A/N: I discovered Candy Man from R.I.P. yayyyyyyyyyyyyy
So now I'm gonna use it here yayyyyyyyyyyyyy
Also this chapter long asf
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TW for mentions of drugs, and also using drugs and a goofy ass tiny lil sexual reference. Actually 2.
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There are a few bakeries by each other. Actually 2 bakeries and a candy shop. They actually bought from the candy shop. The candy shop is right in between the two.
Anyways, we got Cakey's bakery, and Sarai's bakery. They're in intense rivalry. The only thing separating them from murdering each other is the candy shop between them. Owned by the Candyman.
Little did they know, the Candyman drugs his candy and his sugar. He uses all kinds of stuff, from LSD to MDMA to cannibis, and the list goes on to a harmful extent. Bro has killed people using these, and is having these two girls buy from him. Oop
So one Wednesday, there was a bake sale, and a bunch of CreepP characters came by (they're CreepP characters if I address them) They were gonna try the drugged goods that the two didn't bother trying themselves.
They had their tables right next to each other and were gonna make a priority to make each other lose sales.
There were 10 people in each line. "Yoooooooooooo did you know that Cakey burned that chocolate cake you're eating, ma'am?!" Sarai shouted from the distance. The woman spit it out into the nearby trashcan. "Disgusting!" She said, and went to Sarai's line, along with others.
"Wait! Those sugar cookies... she used her cum to make those!!" Cakey exclaimed. "That's super unsanitary! What if she has an STD?!"
So then the people went to Cakey's line. "But wait! Those cakes are raw!" Sarai yelled. People came back to Sarai's line.
"Well, so are those cupcakes! They taste like rotten egg!" Cakey yelled.
"At least my deserts don't make people's teeth rot!"
"Well, that's to be expected. Your deserts literally give people hypodontia!"
"Tf is that!?"
"She doesn't even know what she's doing! You're the one giving people teeth decay!"
"Teeth decay is better than giving your customers digestion issues!"
And the insults went back and forth. But eventually, the two sold out.
But when they both closed shop, they found the customers passed out on the street due to an extreme high. Some might have been dead. Some were writhing. Some were moaning. But nonetheless, they were all on the ground.
"Um......" Cakey said as she stared at the mess before her.
"What... what happened to them?" Sarai asked with genuine concern.
"Should we... should we call somebody?" Cakey asked.
"Who would we even call?"
"911?"
"Yeah, we could get an ambulance or something. But first, is the Candyman-"
"No, he left early. I wonder if he had anything to do with this because we didn't try those pastries, and we borrowed sugar... from... him..."
"Oh my word."
So the next morning they confronted the candyman.
"SIR," Sarai yelled after kicking his door down. "WHAT IN THE DEVIL'S NAME WAS IN THAT SUGAR!?"
"What do you mean?" He asked innocently.
"For Jod's sake, you know what we mean!" Cakey exclaimed. "What was in it?!"
"No, I meant what sugar?" He said with a pure-hearted smile.
"Holy mother, the sugar from yesterday's bake sale!" Sarai cried.
"Huh? There was a bake sale? Since when?"
"Holy father, you didn't see it happening?! It was right by your shop!" Cakey stated.
"I didn't-"
"Don't deny that! Now tell us what was in that sugar!" Sarai demanded, slamming her fists into the counter.
Suddenly, the Candyman "recalled" it. "Ohhhhh, the sugar..." He said before chuckling. "You really wanna know what was in it?"
"The customers were high on the ground. Some were probably dead [they were because they were still on the ground the next day. Either that or they were in a coma.], for all we know! We have to know what was in that sugar!" Cakey cried.
"Alright, I'll tell you two ladies," He said mischievously. Then, he went to the back.
It had been 5 minutes before he came back out. "Well, well, well. You'll never guess what I-"
"Just tell us what was in it," Sarai said impatiently.
"Oh, all kinds of drugs. Weed, ecstacy, hallucinogens... and poison too." He said with a crooked smile.
"Oh my fucking Jod," Cakey said, bringing her hands up to her mouth.
"Yep! And that's a truth I can't sugarcoat! Haha!" The Candyman laughed cunningly.
