Word Count: 4,756
Things between me and Rosé seemed to be back to normal the following day, and Lisa and Jennie appeared relieved-apparently, they had been pretty worried. My behavior had only changed a bit, but it must have been enough for them to notice.
The events of the previous day were still on my mind, but I wasn't feeling as awkward around Rosé anymore. There were still a few things bothering me, but I couldn't say anything about them while we were at uni.
Rosé was giving everyone her usual sweet smile. She was currently surrounded by some girls bugging her to teach them how to study. Midterms were coming up next week, and the girls probably wanted Rosé, the top brainiac in our grade, to be their tutor. There was a hint of confusion in Rosé's gentle smile.
"I don't mind helping you all get ready for the tests, but I might not have enough space to host everyone..."
Hearing that, I knew it wasn't going to be good. I perked up my ears to listen in. It seemed like the girls who wanted to study with Rosé were hoping to do it at her place. They were probably curious to see what her apartment was like.
That would be a problem, since Rosé is such a private person. It would be really difficult for Rosé to let them into her home.
From my perspective, I didn't want them coming over to where I lived if it could be avoided, just in case they found out something they shouldn't. I could just imagine the girls prying into every little detail.
"Oh, no fair, no fair! I want help too!"
"Me toooo!"
Then, other girls who overheard the conversation raised their hands as well, and Rosé understandably had a troubled expression. There was clearly no way so many people could fit in her apartment. To make matters worse, the boys were looking at us with envy.
"...Um, how about we study together for an hour or two in the lecture room after school today?" Rosé suggested as a compromise. Our classroom had plenty of space. But despite that, the requests to join didn't seem to end. Since club activities were paused during exams, it was probably easier for everyone to gather than usual.
As I listened to the loud shouts of my classmates from across the room, I couldn't help but feel bad for Rosé.
With a strangely cheerful gummy smile, Jennie nudged me. "You're not gonna join in?"
"Would it really make a difference?" I replied. "I already know everything that's gonna be on the tests, and even if I didn't, with so many people, there won't be much time for everyone's questions anyway. Trust me, I'm better off studying on my own."
"Well, I gotta give you credit for your discipline, Y/N, but I think we should still join this study session. It's all about motivation."
"I've always enjoyed studying, so my motivation has always been-"
"Not yours, hers."
I looked over at Rosé, who was making plans for a study session with more than half the class. It was clear that she was gonna have a tough time with so many people. She'd probably feel more comfortable with a friend in the room.
Finally, it started to sink in that I should attend, regardless of whether I felt the need to or not.
"...Even though there's not really anything for her to teach me?" I asked.
"It'll be fine," Jennie insisted. "Look, you can tutor me. See, Lisa is gonna join in, so I was gonna be stuck waiting for her anyway. There's no harm in studying a little while I'm there, right?"
"Teaching other people is not my strong suit..."
"Well, yeah, the way you talk can be a bit unfriendly, and you're not exactly the patient type to explain things... but you wouldn't just let me fail, right?"
I faltered in the face of Jennie's confident voice and gaze.
"I'm counting on you, my baby!" Jennie cackled and clapped me on the shoulder.
I gave up on turning her down and just nodded.
Usually, after class, a few students might hang around for a while. But that day, there was a rare bustle of activity. The desks, which had been neatly arranged during cleaning time, were now pushed together to form several clusters, and students gathered with their groups of friends.
Even the guys from our class joined in, which meant there were six times as many people as usual.
I sat facing Jennie in the seat farthest away from Rosé.
"...I can't be much help like this, can I?" I whispered.
"I'm ready to learn, teacher!" Jennie replied.
"...Wouldn't we be better off studying at home?"
"I'm just here to study while I wait for Lisa. Besides, she's gonna be late getting home, and you wouldn't want to leave her on her own, right?"
I narrowed my eyes at Jennie, who was giving me a knowing look, but she just laughed.
Rosé usually tried to get home before it got dark, but because of the study session, she was bound to be late.
Rosé was a very cautious person and even carried a personal safety alarm with her, but Jennie was right. It wouldn't be a good idea to let her walk back alone in the dark.
On the other hand, I couldn't possibly walk her home with all our classmates watching, so I would have to keep my distance and discreetly watch over her as we walked.
