SUMMARY: When Sylvie asks Mobius what he wants, he ends up admitting the truth about WHO he wants.
[S2 spoilers, Angsty and a pretty long fic]
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Loki's absence struck a strange chord with Mobius. His time at the TVA had largely been focused on researching and monitoring that particular variant, and so to not have him here was odd. Who knew he would actually form a beautiful friendship with the god himself, and end up being more attached to him than he has ever been. All the times they shared together meant so much to the agent even if he doesn't show or say it. He watched the god of mischief grow into the person he was supposed to be, creating a new name for himself.
If Mobius was being honest, he could imagine Loki being part of his future, fighting alongside him until the end. He knew the Asgardian had so much purpose and potential to be something better. At the end of the day, that faith came true as he watched Loki bear the weight of the timelines as they returned to life in his hands and then fading away to a place Mobius would likely never see again. As fate would have it, that was the last time he laid eyes on Loki, and it may well have been the last time he ever would.
Thoughts were running through his head, the absolute guilt he felt watching him slip through his fingers. They didn't even have a proper goodbye which made Mobius wonder how long Loki had been planning his sacrifice and how he wished he had notice beforehand. No consolation could help the grieving man and even as he sat beside Sylvie in the bar which she invited him to, he couldn't actually enjoy anything.
The taste of his fries were bland, the alcohol in his hand was bitter and the cheerful music playing through the speakers was simply just a background distraction to Mobius. Clearly he was not doing good and Sylvie could see it.
"Hey, you good?" She asked with a soft tone.
"I'm surviving. I'm alright." Clearly lying through his teeth as he took another sip from his glass.
Sylvie shook her head knowing Mobius was lying, "What's wrong? Look, we should celebrate this, Mobius. For Loki, for everybody. Here you are, looking glum with a sad thunder cloud above you."
"Sad thunder cloud? That's funny because the weather seems to be a hot sunny one considering I'm sweating a lot over here. Did you know, Ohio can be scorching hot sometimes?" Mobius was clearly changing the topic which he loves to do so often. Sylvie caught that out and sighed, only wanting to help out her friend.
She got the bartender to bring them more drinks in hopes he will eventually be drunk enough to confide in her and slowly she was seeing progress. "I know I'm not ideally someone you would want to get advice from, I have my own stuff that I need sorted out but I think I can try. In my time on here, I've learned to be quite a good listener."
"It's nothing, seriously. And you know what, you're right. We should be celebrating at our win. Tell your friend to get us more drinks, yeah."
"No, I don't think Loki would want to see you celebrating like this. Not like this." When she said that, she realized the way Mobius reacted. The way he shut his eyes for a few seconds as his hands turned into a fist. She started connecting the dots and found a way to engage with her friend.
"What do you want, Mobius?" She asked him the exact question she had asked Loki when he was the one opposite her at the bar. She found that question a great ice breaker and probably a good way to help someone figure out their shit. She was hoping Mobius could figure his.
The man shrugged, already looking drunk as he rested his head on his hand. "I don't know. I could really use for another one of this drink."
"You had enough, now tell me, what do you want? What you really want?"
"Pfft, a jet-ski maybe? Cruising down the waves as the wind blows into my face. Perfect holiday activity."
"If that's what you really wanted you would've done it already so tell me, what's that one selfish thing you want, what your heart desires?"
Mobius was growing weary, his heart racing. Granted, the alcohol could have contributed to it, it was more likely due to Sylvie slowly getting through to him. In his mind, he had a general idea of what he needed to say. What he desired. Who he desired.
His response was getting defensive and his tone had gone deeper, "I don't want anything, okay."
"Lies, try again. Tell me."
"No."
"Again."
"Just drop it."
"What do you want, Mobius?"
"I just want to end this conversation, go back home and hope I can somehow go back in time and restart everything again! So stop asking!"
