Katie POV-
"Just check it! I'm sure you did fine. You at least passed." Luke said. I stared down at my laptop about to look up the grades for my finals. I felt a nervous pang. Even though I made it through both finals and I felt more confident, there was still that anxious nervous feeling behind it. Currently we were sitting in my room and he kept trying to convince me to look at my grade for the past half hour. Teachers said they would have it in by the end of the week. Now school was out and I didn't want to think about it anymore, but I wanted to know how I did.
"But usually when I feel confident, that means I failed. Every time I feel confident in a test I fail." I told him and ran a hand through my hair. It was the truth. For some reason when I felt really confident in a test, I somehow ended up failing. I groaned and then pushed the computer closer to him. "You look for me." He rolled his eyes, "You're such a baby!"
"That's mean," I said and kicked him with my foot. He whined and then scrolled through my laptop. I told him my information and he put it into the program he opened and said, "Biology- 95%, English- 98%, Algebra- 88%, History- 85%." My mouth fell open. "No way. I've never gotten higher than a 80% in math ever!" I took the computer back and looked to make sure he wasn't lying. He was telling the truth. There in bright blue, were the numbers 88% and 85%, next to their respective classes. I thought I could cry. I laid back on my bed and screamed. A good scream. A few seconds later my dad was running down the hallway and bursting through my door. He was holding a tooth brush in his hand looking like he was ready to bash somebody's head in. "What happened?" He asked holding it out in front of him towards us.
"Nothing!" I started, "Well not nothing! I did good on my finals." I told him and he took a breath of relief. "Jesus Katie, I thought there was a murderer in here. Let me see though." He said and I signaled him over to look at the computer. Luke moved closer to me so that my dad had room to look. My dad whipped his hand on his shirt and put the toothbrush in his mouth while he looked. He scrolled and nodded his head. He stood back up and took the toothbrush back out of his mouth. "Great. I'm very proud of you!" He told me and then smiled. He came on the other side closer to me and hugged me. I gripped him tight looking up at him. I was happy I had my dad in my life. He was the best parent in the world, no matter what. He let go and nodded and went to finish getting himself ready.
I went back and sat next to Luke on the bed and we stayed quiet for a bit. Luke was sitting just typing away on his phone. I wondered what he was doing. I went to grab it, but then he pushed me off. "Why can't I see it?" I asked him and then pouted.
"Because. It's not ready." He said and I scoffed. "What are you even doing?" I asked him and he pushed me back to my side. "I'm writing down song lyric ideas actually." He ran a hand through his blond hair and looked at me. "Really?" I asked him and he nodded.
"Yeah. I haven't done it much lately. I just hadn't really had motivation, but it's come back to me in bits and pieces. Now if I could just write a whole song, that would be great." He said sounding slightly frustrated. I shrugged. "It'll come when you least expect it." I got up and headed over to my TV stand and turned it on. I flipped through the channels and waited until something decent came on. For now it was Spongebob Squarepants. "Fun fact," I started saying as I watched the TV. "When I was a kid Spongebob used to give me nightmares."
Luke laughed and rolled his eyes, "Spongebob is pretty scary," he said sarcastically and I shoved him. Luke finally put his phone down and watched the TV with me. We were both focused on Spongebob and his crazy antics. This episode was the episode where he made a friend out of bubbles. "I tried that when I was a kid." I said out loud not meaning too.
"You did?" Luke asked me and laughed a little. I nodded, "Yeah. I didn't have friends, so I thought I could make one out of bubbles like Spongebob did, but obviously it didn't work." I told him.
"Imagine having an army of bubbles," he said not focusing on the sad point of my story. "That would be pretty bad ass." He told me and I rolled my eyes. "That would be an epic fail," I told him. "They would pop at the first sign of trouble. They would literally stand there and then pop." I told him making the pop sound. "Still would be bad ass," he mumbled to himself. "Anyway," he started. "What are Katie James's plans for the summer." He asked me.
"Not much," I said and shrugged. "I plan on eating a lot of mozzarella sticks and getting really fat with Lucy." I told him and he looked at me like I was kidding.
