When Carlisle had insisted on bedrest, Noah was sure that it wouldn't actually be enforced. She didn't think that the second she arrived at the Black household, she would be carted off to Rachel's old room, never to see the light of day again.
To be fair she couldn't even really remember the first two days she was there - it was a blur of consciousness and sleep. But Noah didn't remember anyone telling her how drowsy the pain medication would make her either and when she woke up on the third day, finally feeling more awake and aware, she was mildly pissed off. Did she feel like she'd been kidnapped and drugged? Kind of.
It wasn't that Noah's body felt great and that she was ready to jump up and run a marathon, because it didn't and she wasn't. But one thing Noah hated above all else was the feeling of being out of control of her body. Pain she knew. Pain was familiar. But being unable to distinguish between reality and dreams felt like a poor trade off for some pain management.
So when Jacob strolled into the room looking chipper as ever, Noah already had a deep frown etched on her face. His demeanor irked her even further. But Jacob didn't seem to notice or care.
"Good morning sleeping beauty," Jacob grinned, holding out her phone for Noah to take. "Here's your phone."
"Why do you have my phone?" Noah asked, her voice laced with malice and suspicion.
"Oh no reason," Jake laughed. He sounded more amused than guilty, which was entirely more confusing to Noah.
"You're being weird," she drawled.
"No I'm not," Jake denied.
"Yes you are." Noah reinforced.
"Will you just relax? I'm really not," Jake grumbled. "You've been asleep for two days and you wake up ready to fight me."
Noah huffed. He wasn't wrong. But what the fuck do you expect after being unknowingly forced into being in a medicated sleep for 48 hours? Sunshine and rainbows?
"I just came to see if you wanted to shower or get cleaned up a little before breakfast," Jake continued. He knew when to interrupt a train of thought - especially one aimed at him. "Dad's making a big spread now that you're not so drugged up."
"You know, I don't remember being told that I'd basically be in a medical coma for two days. What was that about?" Noah grumbled. She really was slightly perturbed and thrown off by the whole situation.
"You needed it dude," Jake maintained, without an ounce of regret present in his voice. "You looked like you were about to keel over at any minute with a strong breeze."
"Hmm," Noah frowned, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. She would never admit to that idiot that he was right about anything. "Well a little warning would've been nice, but since we're not owning up to the extremely unethical business of that, yeah, a shower would be good."
"You need it," Jake laughed, wrinkling his nose with an ill contained smirk.
"Oh why don't you go lick dirt," Noah gritted out, shifting her body towards the side of the bed. She let out a grunt at how sore she was all over but when Jacob moved forward to help her, she shook her head, "I got it."
It was an embarrassingly clumsy and slow process, especially with only one weight-bearing hand, but eventually Noah managed to get to the edge of the bed with her feet touching the floor. Looking down at her shorts clad legs, a thought occurred to Noah.
"Did someone change me?" She asked, alarmed. Noah wasn't sure she even wanted to know, the thought of Jake or Billy doing it was too horrible to even imagine. "Oh my god, what about when I had to go to the bathroom?"
"Calm down, nerd," Jacob laughed. Noah didn't find it all that funny and continued to stare at him with concern. "Sue Clearwater came over to help out. She's a nurse. Her and Leah also brought you some clothes."
"Oh thank god," Noah let out a relieved sigh, much more at ease with that arrangement.
"It's not like my dad didn't change your diapers when you were a baby," Jacob pointed out, moving closer to Noah in case she needed help standing up.
"This is a little different, don't you think, Jacob?" Noah spat his name like an insult, though it didn't hold her usual bite. Noah was more focused on figuring out if she would be able to walk or even stand up by herself. Noah leaned forward slightly, testing to see how much pressure she could put on her left leg but backed off quickly. Okay, that did not feel good. It probably didn't help that she hadn't taken any pain medication yet.
"Alright," Noah relented, looking up at Jacob, who had thus far been patiently watching her. "Can you give me a hand?"
Jacob jerked forward looking like he was ready to throw her into his arms and start deadlifting her.
"Woah woah!" Noah warned. "I said a hand. I think I can walk if you just help me stand up."
"Sorry, got a little excited." Jacob smiled sheepishly. Noah gave him a wry look. He walked the few steps toward her much more slowly and held out a hand. Noah gripped his hand tightly in her non injured one and steadied her feet as Jake pulled her up.
"Fucking hell," Noah groaned, swaying towards her cousin. Everything hurt. Her left leg screamed at her, her ribs throbbed, and the rest of her body ached with a collective pulse.
"You good, Noah?" Jake asked, concern laced heavily in his voice.