"It's not time to joke! That's why everyone was high!" Sarai said.
"Sure is! All I know is they had a hell of a good time at the bake sale, am I right? Haha!"
"I swear to Jod if you make one more fucking joke about this..."
"Oh shit you're not playing. Bah! I could care less! But at least you know now what was in that choc-"
"Alright, that's it." Sarai grabbed his arm and Cakey grabbed his other and they dragged him into the kitchen and tied him to the counter and beat him with rolling pins.
"You know I like it rough~ damn you're kinkier than I thought and I love it~ 😏" He said.
"EWW!! THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING JAMES WOULD SAY!! GROSS!" Sarai cried, throwing the rolling pin.
"EWW!! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND I'M NOT EVEN LIKE THAT!!" Cakey exclaimed at the same time, dropping her rolling pin. They both made haste to the back.
And there they found the drugs. There were all kinds of illegal drugs, ranging from what he said.
"Goddamn," Sarai said. "He wasn't lying."
"This is baddddd!" Cakey was abouta cry. "What's everyone gonna think! They're gonna think we're the bad guys!"
"Cakey, we can just tell them what happened. We weren't the ones who knew in the first place anyways."
"Yeah, that'll work," Cakey agreed. They both went upstairs after that.
"So did you use any of the drugs, ladies?" He asked when he saw them.
"What the hell?! No!" They shouted simultaneously.
"Also, can you untie me?" He asked genuinely.
"You've gotta promise something for us," Sarai said.
"Oh, anything for some lovely ladies like you," He said.
"We're gonna report the drugs to the police-"
"NOOOOOOO-"
"Let her finish," Cakey said, forcefully shoving a towel in his mouth.
"Anyways, I was gonna say that we were gonna report everything to the police. We just need to confirm everything for us, okay?" Sarai finished.
Cakey pulled the towel out of his mouth so he could speak. "Yes, yes. That's fine with me," He said quickly.
"Okay, perfect!" Sarai said, and started untying him. Cakey helped. Then they left the store. Sarai pulled out her phone and dialed 911. Then she went back to her bakery.
The ambulance came along with the police and they picked up the bodies of the dead. The police interrogated Cakey, and she explained what happened to the extent of her knowledge. The police then went to Sarai, and she said something similar to Cakey's alibi.
So then they went to the candy shop.
"Sir, we were told that you put drugs in your-"
"That's not true," he said. "I would never do that."
"Okay, well... can we come to the back?"
"Give me juuuuuuuuust a sec, sugar pop," He said before heading towards the back. He quietly disguised all of the drugs as sugar. They literally all looked identical, but he was able to tell the difference between all of them.
"Alright, you can come down now," He said, beckoning them.
Everything looked normal. Clean, even. "See? What did I tell you? Nothing to see here, sweetie pie!" The Candyman laughed.
"We need to examine all of your sugar," the policeman said.
"Oh, please! Don't you know how expensive sugar is nowadays? Please, just take one bag. I need the rest, or I reckon I'll go bankrupt! I insist!" The Candyman said.
"Alright, fine. We'll just take one bag of sugar," the policeman said.
"Perfect! Let me just get that for ya, honey!" The Candyman skipped into the back. He giggled softly as he grabbed a normal bag of sugar.
"Here ya go, candy bear!" He gave the policeman the bag of sugar. "Now please..." He walked him to the front door. The police left the shop.
When they were finally gone, the Candyman let out his evil laughter. Uh oh.
The police did a drug test on the sugar, and found no traces of anything. A policewoman went to return it.
"We didn't find anything in that sugar, sir," she said.
"I told you so~" He sneered.
"Okay, sir. Thank you," she said.
"No problem," He said.
Then the police told Sarai and Cakey that there weren't any traces of drugs in the sugar, and they left.
"Well, what the fuck?!" Cakey said. The two went to him again.
"Hey! You said you wouldn't deny anything!" Sarai cried.
"And I didn't!" He cried back.
"You did! You gave them a regular bag of sugar!" Cakey claimed.
"So what if I did?" He said, pulling Cakey by the collar. "It's not my problem, now is it?"
"Alright, buddy," Sarai said before taking him to the counter again. Once again, they tied him down and started beating him with rolling pins.