"You don't do anything?" He asked me and I shook my head. "Dad get's really paranoid taking me places. I've never been out of the state." I told him. It was true. I had always suggested vacations to my dad, but he would start to have mini panic attacks about the worst case scenario, so that resulted in us not going anywhere. "I've tried to get him to say yes, but he gets exceptionally paranoid. I tell him to just go, and if something happens we'll be okay. It's not even so much about me having a seizure I realized. It's just everything." Luke nodded like he understood what I was saying. "What about you?" I asked him and scooted up in the bed.
"Well. Mum and I are taking two weeks in towards the end of July and going home to Australia." He told me.
"That's nice. You'll get to see your friends. What's there names again?" I asked him even though he's told me millions of times. He groaned, "Calum, Michael, and Ashton. Why are those so hard for you to remember?" He asked me and I just smiled. "YEah, I'll get to see them. I miss them sometimes." He told me and I could see he was too manly to admit his feelings. "Besides that, I'll just be at my house chilling in the pool room." He told me and my mouth fell open.
"You have a pool room?" I asked him and he nodded. "Yeah it's better that it's inside, then we can swim in it all year. Less maintenance to because the bugs and stuff." He told me and I was surprised. I didn't know he was that rich. I knew he was a little rich. I could imagine my house was tiny compared to his. "You should come by and swim with me," he told me and I shook my head. "No, no." I told him and he gave me a puzzled look.
"Why not?" He asked me.
"Because," I said still shaking my head. I didn't know if it was a good idea to tell him the truth or not. Part of me wanted to, but the other half of me didn't. He kept looking at me waiting for a legitimate answer. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave me that look. When your parent is waiting for you to do something and it's like they're counting to three in their heads, but they don't want to do it out loud. I sighed, "It's just. I'm really scared of the water." I told him and he looked at me. I sat up and brought my knees close to my chest.
"Really? How come?" He asked me.
"It's kind of just always been that way," I told him. That wasn't a complete lie right?
"Do you know how to swim?" He asked curiously. I shook my head. "Not really," I said quietly. Almost like a whisper. He stayed quiet for a few minutes. My attention was pulled to Spongebob. How did the little sponge not ever get bothered by anything? He could literally almost kill himself by doing something stupid and then the next day he could just run around like nothing happened. Then I remembered that Spongebob was a cartoon character and nothing like real life. "I could teach you." I heard Luke say and I turned my gaze to him. "What," I asked him confused on what we were even talking about.
"To swim. I could teach you to swim if you want. Then maybe you won't be so scared." He told me and I thought about it for a while. It could be nice to maybe just learn in case I ever needed it. Maybe then it could get me over my anxiety of being anywhere near a pool. Every time we went to any family event, I would always stay inside with Lucy, my fear of falling into a pool and drowning over taking me. Every one would always just look at me and they never asked questions. They knew. Maybe Luke trying to teach me wouldn't be a horrible idea. "It's not the worst idea in the world," I told him and he smiled. "Don't worry. I've been swimming since I was a baby. I can help you no problem. I used to be on the swim team back home actually." He said and I smiled back. "On one condition." I told him and he moved as close to me as he could. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and basically put his cheek on mine. "Now what is that," he asked me.
"You have to let me help you get better with dogs. Lucy is the perfect practicing dog. She won't hurt you I promise." I told him and he nodded immediately. "Alright. I trust you." He said, and that's where our summer began.
***************
The day that I was going to Luke's house came way quicker than expected. When I asked my dad to buy me a bathing suit he was completely caught off guard. I told him it was just more for the fashion than actually going in the water. I didn't feel that me swimming in a pool would go over to well with him. We ended up going to Dicks to get a speedo. My bathing suit was purple and pink. As I slipped it on I felt odd. It had been years since I even considered putting on a bathing suit. I looked at myself in the mirror in shock that this was actually happening. My phone started ringing bringing me out of my state of shock, I grabbed it and answered, "hello?" I grabbed my clothes and started getting dressed.
"Hey I'm on my way! My brother is driving, we'll honk when we're here." Luke said basically screaming in my ear.
"Okay. see you in ten." I told him and threw my shirt on quickly. We hung up and then I sat on my bed with Lucy. I pet her head slowly and tried to get over the anxiety I was feeling. Lucy put her head in my lap as the longest ten minutes of my life passed. I heard the horn honk and jumped. I took and a deep breath and then headed downstairs, with Lucy slowly trotting behind. I made sure I had everything I needed and then the house phone rang. I debated on picking it up and I decided to.
