"Alex..."
Henry asked him to come home early. It's a Friday night. He also requested that Alex take Saturday off. He can do that, he knows he hasn't spent enough time with Henry lately. It's been crazy, working most nights until early morning and climbing into bed with Henry for just a few hours before he has to leave again. They have some meals together, he always tries for at least one home dinner on the weekends, and Henry comes to the office for lunch once or twice a week. But it's not enough, he realizes now.
"Alex, we need to talk."
"Nothing good ever comes from that sentence." Alex is sitting on the couch, as instructed. Henry is standing in front of him, twisting the ring Alex bought for him around his ring finger.
"I am worried about you." Henry's blue eyes are full of pain. What could he have done to cause this?
"I'm fine, baby. I know I haven't been home enough but I'm fine."
"You're not fine!" Henry actually yells at him, and Alex is stunned into silence. "You barely eat. I see the circles around your eyes like never before. I feel your restless body in bed at night and I see you get up to go to the home office at all hours. How many hours of sleep are you actually getting?"
If Alex has to guess, only 3-4 a night. The Adderall is the only thing keeping him going at this point. But it was fine. As soon as the wedding and campaign are over, he'll stop with it all together.
"I don't know, baby. You're right in that it's not enough. I'll start setting alarms to remind me to come home. I'll make sure not to skip breakfast anymore, and you always bring or send me lunch." Not that Alex always remembers to eat it before it goes ice cold. "I'm sorry I'm worrying you. I don't mean to add any more stress." He can't tell Henry about the Adderall, that would not help him feel better about Alex's wellbeing.
Alex stands to wrap his arms around Henry. He holds him tight for a few seconds, and then says softly into his ear, "What else? I can tell there's something."
Henry pulls back slightly, arms still wrapped around each other's hips. Even after all these years, he looks unsure, having trouble articulating his needs. "It's.. uh. Not as important. I know you're busy. But I miss you." He buries his head in Alex's neck and repeats in a breathy whisper, "I miss you."
"Oh." Fuck. "How long um.... has it been?"
Henry takes a deep breath and Alex can feel the air prickle the hairs on his neck. "Months."
"No... really? but we...." Alex's head starts swimming; he cannot remember the last time. Shit. He was really neglecting his groom-to-be. "I'm sorry, baby."
They hold each other there for a moment. Just feeling the pressure of each other's bodies. Feeling Henry's arms wrapped tight around his shoulders. His hands on Henry's hips, holding him close. "Let me make it up to you." Alex breathes out as he goes to nibble on Henry's ear. Henry lets out a small sound, between a gasp and a moan, that's music to Alex's ears. He realizes it really has been too long since he's heard it.
"Let's go upstairs, sweetheart." And he guides Henry up the two flights of stairs to their top-floor bedroom, and closes the door behind them.
---
Alex flops down on the pillow next to Henry, both of them breathless. Alex needed that, and he thinks Henry definitely did too. It definitely unwound a few knots in him.
There's a minute of blissed silence before the guilt hits Alex again. How had he not noticed that it had been months since they had done this. There were definitely a few under-the-covers hand-jobs and pre-work blow jobs in that time, but they were always quick and dirty.
Tonight there were two rounds, one where neither of them lasted very long, and one where they took their time, pressing every inch of skin together, Alex staring into those blue eyes. There was a time when they could barely be in the same room together without Alex slamming Henry against the wall, so he could put his hands all over him and kiss him silly. There were times they did it in bar bathrooms, limos, and of course, the storage closet at Wimbledon because they couldn't wait to get back to a hotel room.
Since their relationship came out in the press, they were more careful. The last thing they needed was a porno of them going viral, now that people knew what to look for. They also had more access to beds, and frankly his aging knees appreciated the comfort. But he had to admit that their sex life was changing. Not that sex with Henry wasn't as good; sex with Henry was never short of magical. But as Alex started working his Big Law job, nights they would spend together were scheduled, and then as the campaign started, forgotten. They really need that honeymoon. And Alex needs to start coming home earlier.
"Baby," Alex says as he shifts his body to face Henry. Henry stays on his back, but turns his head towards him.
"Yes, darling?" His lips are still red from where Alex has bitten them and his eyes seem to add light to the room.
Alex doesn't want to ruin the moment, but he can't stop himself. "I'm sorry." Alex purses his lips and feels his eyes start to water. Henry's expression immediately saddens. It's understood between them what Alex means: the time away, worrying Henry, not taking care of Henry– in every way including in the bedroom.
