Clyde: schools already over and stan still hasn't noticed he's been invited to our gc
Tweek: he's gonna leak our chats... i just know it
Craig: he wouldn't do that
Clyde: but yk damn well if he did the school would be attacking us with pitchforks and torches
Tolkien: well i mean i don't think stans on his phone very often
Clyde: it's cause that bitch touches grade more than us
Craig: lol i touch balls lollll
Tolkien: the ice is getting to him
Clyde: its freezing parts of his brain and giving it frostbite
Stan: yo wtf
Clyde: he's here y'all
Craig: hi stan
Stan: girl why the fuck am i added to this group chat?
Tolkien: i kinda forgot whos idea it was
Tweek: it was urs u fucking bitch
Tolkien: it was?
Craig: it was mine btw y'all have extra chromosomes anyways stan don't scroll up too far you might see shit you don't wanna see
Clyde: yeah, like conversations about shit... literally
Craig: yeah and also us talking about kyles ass if u go up WAY far
Stan: what?
Tolkien: yeah
Tweek: pretty much
Clyde: sounds about right, it's either my ass or his
Craig: or tweek's, that should sum it up
Stan: do i laugh, scream, or cry?
Clyde: i do all three of those on the toilet
Craig: do u shit tar at school
Clyde: everyday
Craig: what about the magma
Clyde: only on thursdays
Stan: cartman shits sewage
Tolkien: isnt sewage just already shit
Craig: if you think about it we're all technically shit because our mom shat us out
Tolkien: that's not how birth... ykw nevermind
Tweek: do i smell like shit then?
Clyde: no u kinda always reek of pheromones
Craig: that's such a weird thing to say about my boyfriend dawg
Tolkien: ykw but clyde's right and like coffee cause he's always got that cup with him
Clyde: okay but like craig ur always the one cuddling him so u have to know what i'm saying
Craig: like.. his skin?
Clyde: i guess it's like skin but like his skin scent is very very pungent
Stan: just imagine an omega in heat or something idk what they're talking about but i think that might help
Craig: damn it. tweek are you a fucking omega in heat?
Tweek: only on thursdays
Stan: whys everything gotta be on a thursday with u guys
Craig: i fucking knew it
Clyde: okay but he literally smells like human skin but like i can't even explain it like it's not bad or good it's like.. pheremones
Craig: okay like, sweet kind of?
Clyde: i guess that's kind of a way to describe it
Craig: yeah i know what you're saying now, it's like the smell of his scalp or something or like his neck
Tolkien: tweek it isn't a bad smell like
Tweek: it's actually an essential oil that i use, i think ik what you guys are talking about
Stan: how'd i get here
Craig: man thank god we arent cracking our usual jokes when stan's around
Clyde: okay well i mean any second i might start having extreme bloody diarrhea so stay tuned just in case
Stan: WHAT
Tolkien: you'll get used to it, i had to.
Craig: wait so what essential oil
Tweek: it's literally a pheromone essential oil, clyde was so spot on dude
Clyde: okay whart
Tweek: yeah i use it to seduce craig
Craig: highkey it seduces me keep using it
Tolkien: mf u haven't even sucked each others dicks yet that essential oils doing nothing
Craig: i mean it smells good
Tweek: i mean he starts sniffing me
Craig: yeah i sniff him everyday
Craig: huge big juicy whiffs
Tolkien: that's nasty
Clyde: ahhh u just bitter cuz nichole's a lesbian now
Stan: NICHOLES LESBIAN???
Craig: assflash, newshole. it hasn't been confirmed yet
Clyde: it's just a headcanon!
Tolkien: i like how u said headcanon as if my ex girlfriend is some tv show character
Tweek: she definitely isn't cause usually tv show characters have really diverse personalities and she doesn't have one
Craig: no literally like the bitch is so bland she's got no flavor
Tolkien: she's black, that's the flavor
Tweek: there's gotta be more seasonings than that
Clyde: nichole is smart, she's like the type of girl to go become a lawyer
Craig: okay true
Tolkien: thank u clyde
Jimmy: she's also the type of girl to accept a business call during sex
Tolkien: who wouldn't pause sex for a business call? like what if it's something important and u get fired if u don't answer?
Craig: wow... they're meant for each other..
Tweek: meant to be <3
Stan: i wouldn't accept business calls at all
Clyde: that's cause ur bitchass is lazy and depressed
Tweek: yeah quit drinking so much
Tolkien: tweek ur drinking habits with coffee are just as bad as stan's drinking habits with alcohol
Stan: it's really not that bad most the time i just take my meds ermm
Craig: yeah y'all stfu stan ain't even like that
Tweek: that's what they all say
Clyde: ik u ain't talking tweek ur parents have been feeding u coffee since straight out the womb
Tolkien: his mom was on a caffeine strict diet
Craig: she'd only drink coffee and put coffee beans into milk and eat it like cereal
Stan: and the rest of her nutrients would only be vitamin supplements
Tolkien: everything except vitamin d because this bitch is pale
Tweek: this is foul
Clyde: and his hair sticks straight up like albert einstein
Stan: he's literally his doppelganger
Craig: okay but like submissive and breedable doppelganger
Stan: craig just tell us the truth youd fuck albert einstein
Craig: he's too old, dead, and crippled id much rather prefer my submissive twink boy with clear skin and mildly healthy bones
Jimmy: someone just said crippled
Tweek: mildly healthy bones 😭😭
Tolkien: damn we hurt him so much he started using emojis
Clyde: bro thinks it's okay to express his feelings here
Craig: clyde u do that everyday be fr
Clyde: that's from the overstimulation
Craig: overstimulation calms me
Stan: was that a fucking ghostbusters afterlife reference
Craig: i didn't think anyone would notice because that's so mild
Tweek: u guys are NERDS i HATE YOU ALL!!!'nnnn
Tolkien: tweek's gonna call me the n word
Jimmy: i'll do that for him if he chickens out
Clyde: this is how serial killers are made
Craig: guys stop bullying my boyfriend it's okay calm down tweek
Tweek: NO THIS ISNT DOING ANYTHING FOR ME WHAT RHE FUCKKKKKK
Craig: calm down tweek. where are your fidget spinners?
Clyde: they got sucked up by tolkiens black hole
Stan: is there something i'm not getting here?
Tolkien: you'll be forced to
Tweek: THE FIDGET SPINNERS ARENT WORKJNG THEU DDKNT DO SHIT ANYMORE FOR ME!!!!
Craig: damn what did y'all do to him
Clyde: i only cracked a few jokes about his vitamin deficient ass
Tolkien: omg craig and tweek are both deficient monkeys
Clyde: tweek is deficient on melatonin because that caffeine never allows him to sleep
Jimmy: craig overdosed on melatonin once trying to kill himself, opposites attract
Stan: craig ur so relateable
Craig: i know i'm depressed but my mom can't afford therapy
Stan: my parents are kinda rich because of all this weed, it sucks..
Tweek: i hate rich people with a burning passion
Tolkien: that had some fire in it
Jimmy: def aimed at mostly u tolkien
Tweek: tolkien.. i.. HATE YOU!!!!!
Clyde: it's hard to take tweek seriously when he keeps using periods to break apart his words
Jimmy: i can imagine it in his voice and he takes deep breathes inbetween each pause
Tolkien: bros charging up
Stan: ik y'all aren't making fun of tweek. he made the best backup friend when kenny ran away
Jimmy: didnt he like die or smth
Craig: what
Clyde: huh
Tolkien: What?
Tweek: WHAAAT!?!?!?!?
Stan: excuse me?
Clyde: what's going on
Jimmy: nevermind