Black Beauty - Lana Del Rey
Darling, you can't let everything
Seem so dark blue
...
Oh, what can I do?
Life is beautiful, but you don't have a clue
Sun and ocean blue
Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you
Black beauty, oh.
The waiting room at the hospital was torture.
Amara sat with her father, neither of them saying anything, scared to jinx it and make things worse.
When the group was finally called inside for Rhodey's MRI scan, they entered the small room that had a glass, observing wall.
Amara held onto her father's hand as they watched Rhodey's body slide into the machine.
Vision stood next to them, remorse and guilt clear in his expression.
Tony turned to face Vision, whose gaze was fixed on the Colonel's body inside the machine.
"How did this happen?" Tony asked.
"I became distracted," Vision said, ashamed of his actions.
Tony scoffed, "I didn't think that was possible."
"Neither did I," Vision said gravely.
Amara looked to the side and saw Natasha inside the doorway. The spy gave the girl an apologetic look. Amara reached over to tap Tony on the shoulder.
He looked at his daughter confused, until she nodded in Natasha's direction and he noticed the spy standing there.
"I need to talk to you, Tony," Natasha said.
"Yeah. You do," he said clearly pissed that she let Cap and Barnes go.
Amara watched as the two of them walked out of the room and left her with Vision. She sat down in the nearest chair.
"It was Wanda, right?" Amara asked.
Vision looked at her, "Pardon?"
"Wanda. She was the distraction, wasn't she?" Amara said, looking at Vision's face, carefully.
After hearing nothing, Amara just nodded to herself, "You know better than anyone not to let your emotions cloud your judgement, or worse, let it affect you in the field. I just don't understand how... I mean..." she sighed. "How did this happen?" She said more to herself than Vision as she shook her head and put her face in her hands.
"I never understood the phrase before, but I guess you could say that it's easier said than done," he looked at Amara, who met his gaze. "As I'm sure you're well aware."
Amara instantly thought back to Peter. How she had certainly focused on him a lot more than she should have during that battle. "That is completely different."
"I'm not saying it isn't. All I'm saying is that you can probably appreciate why."
Amara looked back at Rhodey inside the MRI machine and wiped her remaining tears away before standing up and walking out of the room.
—————
"How is he?" Natasha asked, her arms crossed in front of her.
The two Avengers had found their way to the nearest balcony overlooking beautiful greenery and a large forested area, not too far ahead. The scene would be ideal if it weren't for ten circumstances.
"The doctors say he shattered most of the bones in his limbs. Hasn't woken up, yet. Probably looking at some form of temporary paralysis. How long? They can't say. If it weren't for Amara, paralysis would be permanent. She saved him," he said.
"Steve's not gonna stop," Natasha looked up at Tony. "If you don't either, Rhodey's gonna be the best-case scenario."
"You let them go, Nat," Tony said, disappointed.
"We played this wrong," she said.
"'We'?" Tony scoffed in disbelief. "Boy, it must be hard to shake the whole double agent thing, huh?" Natasha frowned in shock and disbelief. "It sticks in the DNA."
"Are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one goddamn second?"
Tony breathed in and looked back across the green field below them, "T'Challa told Ross what you did, so... they're coming for you."
"I'm not the one that needs to watch their back," she said, before walking away and back inside the building, leaving Tony alone with his thoughts, once again.
That was when he heard a loud beep from his watch.
Tony looked down and tapped his watch twice, causing a small hologram to appear from the watch and showed a photograph of a dead man.
"What am I looking at, FRIDAY?"
"Priority upload from Berlin Police."
Realisation dawned on him as he looked back up in front of him.
"Fire up the chopper."
—————
Amara watched her father and Nat talking on the balcony. She knew what Nat had done and she also knew that her dad was pissed. Amara was also pissed, but she wanted answers more than a screaming match.
When Natasha stormed back inside, Amara stood up and followed her through the hallways and corridors of the compound.
"Nat!" She said, but Natasha didn't stop. "Nat!"
When she carried on walking, Amara made a forcefield, stopping her from moving any further as Amara caught up with her.
