The train ride to Hogwarts was a calm one, especially in comparison to their third year, but it was especially quiet without Daphne and Draco in the compartment with them. It reminded her of first year, with just Blaise and Theo by her side. Blaise’s mother had apparently grown bored of her latest husband and so Blaise had packed up over the summer and stayed over at the Malfoy’s for a while. He usually would have stayed at Theo’s but with Tom staying there as well he had decided to give it a miss that year.
“The dark lord is a perfectly well-mannered house guest actually Blaise” Theo said with a wry smirk “as long as you can ignore the brief torturous screams that sometimes echo from the office”
Blaise looked at Theo in horror and Eliza frowned incredulously “He doesn’t even have that many inner circle followers left? Who does he ever have to torture?”
Theo shrugged his shoulders.
“From what I gathered professor Snape had been withholding some information. I tend to pop out when the dark lord decides he’s feeling murderous”
Eliza didn’t comment on that. She knew perfectly well what information Severus had been withholding. She just hadn’t known that Tom had tortured the man for it.
To be fair it had taken Eliza a couple of days to calm down as well.
After that the conversation moved on. They debated who the new defence teacher was going to be. Gossiped about the Bulstrodes apparently allying with the Goyle’s although that was mostly Blaise and Eliza tried to explain what a muggle cinema was when Theo asked how her ‘family bonding’ had gone this summer.
Eventually the sky darkened and the Hogwarts Express finally pulled into the Hogsmeade station.
“At least it’s not raining like last year” Blaise commented as they all hopped of the train, barging through the crowd to make their way to the carriages.
“That’s not the only thing that different” Theo said gesturing over to where the first year boats where “Hagrid’s not here either”
“He got sent on an Order mission” Eliza disclosed as they finally made it to the carriages. The thestrals pranced oddly when they walked closer and Eliza stroked the one closest to her until it calmed down “Dumbledore decided to send Hagrid to the giant’s but obviously Tom managed to establish an alliance first. Hagrid will be back in a week or so” she finished and they all hopped into the carriage. Except they weren’t alone.
A blonde girl was already sat inside the carriage, wearing some very odd looking glasses. Eliza thought she could see a Ravenclaw tie which would explain it. Ravenclaw’s tended to be more eccentric than the rest.
They settled into the carriage and then the thestrals began trotting towards the castle, it was then that the girl spoke
“The thestrals seem to like you Eliza Potter” she said in a soft dreamy voice “you have the least amount of nargles I’ve ever seen on a person”
Eliza paused and tried to make sense of that for a second before giving it up.
“I assume that can only be a good thing Miss?”
“Lovegood. Luna Lovegood” she replied with a vague smile “I find that most people are positively infested with nargles – they make your brain all fuzzy you see”
Blaise muffled a snort beside her but Eliza quieted him with a glare. Lovegood might seem insane but Eliza thought she saw an odd clarity in that gaze, beyond the ridiculous glasses that is.
“Lovegood? Does your family happen to own the Quibbler by any chance?”
“Daddy runs the paper – I have a copy with me if you want one?” she asked happily and Eliza shook her head in response. She could feel Theo and Blaise looking at her strangely but she opted to ignore them for now.
“And what year are you going into Lovegood?” Eliza asked trying to establish a rapport with the girl.
“I’m going into my fourth year now” Lovegood said and then seemingly out of nowhere tacked on “You’d make a rather good teacher you know”
Eliza shot a bemused look at the girl but let the comment lie. The entire conversation as they made their way to the castle was full of odd seemingly nonsensical diversions such as that but Eliza found herself enjoying Lovegood’s company. She wasn’t like the rest of the sheep that filled the school, she was strange and unusual with connections that could only help Eliza. She met all the requirements Eliza needed to waste time on someone.
Finally they reached the castle and they all hopped out of the carriage. Before she and Luna parted ways the younger girl turned to look at her – gaze sharp through those ridiculous glasses.
