Amanda was laying in bed, curled up in Ricks body. She felt Rick kiss the back of her neck, his hands fumbling with the waistband of her panties, "It's too early." Amanda said tiredly, but lifted her hips up for Rick to remove her underwear.
"You don't gotta do anything, just lay there and look pretty." Rick mumbled, his raspy voice booming in Amanda's ear. He slid down his boxers, looking over at Amanda for consent, knowing she was still tired
Amanda reached behind her, spreading her cheeks apart for Rick, closing her eyes as she waited, "hurry." She said, impatiently
Rick grinned as he slowly slid his length inside of her, letting our a shaky breath. He gripped her hips, thrusting slowly, giving her a moment to adjust.
Amanda reached over, gripping her pillow as she shifted underneath him, "Shit." She said softly, still half asleep
Rick gently kissed her shoulder, his stubble tickling her. He moaned lowly as he reached forward, sliding his hands up her shirt as he continued to thrust. Rick cupped her breast gently, thrusting harder, "I love you." He said quietly
Amanda buried her face in the pillow, moaning softly before she finally pulled away.
"You alright?" Rick asked worriedly
Amanda nodded as she shifted so she was on top of Rick. She slid her shirt off, throwing it across the room towards the hamper, but missed. She placed her hands on Ricks chest as she tilted her head forward, watching as Rick guided himself inside of her. Amanda closed her eyes, tilting her head back as she swayed her hips in slow circles, savoring the feeling of him filling her up
Rick rested his hands behind his head as he watched Amanda in awe, "Look at you." Rick praised, "You're so beautiful." He said proudly. He reached down to grab her hips but stopped seeing bruises. Rick looked up at Amanda, concerned, "Did I do this? I'm sorry." He said
"No, I like them. It reminds me that I'm yours." Amanda said, placing her hands on the wall as she swayed her hips, shifting her feet. She moaned softly as she began bouncing, looking over at herself in the mirror
"Babe, I'm not gonna last much longer if you keep this up." Rick admitted, watching her breasts as she bounced.
Amanda looked down at Rick, placing her hands back on his chest as she traced a stab wound. She closed her eyes, humming out a soft moan as she felt Rick release inside of her. Amanda looked down at Rick, "Good morning." She smiled
Rick furrowed his eyebrows, "You didn't finish." He noted
"That's okay." Amanda smiled as she leaned down, kissing Rick softly
"No, it's not. It's not fair we had sex because I wanted to them you don't get to finish." Rick argued, holding onto her hips
"Rick, I'm okay, really. We have a lot to do today." Amanda smiled, prying his fingers off her hips, "I'm gonna go shower." She said with a smile as she walked into the bathroom, turning on the water. She hummed softly as she touched the water, waiting for it to warm up. She took a quick shower before she began drying her body off. She wrapped herself in a towel, making her way over to the closet. Amanda changed into a pair of black jeans and a dark red tank top. She put her hair in two braids before she walked downstairs, smiling softly at Carl and Judith, "Hi, my babies." She smiled, kissing their heads, "I'm gonna go to the infirmary and pack for our trip. I love you guys." She said, not in the mood for a conversation. She grabbed her bag, walking out the front door. She hummed softly as she walked to the infirmary, opening the door and closing it behind her. Amanda sat down on a chair, sighing softly as she buried her hands in her face, feeling overwhelmed. She felt like she was failing Alexandria - Negan was becoming too strong, the community was becoming weaker and more vulnerable. She knew they wouldn't last long with Negans antics.
Rick walked inside the infirmary, giving a small frown when he saw Amanda looking stressed, "Hey, what's up?" He asked worriedly as he knelt down in front of her, "Oh, Manda." He sighed, wiping her cheek
"I can't do this anymore, Rick. I'm failing Alexandria. Negan is too much. We lost the baby, I-I..." Amanda said as tears fell, "We don't have enough people to fight, and the people we do have are weak." She said softly
"I know, baby, we'll figure something out." Rick said softly, "Gabriel is missing, along with all our food." He said quietly, handing her the food log. He opened the last page, showing her the words BOAT, "Aaron and I found a place, a boat, with supplies. We took the supplies, I think Gabriel took the food there, but I'm not sure why. We need to go with Jesus but we also need to find Gabriel. We have no food." Rick said
Amanda sighed as she looked at the ceiling, "We split up, divide and conquer. Maggie, Sasha, Michonne, and Jesus go to The Kingdom. You, Carl, Rosita, Aaron and I go after Gabriel." Amanda said
"Do you feel comfortable with that?" Rick asked, "I would like either you or I meeting with The Kingdom to discuss terms." He said
"Okay, you go, then." Amanda nodded, "We'll be okay." She promised, standing up
"Are we okay?" Rick asked her, "Our relationship? I think this is the first time we've ever had sex and you didn't finish."