"Yeah, just give me a second." Noah sucked in a few breaths, leaning heavily on Jacob's shoulder. When everything quieted to a more manageable level, Noah straightened.
"Are you sure you can walk?" Jacob asked tentatively.
"Mostly," she grunted.
"Mostly?" Jake asked.
"Yeah I'm mostly sure, lead on," Noah grumbled, rolling her eyes. It wasn't like she hadn't dealt with this kind of thing before - by herself for years. Sure, she couldn't remember a time it had been this bad but she could certainly handle a little pain. Okay, a lot of pain, but that was besides the point.
"If you say so," Jacob drawled, making his way out of the room. He turned once he was in the hallway to make sure Noah could actually make it the seven or so steps to the doorway. She limped slowly towards him with an arched brow. Jacob just shrugged in concession, but his expression was not as impressed as Noah would have liked. "Sue also brought over some plastic wrap that she said to use for your cast and stitches while showering."
Noah nodded, grunting through a puffed breath, "That was nice of her."
"Yeah, it's the nurse-mother combination. Bathrooms right here," Jacob said pointing to the adjacent door. Noah probably could have found it herself come to think of it. Though it may have felt like it, it hadn't been that long since she'd been at the Black household. "I put some fresh clothes on the counter but give a shout if you need anything."
"Thanks Jake," Noah murmured, stepping past him into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her with a soft click and her shoulders immediately sagged. She felt like she'd been hit by a semi truck and then thrown off a building. She had been downplaying it as best she could to Jacob - which, to be fair, she was pretty sure he didn't buy for a second - but now, here alone in the bathroom, Noah felt the weight of everything that had been done to her. The thought of stripping out of her clothes and getting into the shower was incredibly daunting, but two days asleep made Noah feel like there was an invisible grime on her skin.
So, very slowly, she managed to strip every layer off her body. Noah paused to observe herself in the mirror. She looked like she'd been hit by a truck and thrown off a building. There was barely an inch on her body that wasn't either black and blue or covered in cuts and burns. Noah twisted to look at her back. At least those wounds were starting to look better, mostly closed up and scabbing. A silver lining, she supposed. That part of her body certainly hurt the least, though Noah couldn't quite remember the last time she felt no pain.
It took a few minutes for Noah to be able to tear her eyes away from the sight of herself and return to the task at hand - waterproofing her cast and leg. It wasn't like staring at her broken body in the mirror would make Noah feel better or make the injuries heal faster. So she focused on wrapping herself up like a leftover plate of food instead.
After she was sufficiently prepped to take a shower, Noah turned on the hot water and climbed in. The actual process of taking a shower was easy. That is, if you define easy as slipping about 14 times, getting shampoo in your eyes twice, fighting with plastic wrap every 30 seconds so it doesn't slip off your body, and feeling so frustrated that you almost start sobbing. The amount of grunting and yelling and cursing she did was frankly embarrassing. But eventually, Noah stepped out of the tub feeling much better than when she went in.
The thought of returning to a state of comfortable numbness was a great enough motivation to have her flying through the process of getting dressed and practically running down the hallway. Well, in her mind she was flying and running. In reality, Noah was limping and waddling to the kitchen. The sight of Billy frying bacon had never been more welcome and Noah practically collapsed into the dining chair.
"Well that sounded like a struggle," came Billy's monotone drawl.
"Just bring me some bacon, will ya old man?" Noah huffed, slumping in her chair further and earning a chuckle from her uncle. "With a side of oxycodone or vicodin, please ."
"Coming right up," Billy chuckled, rolling over with a plate of bacon and a pill bottle in his lap. Jacob must have heard them, or smelled the bacon like the dog he was, because the boy came sprinting down the hallway not two seconds later. Noah was struggling with the child lock on the pill bottle and Jake took it from her wordlessly, popping it open with ease. Her nostrils flared at him.
"Take two of those," Billy directed, serving up food to all of them. Jake passed her two tablets and Noah threw them back dry. He raised his eyebrows at that.
"What?" Noah asked defensively. "My body hurts."
"Leave her alone, Jacob," Billy warned. Jake began to argue with his father that he wasn't doing anything, but a hard stare shut him down. Everything about the interaction felt uncomfortably familiar to Noah. She supposed the last time she'd been there had only been a few months ago but it felt like a different lifetime. "How are you doing this morning, Noah?"
Billy's question held much more weight to it. Noah knew he didn't just mean physically. What was left unsaid was how are you holding up mentally and emotionally now that you're away from your abusive father? What also went unsaid, but was heavily implied, was they would talk more about it later when present company was no longer around.
"Oh, uh, I felt a little sore this morning." Noah admitted, though that didn't quite encapsulate just how much pain she was in. Jacob scoffed at her wording, and she turned a mean glare on him. "What is your problem today?"