Mobius snapped and watched as a smile creeped onto Sylvie's face. She knew that he had successfully gotten under his skin, prompting him to bury his face in his hands in defeat. Despite feeling vulnerable, he had this urge to just pour everything to Sylvie, seeing as she's right there waiting for him to talk. He knew it might be better for him not to bottle it up anymore and confide in somebody.
It took awhile before he was able to get his head out of his hands and start talking. "I'm sorry for raising my voice. Didn't mean for that to happen."
"It's okay. I'm sorry if you really didn't want to talk about it. It's alright if you..." Mobius cuts her off, his face now looking at her direction.
"No, I was just hoping I could have my issues bottled up and then later on in my life I would slowly open them up one by one and figure it all myself but I guess that would also be unhealthy too, right?"
The Loki variant smiled, nodding her head in agreement, "You said you wanted to go back and restart everything. What does that mean?"
"I wished there was another way. Another way where Loki wasn't the one who left. I still don't understand it, why did he do that? There was no reason for him to do so and yet he just ran out there as if he knew that was what he was supposed to do."
"I think we all wished it was different. I was as confused as you but I think we all knew at the end of the day, there was nothing that was going to stop Loki."
"I could've stopped him. I knew there was something off about him for awhile. If I had just done something earlier maybe he wouldn't have left. I don't understand, I thought he was happier now I don't know why he felt this need to sacrifice himself."
Sylvie was starting to notice a pattern. It was Loki leaving that seemed to bother Mobius. Starting to understand the situation, she wanted to be straightforward and ask him a direct question.
"Would it be a far fetch theory for me to assume that what you really want is Loki back?"
The man didn't answer but his silence spoke volumes. As his eyes watered and his throat tightened up, his deepest desires were finally coming to light and both Sylvie and Mobius could see it. He simply wanted the only person with whom he felt happy to return. Even though he might have felt a slight pang of jealousy each time Loki and Sylvie interacted, he was always grateful that the god chose to spend most of his time by his side. Loki's voice, his touches, seeing his little movements, and his smell always brought comfort throughout the storm within. Now that he has left, it feels like the storm is worsening and everything was falling apart.
"Do you love him?" Sylvie finally asked the burning question that she has been holding back.
"Do you love him?" Mobius shot back.
"Yes, I do. Not in the sense of starting a future and sharing every moment with one another. No, not in that way. I used to be confused about my feelings for Loki, but I now understand that instead of romantic love, I instead felt admiration and respect. After I left to create a new life for myself, I knew I had never truly liked Loki romantically and I had stopped thinking about him within the first few days of my new job. I realized that what I really wanted was the family I had found through my work. Sounds mundane but I still manage to find excitement and happiness through the connections I made. That was what I told myself. What I really want." She took the time to share her own experience and also use it to assure Mobius who was starting to perk up and listen attentively, though his eyes looked heavy and tired.
She then added, "Now, how about you? Do you love Loki? I'm sure you've had time to think about it since this probably isn't something new, right?"
She was right, although this was the first time Mobius had a personal conversation about him, this was definitely not something new. He always had a soft spot for Loki. This was the Loki he followed up heavily on and the one he grew attached to. When he got the chance to save his life for the first time, he immediately took the chance. From then, nothing but love blossomed. What Mobius was having a hard time with was whether that love was something he wanted to chase after. It's not usual for him to get romantically attached to anybody so for him to discover this newfound love for Loki was confusing.
Now, it was clear as day how he felt for him and it even seems like Sylvie was giving him a green light to voice those feelings out.
"How did you figure it out?"
"How did I figure what out?"
"How did you figure out that I have already been thinking about it even before today?"
"It's obvious, Mobius. I think all of us could see it except for the two of you. The way both of you follow each other around and despite being annoyed at each other, deep down, you two secretly liked it. Deep down, you wanted Loki to choose you every time. That he did."
