Free will, autonomy, full of emotion. If someone was asked to describe a functional human, the standard answer would undoubtedly contain something similar to these qualifiers.
What would I, who only received an instruction and in turn carried it out be described?
I, a being of stagnance. I, who never changed, who always followed the same path of action unfailingly.
On a regular basis, I think back to my life in the white room.
A task is issued, I complete it. Occasionally, obstacles arise but I only had to adapt and overcome them. An unending cycle of trying and succeeding.
Originally, I never entertained any illusory thoughts of breaking free from this cycle, my very mind was essentially a slave to it. That was until I got into the advanced nurturing highschool.
A school which had meritocracy as its core operating principle, an institution so similar yet so different from the white room.
This school with a contradictory existence showed me a new way to regard life, it was like I had stepped into an entirely different world.
Since I got into this school, my views and motives had undergone a gradual metamorphosis. Instead of the single-minded completion of tasks that I have done my whole life, I began to yearn for something that should be completely out of reach.
I developed a desire for change.
Not something as grand as changing the world around me, but change within myself. I wanted to feel something, anything.
My core as a person remained the same, I still had little regard for people other than myself. I never considered this a problem before but I began to ponder if that was really the case.
No matter what I did, I never felt any hesitation, regardless of its moral implications.
I wondered if this was the correct path to change.
As my life in this school continues, my mind will dwell on these questions. Am I moving forward? Am I staying still?
Or am I regressing steadily back to the systematic excuse of a living being I was before?
I will continue to wonder, am I in fact..a monster?
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Everywhere around me, different sounds melted together, creating an oddly concordant wave of background noise.
The bus slightly trembled as it taxied down the well maintained road, all around me people were absorbed into their own lives.
Some were making friends, a majority just minding their business and enjoying the spring scenery.
It was the beginning of a school year, with it a new volume of my life was kicked off, and a new chapter in the lives of others was opened.
A majority of the passengers were students at the same ANHS that I was about to attend, they each had their respective reasons for coming here, each aiming for their own special dream.
A promise of a hundred percent employment rate served as sufficient bait for ambitious people, this school will undoubtedly be filled with talented and exceptional individuals.
It was a gathering point for the best of the best.
My experiences in this school, my interaction with its students. These are all things I look forward to.
How would I, a blank slate, be influenced by the endlessly varied personalities of this school's students?
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I strolled through the immaculate halls of ANHS, my mood already soured by the boring entrance ceremony that all incoming students were mandated to attend.
I followed directions till I reached the door of my assigned class, class 1-D.
I stepped into the almost empty classroom, closing the door behind me as I observed the room's only other occupant.
It was a girl with pink hair and glasses who seemed to have an excessively timid nature.
'So she was the missing one...' Contrary to her timid appearance, she had the guts to ignore what was essentially a rule.
Completely ignoring her, I strode towards my seat at the rear corner of the class.
Not even two minutes passed before the class began to fill up, gossiping girls, rowdy boys, a few with reserved demeanors.
I haven't spent much time here but I can already notice the huge diversity that dominates the concept of human personalities.
It filled me with a sense of anticipation, I couldn't wait to interact with someone.
How does one do that though.....?
Do I just speak to a random person? Do I wait for them to speak to me? Do we communicate with eye contact?
Sign language?
Jokes aside, I am totally inexperienced at what Japanese teens of today call "reading the room".
What if I end up looking weird?
"Ah."
Once again I got carried away.
Looking around the class I could more or less determine that groups have formed already.
This is unfair, at this rate I would leave this school just as I entered it....
At that moment, the chair to my side rattled. I looked over and saw a black haired girl settle into the seat. She gave off an aloof atmosphere that seemed to smother any desire for interaction with her that I developed, coupled with her beautiful features she came off as totally unwelcoming.
I watched on as she arranged her desk and other things before finally settling down with what I recognized as "crime and punishment" in her hands.
A bookworm? No, she doesn't seem that way.
"Why don't you just take a picture while you're at it?"
Hmm?
Ah, I was staring...
"Sorry..." I tried to end the whole thing with a simple apology.
She wasn't interested in such things, however.
"What was so interesting that you had to stare at me for five minutes straight?" She queried in a demanding tone without even bothering to look away from her book.
"I was looking at the person behind you." Lying, my greatest skill.