“I hope they don’t have tea at the feast, I’ve sworn of drinking tea this year. I do hope they serve pudding though”
And with that she walked away.
“That girl is absolutely crazy” Blaise said with a shake of his head and Theo hummed in agreement.
“So am I” Eliza said as they made their way to their spot at the table “and yet you all stick around me”
“You’re a different kind of crazy Eliza” Draco said as he and Daphne emerged from the crowd, taking their places at the table next to them.
“I swear the first years get smaller every year” he said as he slid into the seat next to her. Daphne rolled her eyes as she elbowed Blaise to get him to move further up the bench.
“You were that small one – a small tiny first year” Daphne said and Draco snorted.
“Yes but I also had an ego to compensate for it”
“Had the ego?” Blaise stressed and Draco turned to him with a lecherous smile.
“Well I’m not compensating for anything now”
Daphne let out a pained groan and face-palmed the table and Eliza laughed quietly. It was nice to finally be back with her court.
As the first years were led into the hall by McGonagall Eliza quickly scanned the staff table searching out the new Defence teacher and instantly felt despair fill her.
“Oh no” she found herself saying as she stared at none other than Dolores Umbridge sat at the staff table wearing a hideous amount of pink. Draco followed her gaze and mirrored her expression of horror.
“Is that who I think it is?”
Eliza nodded numbly. This was Tom’s fault, she knew it was.
“Care to fill us in you two?” Daphne asked staring confusedly between them.
“That is Dolores Umbridge. Undersecretary to the minister-
“One of the largest embarrassments of the British government” Draco cut in.
“And our new defence teacher” Eliza finished grimly as the sorting continued at the front of the hall.
“Okay but why is she here?” Blaise asked lowly as they all clapped for the newest Slytherin student. Eliza was just about to share her thoughts when Dumbledore stood up to deliver his usual welcome back speech. Eliza was just preparing to retreat behind her occlumency shields or contemplate if she would be able to vanish Professor Snape’s pumpkin juice from all the way across the hall when she heard an irritating ‘hem hem’ echo across the hall.
Umbridge had actually just interrupted the headmaster.
This was going to be one hell of a year.
Eliza listened intently as Umbridge delivered her speech. Although most of it was interrupted by her courts acidic commentary around her.
“The ministry of magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance”
Theo snorted sardonically besides her.
“The treasure trove of magical knowledge we have amassed must be guarded”
“Ah yes” Eliza found herself murmuring quietly “that’s why I have an illegal library in my trunk”
Umbridge continued on despite the blank faces of the student body and the glares of the staff. “Without progress there will be stagnation but progress for progress’ sake must be discouraged”
“Did she actually say anything substantial there at all?” Blaise asked staring at her in abject confusion.
“No” Theo replied shortly and Eliza couldn’t resist tacking on a quiet ‘welcome to politics’
Umbridge powered on relentlessly and eventually even she and her court ran out of fuel to continue to disparage her speech. Finally, blissfully, Umbridge sat down with one last ‘hem, hem’ and gave the floor back to Dumbledore who mercifully kept his announcements short and let the feast commence.
“Right then” Blaise said after he had piled his plate high with food “I repeat: Why is she here?”
Eliza sighed heavily and stabbed her pasta viciously, imagining she was stabbing Umbridge instead.
“As we’re all well aware Tom is swanning about the UK establishing alliances with dark creatures. Umbridge is rather notorious when it comes to inspiring hatred for dark creatures and has proposed bill after bill on limiting creature rights. Tom is actively campaigning against that but it’s much easier to get rid of someone rather than argue with them”
“Why couldn’t he just kill her?” Draco complained moodily “Why send her here?”
“Because of Dumbledore’s bleating last year Fudge is scared that Dumbledore’s planning something. The ministry wanted to interfere at Hogwarts and Tom wanted Umbridge gone. Plus there’s also that nifty little curse on the defence position – I think Tom was hoping that it would take care of her for him by the end of the year” Eliza explained and her court made various disgruntled sounds of agreement around her.