When Mobius heard this, his emotions welled up inside him. He recalled the times when Loki would playfully tease the agent for repeatedly listening to the same slow tunes, but would softly hum them himself, bringing a endearing smile to Mobius' face. Or the times when the god of mischief would get frustrated with the man and walk away, but he would inevitably return and sit quietly next to him because he simply couldn't remain angry. Mobius knew this. He understood.
Reflecting on the fond memories he shared with Loki, Mobius ends up admitting his true feelings about him. "I never acknowledged that feeling because I never thought anything could happen between me and him," he explained. "I mean, how could a god like him fall for a washed-up TVA agent like me. There was no future for us. What makes my feelings special?"
Sylvie retorted, "Because you were his first true love, and thus he was yours. That's what made it special. Love so strong, he would've searched every timeline for your existence and cross realities for you, I'm sure about that."
"If that's the case, then why isn't he here yet?"
"I don't know, Mobius. Maybe he's trying to, you'll never know."
A long exhale escaped the man's lungs as he expressed his fatigue. He wanted to believe Sylvie's words were true but knew that it was wishful thinking, his heart still clinging to the prospect of Loki returning to him. He slowly then looked up at Sylvie with a faint smile, his optimism growing despite all odds.
"Do you think he's listening to us at this very moment?"
"I hope so." She replies.
The conversation came to a closure and they took their last sips. The two shook hands before they separated, Sylvie leaving through a time door. Mobius loitered outside the bar at a dark alley to take in the cold air at night, smoke coming out of his mouth as he breathe out heavily. He was reluctant on going back to the TVA or his original timeline. All he wanted was to feel time flow through him and maybe have some time alone.
Maybe he just wants to be alone with Loki. He cast his gaze into the sky, pretending that the god might be up in one of them although he knows he's probably beyond it all. As though he was speaking to the deity directly, he softly muttered his desires to the stars.
"You know, you've been one hell of a ride. Even before you knew me, I was already invested in your life, studied up on you just so I could understand you a bit better. I just didn't know what kind of attachment I would have on ya," He speaks as the stars above twinkle so brightly as if it hears him. "I mean Ravonna is right, I do have a thing for soft spots. I just think that soft spot meant you and only you. I just wish you knew that despite my grumpy demeanor, never once in my time with you has it ever been boring or dull. I felt the happiest with ya and I hope you felt the same way."
While the anguish in his heart remained, speaking to himself allowed some of it to escape. He chose to head home, retrieving the TemPad from his pockets. Suddenly, he heard an awfully familiar voice call out to him which seemed to radiate from somewhere behind him.
As he swiftly turned to face the figure standing before him, it was just as Mobius had known it would be. The man was tall, dressed different, but still undeniably Loki.
"Oh god. Loki..."
Mobius didn't hesitate to approach and as he drew near, he instinctively opened his arms to embrace the god as he was once so accustomed to doing. But as he tried to wrap his arms around him, Loki passed through, as if he was made of smoke. Neither of them could feel the other and a flood of tears began to run down Mobius' cheeks.
"W..what is this? How..why are you? I'm.." The poor agent was lost for words as he soon discovers that Loki was simply a projection but at this point, he would take anything rather than being apart from him. Many questions ran through his head and he needed them answered.
"I assure you I can answer everything. Stay calm, Mobius."
"Is this really you?"
"Yes. It's me. I'm sorry you have to see me like this but I had to do something especially after...after your talk with Sylvie."
Mobius was starting to realize, "So you were listening to us, watching over us. She was right."
Loki nodded, smiling dearly at his best friend. He has been watching over Mobius all this time while he had the timelines together. He listened to every heartbeat, watched every step he took. And when he saw Mobius practically pouring his heart out to Sylvie about him, he knew he had to do something. Trapped in his own prison, Loki was overwhelmed by emotional pain. Having also felt similarly about Mobius, he found himself in a constant state of yearning, longing for something out of his reach. At the same time, he was the most powerful being to exist. If he put his mind to it, he could do whatever he wants. His mind was what restricted him and keeping himself locked up. Soon, Loki managed to hone his powers and eventually projected himself on the timeline Mobius was in, which is where they are now.