"Then why did you apologize?" She finally turned to me, looking like she was doing the most tedious chore by doing so.
"Err..I thought you were speaking on his behalf..?" She saw through my lying??
"...you...are you alright?" It seems my lying skills were so terrible that it made a cold person worry for my mental stability.
"I'm quite fine, thank you."
Seeing that she would get nowhere with this, she huffed and turned away.
"My name is Ayanokouji Kiyotaka, nice to meet you."
She turned to me again. She looked like she couldn't believe my audacity to introduce myself immediately after what happened.
"What are you doing?"
"Introducing myself?"
"I know....why?"
"Isn't it normal to know the name of the person sitting next to you? I want you to introduce yourself too."
"I refuse."
"Fair enough." I knew she would refuse anyway.
I just wanted to talk to her some more for my own benefit.
We went back to doing our own thing, she kept reading her book, I kept observing my classmates.
I have to say, this class is full of odd people. There was the socially overpowered girl surrounded by people in the middle of the class, there was a blond haired boy that gave off an aura of superiority and narcissism, even the girl sitting next to me.
Odd people indeed.
I'm a bit interested in how the atmosphere of a class filled with people like this will develop.
The door slid open, interrupting my thoughts. In strode a woman in her late twenties, she had long black hair, a cold gaze and straight posture. She walked to the podium in front of the class, setting down the booklets she carried in with her.
"Settle down. I will now explain the rules of this school."
Her strong voice echoed out as she narrowed her hazel brown eyes at the class.
It didn't take long for everyone to settle in their seats. Seeing this she nodded in satisfaction.
"My name is Chabashira Sae, the homeroom teacher responsible for class D. In this school classes do not change. Now let me tell you about the S-system."
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Finished with her explanation, Chabashira-sensei left the classroom, its occupants seeming to be in a dazed state. The thought of having a hundred thousand points at their disposal instilled a boiling restlessness in them.
It is common behavior among humans that when a sudden gift comes upon them, they tend to get distracted and have the urge to behave in a totally liberal manner.
In a sense it could be called being high on happiness.
My unfortunately ignorant classmates were currently firmly in the grip of this emotion.
From the obviously scripted explanation, I can deduce a few things. I'm still lacking the full picture but that would appear on its own in due time.
"Everyone! Sorry if I'm being a bother but I'd like all of us to introduce ourselves." A
Good looking brown haired boy stood up and addressed the class. His bearing gave off a welcoming feel, His position in the class is undoubtedly going to be high.
"I'll go first. My name is Hirata Yousuke, I like playing football and I plan to continue playing here. I'm also welcome to anyone that wants to be friends."
As expected....his introduction dazzled the girls, the guys seemed to feel threatened by his social success but they held their grievances in.
The introductions moved forward, there was Kushida Kikyo who had an unrealistic goal of befriending everyone, Yamauchi Haruki, who seemed to enjoy telling jokes at his own expense, Ike Kanji, who was searching for love.
All very odd people, only beaten by the introduction of the blond haired boy, Kouenji Rokusuke.
His introduction seemed to be tailor made to annoy people, and he didn't seem to care.
There was also a redheaded student, who stormed out of the class after refusing to introduce himself. On the first day he had managed to become a social pariah.
"Now, your turn."
My turn to introduce myself had finally come, I had gotten a little carried away with observing the others but it was fine, I can do this.
Psyching myself up all the way, I stood up slowly, almost tossing my chair to the ground in an embarrassing display of clumsiness.
Everyone's eyes were now focused on me, I could see their low expectations clearly scrawled across their faces.
"My name is Ayanokouji Kiyotaka, I enjoy doing track, piano and calligraphy. I'm looking forward to a good three years with you all."
I think that should be fine, my dull voice made it fall a bit flat but the delivery was okay.
"Nice to meet you, Ayanokouji-kun. I would like to hear you play sometime." Hirata responded with a smile, the others in the class didn't seem affected but I could tell their opinions of me had improved.
Well this is a nice start, imagine completely botching that.
A few students, including my seatmate, refused to introduce themselves and peacefully left the classroom a little while ago.
All in all, I'm quite satisfied with my beginning here. I don't know how events will move from here on, I'm totally unaware of what type of person I'll be at the end of this.
But I only have to try.
After all, when have I ever failed?