“Can she even teach defence?” Daphne asked curiously and looked at her crest-fallen when Eliza slowly shook her head.
“I’ll get Professor Snape to fix it” Eliza said and Draco snorted.
“You’re going to drive that man to an early grave” he said.
Eliza couldn’t even disagree.
Eventually the feast dragged to a close and they all made their way back to their common rooms.
It was a decidedly odd experience, realising how much time had passed and how much things had changed.
Eliza, Theo and Blaise were sat at their favourite sofa as Daphne and Draco walked in leading the new first years. Eliza could remember when she had first walked into Slytherin, her new home as a tiny first year with nothing to lose an absolutely everything to prove. She remembered Gemma making a similar speech to what Daphne was making now and she felt herself sit straighter with pride.
“We’re the prefects and you can always find us if you need help. However if you need help with anything else you can approach our Queen of Slytherin, Eliza” Daphne said gesturing towards her and Eliza stood up, facing the first years.
“My court and I are here to protect you. Any slytherin can attest that this isn’t just house but a family. I know everything seems daunting right now” she told them all as they shuffled nervously “but everyone in this house was a first year at one point, and we all had people there for us, just like we’re here for you” Eliza finished but before she gave the floor back to Daphne and Draco she studied the first years in front of her curiously.
“Now I have to ask, are any of you muggleborn, or muggle raised?”
There was a silence for a few moments before two kids shuffled out of the crowd, clutching each other’s hands tightly. Siblings from the looks of it.
“Okay” Eliza said “If you two were lucky you got a visit from a professor, if not you’ve been thrown into this head first. I’m going to tell you now that everything you think you know about the wizarding world is wrong” Eliza paused and scanned the rest of the first years “as for the rest of you. It is now your job to teach them our ways and our traditions. I trust you will all bring honour to Slytherin house”
“Before I hand you over to our prefects I just have one more think to say” Eliza said severely and then broke into a wide grin “Welcome to the family”
She returned to sit down next to Theo and Blaise who were smiling at her softly.
Daphne and Draco ran through the rest of the normal rules before the first years were sent off to their dorms. They all collapsed onto the sofa that became smaller every year and Eliza smiled as they all spoke to the rest of the house.
They really had come so far.
She ignored the small part of her that craved for something more.
~
The next morning classes were back in full swing and Eliza picked up her time turner from Severus with a bright and cheery 'good morning'. The potions professor looked at her wearily and handed the time turner with a quiet “stay out of trouble”
Eliza left with a loud declaration of “no promises”
Thankfully her schedule hadn’t changed that much which meant she could return to her old time turner schedule easily. It also meant she didn’t have to suffer though Umbridge’s defence class until Thursday which could only be a blessing. But Thursday wasn’t as far away as it seemed even though the days felt like they were dragging impossibly along and Thursday was soon upon them.
She had an easy potions class first thing, and then a return to magical theory were they began looking at the energy input and output of spells which honestly reminded her of muggle physics in a way. After a spectacularly boring care of magical creatures lesson on bowtruckles Eliza used the time turner to attend her arithmancy class which was only slightly more interesting. They had been looking at the Chaldean Numerology that week and Eliza found it much less agreeable than Aggrippa’s. After that had been an absolutely droll muggle studies class and then a quick use of the time turner to attend Divination where they had started dream interpretation.
It was, well, boring. She had forgotten what it was like back at Hogwarts when everything was normal. All the lessons were the same, the people never changed and while she was stuck playing student outside the castle walls a war was brewing. A war she was a part of that she couldn’t even reach. It was infuriating.
And she had a full year of it. This horrible monotonous routine, her only saving grace was her court.
But even her court weren’t enough to temper her bad mood the second Umbridge opened her mouth.
“Good afternoon class” she greeted and Eliza exchanged a mulish glance with Draco when the toad tutted in front of the class.