Unfortunately, Loki hadn't fully perfected his ability to travel across timelines which prohibited him from physically touching Mobius. While the two were close in proximity, they were still worlds apart in that Loki could never touch or feel him.
The god could only cry out, using this as an opportunity to let Mobius know how he felt. "My time up there has been terrifyingly boring without you, Moby," He uses the nickname he gave Mobius as a form of teasing but really, was secretly a form of endearment to him. "I can't stop watching you, thinking of you. There is not one timeline where we were together and it pains me because I can't literally even see a life together for us even if I wanted to. It was torture, Mobius. Then, I heard you speak and it felt like you were there with me. I felt your breathe against me and I knew I had to find a way down. I love you, Mobius."
Love was a word that Loki seldom utilized in his day-to-day life but Mobius knew that all too well. Upon hearing Loki speak those three words aloud, the man was deeply moved. Although he was delighted to see the god, he was also frustrated that he could not embrace him wholly in that moment. To be physically close to someone yet so far apart, it made him mad knowing that his friend would soon disappear again.
"Was there no other way? Did you have to leave me?"
"It was a complicated issue. I spent centuries figuring it out and what I did was the only way I could see everyone happy and safe. I did it so I could keep you safe."
"I won't ever forgive you for leaving. I can't...I can't even feel you right now. I can't feel you."
Loki gazed at Mobius with sympathy and affection. He was aware that physical touch was one of the TVA agent's primary love languages, and Mobius would secretly cherish the god's slight touches that was a way to gain his attention but to also, really put his scent on him like a pet, wanting everything about Loki to be on his friend. The Asgardian recalled a time he once treated his wounds when Mobius had injured his back, and was reminded of the healing massage his mother, Frigga, used to perform on him and Thor after they had sustained injuries. Although the massage itself was comforting, Loki's touch created a profound effect on Mobius and the god swore he heard a disappointing groan come out of the man when Loki had taken his hands away.
But rather than trying to think so much of what he doesn't have, Mobius decides to pour his heart out to Loki, wanting to make sure he hears and listens every word he says.
"To think I was the one who helped you when really, it's probably the other way around. In the TVA, there's no comfort. You don't get that. For what seemed like forever, I never felt a single romantic attachment to anyone. We just treated each other like family and colleagues, you know? And then it turns out my whole life is a lie and there wasn't a single consoling fact for me to cling onto except for you. The minute you showed up, I saw how I was capable of being in love and to give love. The romantic storylines I would see on shows and fiction weren't so hard to relate to anymore and I would think of you all the time."
"Did you not say the TVA was the only life you've ever known? That you liked it there?"
"Guess why."
A soft smile formed on Loki's face as he considered the impact of his existence. It brought him joy that he had made a meaningful contribution to Mobius' life, when he assumed that no one would even dare associate themselves with him. Before Mobius, he was consumed by the destruction he sowed wherever he went. However, his friendship with the TVA agent had instilled a new sense of purpose and direction within Loki's soul. In fact, he didn't wish to sever his ties with Mobius, even if he had nothing to offer in return.
"Thank you. For everything. I hope you know I'm listening and you've been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I'm sorry I couldn't be by your side. I'm sorry I left." Loki speaks as he knows he's about to disappear anytime soon.
"Don't leave. Just for once. I need my best friend by my side." Mobius pleaded, his voice breaking.
"I was hoping we could be more than that."
"What?"
"More than a friend."
"Then stay. Stay and we can establish something real."
Loki bit his lips while his eyes watered. "I'm afraid I don't have time, Mobius," He felt his hands slowly vanishing, and the man noticed it too, his heart shattering once more. "I want you to know, this isn't me leaving you. I'll always be by your side. For all time."
"I have so many things I need to say to you, Loki. You can't leave just yet. You just can't!"
"I'll return. I'll be back and I'll see you again. To feel you."