"You don't seem to see this as an opportunity, Y/N..."
"What, you want me to become some kind of predator now? That's not who I am, and personally, I have a problem with taking advantage of someone's vulnerability to make a move."
"That attitude of yours must be how you've earned her trust. Well, you guys will be heading back to the same place, so I guess there's no point in trying anything on the way anyway. It's not like you won't have plenty of chances to make your move."
"It's not like I would anyway! If I made her hate me or made her cry, it would crush me."
Rosé left plenty of openings for me, since she let me inside her defenses.
Even so, I had never considered taking advantage of those opportunities. Instead, I always warned her about letting her guard down.
If I were to do something with Rosé when she's being careless because of her trust in me, our happy relationship could easily crumble. I didn't want to lose her trust or my dignity.
Jennie knew what I was like. She shrugged in a slightly frustrated way, but I didn't pay her any attention and opened my textbook to the material that would be covered in the exams.
"Look, I'm good to go here, so why don't you tell me where we should start? I don't have any trouble with anything, which means it's up to you to point out the sections you don't understand if you want to make progress." I drummed my fingers on the pages and urged her for an answer.
"Avoiding the question, huh?" Jennie grinned and opened her own book.
Jennie wasn't dumb or anything - in fact, she was quite capable. She had a good grasp of her own abilities and was the type who could achieve good results with minimal effort. She just found studying boring and often goofed off to annoy her parents. But deep down, she had a sincere nature.
I heard that in middle school, Jennie used to be a top student, but when she started hanging out with Lisa, it caused some trouble at home and triggered her rebellious phase.
"I seriously don't get English sentences," Jennie complained.
"Maybe you should start by memorizing the vocabulary... For now, you can focus on the words and sentences that are likely to appear on the test. You dozed off in class when the teacher went over the exam material, but he did give us some hints." Jennie rarely skipped class, but she often fell asleep.
I poked her on the forehead and continued.
"For now, I'll make another copy of my notes for you. Trying to cram all the information for the long reading comprehension section is not realistic at this point. Don't worry about being perfect, but try not to miss the vocabulary and multiple-choice questions. If you know at least a little bit, you can usually narrow down the options to two answers, so we should focus on getting you to consistently choose the correct one out of the two. Let's put the most emphasis on scoring achievable points. You're just barely passing English, right?"
"Phew, you're a lifesaver, honey! I'll thank you later by giving you a nudge in the right direction."
"I don't need you to do that. It's none of your business," I replied.
I wanted to take things slow in my relationship with Rosé, in my own way, so if Jennie pushed me too hard, I might resist just to be stubborn.
Jennie met my refusal with a frustrated look, but I wasn't inclined to change my opinion.
Before worrying about progressing in our relationship, I wanted to improve myself enough to feel confident about being with Rosé. That meant prioritizing my studies.
Jennie seemed like she was about to say something else, but I ignored her.
Once I counted the number of pages in the notebook I was going to copy, I closed it with a loud slam. "Good grief," I muttered as I picked up my mechanical pencil.
Jennie assumed a studying posture, and with a sense of relief, I glanced over at Rosé.
Just like always, she was smiling as she kindly explained the material to her classmates. As I watched her move around the room, smiling at everyone equally, I couldn't help but think that being the campus angel must be a challenging role to play.
"Why can't I find the answer here?"
"Use the formula."
"I am using it, but I still can't get the answer!"
Lisa's group was studying together while chatting happily, and their cluster of desks was particularly lively. However, a different group of guys seemed to be struggling.
Even Rosé couldn't attend to every single person, and depending on each person's understanding of the material, it could take time to teach them. On top of that, Rosé kept getting called over by the rowdiest students, so even though she was trying to help those classmates who weren't constantly demanding her attention, she couldn't avoid being pulled in different directions.
I hesitated for a moment, then stood up from my seat. I walked over to the classmates who were frowning in frustration and looked over their shoulders to see the part in the text and the equation that was tripping them up. Then, I slowly pointed to the relevant section in the textbook.
My classmates looked up at me, seemingly surprised by my sudden appearance, but I ignored their stares and guided them through the problem.