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The convenience store was understandably packed, it was the first day of the school year so a lot of students came to get their necessities. I looked around slowly as I picked up my own needs, my unsociable seatmate was shopping in a nearby aisle.
She's choosing only cheap products, I would think she didn't care about her appearance if not for the perfect state her skin was in.
So why...?
I had a few guesses but I moved on without attempting to probe her.
I used the "points" to pay for my things before leaving the store which seemed to have descended into chaos immediately after I left.
The path to the dormitory was tranquil and quiet, it seems a lot of people weren't heading home yet.
I found a bench on the side of the path and sat on it, taking in the evening spring scenery.
"How bold of you to fall asleep like that in the open." A clear voice came from in front of me.
I had closed my eyes and totally relaxed, making me appear asleep to onlookers.
The person that had spoken to me was surprisingly my black haired seatmate. I opened my eyes, taking in the girl of average height looking at me with an expressionless face.
"I wasn't sleeping, I'm surprised you even attempted to warn me." I said as I picked up the cellophane bag that contained my groceries and my school bag as well.
"I might not desire any friendship but I am not heartless. If you were someone I've never interacted with I would've said nothing." She resumed walking in the direction of the mixed dorms.
I followed after her, speeding up till we were side by side.
"I suppose that makes sense."
"Horikita Suzune. I can see the confusion on your face when you try to decide what to call me."
"How considerate of you."
She only glared at me a bit before she continued.
"I originally loathed the idea of having you as my seatmate but after seeing the rest of our classmates, someone like you seems to be on the better side."
Why is she suddenly talking about this...?
And she could try to be less blunt.
"I appreciate the compliment but why?"
Her criteria for tolerance seems pretty obvious but she seemed to want a conversation so I'll indulge her.
"Ignoring your staring incident and your distasteful sarcasm, I am pleased by your indifference to everything around you. Of course such behavior isn't exactly admirable but if it gives me a seatmate that won't bother me I'm fine with it."
I see...
She must have dreaded the idea of sitting next to Hirata, Kushida and the rest.
They seemed like the 'I like talking to people type.'
As for the others she probably couldn't bear them.
I, Ayanokoiji Kiyotaka, Masterpiece, has been deemed as the most acceptable seatmate. What an honor!
"You're doing it again, Ayanokouji-kun. I can tell when you're mocking me in your head."
I ignored what she said and kept walking.
"Indifferent huh, is that how I come off?"
"Is there even another way to perceive you?"
She had a point.
"This school has hit us with indulgence after indulgence, our other classmates have completely lost themselves to it but you seem different. It's not that you're wary, you just don't care."
That was a fair assessment but seeing as I didn't make any attempt to hide it, I wasn't surprised.
"Is there any reason to care? What about you? You are clearly restraining yourself. Do you not care too?"
"I am different, I place importance on knowing this school's motives in indulging us to this extent."
"Is that so...?" I asked as I stepped into the dorms' foyer.
"Indeed, I refuse to believe this doesn't have a purpose. This is a proven elite school, students nurtured like this will never make it far."
She was right, but how does she intend to find anything?
"Do you need help?"
"No, I don't think you would be able to help in any way. I'll have to refuse."
Ah.....
This is why.
It's because people like this exist.
Seeing someone like Horikita with her huge personality flaw threatens to push me in directions I'm unwilling to follow.
I see people like her and I begin to wonder how they tick, how to exploit them.
The type of life I came to this school to live wouldn't hold up under this school's system.
At this point I could tell that much. Continuing on this path would only end in futility.
Hence....
I only had to switch.
My previous intention of watching everyone drift off into the distance while using their tailwinds to mold myself into a real person doesn't sound so plausible anymore with the conflicts brewing beneath this school's liberal exterior.
If working with many tools at once proved inefficient, I only had to master the usage of one.
Horikita Suzune.
This self-centered girl with a superiority complex will be the chisel I will personally forge and sharpen.
And if even that proves ineffective, no problem.
I will only move on, till I succeed.
Till I run out of means.
Till I crumble.
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Hello there. Okay this is a trial of sorts, I'm not confident in my ability to write a COTE fanfic that I would be contented with but the desire to do it won over me.
I have a lot of hope for this one, so I'll wait and see how it goes.
Oh, for Tensura only readers don't worry. I'm not gonna neglect that one, peace.