Mobius looked onto the ground as he knew there was nothing he could do to stop Loki from going. Half of his body was turning transparent and there was truly no more time. He needed to say his goodbyes and let him know he's cared for. "Take care of yourself, and never forget me. Please. Come back soon."
"And if it wasn't obvious, I want you to know I love-" Not having enough time, Loki had completely disappeared into thin air, realizing he didn't get to say those 3 words back to him. How stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
He broke down in tears, the walls of the alleyway serving to support his sobbing frame. His body was frail and trembling, the pain of Loki's reciprocated feelings causing him additional anguish. It was difficult to accept the barriers the universe had created between them, both crying alone and yet together, their voices reaching to each other across every realm. However, the notion of Loki hearing his voice provided comfort, allowing him to regain control of his emotions and compose himself once more.
He looked up at the stars once more, realizing how much brighter they looked right now, knowing Loki is the reason it's shinning brilliantly. "You know what I was going to say at the end, right? I'm not going to say it now because I want you to come back so I can say it to your face. I'm not letting you forget me that easily."
He was back at where he was before Loki arrived, speaking a prayer up to the sky but this time, rather than a broken heart, there was a hint of hope and optimism. The world seemed a bit more brighter and the conversation with the god helped him find comfort again.
And so the TVA agent would head back, live out the rest of his life in the sacred timeline, knowing this is his life because of Loki and that he's forever watching over him. One thing consistent is his love for the Asgardian and that he always communicates to him everyday. But, he also finally lets a new person in his life that he loves as dearly as Loki too. He wanted a life like his variant has and unfortunately he wasn't allowed back into that life. However, it didn't stop him from trying to build one.
"Daddy! Ice cream truck!"
"Hey! Watch out, you have got to stay by my side all the time, okay?" Mobius picks his adopted child and carries her so she was able to see the different ice cream they had, selecting one for herself and one for her dad.
Mobius had made the decision to take custody of a orphan baby, showering her with love and care while also watching her grow. They spent all their time together, ate ice cream, drove around the park, watched her turn 13 and all the things a father would have with their daughters. And every time Mobius was able to tuck her to bed, he would tell her the same bed time story that was from the bottom of his heart. It was short and simple, but it was straight forward and beautiful.
"There once was a man in your father's life. He was a silly god who played silly pranks. He was a sad god. He was a scared god. Everyone was afraid of him, but your father wasn't. Daddy and him had a lot of fun! We went on time adventures, meeting new people, seeing new things. At the end of the day, the silly god became a nice god and Daddy was happy. Daddy fell in love but the silly god decided to go on a new adventure alone and so Daddy is waiting for him to come back from his adventure. Speak to him whenever you feel upset or hurt, he will listen and he will love you from wherever he is. Silly god loves us."
The story never fails to put his daughter to sleep and for some reason, she never questions his story. She lets it ring through her head like a soothing melody and doze off to sleep.
Mobius would also take a brief moment to wish Loki a good night's sleep, making it a regular routine. For night after night, day after day, he couldn't stop hoping for the God of Mischief's return. As adversity befell him, he would cling to a sliver of hope, using it as a motivation to persevere in the most trying of times.
He pushes and pushes and pushes. Even as he laid on the hospital bed, old and weak, he kept on pushing. His daughter, who was now older, was clutching his hands in despair, reciting the bed-time story about the silly god and how she wished he was real. Mobius could only smile, knowing that he was in fact real and that he was coming very soon.
Even when the pain started hitting him at night and breaths were harder to take in now, behind his closed eyes would be the vision of a life between the two star-crossed lovers, a life that should've been theirs. He knew his time was coming to an end and still, he believed whole heartedly he was going to see him again.
Maybe he had forgotten? Maybe something happened. A plethora of thoughts now occupied his mind, as if attempting to awaken him from his delusions and convince him of Loki's absence. He strongly refused the notion, refusing to believe that Loki would ever lie to him. Now, his heart was wounded the most, tears streaming down his face. The hopelessness overwhelmed him and he felt a deep desire to let go completely.