"Yeah, we're okay." Amanda smiled softly, nodding. She knew she was being distant with Rick, but her body felt heavy. Her mind was bouncing around with ideas, unsure of how to move forward, unsure of what lies ahead, unsure of if anything was even worth it, at this point. Her mind flickered back to the CDC, when she wanted to stay behind with Jacqui, but Rick picked her up and carried her out. She wondered if things were better now, if she should've fought harder for her choice. She wouldn't have suffered so much loss if she had just given up. Her body and mind grew weary as the days went on, especially since the loss of their unborn child.
Rick frowned, looking at Amanda with soft eyes, "Come back to me." He said quietly, kissing her softly. He cupped her cheek, "Be here with me." He begged
"I'm trying." Amanda whispered softly against his lips, pressing her forehead against his, "I gotta go, I need to find Gabriel and our food." She said quietly as she reluctantly pulled away. She stood up, looking at Rick and nodding slowly, "I love you." She said before she walked out of the infirmary. She rallied up Carl, Rosita and Aaron, getting in the passengers seat, "Aaron, lead the way." She said, looking out the rearview mirror at Rick. Her breathing felt shallow as she closed her eyes tightly, wondering where it all went wrong for her. She felt a hand touch hers, causing her to open her eyes. She looked over at Aaron and smiled softly
"I get it." Aaron said quietly, "You don't need to say anything, I see it." He said as he started the car, driving down the road.
Amanda squeezed Aaron's hand in response as she looked out the window, choking back tears. She reflected back to Rick, when they were stuck in the tank. Scared and hopeless, they shared some kisses. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she recalled how it felt to kiss Rick - to be absolutely enamored by a man that was married with a child. A man who was on a mission to find his wife and child. She couldn't help but feel dirty at the thought of her coming between Ricks marriage with Lori. She knew it wasn't entirely her fault, that Shane also played a part, but still, she carried the burden.
Once they arrived near the boat, they decided to walk the rest of the way. Amanda had her machete in her hands, looking around the surroundings, she noted the bullet holes in the sign, "oh, jeez." she said, walking besides Aaron. She glanced back at Carl, making sure he was in eyesight. She froze when she saw people begin to surround them, "Carl." She said worriedly, shielding him with her body as they surrounded them.
"We have your friend. Come with us." One of the people in the crowd spoke.
Amanda looked over at Aaron, nodding as she walked with one of the people. She hesitated before climbing in the car, watching as they pushed the rest of the group into cars. Amanda leaned back in her seat as they zip tied her wrists and covered her head with a bag. Amanda laid back in her seat, trying to steady her breathing as she waited for whatever lies ahead. She was snapped back to reality when the car jerked with a stop. She sat up more in her seat, unsure of where to look, because of the bag on her head. Finally, she was pulled out of the car and dragged along a path. She sniffed, noticing a foul smell. She stopped walking when the bag was pulled off her head, revealing massive piles of garbage surrounding her. She relaxed seeing Carl, Rosita and Aaron besides her
A woman came forward, "Who is your leader?" She asked
"I guess me." Amanda spoke up, "You have one of our men... Gabriel.. We would like to see him." She said
"Mm... Let's do a trade.." The woman spoke, "Let us keep what we've taken and you can have your man back."
"Let me see him then we can discuss terms." Amanda said
"What is your name?" The woman, "I am Jadis."
"My names Amanda." She spoke, watching as Gabriel came forward, "Are you okay?" She asked him
Gabriel nodded quickly, "They... They caught me off guard." He said quickly
"Unfortunately, we cannot give you what you've taken. We are indebted to a man, if you steal from us, or prohibits us from giving to him... he'll come find you and kill you.. he's ruthless." Amanda said, "His name is Negan."
"Negan?" Jadis asked
"Yes, he has a large community a few miles away. He will kill everyone here with no remorse." Amanda said, "But.. Maybe you can help us.. we can help each other." She offered, "If you help us kill Negan, we can do a favor for you. What do you want? Medical supplies? Canned foods? Name it."