"I don't have a problem." Jacob sneered, shoving bacon into his mouth.
"Just because I'm staying here for now does not mean we're friends again or that you get to judge me. So why don't you keep your little noises to yourself?"
"That's enough kids," Billy interrupted sharply, stopping the argument before it even started. "I don't think either of you are in the right mindset to talk about this right now. So let's put a pin in it and you can talk later. You'll have plenty of time because Charlie's picking me up at noon to go fishing."
This was news to Noah. She wasn't looking forward to being in a house alone with Jacob without being fit to escape. She was sure any conversation that occurred later would evolve into an all out brawl. He seemed to be past the stage of groveling, which was fine, but Noah was nowhere near ready for forgiveness. Her anger was a small flame simmering under the surface ready to erupt into a forest fire with the right spark.
"Actually we won't," Jake interrupted her storm of thoughts, "because I'm going to see Bella later, remember Dad?"
"No I do not remember." Billy stated, as if questioning whether Jacob had ever actually told him. "Who's supposed to watch your cousin?"
"I don't need watching," Noah grumbled around a bite of bacon and eggs - it seemed criminal to keep ignoring all this food - but she was ignored by the pair of them regardless.
"I told you this like 3 days ago." Jacob's tone was decidedly annoyed and Noah's eyes flitted warily over toward her uncle.
"You mean before Noah was seriously injured and hospitalized?" Billy asked slowly, with pursed lips. It was never a good sign when Billy started speaking to you slowly. It usually meant he was giving you time to rethink what you were about to say. "And you still think seeing this girl is more important?"
"Dad c'mon, I haven't seen Bella in forever and I barely get any time with her anymore." Jacob sounded like a love sick puppy.
"Doesn't she have a boyfriend?" Noah chipped in, scrunching her nose.
"Yes, she does." Billy answered her, but his answer was directed at Jacob. "I don't know why you keep letting her lead you on. It's embarrassing, Jacob, and it's not going to end well."
"I'm not letting her do anything," Jake spat out sharply. "Bella has feelings for me, I know she does. She just needs time to realize it. So, I'm sorry, but it's done. I'm going."
"Well that's disappointing." Billy remarked and Noah was glad she wasn't the one on the receiving end of his ire. But Jacob just rolled his eyes and pushed back from the table. He began to trudge away but quickly turned back.
"Besides Noah's feeling better. She said so herself - she doesn't need a babysitter." Noah really didn't think she needed to be watched, but she also didn't think that was the best thing Jacob could have chosen to say to his clearly angry father at the moment.
"You made your decision Jacob Black, so stand by it." Billy's tone was cold and dismissive and with a huff, Jacob turned again and stalked towards his room.
With a sigh, Billy finished serving himself some of the eggs. Noah just chewed on her piece of toast as quietly as possible, fighting the urge to curl up into a ball anddisappear. While that was nothing like the interactions with her own father, the whole ordeal still made her skin crawl.
"I'm sorry," Billy started, finally beginning to dig in. "I just feel like he's blinded by that girl and I know she's just gonna end up hurting him. The more involved he gets, the worse it's going to be."
"I get it," Noah shrugged, and she did, but she also felt it had a bit more to do with what Billy had recently learned about her and less about Jacob having an unrequited crush on some girl.
"I really would feel more comfortable if you weren't alone today though, so if it's alright with you, I may give Emily a ring. See if you can hang out there for a bit."
"Emily Young?" Noah voiced in surprise.
"Yeah, that's where most of the boys hang out when they don't have school. I'm sure she wouldn't mind some more company."
"Yeah, I guess that would be okay." Noah agreed. Her lack of hesitation had nothing to do with the fact that she thought 'the boys' might include Paul. Definitely not.
"Great, I'll call after breakfast."
They ate mostly in silence after that, making very small talk here and there. There was an awkwardness hanging thickly in the air. It was because of the one subject that Noah dreaded above all else, and the one subject that she knew Billy was itching to discuss. It was the sort of silence where she knew they were both thinking about the same thing but neither one could or would broach the subject yet.
It was only after breakfast, when Billy had cleaned up the dishes and put everything away - after turning down Noah's offer of help - that Jacob left with a huffed goodbye and she knew it wouldn't be long now. In fact that's why Noah chose to sit on the couch rather than return to Rachel's room after breakfast. Sure, it was partly because walking really hurt, and it was a shorter distance to travel, but mostly it was because she wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.
Billy rolled into the living room, settling into a spot in front of the couch. Noah watched him with bated breath, but her uncle didn't speak, not for a good while. Noah could see the hesitation in his eyes and she knew he was thinking about the best way to start what would surely be a painful affair.