“Now that won’t do” she simpered “You must reply ‘Good Afternoon Professor Umbridge’ One more time then. Good afternoon class”
Eliza had had to suffer through this indignation when she attended muggle primary school. She didn’t care if Tom was busy, she was going to send him a howler for this. But then again he’d probably just find her irritation funny. Plus he had sent her that necromancy book with instructions to use it. Eliza was shook out of her train of thought when Umbridge cleared her throat.
“Has everyone got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory buy Wilbert Slinkhard?”
Wilbert Slinkhard was an absolute joke and everybody knew it. But Eliza did sadly own a copy. She pulled it out and dropped it on her desk sullenly. There had been a point in time where she did her best to charm her teachers, Eliza couldn’t even be bothered to expend the energy to do so on this dreadful woman. Eliza opened up the book and tried to force herself to read the dreadfully boring opening chapter ‘basics for beginners’
To begin to understand the theory of Defence Magic we must first take a look at its origins. To be able to fully comprehend the theory behind such dangerous magic we have to return to the very beginning, and the countless times it has been renamed, diced, and bastardised to become acceptable in modern day society.
It is a common, and yet wrong thought, that defence magic is considered to be protective magic like Arsenus Jigger would have us believe…
Eliza gave up after the first paragraph and instead turned her attentions onto Granger who had adamantly not opened her book and had instead raised her hand rather obnoxiously. Eliza watched as Umbridge ignored the bushy-haired Gryffindor until the majority of the class had started watching Granger instead of reading the kindling masquerading as a textbook.
Finally, Umbridge broke.
“Actually” Granger interrupted whatever spiel Umbridge had been about to spill “I have a query about your course aims”
Course aims?
Eliza looked towards the blackboard as Umbridge spoke and tilted her head in mild surprise. She hadn’t even noticed them.
“There’s nothing written up there about using defensive magic”
And so there wasn’t.
“Using defensive spells? You surely aren’t expecting to be attacked during class Miss Granger?” Umbridge questioned in an overly sweet tone.
“You mean we’re not using magic?” Weasley blustered loudly in typical Gryffindor fashion and his face turned stormy when Umbridge snapped at him to raise his hand before turning back to Granger.
“Isn’t the whole point of Defence to practice Defensive spells?” she questioned and Eliza bit back a small smile. This was turning out to be a rather entertaining class actually. She listened to Umbridge and Granger debate each other for a few more minutes and smirked slightly.
“Whatever you’re thinking of doing” Theo murmured lowly next to her “Don’t”
That was wise advice. But hadn’t Sirius told her to raise a little trouble? Eliza was just so tired of being good.
“…I’m afraid you’re not qualified to decide what the ‘whole point’ of any class is” Umbridge was saying and Eliza felt herself perk up slightly, that was the opportunity she had been waiting for.
“I’m sorry to interrupt Professor Umbridge, but unless I’m mistaken isn’t there a ministry sanctioned practical section to every exam?” Eliza cut in smoothly, her face the perfect picture of innocence. Umbridge’s eyes locked onto hers, narrowing cruelly.
“Of course but if you have studied fully beforehand you will have no need to worry. I’m aware of the situation of this class given the irresponsible and under-prepared wizards that taught you before” Umbridge gave a nasty little laugh here “even miserable little half breeds”
Eliza titled her head in consideration, she felt Blaise freeze next to her.
“If you were talking about Professor Lupin” Dean Thomas shouted angrily “he was the best we ever had-
“As I was saying” Umbridge spoke loudly as the classroom descended into chaos “these professors have damaged your education almost irreparably but it is nothing that hard studying can’t fix. Even if they have led you to believe you are going to be attacked by dark wizards every other day” the toad said and there was no mistaking that her beady eyes were resting on Eliza as she spoke. Eliza did nothing to refute that claim however. The dark lord was back and the less people that believed that the better.
“It is the ministry view that a theoretical knowledge will be more than sufficient to get you through your examination” Umbridge wittered on.
But just because Eliza wasn’t going to argue with her about the dark lord didn’t mean she wasn’t going to cause trouble anywhere else.
