TW: angst.
Words: 1589 words.
Song recommendation: Luminary (Joel Sunny)
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Was this fate? Or Punishment?
I felt my hands going cold, eyes stinging, and I will swear on my when I tell you that the love in my heart became poison to kill me while my soul watched what happened infront of me.
I blinked several times to recheck if it was an illusion or bad dream.
My beloved,
In someone's very arms,
And that someone was leaving the kisses I HAD left the day earlier on his face.
I heard my name being called, but I didn't want the poison in my heart to go upto my brain which had some of its sane left. My body turned itself on my heels and it was my turn to run from the very spot.
.
.
That day, my moon became someone else's star.
I was numb. Right now too. I didn't dared getting out or opening the door of our shared house whenever I heard shouts or frantic knocking by him. It was painful, and I didn't knew till when I could isolate the insanity growing inside me.
My heart always leapt to my throat when I heard soft cries shouting my name. But did he heard mine?
.
.
As soon as I collapsed inside our house after closing the door, my hand clutched the area where I felt the venom stinging my heart and making it dead. The memories flashed infront of my eyes- his doe eyes. His smile, which I saw everyday after I woke up. His bare faced freckles. Those small interactions. His peaceful sleeping face luminated by the moonlight.
It was too painful.
I cried. Cried my heart out. I had screamed earlier, but never screamed until I lost my voice. The only person I loved throughout my life had betrayed me.
.
.
I let the cold water drown me and make my pain numb. Even if the bathtub was overflowing, I didn't cared.
I didn't knew what time it was, what day it was.
I didn't even knew if I was alive anymore.
I got up quietly, still drenched, my wet hand wiped the surface of mirror. Few memories again rushed back to my brain.
.
.
I smudged my toothpaste's foam on his cheek, and his sleepy eyes suddenly shot up, glaring at me playfully. He went on his tip toes to smear his foam on my face too, and I didn't said anything. I saw my sunshine grinning, laughing, and I didn't cared about him messing up my face.
I was head over heels for him.
.
.
I still have that picture fresh in my mind. I splashed some water on my face to sooth my puffy eyes a little.
Zoning out, I wore some spare trousers I had. I have to hold myself up.
My legs took me to a familiar room- sunlight lighting up the room from the huge window, a chair placed just infront of the window, a canvas and my brushes, few paint tubes lying here and there.
I picked up the first brush I could get in my hold.
I started thinking about him again.
.
.
"Hyunjin, I love you."
My hand sketched with the pencil on its own.
.
.
"Jinnie, I would never leave you."
I felt my eyes stinging, vision blurring all over again.
.
.
"I'm yours forever, my ferret."
My lips quivered in his memories.
.
.
"I love you!" Is what he said before going out that day. All of the sentences he repeatedly told me in the while of 6 years echoed in my mind.
.
.
Tears streamed down my face all over again. I threw the brush down.
There, I had drew him again.
It was like as if someone engraved his ever feature deep in my brain. I kept the canvas down with shaky hands, putting another one on. I didn't cared about my tears- I just wanted to escape this pain.
I frantically moved my hand on the canvas. It was becoming him again.
A tremble hit my hand.
I threw my brush, rushed to our room. I looked around. Every corner had held our memories in it. The bed- it still had his sweet scent. The window, how we sat there and cuddled each other while watching the stars. The huge closet full of his clothes that I hugged while crying all night, the floor where we often fell after tickling each other, everything was neatly organized. By who?
I took few steps back before colliding in the wall, and ran back to the room i was staying in. I tried bathing to sooth my brain down, but nothing worked. Not even the damn sleeping pills. Without any second thought,
I only had one option infront of me.
Going out.
Here I was, covered in some black Hoodie and some sweats. It was evening- how gorgeous the surroundings looked, but I didn't cared.
I just walked and walked until I reached the very solution--
The other side..
I had came to check on Hyunjin again. The door was mostly unlocked- I knocked few times as usual, but there was no signs of Hyunjin. It was like a dead body lived in there.
My hands went cold.
I called him again and again, but there was no one on the other side to cut the call.
I finally stepped inside.
Everything was the same-- the difference? I heard the cries still echoing among the walls.
I had came in here in between to cook him meals, or just to check on him while he slept after taking some pills.
I entered the room where he had painted portraits of me multiple times- and my eyes welled up with tears seeing few pages and canvas lying around with my face on it.
He never intended on hearing me out. What even happened that day.
He wasn't in the house. The worst possibilities ran through my mind. I ran out of the house.
Hyunjin's pov.
I smiled seeing the sun setting down in the ocean, dying, to let his love, aka moon live.
Cursed are who that feel the ocean but can't even express a drop.
And I was willing to bleed from the thorns of his rose.
He could had stabbed me, and I still had still apologized for getting my blood on him.
That's how I loved my moon, My yongbok.
A tear dribbled down my face at his memory. And the happiness of getting rid of this pain. I happily let the ocean hug me. It was peaceful. I closed my eyes, air flowing around me.
As soon as I felt the splash of me falling into the water, I didn't panicked or tried to swim.
I didn't had my luminary, and I couldn't live as a dead body and a suffering soul.
Everything started going black-- his memories still fresh in my mind. His smile everytime he turned to me, his cute habits, his everything. I did not loved him.. I lived him.
I closed my eyes with a smile. But suddenly, I heard a splash in the water, I opened my eyes immediately.
"Moon..?" I managed to whisper, before I closed my eyes. Before I totally lost my consciousness. I felt someone pulling me up.
Felix's pov.
As soon as I reached where I thought Hyunjin might be, my eyes shot up seeing a figure falling down.
"HYUNJIN!"
I swear, I felt my world slipping below my feet. They let me to the very edge too, jumping down without any second thought.
I saw him drowning with a smile on his pained face.
I swam as fast as I could to him, pulled him up.
Taking few puffs of air as I came out, I swam our way to the edge of the sea. He had fallen from a damn cliff- even I did, but I didn't cared. He tried doing this from a misunderstanding and it scared me. Scared me to my bits.
Sitting there i kept him leaning against me, the waves washing our feet.
I checked his breathing.. no signs.
I removed his hoodie, performed CPR sometimes, fastening my movements when I felt him growing cold.
Finally, he coughed out water, eyes opening up again. I let the tears flow that I held within me. He was alive.
Staring at me with a couple minutes of shock, he bursted into tears finally. His body shook against mine, and his crying gave me goosebumps. I hugged him as tight as I can.
"I'm so sorry"
"I didn't meant it"
Was all I heard from him. Why was he apologizing? He repeated that phrase again and again.
I finally had enough.
I kissed him, hard enough to shut him up, and I felt him relaxing down.
Hyunjin's pov.
I didnt cried because he was infront of me. I cried because of what I tried to do without having him infront of me. I tugged on his shirt tightly, not willing to let him go even when he kissed me. I felt relieved, my heart on ease, as if he took me back to my home.
.
.
I sighed softly, eyes lingering on the ethereal male that I drew by memory. But this time, he was besides me, playfully helping me with it. We whispered a series I love yous in between of my painting session and I swore I could never get enough of him.
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>.<
Surprise! I hope you liked it. No proof read cuz I wrote it in tears! Joel sonny's music screams elegance. Anyways, have a great day or night, I lobe you breads!
-binbinbread signing out.