The weekend was too short as usual. Ari and I were back to normal so I was happy overall. Before I knew it a couple of weeks passed, Tyler and I presented on our circle of Hell which meant it was no longer really kosher for us to hang out. I actually missed hanging out with him in the library.
I tried not to think about it and focus on the next three weeks. Elle's party and winter vacation were finally here. I had gotten to know Jensen well enough that I felt comfortable inviting her to the party. She was more than willing to accept the invitation. That left me with four open spots. I told Ari and Aaron that they were more than welcome to help me fill those slots.
I invited Jensen over Elle's to get ready for the party. The theme was the eighties. We had to enlist Mrs. Evans help to tease our hair high enough. I found a neon yellow tutu and paired it with blue tights and a pink crop top. Elle went for more of the Madonna look. Jensen wore a pink tutu and paired it with yellow tights and blue crop top. We looked like twins.
I left the room as the girls were putting the finishing touches on their looks.
I knocked on Ari's door. I had to keep myself from laughing as I looked at Ari's idea of the eighties. He had gone for the hair band look. His tight leather pants were something to be seen for sure.
"You like, Gorgeous?"
I just nodded. He pulled me in and held me to him.
"You ready for tonight, Ari?"
"Yep."
I pulled him along with me and we got the others. I was happy that Ari and Elle had really taken a liking to Jensen. I had yet to meet her other friends but she seemed to enjoy hanging out with me and mine. Plus, I still thought she and Declan had a thing for one another.
We all walked into The Garage and it was packed, just like Elle envisioned it. For someone who wasn't into crowds and loved being labeled a loner, Elle's smile was lighting up the room seeing everyone there for her party. The crowd instantly started singing happy birthday to Elle when they saw her enter. She held on to Aaron and me as we made our way through the crowd. I made the rounds with her after looking to make sure Ari and Jensen were taken care of. Jensen started hugging and talking with a group of girls that looked like they had stepped out of a Molly Ringwald Movie. Ari had found his way over to Reese and Ryan.
Everyone kept saying, "Happy Birthday Elle! Hey Alex!"
I was surprised that anyone, much less almost all of the one-hundred and fifty people here, knew my name.
Elle kept using their names when she said hi back and it felt like that was partially for my benefit. There was no way I knew them all and she knew that. I recognized a lot of their faces from the classes we had together. That made me feel a little less like a freak.
We stopped for a moment so Elle could hug the neck of a guy. I looked at him, trying to place where I had seen him before. A moment later, Brenna had her tongue down his throat and I remembered that it was the new guy she was seeing, Nick or Dick or Rick or something like that.
Finally, we seemed to have said hello to everyone. It was almost time for the band to play. Elle grabbed my hand and pulled me on stage so she would not have to introduce the band alone. I wanted to vomit. I thought being the center of attention was more Brenna's thing, but here Elle was, loving the limelight. Being stared at by this many people made me sweat in places that should not be sweaty and I was starting to get blurred vision from the panic attack that was starting in my stomach.
The Deejay cut the music so we could speak. I squeezed her hand signaling her to talk. She beamed and started speaking.
"How is everyone enjoying my party?"
A roar emitted from the crowd and I saw Elle smile.
"Great. So who wants to hear Running With Scissors?"
Another roar.
"Well here they are! Have fun everyone!"
She handed the microphone over to her sister and we bounced off the stage.
I might not like Brenna but damn she had some pipes on her. The air was electric as kids started dancing and singing along with the song. I spotted Ari and headed over to him. He engulfed me in a bear hug and asked me to dance.
...
I was more than happy to go home when Dylan suggested it at one in the morning. Dad knew I would crash at Elle's or the cousins' so I technically did not have a curfew tonight. It was just Dylan and I heading back though. They had the venue until two. Ari kissed me good night and I headed out to Dylan's truck.
"Did you have fun tonight Cuz?"
"Yeah it was cool." I sighed slightly and Dylan could tell something was wrong.
"What is it Lex?"
"Nothing."
"Come on, tell me."
"I just feel like tonight was a big blur. There were all of these smiling faces in my face tonight and I recognized them but I don't think I've spoken two words to most of them. I feel like an introverted freak sometimes."
"You still feel like you need to make more friends?"