“But professor” she interrupted ardently and Draco groaned quietly “isn’t it the ministry mandate that all main courses at Hogwarts meet a two hour length practical quota at the end of every week? Or have I also been falsely led to believe in that?”
“10 points from Slytherin for questioning the ministry and disrupting the classroom Miss Potter” Umbridge said sounding grimly satisfied. Eliza knew she should leave it there, it would be wise to leave it there.
But this toad had just called Remus a filthy half breed as if he wasn’t one of the kindest people she knew. As if he hadn’t looked at her when she was a scrappy thirteen year old and seen kindness in her.
“I wasn’t questioning the ministry Professor” Eliza protested quietly “I was questioning if Hogwarts was meeting ministry standards. That’s why you’re here after all isn’t it professor?”
Eliza leaned forward with an easy smile.
“To cut practices that ought to be prohibited? I just wasn’t aware that it was the education we should be entitled to which the Minister now considered an out-dated practice. I’m glad we reached this understanding now, what with the elections coming up soon. Now we all know where we stand when the minister promises us a bright future” Eliza added on as an afterthought and felt a vicious smirk cross her face as Umbridge spluttered angrily before her face turned unnervingly blank. The toad started scribbling frantically on a spare piece of parchment and cleared her throat irritatingly.
“Take this to your head of house Miss Potter, and get out of my classroom”
Eliza easily shouldered her bag and grabbed the parchment from the professor’s grubby hands and strolled out of the classroom.
There went her perfect record.
Eliza took the long way round to reach Severus’ office and when she was finally stood in front of the door. The instant gratification that had come from arguing with Umbridge had faded, leaving her with a dull aching annoyance, an annoyance that had been hanging over her all week.
Eliza opened the door to Severus’ office sullenly and slid the parchment across his desk when he didn’t look up to greet her.
“So” she said as she took a seat “I didn’t stay out of trouble”
“It’s been a week Eliza” he dead-panned and Eliza nodded her head in agreement.
“But to be fair, it has been a very long week”
Severus sighed and unrolled the parchment, reading it before sighing again only louder this time.
“Why did you try to start an altercation with Professor Umbridge, question the ministry, and disrupt her classroom?” Severus listed off tiredly.
“I wouldn’t say I was the only one disrupting the classroom”
Severus just continued to stare at her.
“She an incompetent professor and she called Remus a filthy half breed” Eliza said pointedly but Severus’ expression didn’t change – instead he only looked more disapproving.
“And you decided that was enough to antagonise one of the most powerful professor’s in the school right now? You were sorted into my house were you not?”
Eliza scoffed.
“And what is she going to do? Expel me? I could go and sit my OWLS at the ministry and pass before they even snapped my wand”
She didn’t understand what the problem was. Sure maybe her revenge was usually a bit more discrete but in the end didn’t it achieve the same result?
“I don’t have time for this” Snape muttered to himself and Eliza rose an eyebrow in question.
“Don’t have time for what?”
“I don’t have time to deal with your misplaced teenage rebellion-
“It is not” Eliza began to protest but was swiftly cut off by Snape who waved the parchment in his hand.
“Then what else do you call this?” he hissed, his usual tempered tone disappearing “that you’ve been sent out of class – that you have detention in your first week back because what? You’re too naïve to see we are in the middle of a civil war? You refused to hold your tongue just like your father always thought himself above the rules-
“It’s not like that” Eliza said quietly.
“Then what is it like? Because all I can see is an impudent brat who is trying to fool everyone she’s an adult when in fact she’s nothing but an immature-
“Shut up” Eliza said jumping up from her chair as her magic crackled around her. It was looking to protect her – but there were some pains that magic couldn’t protect you from.
“This is exactly what I mean” Severus stressed, gesturing to the clattered chair “You’re acting out like a child, because you’re bored-
“Well maybe I am bored!” Eliza shouted back, throwing her hands into the air “maybe I’m bored of being nice and good like a normal student. I’ve already attended eight classes today and I knew the content in all of them, I know the content ahead of me for years and I have to sit surrounded by drivelling idiots all the time. I’m surrounded by children who have no idea what the real world is like! I have to stay here while all the adults go to fight in a war that I’m a part of. I have to stay in the castle for another three years and fester” Eliza continued on, the words falling out of her mouth one after another, the rant that had been building up all week finally released in a torrent of words.
