she started to drive again.
"It's ok Violet, hell I told you all my trauma when I got to the school I think you can do the same." She says and I laughed at this, and I look to my prosthetic a bit.
"Yea... I guess." I say and I lay my head on the window a bit.
"Why don't you get some rest, I think you need it." She says and I nod gently and shut my eyes as I hear the engine of the car.
"Wake me up when you take a stop at least?" I asked.
"I will, I promise." She tells me and I nod a little at this.
"I love you." I tell her.
"I love you too Violet."
"...Why did you stay... with me?" I asked her as I kept my eyes shut.
"Because I love you, and I care for you very much... you make me happy, even if you can be a bit hard headed." She says and I chuckled a bit at this.
"Same goes for you." I mutter as I started to fall asleep. Hearing her laugh at that made me smile just a little bit.