"What the hell was that?!" Amara asked angrily. "First you betray the team, then you were gonna leave without even so much as a goodbye? I think after everything we've been through, I deserve an explanation, at the very least."
"You wouldn't understand, Amara," Natasha said.
"You don't know that, Natasha," Amara said.
"You know Steve. You know he's not gonna let up about this."
"So instead of trying, you just let them go, just to see what would happen?" Amara asked, spitefully.
"You don't understand, Amara. He's right. There are bigger things at play right now, okay? We are not the centre of this. Neither is Tony. Or Steve. Or even Bucky because it's not about us."
"Then who is it about?" Amara challenged.
"That's exactly what Steve is trying to figure out. And that's exactly why I didn't hold him back," Natasha said.
"Maybe you should have, because then we wouldn't be in this situation," Amara said.
"You're gonna blame me for what happened to Rhodey?" Natasha asked, but Amara could tell that she felt that way, herself.
Amara breathed in and sighed, deeply, "No, of course not. I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault. But it is your fault that Barnes isn't in our custody, right now."
"And it's also because of me that Steve isn't either. I know him. He's not a criminal, Amara."
"Neither are we. " Amara scrunched up her face. "God, Natasha! You could not have picked a worse time to realise you're in love with Steve Rogers.
"If that's why you think I'm doing this, then you're clearly not who I thought you were," Natasha said, disappointedly.
"You're not who I thought you were Natasha. I thought that you would do anything to keep us together. To keep our family together."
"I know," Natasha stared right into Amara's eyes. "But I trust him, Amara."
"What about me? Do you not trust me?" Amara asked, desperately.
"Of course I trust you, it's the people who are now in control of you that I don't trust," Natasha moved one step closer to Amara and lowered her voice. "You have to understand where he's coming from. You have the understand that the second we signed those accords, we gave our rights to an opinion, to freedom, to choice away. You have to know that he's right."
"And you're willing to risk us, your family, your life, everything? Because you love him? How can you of all people be letting emotions get in the way of your job?",
"No," Natasha shook her head. "I'm willing to risk everything for Steve because he's right. Amara, look me in the eye and tell me that this whole thing doesn't seem off. Tell me!" She challenged.
"I can't, because I can't risk the only family I have," Amara said, looking down. "I'm not like you. I'm weak," she said as silent tears fell down her face.
"The problem is that you're holding onto a family that was broken to begin with. And it definitely won't be a family at the end of this if you don't get your dad to see things clearly."
Amara just remained quiet.
"I'm leaving," Natasha said.
Amara knew it was coming, but for some reason, it felt all the more real when she actually heard the words from Nat, herself. Her heart sank. Natasha was right, her family that she had been trying so hard to hold onto had always been broken beyond repair, and the Sokivia Accords just proved that.
"Then I guess this is it," Amara said.
"I guess it is."
Amara attempted to keep up her angry facade in front of Natasha, but the second she looked back up to meet her gaze, she fell apart.
Natasha was never someone who cried a lot, but that meant that when she did, it meant so much more. So when Amara pulled away from their brief hug and saw her friend's smudged eye makeup, she couldn't stop herself from crying more.
Amara cried into Nat's shoulder, "I'm gonna fix this, I swear. I'm gonna bring you guys back. Even if I have to find Nick fucking Fury myself."
"I believe you."
"Say hi to everyone when you find them?" Nat nods at Amara's simple request and kisses Amara's head. Then the spy turns immediately away, never looking back for fear that she would see Amara's face and decide never to leave.
----------
Amara had officially run out of tears. There was physically nothing left inside of her. She was empty. Steve was gone, Sam was gone, Pietro was gone, Wanda was gone, Rhodey was in a coma and now Nat was gone. It was quite literally just her and her father left.
She had to find him. They had to discuss their options. To weigh out everything once again and figure out what had really happened to Bucky Barnes, because even though they had left, she found it hard to believe that they all had poor judgement.
As she turned the corner quickly, she bumped into someone.
"I'm sorry," she said, hurriedly, about to begin walking again.