“And don’t you dare call me a child when I have never had the luxury of being one” she said harshly and watched as his face fell.
“Eliza just listen-” he said but she didn’t let him continue.
“You don’t get to lecture me! You’re not my family, you’re not my dad because I don’t have one”
The ‘no thanks to you’ went unsaid.
Eliza was still breathing heavily, her magic straining to escape her iron grasp and so she turned on her heel planning to walk away.
“Where are you going?” Snape called from behind her and Eliza didn’t even spare him a glance.
“I’m going to take my teenage rebellion somewhere else” Eliza shouted back and let the door close behind her after she didn’t hear any further calls of Snape.
She would spend the rest of the day with Jormy in the chamber Eliza decided as she walked towards the chamber – Snape’s words echoing in her head.
Impudent brat, childish, just like her father-
Eliza slipped inside the entrance to the chamber, pushing down the lump in her throat.
She would just stay with Jormy until dinner, and then she’d meet up with her court.
~
Except she didn’t.
She stayed in Salazar’s old office, curled up in the old armchair surrounded by burning candles and old books. Jormy was dozing by the statues feet. He had tried to comfort Eliza earlier but at the end of the day he was just a basilisk.
“What troubles Little Speaker” he had asked when she stepped into the chamber, plopping his head down in front of her with a heavy ‘thump’
“Nothing Jormy – I’m just a bit sad” she hissed back, scratching him between his yellow eyes.
“Show me what makes you sad Little Speaker and I shall eat it for you”
Eliza had let out a small choked laugh at that but didn’t say anything else to the sleepy basilisk. After all there was no way Jormy could eat her troubles.
Because the truth was Eliza wasn’t just righteous on Remus’ behalf, and she wasn’t just bored although both things were still present. The real truth was that she was lonely.
Without Tom here with her, at Hogwarts, she was almost overwhelmingly lonely. It felt like a piece of her was missing.
She had her court, she loved her court and she loved spending time with them but nobody could deny there was something different about being with Tom. Because classes were boring, incredibly so and she had nothing to do. Tom challenged her every day but not only that he understood.
He understood what it was like to go through every day knowing there was something a bit different about you, something maybe a bit wrong about you, and he understood what it was like to feel like you were waiting for you whole life to begin.
Because no-one else in this school was a murderer, like she was. No-one else was practically the dark lord’s right hand, like she was. Merlin no one in this school was even an accidental necromancer like she was and no-one else dreamed about clammy rotting hands bursting from the ground to drag you under. And according to Snape and probably her court she was being childish and immature because it was only the first week back and she already felt ready to crawl out of her own skin.
But Tom would have understood all of that.
Her eyes stung with unshed tears.
She had been alone all most all her life but never before had she felt so lonely. So cut off from the world around her and she was stuck playing student when Tom was out their changing the world. So bored and helpless because what was she doing here? What was she actually achieving?
“I can sense your brooding from here”
Eliza jolted backwards in shock when she heard Theo’s voice echo about the room.
“How did you get in here?” Eliza asked, burrowing into her blanket further as Theo walked into the room. Theo didn’t pause until he perched himself on the edge of her armchair, and then he let out a strange hissing noise that sounded like a rather garbled ‘open’
“You say it quite a lot” Theo explained ruefully and then pulled her blanket over his legs so it was covering them both.
“There’s a very angry Professor Snape upstairs – although he seems more angry that himself than he does at you” he said and Eliza hummed non-committedly in response.
“So care to explain what any of this is about?” Theo asked and Eliza picked at a loose piece of thread on the frayed corner of the blanket.