"Hello?" I said and tapped my foot anxiously.
"Hi? Katie! It's doctor Jansen!" I heard the familiar female voice say into my ear.
"Oh hey. What's up?" I asked her.
"Well I just wanted to say, I think maybe we need to try and upgrade your dose of medication. You've been doing pretty well, but we want to try to prevent the seizures all together. So I mean I was hoping to talk to your dad more, can you gave him give me a call?" She asked me. Yet again another person who treated me like a baby who didn't know anything.
"Yeah sure. I was going to text him anyway." I said. We said our goodbyes and I hung up. I just wanted to get out of this house now. I grabbed Lucy's leash and we headed out. In front I saw a big white SUV. I went over to it and opened the back seat. I pushed Lucy in first and then climbed in. In the front seat I saw Luke turn around to look at me. He smiled and said "you were taking forrrreeeesvvvvveeerr." I laughed and looked in the drivers seat. Sitting there was an older version of Luke except more built compared to Luke's lankiness(AN: probs not a word but sue me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). He turned around and I noticed he had facial hair and he was pretty attractive. "Hi I'm jack," he said and reached his hand out. I took it and shook it, "Katie," I hardly choked out. Luke rolled his eyes at me and the car started moving.
Lucy started running back and forth until she got herself comfortable. I could tell Luke was trying to avoid looking at her as much as possible. Every now and then Jack would look at Luke and then give a little frown. Jack cleared his throat and said "I'm surprised that Luke is anywhere near your dog. He won't even go near them since...."
"Jack please!" He yelled and then Jack went silent. He looked at his little brother and then back at the road. He let out a sigh and Luke laid his head on his hand. I sighed and looked at Lucy. Car rides always put her to sleep. After about 10 minutes the car stopped and I looked out the window. I'm sure my mouth had dropped down to the floor. Jack unbuckled his seat belt and said "welcome to our home." Luke snorted and got out of the car. I followed suit and tugged at Lucy to get her moving. I stared even more at Luke's house. Huge was an understatement. The house itself took up at the length of three of mine. It was a White House with glass doors. I watched as Jack practically ran inside, while I followed slowly behind Luke, taking it all in. "I have to take Lucy to the bathroom first." I said to Luke and he nodded. "She can go anywhere on the lawn it's fine." He told me and he sat in front of the front door waiting. I watched Lucy as she walked around the lawn, taking in this new territory. Once she finally relieved herself i followed Luke inside.
The inside was just as beautiful as the outside. There was hardwood floors, and wooden stairs that circled around. It was one of those old fashioned houses you'd see in movies. Where they had the chandelier in the entrance and everything else around it was beautiful. I looked around trying to stay calm about the whole thing, but I had never been somewhere so nice before. Even Lucy seemed to be dumbfounded at this big place. I followed Luke around and he gave me a tour. His living room had an old brick fireplace in it, and the walls were almost as white as the outside of the house. He showed me the kitchen which had a door that led to the outside. The backyard itself was huge. It seemed that the grass was brighter than any I've seen before. It was foreign, but I noticed, no pool. "Where's your pool?" I asked him. All that was visible was the porch and the big open area. "I'm getting to that." He said and gave me a smile.
He showed me around the rest of the house, places like the bathrooms. Yes multiple bathrooms, all included showers and sinks. Then his room. His room was at least double the size of mine, and he had a gigantic closet. On his walls were posters of bands, like Green Day, Nirvana, and even ones I never heard of before. He had a big Mac computer sitting on his desk. He also had a giant bookshelf against his wall. There didn't seem to be many books in it. A lot of movies and video games it seemed to me. His sheets were just a plain black color, like most things that he had in his room. Everything was simple, yet it screamed Luke Hemmings. I looked it over again and noticed that nothing seemed extremely personal. Everything seemed distant. It was there, but not entirely. The most personal thing I saw in his room was the guitar, kiddy cornered in the back of his room. "This is my bat cave. Where I spend my life." He told me and I nodded. He went over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of swim trunks. "I'll be right back. I have to change." He told me and signaled for me to sit on the bed. I walked over and sat on it, making sure Lucy didn't jump up on it. Instead I signaled for her to lay at my feet and of course she listened.