"Amara?" The voice of Peter Parker filled Amara with comfort as she looked up into the boy's eyes.
"Peter," she said, breathing out.
"Are you okay? You look... I don't know, you just- are you okay?"
Amara felt that all too familiar lump in her throat as she fought back tears.
Peter noticed this and stepped closer, holding onto her shoulders, "Amara. What happened? What-?"
"Everything is falling apart..." Amara started, the tears forming in her eyes, making it hard to see. "And I don't know what to do. I can't fix it and that's the one thing that I'm supposed to be able to do. I'm supposed to be the glue. I was supposed to hold everyone together."
"Hey," Peter said, softly, "It's okay. It'll be okay."
"No. It won't. I don't see how it could. I thought I had lost everything that I possibly could have, already and now I almost arrested Pietro. My best friend in the whole world and I almost had him thrown in prison. Nat's gone and Rhodey's unconscious in a hospital room. I was supposed to save him. I should have saved him in time and then none of this would have happened."
"Hey, listen to me, okay?" Peter said, more harshly, forcing Amara to look up at him. "None of this is your fault. How can it be? How can you take the blame for all of this? Look, I don't know the full story or everything that's happened, but I know for sure it's not your fault. You did everything you could and more. Things would have been a lot worse without you here, trust me."
Amara sniffled, "Thank you, Peter, but I..." She sighed deeply, closing her eyes as the tears finally rolled down her face, "'I can't imagine how hard it is to lose everyone you love and be expected to carry on as normal."' I once said that to Steve. Now I've lost him, too and so many others. Now I have to carry on as normal. I just need it to stop. I need people to stop leaving, I need to make them stay. It was up to me and I failed everyone- I don't- I'm sorry, Peter, I'm not-"
"No," Peter interrupted her.
"What?"
"You don't get to put the blame of this onto you. That's not fair. You remember when I told you about Ben?"
"Yeah the guy that you couldn't save," Amara nodded.
"He wasn't some stranger that I met. He was my uncle. Aunt May's husband."
"What?" Amara asked, stepping away.
"We had just had this huge argument and I stormed out. He came out to find me. I went to buy something from this corner shop. I didn't have enough cash on me, so I had to walk out. But on my way out, there was a guy, he had a gun. He was robbing the store. I saw what he did, but I didn't do anything. I don't know why. The guy ran away and I heard a gunshot. I had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach - my sense. And when I made my way over there, I saw the guy run away, and the pregnant woman with her child. She was hysterical, shouting about how my uncle had tried to take the gun off of him so they could run away, of course, I didn't know it was my uncle, at that point. Then I saw him and the world just stopped," Peter said.
Amara breathed in deeply. She reached to cup his face in her hand, "I'm sorry."
"I blamed myself for his death for so long. I carried that guilt with me wherever I went. I had this idea of vengeance, that I was gonna find this guy and make him pay for the longest time," Peter said. "I didn't even know who he was."
"What changed?" Amara asked, quietly.
"The first time someone was in danger and saved them, I realised then that that was what I was meant to do. I was meant to save people, to help people, not get revenge," Peter looked down at Amara again and smiled, "But I held onto that guilt for months. Until you. You remember what you said to me? When I told you? You said that you can't put that kind of pressure on yourself, especially when you have nobody else to share it with. You saved me from my guilt, without even realising it."
Amara teared up and looked down at her shoes.
"Hey," Peter brought Amara's gaze back up to him, "You are the kindest, smartest, most powerful and most incredible person that I know. You did everything right. But no matter how powerful you, you can't stop anything bad from ever happening to anyone you love... and it's okay to feel. It's okay to fall apart."
"What?" She asked breathing shakily.
"You're so used to keeping up this strong front, but, you're allowed to feel things. You're human. When things go wrong, you should be able to cry or scream, because, equally when things go right, you should be able to laugh and smile. Let yourself feel, Amara."
"I'm scared," she breathed out.
"I know. It's scary. But you can trust me."