“Professor Snape thinks I’m finally experiencing normal teenage angst but in reality my mind is still thinking about the war. Thinking about how strange it is that in however many year’s time my crush is going to murder my headmaster in cold-blood. And I’m thinking about murdering my defence teacher instead of just doing the homework and I’m so unprepared to be back to normal student life is laughable. Barring the time I spend with all of you I can’t help but think I’m wasting a year of my life here and-
Eliza broke off and turned to face Theo who was looking at her with warm understanding eyes.
“I miss him” she said quietly and Eliza hated how much that admission made her feel weak.
“I’m not surprised” Theo murmured and Eliza turned a baleful look on him.
“You share a soul Eliza. Of course you’re going to be affected by distance once you’ve become used to spending time with him, regardless of your crush-
Eliza spluttered indignantly.
“It’s a soul resonance, you’ll feel like you’re missing something for some time I suspect” Theo said and shuffled closer so that they were pressed together on the armchair, legs tangled together.
“As for everything else? We know Eliza. We might not understand, I dare say we might never understand but we know”
“I just- I don’t know what to do” she said hopelessly because they were only a week into the school year and she was already feeling like this. Every year she had always had something to work towards, some moment that made it worth it. What did you do when the moment you were waiting for was years away?
“You ignore whatever Snape said for one” Theo replied and Eliza let out a watery laugh “and for the second thing, you’re going to do what you’ve always done”
Eliza looked at him in confusion.
“You’re going to focus on your independent studies, you’re going to create some new and crazy magic. You’re going to involve us in another scheme to topple Dumbledore and you’re going to be there for the whole of Slytherin house, for us. And you’re also going to teach us all defence because Umbridge is a nightmare fuelled toad” he spoke with such conviction, such belief, that Eliza found it hard to refute him.
“And the hardest thing you’re going to do, is that you’re going to leave the brewing war to the dark lord. At least while you’re at Hogwarts because it is not your responsibility. I won’t stop you from helping out but you can’t dedicate your entire life to a war effort Eliza. Because that wouldn’t be truly living”
“I know” Eliza stressed, running a hand down the side of her face “I know you’re right but I just feel so- so restless, like I have nowhere to go-
“Ah” Theo interrupted soothingly “but I have a theory on that as well”
“You can’t theorise your way out of all my mental breakdowns Nott” Eliza warned jokingly and Theo responded by stealing more of their blanket.
“This time I can. Last year you were consistently using your magic to a high degree what with the tournament and duelling the dark lord. I’d argue that you were less restless during a literal death tournament then you were the entirety of our third year and I bet you were duelling over summer as well-”
“Are you reaching a point Professor?” Eliza cut in and Theo snorted softly.
“My point is that you have a lot of excess magic” and then seemingly out of the blue he switched conversation topic.
“I spent a bit of time with the dark lord over the summer and do you know what he did literally any chance he could get?” Theo asked and Eliza shook her head minutely “he meditated, with his magic. I saw him levitate books, pebbles, grains of sand and one day I eventually worked up the courage to ask him why and do you know what he told me?
“There are many things you had to have to become a dark lord, and power is one of them. And when he was at Hogwarts he always had too much of it. He told me it made him feel like he wanted to claw out of his own skin. Just like you do”
“You think I should try meditating?” Eliza asked pensively.
“There’s no way any of us could keep up with you in a duel. It helps the bloody dark lord himself stay calm, I figured it would help you. It’s worth a shot”
“It’s worth a shot” Eliza echoed.
“And Eliza?” Theo said softly as he pulled her in closer “You need to stop worrying so much. Everything’s going to work itself out, it’ll all be okay”
Everything would be okay.
She should listen to him. Theo Nott had never led her astray before, she doubted he would start to now.
“Hey Theo?” Eliza spoke sometime after, breaking the silence that had settled around them and Theo hummed back in question.
“I bet Kreacher could sneak us some hot chocolates down here, if you wanted one”
Theo huffed out a small soft laugh and hugged her to him tighter.
“I’d love one Eliza”
And things would work themselves out.
They would be okay.