I looked puzzled over at him, "How did you know about that?"
"Small clique Lex."
"Oh, yeah."
"Well winter break starts Monday so you have two whole weeks to get out and get to know Toronto."
"But Dill two weeks here and two weeks there and I am still in the same spot. I am still just your cousin or Ari's girlfriend or the extra Harrison."
"So get out and join a club when school starts. They have a big fair where they try to get everyone to join something for the second semester."
"You know you might have something there."
"I'm awesome. What can I say?"
I laughed and he pulled into the driveway. I schlepped up to Laura's room and fell asleep soon on her spare bed.
...
School was finally out for Winter Break. I was more than ready to get to finally explore Toronto and hang out with my family. It had been a couple of days since the party and I had not seen much of people. I walked over to see my cousins right after breakfast. Dylan answered the door and welcomed me in. All three of my cousins were watching a bad reality television show. I sat in between the boys. Laura smiled over at me.
"Have you checked in on Ari today?"
I cocked my eyebrow, "Uh, not really? I mean I texted him 'Good Morning' but he hasn't texted me back."
She grimaced slightly before adding, "Today is the anniversary of when his mom died."
I jumped up. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah two days after Elle's birthday and a month before Jake's."
I was out the door as soon as I could. I rushed over to Ari's.
Elle answered the door. She looked worried.
"How is he?"
"I wasn't sure if you knew what today was."
"Laura just told me. Is he in his room?"
"Yeah."
I started that way but Elle stopped me. "Be careful, he is kind of a wreck. He gets depressed pretty bad this time of year. I was surprised it hadn't hit yet. I was hoping it wouldn't with you being here this year but yesterday I could tell something was off and then this morning he's basically refused to even get out of bed."
I nodded and hurried upstairs knocking on Ari's door as soon as I reached the top.
No answer.
I knocked again and then let myself in.
I crawled in bed next to him and when he registered that it was me, he wrapped an arm across me before shutting his eyes again.
We spent the next two days secluded from the world. Ari would come after my dad had left and lay with me on the couch. He would sleep for hours in my arms. I had never seen him so sullen and unanimated.
Elle told me the old nightmares about his mom dying had returned and he had just slipped into a slump. This was more than a slump and I knew it. I tried to figure out what about this anniversary had triggered such depression.
I mean we had virtually no drama at the moment, friends at our beckoning call, and a relationship that was going amazing. I couldn't see what he had to be depressed about. It had been years since his mom had died. I knew it meant he would be sad on the day of but I was surprised that it was lingering this long and I didn't know what to do or how to help.
On the third day, Ari didn't show up. I called and didn't get an answer.
I called Elle to see if she could go check and see what the hold up was.
"He's not here Alex." I could hear the silence filling the void even over the phone.
"Elle, what's going on?"
She breathed in heavily before saying, "My parents are taking him to the hospital. They're worried about him. I heard my dad call it a 5150."
The country singer Dierks Bentley had a song about that. It was a song about needing to call the cops because he was going crazy.
That made me nervous. "Is he sick?" I didn't know how to express what kind of sickness I meant.
She was quiet for a moment before saying, "I don't think he's physically ill but mentally I don't think he's doing great right now."
I felt the familiar tightening my chest.
A panic attack was trying to break through.
"He was great at your party Elle. I mean I know he's had a rough few days but... "
"I don't want to get into what's been going on over here, Alex. That's for Ari to talk about when he's ready. But I think he might be there for a while."
"In the hospital? Can I go see him? Is he taking visitors?"
I knew I sounded stupid. It wasn't like he broke his leg and would be wanting company to pass the time until he could come home.
There was a long pause on the other end of the line and I knew I had my answer. I just told Elle I had to go.
5150...
He was on a 72 hour hold. At least that long. I started looking up everything I could about it. Nothing made sense though. Ari was a little moody, and got into funks, but this was a new level. I felt so helpless.
All I wanted was my Momma Jordan or Elyse. Someone who could hold me together so that I didn't crumble into pieces.
I walked over to my cousins' and rang the doorbell.
The person I needed at that moment was luckily who answered. Aunt Claire took one look at my face and pulled me in for a hug. She might not be my mom but she was the mom I needed at that moment and she knew it.