"Mm... Guns... Lots of them.. Lots of guns." Jadis said, "But, why should we help you? How can we trust that you are worthy?" She asked
"We have fighters, we just don't have numbers." Amanda said slowly, "We can get you guns, after we fight. He took all of our guns. How do you want us to prove ourselves?" She asked curiously.
Jadis grinned at Amanda before turning her attention to the group of people, "Take her to the pit." She grinned, watching as two women grabbed Amanda by her triceps, dragging her through the trash piles
"Hey! Hey!" Amanda shouted, stumbling alongside the women. She climbed up the pile of trash, standing on top, looking around. She glanced over at the group, letting out a scream as they pushed her down. Amanda landed on her back with a thud, groaning in pain as she landed on old trash. She looked up at Jadis, "What is this?" She shouted. She paused when she heard quiet shuffling, turning her attention to a walker that crept towards her. He was wearing a metal helmet with spikes coming out. His body has been impaled with sharpened metal spears, making him almost untouchable, "Jadis!" She screamed
"That's our friend Wilson! Defeat him, then we will discuss terms of your battle." Jadis grinned
Amanda exhaled deeply as she dodged Wilson's swings. She froze for a moment, remembering when The Governor made her fight walkers for sport. She recalled fighting a walker almost identical to this once. She felt her body grow weak at the memories of the abuse, recalling how Rick was used against her, correlating their love with abuse, causing her painful flashbacks.
While distracted, Wilson crept over to Amanda, leaning over to bite her.
Amanda snapped out of her daze, pushing her hand forward, screaming as the spear pierced through the palm of her hand. She pushed Wilson away, moving backwards as blood trickled down her forearm. While stepping backwards, she tripped over an old computer monitor, causing her to fall on the ground.
Wilson moved forward, shuffling his feet blindly, following the noise. He moved over to Amanda, stumbling before he fell, one of the sharpened blades piercing Amanda's leg, leaving a large gash.
Amanda cried out in pain as she rolled away from Wilson, pulling out a piece of trash from the large pile, like jenga. She watched as Wilson laid under the trash, trying to fight back. Amanda reached into her holster, grabbing her knife and stabbing wilson in the lower jaw, scooting backwards as his body fell limp.
"Come up here!" Jadis shouted to Amanda
Amanda let tears trickle down her cheeks as she crawled up the mountain of trash, standing besides Jadis. Amanda had fire burning in her eyes as she looked at Jadis, "speak your terms." she demanded
"You take your man, we keep your food, you get us guns and we fight for you." Jadis said
"We keep our food, we keep our man. You fight our fight, keep a quarter of whatever we reap from Negans Community."
"Half." Jadis said
"A quarter." Amanda hissed
"Fine." Jadis said, nodding, "Bring us some guns before then." She said
Amanda nodded reaching out to shake Jadis hand but stopped seeing that her hand was bleeding badly. She turned from her, climbing down the mountain of trash.
"Oh my god." Aaron said, rushing over to Amanda, "Ricks not gonna be happy." He laughed softly, helping her over to one of the cars that Jadis had arranged for them. He sat her in the passengers seat, nodding over at Jadis before climbing in the drivers seat. He made his way back over to Alexandria, glancing over to Amanda worriedly
Amanda didn't feel pain from her hand or her leg, she felt pain inside. Her mind was stuck on The Governor. She felt helpless against her mind, knowing Rick loved her and Rick saved her, but the flashbacks were too heavy. She grit her teeth as she closed her eyes tightly, trying to steady her breathing. She was brought back to reality by Aaron, who shook her gently, "We're back." he said softly.
Amanda climbed out of the car and saw Rick talking to Simon.
Rick glanced over at Amanda, "Oh my god." He said, jogging over, "What happened?" He asked
Amanda shook her head, leaning against Aaron for support, "Nothing." She said curtly, "Simon, what do you want?" She asked
"We're looking for our buddy Daryl! Have you seen him?" Simon asked, ignoring Amanda's current state
"Daryl escaped?" Amanda asked, her eyes going wide, "No, we haven't seen him. Tear this place apart, he's not here."
"Oh, don't worry, we plan on doing that." Simon laughed
Amanda rolled her eyes at Simon, holding onto Aaron as he led her over to the infirmary, Rick trailing behind like a lost puppy.