Amara scrunched her eyebrows as tears began rolling down her face. It wasn't long until her whole body was shaking with sobs.
Peter pulled her back into his chest as she held onto his T-shirt as her tears stained the fabric.
Amara wasn't sure how long she was crying, but she did know that Peter was there, stroking her head and rubbing her shoulders, supportively, the entire time. Once she had calmed down a little, she snuggled into his chest and Peter's arms hugged her tightly.
Amara closed her eyes, she felt at peace with Peter, like this. Anything could happen right then, but as long as she was in Peter's arms she felt safe.
And that's exactly what she couldn't do.
Amara opened her eyes in realisation, what was she doing? She couldn't do this to Peter again. She made an attempt to step back, but when she met his eyes, her resolve softened.
"So, about your uncle Ben?"
"What about him?" Peter asked, smiling, still holding Amara in by the waist.
"That other story you told me? That was just a lie?" Amara asked.
"You're not the only one who can lie," Peter raised his eyebrows, and they both chuckled, lightly.
Amara looked back up at him and smiled at the way his face moved as he laughed. Everyone laughs, but Amara feels that Peter has the most unique way to it that makes you feel the happiness that he feels.
Peter looked back down at Amara, both of them not looking away, for fear of destroying the moment.
Amara risked glancing down at Peter's lips, before quickly looking back up at his eyes. A normal person wouldn't have noticed, but Peter was already so focused on Amara's eyes, that he did.
Peter felt those butterflies that he always got in his stomach whenever he was this close to Amara. He held her closer, pulling her towards him as he began to lean down.
Amara breathed ever so slightly, her heart fluttering at their close proximity.
Both Amara and Peter grew closer and closer together with every passing moment, their faces so close that their noses were almost touching.
"Alright. Step away from my daughter, right now," Tony's stern voice sounded out from the other side of the room.
Peter cleared his throat and jumped back in fear, but Amara stayed standing where she was, rolling her eyes.
Tony walked up to the both of them, "What do you think you're doing, Parker? I recruit you and in return, you try getting it on with my daughter?"
"Dad!" Amara said in annoyance to her father.
"I'm sorry sir, but it's not what it looked like, I swear," Peter began.
"Dad, Peter was just making me feel better after Nat left."
"So she's gone?"
"You really think she was gonna stay?"
"Did she tell you where she was going?"
"She's smarter than that," Amara said.
Tony nodded and then looked between his daughter and his apprentice, "Yeah, I want you two standing further apart."
Amara just glared at him as Peter stepped away.
"Mr Parker, you're flight home is scheduled to leave in 45 minutes. Happy'll drive you over there," Tony said to him.
"Great, we should probably get going then, right?" Amara said to Peter.
"Uh-uh, not you. You think I'm gonna let the both of you on the same flight for 6 hours after what I just saw? No way. Spiderkid goes, Amara, you're with me. We have some work to do."
"What kind of work?"
"Classified work," Tony said, gesturing to Peter, who awkwardly stood balancing on the balls of his feet. "Say your goodbyes." He addressed Peter, "My daughter won't be back at school until further notice, so you won't see her for a while."
Amara looked at her father, "What do you mean?"
"Your mission's over, technically, and we have some shit to clean up that Nat and Steve left behind for us. You already know everything, anyway, what difference does it make?"
"It's not about that. It's about my friends," Amara said.
"I'm not saying you can't go back. Just until this whole thing calms down a little," Tony said.
"But, Dad-"
"No, I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna argue with you, right now, kid, okay? So just, please...?"
Amara sighed and turned her attention back to the boy in front of her.
"I guess I'll see you around, at some point?" Peter asked.
"Hopefully sooner, rather than later," Amara smiled. "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too," Peter nodded.
"Say bye to MJ and Ned from me?" Amara asked, smiling, bittersweetly.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"Oh, and do me a favour?" Amara asked.
"Anything."
Amara took a deep breath in, "Go out with Liz? You two would be perfect together."
Peter's eyes widened in surprise, "What is that supposed to mean?"