That's until he felt a cold touch against his hands and for a second he assumed it was his daughter but when he slowly turned his head on the hospital bed to the left, that's when he finally saw the person he has been waiting for all these times. His eyes were now clouded with his tears and his hands reached out for the person.
"Hello again, my friend." Loki spoke out, his words laced with a tinge of anguish as he strove to conceal his feelings. Despite his best efforts, it was apparent to Mobius that the god was distraught, his voice breaking and his eyes reddened from tears. Loki silently observed his beloved in the bed, unable to utter any more words and his body growing ever weaker.
"What a weak mortal. You couldn't have stayed for a bit more longer?"
Mobius continued to weep, his heart breaking at the thought of Loki finally returning to him although he had arrived much too late. As he grasped the God of Mischief's hands, but was too drained out of energy to hold it tightly. However, Loki took control of the situation and kissed his hands lovingly, trying not to cry all over him.
"L..Lok..i." He called out frailly.
"I'm here. I'm here."
"You're....late."
"I tried my best, okay. It took me eons to finally place myself on the timeline physically but I did it, Mobius. I did it for you. I heard everything you said, I heard the things your daughter tells me. She talks to me too."
"W..what did...she say?"
"She talks about you all the time and tells me that she thinks you're a little crazy but she loves you and she hopes that I'm real."
It made Mobius chuckle a little which ends up being a cough and Loki had to pat him down to soothe him. He started massaging his arms just like how he likes it and Loki couldn't help but sob harder as he remembered the massages he has done for Mobius back in the TVA. He remembers everything as clear as day.
"I'm...g..going to be..leaving soon. Goodbye...silly god."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Loki was vulnerable but at this point, nothing else mattered. He brought his head down and cried into Mobius' chest, the old man slowly patting him to alleviate him.
"D..don't cry." His voice still as reassuring as before. "I...l..love..you."
"I love you too, Mobius. You hear me? I love you too."
Mobius was getting too weak to talk now and he could only simply pat him. The god however, finished his crying and looked into the eyes of his lover. "You can go now. I want you to go knowing this isn't the end. I'll find you again, Mobius. And I'll keep finding you again and again for eternity. I promise you, you will be loved."
Enveloped in an unmatched sense of tranquility and calmness, Mobius decided to surrender to the embraces of death. Yet, before yielding to the void's sweet embrace, he utilized his remaining vigor to deliver a final message to Loki, hoping that his beloved would hear and understand him completely.
"I w..wish..I fou..found you..sooner, Loki." With that, he took his last breathe, making sure the last person he saw was his silly god and was taken away. The heart monitor turned flat and it rang continuously, alerting the doctors and nurses. Before Loki could leave, he planted a kiss on Mobius' cheek, then disappearing for good.
-
"Seriously? The beach?"
"What? You said you wanted a date and you weren't picking anything so I chose it myself instead."
"Whatever."
"Are you mad at me, Loki?"
The god looks at the man, and he obviously couldn't stay mad. Mobius stood there smiling wide, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and pants that was fit for the beach.
"I'm not mad, Mobius. I can't stay mad."
"You know, you never told me what happened with future me or maybe the other guy who you tried to see. Seems like he's making you a bit too soft now."
Loki joked, "You jealous?"
"No I'm not jealous. Can't get jealous of myself, can I?"
"Relax, I'm here now am I not?" Loki slowly takes a bold approach and intertwining his hand with Mobius' as they walked, earning a sheepish smile from him. "You're going to grow tired of me, anyways."
"Eh, I'm already tired of you but I could never seem to pull myself away from ya."
The two both giggled into the sunset, still not letting go of each other's hands.
"I'm just glad you're back again. Thanks for staying with me. Now which jet-ski? The blue or green one? Actually, never mind let's just get the green one."
"Whatever you wish for, silly mortal."