In this group's case, they were simply using the wrong formula to solve the question, so it was easy to sort things out once I pointed out the issue that was causing them trouble.
I felt relieved that they accepted my help despite my interruption. I made eye contact with the boy sitting across from me, who blinked repeatedly.
"I'm not Rosé, but it looks like she's busy. Sorry for jumping in."
"...No, I appreciate the help," the boy said. "But I didn't expect you to come over and say something, Y/N."
"Well, you looked like you were struggling," I responded.
It was almost funny how everyone always assumed I was cold and unfriendly, but I couldn't deny that I could be unsociable and gloomy at times.
I was about to leave with an awkward smile when the classmate across from me asked, "So what about this one?" and showed me another problem he couldn't figure out.
Since I was already there, I demonstrated how to solve that question too.
The other boys looked at each other, then for some reason, they looked at Jennie.
"Hey, Jennie! Can we borrow Y/N?"
"Well, she's mine, but I guess there's no helping it," Jennie grinned.
"Since when did I become yours?"
I pretended to be offended by Jennie's comment. I noticed that she cheerfully pushed our two desks over to the boys in the study group. I was a bit surprised at how quickly she joined them.
I didn't really mind, but I wished Jennie had asked for my permission first.
I sighed and sat back down in my seat, which had now become part of the new group. As I did, I lightly kicked Jennie under the desks.
"Just so you know, I'm not that great at teaching," I stated.
"Well, thanks anyway," one of the boys said. "Miss Angel looks busy over there."
"We all joined in last minute," another added, "so Rosé can't make it to everyone on her own."
They were gazing longingly at the group that Rosé was tutoring, but it wasn't exactly envy in their eyes. They simply looked disappointed.
"We decided to come because it sounded fun, knowing that we'd be lucky to get any help, so getting help from you, Y/N, is fine with us."
"Well, ideally it would be the angel because she's cute and it would make me happier, but..."
"Well, don't expect me to be cute," I said, smiling wryly. "So show me the part you don't understand...?"
I prided myself on not having a single ounce of cuteness. I understood what the others were trying to say. Who wouldn't prefer to be tutored by a friendly and intelligent girl like Rosé, rather than an unsociable girl like me? Anyone would be happier with her.
I shrugged and asked them where they needed help, then explained the material to them.
Fortunately, I was able to explain all the problems, and since the other students had asked for my help, they tackled the material earnestly and understood it fairly quickly.
Even Jennie joined in with the other four students, asking questions and solving example problems. It was already challenging for me to handle four additional people, so it must have been even more difficult for Rosé.
With that in mind, I looked over in her direction and saw her answering questions for the neighboring group.
However, none of the questions were related to the exam material.
"Do I have a type?" Rosé pondered the question curiously as the girls who asked looked at her with keen interest.
The girls seemed to have changed their approach with Rosé, who had been stubbornly refusing to reveal anything about the girl she mentioned.
Now, they were trying to gather information indirectly about what kind of person she might be. Rosé had never explicitly stated whether the mystery girl was her girlfriend or someone she liked, but as expected, everyone seemed to assume that she was interested in her.
The girls didn't ask their question loudly, but the surrounding groups still overheard it, and all the students in the classroom strained their ears for the answer, even as they continued working on their own practice problems.
"Let me think," Rosé said. "In terms of absolute requirements, I guess she would have to be a kind and honest person. I can't stand dishonesty."
"And what about appearance?"
"I think what's on the inside is more important, so I'm not too picky about looks," Rosé replied. "...But someone who takes care of themselves and is tidy would be nice."
The answer she gave, with a gentle smile and a twinkle in her eye, was more about the kind of person she preferred rather than the specific type of person she liked. It gave the impression that she was avoiding the question.
The girls who asked the question must have also felt that she was being vague, and they stared at Rosé with a hint of disappointment on their faces.
Rosé smiled back at them as always, but this time, there was a hint of bitterness in her smile.
"When I think about what else might be important, I guess...someone whose values align with mine?"
"Values? Not hobbies and stuff?"