Amara smiled in order to hide the pain on her face. She knew that he would wait for her, and that was exactly what she didn't want him to do. She didn't want to hold him back. Things would be far too complicated between the two of them. They would be better just as friends. Even if her heart called only for his name. Even if the only face her eyes saw was his. He could never be hers and she could never be his.
It was easier to spare them both the hurt, there and then.
Sure, she would be losing one other person, but it would be better to lose him now than later on.
"The timing's right, for you two. You should go for it, Peter."
Peter sighed in frustration, but quickly pulled himself together, "Yeah... Yeah, whatever. Bye, Amara."
But before she could finish saying, "Bye, Peter" he turned around and walked away from Amara and Tony.
She discreetly wiped the tears off of her face before turning back to meet her father's gobsmacked expression.
"What the hell was that?!" he asked.
"What the hell was what?"
"That! I walked in here and you were all over each other and then you tell him to basically fuck off?" Tony asked.
"It's just easier this way. I won't see him for a while anyway and I'm just not right for him. He deserves better," Amara said, shaking her head, sadly.
"Hey, you listen to me," Tony said with strength in his voice. "My daughter is amazing and she deserves the world. Don't you dare say she deserves anything less than that"
"Thanks, Dad," Amara smiled, weakly.
Tony pulled the girl into a hug, holding her for a while. God knows she needed that after the day that she had just had.
Unfortunately that didn't last too long, "We have to go," he said to her, pulling away and holding both sides of her head as he planted a kiss on top of it.
"Go where?" She asked.
"To do that classified work."
—————
There was a storm raging outside the windows of the helicopter. Tony and Amara travelled over the choppy waves of the ocean, buckled in, safely to the seats.
"The Task Force called for a psychiatrist as soon as Barnes was captured. The UN dispatched Doctor Theo Broussard from Geneva within the hour," FRIDAY's voice sounded from the small, holographic screen in Tony's hand. He held it between the two of them as they stared down at Dr Broussard's profile.
Then the screen switched to show a parking lot somewhere, where the doctor was talking to another man, "He was met by this man."
"Did you run facial recognition yet?" Tony asked.
"What do I look like?" FRIDAY replied, sarcastically.
"Uh, I don't know. I've been picturing a redhead," Tony replied.
"You must be thinking of someone else."
Amara reached over to hold onto Tony's hand. She knew how much he was missing Pepper.
"Must be," he replied, sadly.
"So who was the man that actually did the evaluation?" Amara asked sitting forward.
"The fake doctor is actually Colonel Helmut Zemo." Tony put the screen down and rolled his eyes looking at Amara who smiled, shrugging. "Sokovian Intelligence."
Tony held the screen up and flicked his wrist, causing the holograms to spread across the space around them. Photos and profiles of this Zemo appeared within the air.
"Zemo ram Echo Scorpion, a Sokovian covert kill squad."
"Great, more mass murderers to deal with. And I thought Barnes would be the last one, for today," Amara said.
"What happened to the real Broussard?" Tony asked, ignoring Amara.
"He was found dead in a Berlin hotel room. Where police also found a wig and facial prosthesis approximating the appearance of one James Buchanan Barnes."
"Son of a bitch," Tony said.
"Cap was right," Amara sighed. "We were wrong."
"Yeah, no shit." Tony looked down at the screen again, "Get this to Ross."
"Yes, boss."
"What the hell do we do, now? Everyone that could possibly help us is either injured, arrested or gone," Amara exclaimed.
"I have no idea, kid. But first we've got a trip to the Raft."
"They're in the Raft?! How could you let them take them there?!"
"It wasn't my choice, okay? If it was my choice, they'd be safe and sound on house arrest at the compound."
"So now they're locked up like dangerous criminals?!"
"I don't know what conditions they're in, that's why we need to go. Nat was second in command, but she's gone. So, now it's you, kid. Congrats, you've been promoted."
"Why does this not feel as good as I thought it would a few weeks ago?" Amara asked, frowning.
"You and me both, kid."
(A/N: Civil War is almost coming to close!!! This is so exciting!!! I can't believe I started this book almost a year ago!)