"Alex, sweetheart, you know I am not mad at you? I... understand that this is a very stressful time in your life and I want to be here to support you. It's just hard to do that when I never see you."
Alex allows himself to break the tone with a joke, "I'm pretty sure I was the one supporting you just now," his mind flashing to the way he held up Henry's back as they moved in tandem moments before collapsing back onto the bed. Henry jabs him in the shoulder. Alex lets a smile break across his face, "I love you, Hen. I'll be better."
He means it. He has to stop with the Adderall. Stop with the constant late nights. He's getting married soon. This should be a happy time in his life, not the most stressed he's ever been. He has to be there for Henry, and he knows Henry is there for him, if Alex would let him be.
----
Alex stayed home Saturday, as promised. They had a lovely late brunch: quiche that Henry had cooked for them. It had been longer than Alex realized since he had eaten Henry's cooking while it was still hot.
They went for a walk in Central Park. They made love again (not in the park, but once they got back home), and went to sleep wrapped in each other's arms. Alex still couldn't sleep, but he stayed in the bed all night.
Sunday, he had to go back to work, but he had a quick breakfast with Henry first and promised to be home at a reasonable hour. He was home every night before 10pm and didn't take any Adderall until Wednesday, when he lost track of time until he realized it was 1am. Exhausted but determined to finish what he was working on before morning, he popped a pill. He did better the next day and came home with dinner by 8pm.
As they sit around on the stools around the kitchen island eating the Italian take-out pasta, Henry, plastic fork in hand, looks over to him. "So how was therapy today, dear?"
Alex hadn't gone. His therapist, Al, started getting really concerned that Alex had canceled all his sessions over the past two months. Alex had reassured him over the phone that he was doing fine, just too busy. Al urged him to come to at least one, but Alex had declined. That was nearly a month ago now, and it seemed Al had given up on trying to convince Alex to come. He still hadn't told Henry. He wondered why he was bringing it up; they never really talked about their individual therapy other than when it was relevant to the other. So why the fuck was Henry asking? Did he somehow know?
"Uh.. fine," Alex says before he really processes that he's lying to Henry. Shit. He can't lie to Henry. "Well, actually, I forgot today. But it's fine, I can go next week." Alex really doesn't want to go next week.
"And how many weeks is it now? That you've missed?"
Alex's fork hits the plastic container, splattering little bits of red sauce onto the table and his shirt. He swallows, clears his throat, "Um. It's been a few. The campaign has me really busy and I don't really think it's necessary anymo–"
"How. Many?" Henry cuts him off sternly. The confidence is sexy, being caught is not.
"I don't know," Alex honestly admits. "10? 12? It's been pretty much since the campaign started."
Henry winces like he's been struck. "Why, Alex? Are you determined to drive me crazy with worry? Or do you just want to drive yourself into the ground? Can't you see that this isn't good for you?"
"I'm fine, baby, I swear. I've gotten more sleep this week. I'm eating. I'm here with you." Alex grasps Henry's hand. "I'm doing my best. I still have clients from the law office and the campaign and wedding planning and you–"
"So I'm just another of your responsibilities, is that it? Just another thing that takes up your precious time!"
"Baby, no. You know how I feel about you. You know how much I love you. I'm just trying to balance it all–"
"Maybe you're balancing too much! You can't go on like this Alex, it isn't healthy. You're going to give yourself a bloody heart attack!"
Alex thinks about what he read about Adderall use increasing cardiovascular issues. Henry has no idea how close he is. But no, he's fine. Alex has only done it once this week.
"Henry, I'm fine. It's only a few more weeks until the wedding and then we'll have the honeymoon: just us and beaches and late mornings in bed." Alex rubs small circles on his back. "Once I win the election, I'm quitting law. We'll move to DC, we'll find a new normal like before all this craziness with the election started. We'll be married. We can start thinking about kids. We're gonna get everything we ever wanted."
"All I want is you." Those blue eyes stare deeply into his. "Our lives were crazy even before the campaign. Will we ever slow down? How can we start a family when we barely have time for each other?"
"We're going to figure it all out." Alex pulls Henry into a hug.
With his head on Alex's shoulder, Henry says, "I'm making you an appointment for next week. Earliest he has available, and you're going."
"Henry, I don't need–"
"Please." How could Alex refuse?