"Yeah, values," Rosé nodded. "I don't expect them to match up perfectly, but it's important to respect each other's values, even if they're different. Someone who would never try to force their point of view or change their partner... Yeah, someone who appreciates their partner's ideas would be great. It would be ideal if we saw things the same way, but I also admire people who stand by their partner and accept their beliefs, even if they're different."
Rosé finished her speech with a gentle smile, and her gaze briefly flickered towards me.
I instinctively looked away, and Rosé returned her attention to the group of girls without any change in her expression.
I knew that people around us would start to notice if I kept staring at Rosé, so I lowered my gaze to the notebook in my hands. But then I heard a quiet chuckle from beside me, from someone who had been observing my behavior.
"And that's the tea, folks."
Jennie had been observing while everyone else abruptly stopped working.
The boys, Jennie and I, were studying together, and they seemed to catch on to what was happening, quickly returning to their own notebooks in an attempt to feign ignorance.
I continued flipping pages and applying sticky notes as if nothing had happened, contemplating the idea of matching values.
Rosé was the type of person who couldn't do casual dating, and if she was in a long-term relationship, she would probably be thinking about settling down. That meant it was crucial for her to choose someone who wouldn't make things difficult for her.
"The angel has a really mature way of looking at things, huh?" one of the other boys commented.
"Well, I think Rosé has a point," I mumbled. When everyone turned to look at me, I gave a strained smile. "It would be tough to spend time with someone whose values don't align with yours. Everyone wants to have someone by their side who accepts them, right? Even if you tried to get along with someone who had different values, it would eventually put too much stress on the relationship, and you'd end up breaking up. So, logically speaking, it's better to take that into account from the start."
Things would be even worse if your partner couldn't handle different opinions. The resulting stress would definitely put a strain on the relationship. So when it comes to dating someone with incompatible beliefs, it's best not to even bother.
"You've got quite a strict way of thinking... I can't even imagine what your type is, Y/N."
I shrugged. "Well, like everyone else, I prefer someone kind."
"That's such a vague answer! Don't you have any other criteria?"
"I don't know what else to say," I replied. "...Assuming that I get along with her, I guess I'd like a girl who's gentle and sensible."
"By that standard, you would like most girls."
"Oh, come on. Do you have a problem with that?"
"It's not that I have a problem, but it just feels like a very common opinion."
"...Alright, how about I say that whoever I fall for will be my preferred type? Whoever I like at that moment becomes my type."
I was afraid that if I gave too many specifics, it would reveal who I liked, so I kept my answers as vague as possible to avoid arousing any suspicion. From behind me, I heard someone let out a small giggle.
"What an unexpectedly sweet thing to say."
My body tensed at the sound of a familiar voice.
I wanted to ask her why she came over and what exactly she heard, but it wasn't really strange for Rosé to join our group, and it was understandable that she overheard what I said once she got close. So, I decided to keep my protests to myself.
Maintaining a poker face to hide my feelings, I didn't even glance in Rosé's direction as I responded, "Sorry."
I knew that being so blunt with the class angel didn't leave a good impression, but since I already had a reputation for being unsociable, no one seemed particularly surprised.
"Rosé..."
"I'm sorry for showing up so late. I haven't been able to come over here much, but...are there any parts that you're having trouble understanding?"
Rosé had finally finished up on the other side of the room and made her way over to check on our group. She sounded genuinely apologetic. I didn't know if she was standing next to me on purpose or not, but it wasn't good for my heart.
After the boys exchanged glances, one of them spoke up, looking sheepish.
"Uh, actually, we got Y/N to tutor us. We should be the ones apologizing for joining your study session so suddenly."
"Oh, no, it's all good. It's my fault, really, for agreeing to tutor so many people without considering how much I can handle. I just couldn't keep up with everyone. But I'm relieved to hear that you got help from Y/N." Rosé gave me a friendly smile and added, "Studying is one of Y/N's strong points."
I felt extremely uncomfortable, but I didn't show it. "I am honored by the compliment," I replied stoically.
Immediately after saying it, I looked up apologetically at Rosé, worried that my comment might have sounded sarcastic. But Rosé met my eyes with a smile and an affectionate look, as if to say that she understood everything.
"Y/N is very helpful and good at teaching, you know," Rosé insisted.
"I...uh...I wouldn't really say that," I stammered.