I decided to walk around the room and explore on my own. I let go of Lucy's leash and made sure she stayed. I went over to Luke's bookshelf and looked around. As I said, mostly video games, and movies. There was something that caught my eye, a small black notebook. I reached for it and pulled it out. There were little doodles drawn on the outside of it, and on the cover it said Song Book. Song book? Just as I was about to open it the door opened and I jumped. Luke came back in wearing the same shirt and the light blue swim trunks he was carrying earlier. He looked over at me and I saw his face go into a frown. "What are you doing?" He asked me and I stood up straight.
"Sorry, I was just looking around." I told him and put the book back in the shelf.
"You didn't read it did you?" He asked in a softer voice. I shook my head. "No... I um... Sorry, I shouldn't have been going through your stuff." I told him nervously and walked over to Lucy.
"It's fine." He said, "there's nothing worth anything in that book anyway. Just shit." He told me and then his mood changed. "Let's go to the pool." He was back to his normal self. I nodded and followed him back downstairs and towards the back of the house. In the kitchen was a door which I had assumed led to a basement. When Luke opened the door it revealed a whole other room downstairs. It was open with all windows around it and there it was, the pool. It wasn't Olympic sized or anything, but it was big. "It goes 10ft deep!" Luke told me and I gulped. Why did I agree to this again? I followed him down the stairs, letting Lucy go ahead of both of us. I couldn't believe that he had a pool inside his house. "This is insane. You guys are like, beyond rich." I told him and sat in one of the chairs. Luke sat on the one of the other side of me and shrugged. "I guess, I'm just used to it." He told me.
"My dad hardly makes enough for our house now. This is amazing." I told him and looked out the windows. There was a great view of the outside. You could perfectly see the backyard. "Pools heated too." Luke said and then pulled his shirt off. I tried not to stare, but I was so surprised that I couldn't help it. He either ignored me or pretended I didn't look at him. Either way, thank god. I watched as he emptied his pockets and then walked over to the pool. He jumped in at the deep end and I watched as he swam to the end. He did look experienced enough. He came above water and shook his head. His hair flopped to the sides and then he swam over to the side closest to me. He gave me a small smile and said "whenever you're ready I'm here." He told me and I nodded. "Maybe I should just sit on the side and put my feet in right now." I told him and he nodded. "Whatever you're comfortable with." He went back underwater and swam around for a little while.
The thought of myself being near a pool was enough anxiety in itself. I decided to keep my shorts on and then I pulled my shirt off slowly, then I made my way over to the pool. With each step I took, I could feel my breathing getting heavier and heavier. The anxiety that I was feeling was normal. It had been years since I had been near a pool, and the last time I was in one, was a horrid day. I stood on the side and looked down in it. I just kept imagining falling over the side and drowning, falling into the vast underneath and never coming back up. I took a deep breath and sat on my butt. I pushed myself close to the edge and then dipped my feet in. The warmth of the water surprised me and I pulled them back out instantly. I composed myself and then put them back in. After a few minutes I submerged up to my knees in the water. "Lucy, come." I told her and I could hear her collar clatter as she made her way next to me. She sat down and I rubbed the back of her head. My therapy, petting her as this moment came. Luke floated around the area we were in, but neither of us said anything. I sighed and thought about how lucky Luke was to live in this house. I would kill for being able to have space like that. This made my house look like a crappy studio.
"Why are you so afraid of the water?" Luke asked and stared at me. I looked toward him and then towards Lucy. I kept my eyes on her and my petting speed increased. "It's kind of a rough story." I told him and brought my legs out o f the water. I brought them close to my chest and hugged them to me. He looked at me and then ran water through his hair. "If you're going to get over your fear, you have to talk about it. You have to directly say what the problem is." He told me. I knew he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. Reliving that day just brought back too many emotions. I looked at him and his pleading blue eyes. "I just want to help you Katie." That's when I felt it inside me. No one had ever told me that they actually wanted to help me. Doctors would say it, but they didn't have the same feeling that I got from Luke. It was because they had too, not because they wanted to. I felt something begin to rise in my throat. I swallowed it down and took a deep breath. "Fine." I told him. He swam over towards me and stood in the water next to me.