"It's alright you can ask me questions now," Noah finally let out, unable to sit in this tense silence any longer. She told herself that she was ready for whatever Billy was going to ask. She could handle it.
Billy swallowed thickly and with a terse nod settled on, "When did it start?"
Noah had to think about that for a second. Her hand twitched as she resisted the urge to count on her fingers. "Uh, maybe a little over a year after the accident. I can remember pretty clearly the first time it happened but, uh, everything else is a little fuzzy. I'm not exactly sure how old I was then."
It took Billy another long moment and a few nods to himself to respond. "I just... I never realized. You were always such a happy kid. I keep thinking back and I can't remember seeing any signs, I feel like there should have been signs. I should have known."
"Well, it wasn't all that bad to begin with," Noah shrugged, hugging her arms to her chest. "I mean, I didn't know that then, but I do now. And I guess I got pretty good at hiding the marks."
"Is this the worst it's ever been?" Billy prompted and his tone made Noah think that he was scared to know the answer.
"Um, yeah, I think so," Noah replied, fidgeting with her fingers. "I probably should've gone to the hospital a couple times before but I think I probably would have died this time if I hadn't tried to go to school."
"What..." Billy's words got caught behind a lump in his throat. He swallowed. "What made him so violent this time?"
Noah paused, flashes of that night coming back to her. "Oh, uh, he thought I was trying to run away," she winced, running light fingers over the gauze on her leg. "I was out late walking and Chief Swan drove me back home. I think he was worried that I had told him. He said, um...he said he needed to remind me, to punish me for breaking the rules."
Billy let out a humorless chuckle and ran a large hand over his face. Noah observed him without a sound.
"I knew Richard could be a cold man but he always loved my sister dearly. Everyone could see how much he adored her." Billy shook his head. The whole thing was incomprehensible.
"And he loved you," Billy insisted, "they both did, more than life. I never would have thought... But I should have been there, I should have stopped it from the start."
"Yeah, I think moms death probably broke him." Noah admitted and it was the first time she had voiced that thought out loud. Her father wasn't a bad man. She had made him that way when she killed her mother and aunt. "It happened slowly and then all at once. It started with just drinking and berating, but pretty soon after there were fits of rage. It only made sense that he would direct them at me."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Billy asked thickly and there was deep pain in his eyes. Noah looked down, lightly scratching shapes into the couch.
"Like I said, it really wasn't all that bad to begin with, I had hope for a while that one day I would wake up and he'd be his normal self again... but I guess when it did get really bad, I couldn't tell anyone because he threatened to kill them if I did. You and Jacob and Quil and Embry were all I had. You were the only things keeping me alive really, and I just couldn't risk that. No amount of... pain or suffering was worse than losing you guys would've been.
"But I guess it didn't really matter in the end," Noah added bitterly. "Because everyone left anyway and I was alone."
"Oh Noah, I'm so sorry." Billy choked out and there was the glimmer of tears in his eyes. "I should've checked up on you. I should've known there was something going on. I was just so preoccupied with Jacob shifting and I've been there before and I saw what Sam did to Emily, he almost killed her - and she's his imprint for Christ sake! It seemed like the right call at the time to keep you away from all of that. Getting involved with the supernatural is a one way ticket, there's no going back. So I thought if I distanced myself as well, it would make losing Jacob and Quil and Embry easier. It would be easier for you to move on - to live a life safe from all of this."
"I had no one," Noah sputtered out through a sob, tears dripping down her cheeks. "Could you have really gone the rest of your life happy to never see or speak to me again?"
"No Noey, of course not." Billy pulled Noah into a tight embrace, his voice cracking. "I wish I could take it all back. I just thought it was what's best for you, I really did. I would have never distanced myself from you otherwise. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself, but I'm so unbelievably sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. You shouldn't have had to gone through any of this alone."
"I wish none of it had ever happened," Noah cried into her uncle's chest. "I wish I could just go back to that day and then I would have never gotten into that fucking car."
"I know, I know," Billy shushed, his own voice thick with emotion. "I wish they were here every day. We can't change the past, but I'm here now and I'm never letting you go, birdie."
It took Noah longer than she would've liked to admit to stop crying into her uncle's chest. It just felt like a lifetime since she'd been able to bare her soul to someone, with all the dark and broken bits, and know they wouldn't turn their back in her. It had been a long time since she felt loved and safe, longer than she dared to think about.
When Noah finally pulled back and wiped at her eyes, Billy remained steadfast, smiling at her in a pained but genuine way.
"Well on that happy note," he chuckled sarcastically, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. "I'll go call Emily, okay?"
Noah nodded and was surprised to find that her chest felt just a little bit lighter than it had in years.