"What happened?" Rick asked once they arrived at the infirmary
"We met some new people. They're gonna help us fight against Negan. But they made Amanda prove that she was worthy by fighting some type of fucked up walker. They put a punch of spears and sharp poles inside of it, and she ended up getting cut up." Aaron explained
Ricks face softened, "Are you okay?" He asked her worriedly, reaching over and stroking her hair
"Please don't touch me. Not right now, Rick." Amanda said softly
Rick pulled his hand away, nodding slowly, "Do you want me here?" He asked softly
"Not right now." Amanda said softly, watching as Aaron injected numbing medication into Amanda's leg
"Okay.. I'm sorry." Rick said, clearing his throat, "Holler if you change your mind." he said, walking to the door
"Trouble in paradise?" Aaron asked worriedly
"No, not really. It's me, i'm the problem." Amanda admitted, "I was held hostage and tortured by some guy. He made me hate Rick. He made me afraid of Rick. He.. He made me fight walkers in skimpy bimbo dresses. He had a walker just like that one. Seeing it just kinda triggered a flashback, i guess. Seeing Rick hurts." She said softly
"Oh, honey." Aaron sighed softly as he stitched up her leg, "Rick loves you so much. Have you seen how much he's changed for you?" He asked, "You should just talk to him."
Amanda nodded slowly as she looked out the window towards their house, "That would be too intelligent of me." She admitted, watching as Aaron put bandages on her leg, then wrapped gauze around her hand
"Go." Aaron smiled, "Doctors orders." he said
Amanda sighed as she stood up, "Thank you." She said, giving him a soft smile before she walked out of the infirmary. She limped down the sidewalk, watching as Negans men made their way out of Alexandria. Amanda sighed in relief as the gate closed, knowing no one had died. She limped up the porch before she walked inside the house, smiling when she saw Rick cooking dinner, Judith clinging to his body.
"Mama!" Judith spoke, looking at Amanda with her big eyes
"Hi, you." Amanda smiled, her eyes welling up with tears as she took Judith from Ricks arms, "my sweet baby." She said softly as she kissed her head, hugging her closely. She rested her forehead on the top of Judith's head, inhaling her scent, "I love you." she said softly, closing her eyes as she soaked up Judith's unconditional love
Rick stopped cooking to watch Amanda and Judith. He smiled softly as he debated on joining the hug, but decided to let them have their moment. He dried his hands off, looking at Amanda, "Are you okay?" He asked her softly
"I will be." Amanda said softly as she kept Judith on her arms
"Can you talk to me about it?" Rick asked hopefully
"Yeah. Maybe later." Amanda smiled softly as she kissed the top of Judith's head, placing her in her high chair.
"What happened?" Rick asked her, noticing the stitches on her body
"We found a community to help us fight Negan. They want guns." Amanda said as she sat down, sighing softly in bliss as she relaxed a bit
"People from The Kingdom wanna help too." Rick smiled softly, "Daryl's at The Kingdom with Morgan and Carol." he said
Amanda nodded as she rubbed her arms, "I'm glad Daryl is alive." she said
Rick set a plate down besides Amanda before he knelt down in front of her, "Where are
you right now?" He asked her worriedly
"Stuck." Amanda said softly, "I can't keep
doing this, Rick. I can't keep fighting. I wish you would've just left me at the CDC." She admitted
Rick felt his heart sink as he looked up at her, "Amanda, come on. You can't be serious."
"I am, Rick. I'm tired. I can't keep losing people." Amanda said softly as she looked at him with sad eyes, "I'm just tired. I can't shake the memories of The Governor. I feel like I'm wearing a
cement jacket. My body drags. I can't focus.
I can't breathe."
Rick sighed softly as he rubbed his face, "What can I do?" He asked
Amanda shook her head, "This is my fight, Rick. Not yours."
Rick opened his mouth to argue but nodded, respecting her autonomy. He stood up, kissing the top of her head before he sat on a chair next to her. Rick was unsure of what to do. He couldn't stop thinking of Shane. His mind replayed the moments before he died - Shane yelling at him, telling the group was better off without him, Amanda was broken and Carl was weak. He felt like Amanda's brokenness was his fault, knowing he put her through so much in their relationship. But he truly did love her, and he hoped he knew. Carl crossed his mind. Carl was strong, but he was left in a weak and vulnerable stage by Ron, who shot his eye, leaving him partially blind.
Amanda watched Rick curiously, wondering what he was thinking about. She exhaled deeply as she nudged him with her foot, bringing him back to reality.
Rick looked over at Amanda, smiling softly, "I love you." he said softly
"I love you." Amanda said, offering him a soft smile. Her eyes were dim, the brightness and joy was long gone.
Rick squeezed her hand, vowing to himself that he would find a way to bring the color back to Amanda's world by killing Negan.