"When I was about seven years old, my Aunt had a party. Now I knew perfectly well how to swim and float and everything, but this day was different. My cousins and I were playing in the pool and then we got out to eat you know, and they all wanted to go back into the pool right away. I wasn't ready though, and my tummy was being funky, but I couldn't tell them that. I thought they would make fun of me. They kept calling me and I told them I wasn't ready. I was standing on the edge debating on whether to go in or not, but I didn't want to." I told him.
"Before I could walk away, my cousin Jenna, she came up behind me and shoved me into the pool. The only problem was that when she pushed me i tripped over my own feet and landed in the shallow end. Then I hit my head and blacked out. Next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital with a bunch of tubes around me." I said and took a deep breath. I looked out at the sky and then started again. "Ever since then I had seizures. They said nerve impulses got cut off, and ever since then I can never be the same again. I mean, I'm on medication and they're supposed to stop them, but they don't always work, and sometimes I forget to take them. My dad yells at me and is like 'Why are you forgetting them? They save your life.' Exaggeration, but I mean it's a normal human thing. I forget." I brought my thumb nail up to my mouth and started chewing on it. I let out a small laugh and then said, "I tried to go in a pool after that, but now I just get so scared, that it feels like it's not even worth it." I felt my eyes begin to water, but I tried to fight it off. I felt the water slide down my cheeks.
"Katie," Luke said, obviously stunned by my words. "It's okay, there's no need to cry." He told me and pulled himself out of the pool. He slid over next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I didn't even care about the fact he was wet. I rested my head on his shoulder and stayed silent. I wasn't really a loud crier. Being in the hospital so much you learned how to keep everything to yourself. Crying included. We sat there for a while, just like that, then I composed myself. Talking about did feel better. Actually hearing it out loud for once made a difference. I hadn't talked about it since it happened. I looked over at Lucy who was knocked out and then at Luke. I sat myself up straight and then said, "Okay. So I told you. Your turn?"
"What do you mean?" He asked me.
"Why are you afraid of dogs? I mean I don't understand how you could be afraid of this face." I said pointing to Lucy. Luke sighed then ran a hand through his hair. "You'll think it's stupid." He said and I shook my head. "No I won't. You didn't think mine story was." He looked at me and then nodded.
"Alright," He said and then sighed. "It wasn't too long ago. I was ten. I love animals, I really do. It's not so much that I don't like them. I know I say that, but I'm just scared that it'll happen again." He started. He looked down at the pool and started up, "Well, I was at my friends house, and their dog wasn't the friendliest you know. Well at least not to me, but I kept trying. I don't know why, I should've learned my lesson, but I didn't. One day when I was petting her she just got very protective I guess and she went straight for me. She went for my head and ended up biting my eyebrow. See. I still have the scar." He said and pointed to his eyebrow. There it was, a small white line, right above his eyebrow. It was faded, but if you looked closely, you could see it there. "I just, get scared to be close to a dog. I just think they're going to bite me again." He told me. It was completely understandable. "It's stupid." He said and shook his hair.
"No it's not Luke. I understand it completely. I'm sure if that happened to me I would feel the same way." I told him and rubbed his arm. He looked over to me and gave me a reassuring smile. I gave him one back, and I felt like we were both on a new playing field. We had both learned one of the most personal things about one another, and it felt good to be able to just talk to someone for once. I sighed and said, "So we going to swim or what?" I asked him. A look of shock was on his face and he nodded. He slid himself over the side back into the pool. I took a deep breath and stood up. I walked over to the stairs in the shallow end and looked at them. I knew that they were my link to possibly getting over my fear of being in the pool. I grabbed the gray bar and walked over to the edge. I took a deep breath and lifted my foot up. I placed it onto the first step and then pulled it back out. The initial cold shock freaked me out and then I got myself over it. I placed my foot back into the pool and let myself get used to it. I slowly picked up my other foot and brought it into the water. I could feel my heart rate increase, my breathing became more rugged. I was terrified, but I knew I had to try. Just try.