"Oh, and what would you call this? Plus, it's easy to see the way you support Lisa and Jia-ah too. You may act cold, but you're always looking out for them, right? You lend a hand as soon as you see someone in trouble."
I scowled when she said it was "easy to see" me doing that, with such a gentle expression on her face.
Rosé did occasionally compliment me, but I never expected her to say something like that or praise me in a place like this. My eyes began to nervously dart around the room.
"She's blushing, she's blushing!" Jennie teased.
"Come on, Jendeuk... Supporting your friends is totally normal," I retorted.
Rosé smiled warmly at me. "I'm glad it's become a normal thing for you."
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and turned away.
Under the desk, Jennie lightly kicked me with the toe of her shoe, as if urging me on towards something.
As the study session came to an end, I gently rolled my shoulders to relieve the stiffness that had built up over time.
Rosé was looking at me with her usual smile and a hint of deep affection - it was a look that only someone close to her would recognize. Jennie had noticed and started pestering me secretly under the desk again. The boys in our study group had also gotten used to my presence and chatted openly with me.
For better or worse, I was exhausted. It was great to have made some friendly acquaintances, but it was somewhat challenging to do anything with Rosé around.
The other boys had finished studying too and returned the copies of my notes, promising candy and junk food as a way to repay me for the help.
Some of our classmates had left halfway through, either because they had other things to do or because they found the study session too intense. So, I secretly admired the ones who stayed for their dedication.
"Sorry for making you wait. And after you helped me out too." Rosé stayed until the very end, cleaning and tidying the classroom, and returning the key to the office. Some classmates had asked if she wanted to go home together, but as the organizer, she had various tasks to finish up.
She firmly refused their offers and was about to stay behind alone until I stepped in. I told her that we had all used the classroom together, and it wouldn't be safe for her to go home alone late at night. So, I decided to stay with her.
I wished that Jennie and Lisa had stayed behind too. I felt a slight frustration towards my friends who had thoughtlessly left earlier as Rosé and I walked down the deserted hallways together.
"You always take your studies seriously, Y/N. You seem even more motivated for this round of exams than before."
"Yeah, I guess. I've been thinking I should put more effort into certain things."
I intended to give my best in both studying and exercising. Since there weren't many people around at the moment, and I had a good reason to be with Rosé, I stayed by her side. But deep down, I wanted to become someone who could be with her without needing a reason and not worry about what others would say.
Rosé, who I was sure had no idea about the deeper reasons behind my efforts, smiled at me and said, "How admirable." We had just reached the entry hall, and she turned to look around. "The sun's already gone down, huh?"
"Yep, it sure has," I agreed.
I noticed her gaze on me.
She wasn't wearing her usual angelic smile, but rather a more intimate and slightly expectant one that she often showed me when we were alone together.
I hesitated for a moment, unsure of what Rosé wanted. But based on our previous conversations, I managed to guess what she was thinking and put on a slight smile.
"It's getting late, so I'll walk you home."
Clearly, I guessed correctly because Rosé's cheeks flushed slightly, turning the color of roses, and her lips curled up into a gentle smile.
"Thank you for being so thoughtful," she said. "It's very kind of you."
"Are you making fun of me? You basically just told me what to do..." I muttered quietly.
"Heh-heh."
Apparently, Rosé heard what I said, and she crinkled her eyes as if she found it funny. "You dummy," she teased, before changing her shoes and heading out the front door. Since we were supposed to walk together, I slowed down to match Rosé's pace and let out a deliberate sigh.
...I bet it's pretty obvious.
It was clear that I had stayed behind so late to wait for Rosé, so she wouldn't have to go home alone.
However, it wasn't ideal for us to be alone together in public, so I had intended to walk behind or ahead of her, not side by side. But now that she had anticipated it and manipulated me into escorting her, there was no way I could say no to her.
"...You're a... pretty girl, Rosie, so you shouldn't go home too late, you know."
"How kind of you to say so. Usually, I manage to get home safely, and today I have you with me, Y/N, so I feel extra safe."
"...Indeed."
In the dimly lit streets, Rosie's smile appeared even brighter than the unreliable streetlights themselves, and I quickly averted my eyes to avoid being dazzled.