Luke looked over to me and smiled. "Just take it slow. Let's just worry about you actually getting in." He said and I nodded. I tightened my grip on the bar and moved down to the next step. The water just barley hit my knees as I went further in. I stood in the spot I was in and took a deep breath. One more step and then into the pool. I took the next step and sunk even lower. It finally hit right above my knees and I felt the anxiety build up. I started to walk backwards to try and get back up the stairs, but Luke swam over. "Don't do it Katie." He said to me and put his hand over mine. "You're already so far look." He told me and I looked down. I couldn't believe that I was in a pool up to my knees. "Just one more step Katie. You can do it. Have faith." He told me. I nodded my head and he held out both his hands. I slowly let go of the bar and let him grabbed his hands. "Deep breath." He said quietly. I took a breath in through my nose and then let it out through my mouth.
I lifted my foot off the step and gripped Luke's hands tightly. I leaned forward and put my foot on the ground. I let my other foot follow suit and the next thing I knew I was standing, in the shallow end of the pool. "Oh my god." I didn't even realize I say out loud. "I'm in a pool," I said and laughed a bit.
"See! I knew you could do it. Have faith!" Luke told me and gave me a big smile. "Want to walk a little bit?" He asked me and I nodded. He stepped away from me and then I followed him. One step at a time I was getting the hand of walking in the pool. It scared the crap out of me, but I didn't want to let Luke see that. As we moved more and more I got used to the idea. It started as little baby steps and then gradually turned into bigger ones. That was, until one misstep. I slid and almost fell under water but wrapped my arms around Luke's neck. Instantly he put his hands around my waist and held me tight. He held me in position and I heard a loud scream. After about a minute I realized that it had come from me. "You're okay Katie I got you." Luke whispered in my ear and my arms tightened around him. I heard Lucy's collar cling as she walked over to the side of the pool. She let out a bark and I turned my head towards her. She was wagging her tail extremely fast and looking over towards me. "I'm fine Lucy," I half choked out. I looked at Luke and he looked at me with that look in his eyes. "It's fine." He said quietly and rubbed my back slowly. "Let's go over to the side." He told me and I nodded. He walked over keeping his tight grip around my waist and leaned me against the side. I instantly grabbed the wall of the pool and held on for dear life.
"You alright?" He asked me and I nodded. "Just freaked out," I told him and he nodded. "It's okay, it's only the first day. These things take time you know."
"I know," I whispered. "I just hate being afraid. It makes me feel weak or something."
"You're not weak, I promise." He said in a reassuring voice. It was silent for the next few minutes and I just stood there thinking. Thinking about how something so easy for one person could be beyond devastating for another. I took a deep breath and put my head down on the ground. I groaned in frustration. I felt Luke's hand brush against my back. At first it made me jump, but then it slowly became soothing. He brushed his fingers lightly down my spine and then back up. I picked my head up and patted for Lucy to come sit. She did and then I turned to Luke.
"Come here." I told him. He looked between me and then Lucy, but did as I said. He walked over next to me and stood close. "Give me your hand." He did and I took the back of it gently. I started moving his hand in Lucy's direction and I felt him begin to shake. I looked to him and his eyes were fixated on his hand. "Luke. Dogs feel. If she knows you're scared of her she's going to feel that. You have to let your fear go." He looked over at me, still shaking. "It's okay." I whispered to him. After a few seconds he nodded and I started moving his hand again. I brought it to the top of Lucy's head and let Luke's hand down easy. I took his hand and brushed it back and forth on top of Lucy's head. After a little while she began panting in excitement. I looked over to Luke's face and I could see the relief. I let go of his hand and backed away towards the pool stairs. I climbed up and exited the pool and grabbed a towel. I wrapped it around myself and looked back to Luke. He was still petting Lucy's head and he looked much calmer as the time passed. "See, she's not so bad." He nodded and walked out of the pool towards me.
He grabbed the towel and laid down on the chair next to me. Lucy ran over and jumped on my lap. i groaned and pet her head. "You. are. not. a. lap. dog." I told her and she kissed my face. She licked my face and then got herself situated on my lap. Luke and I laid in silenced for a little while and then I heard him say. "Katie?"
"Mhmmm," i answered.
"Thank you."