LILAC YSNIELA RAMMAZZOTI
"Sasali ka pa sa susunod na competition?" Nilingon ko si Nadia sa likod ko at marahang umiling. "Midterm exam namin. Sayang nga eh." She pouted and looked behind me as if someone was right behind me. "A-ah wag kanang lumingon!" Pigil nito ng lilingon na sana ako sa likod, but it was too late. I saw it with my two eyes, Gerome and his new girlfriend. I smiled bitterly and looked at Nadia. "Oh, you think I haven't moved on?"
Her face softened as she stared back at me. "Well, you loved him that much, and you just broke up..." Umiling ako at ngumiti. I stood up and fixed my things. "Tara na, sa bahay kana mag dinner mommy will be glad!" I invited her. Mommy loves my friends so much, just how she loves me and my siblings. "Speaking of tita. Alam ba n'ya?" I nodded. Mom was there when I cried for about 5 seconds? I chuckled.
I don't know, I mean, I loved him so much but when the two of us broke up? I didn't really know what to damn feel! I mean Gerome was my childhood friend. We grew up together with kuya and Violet. I loved him, and it hurt the part of me. "You seem so fine with it, tho?"
"You know what, Nads. Let's just gooo masarap ang ulam today!" I said and grabbed her out of the school. "Mang Raul!" I waved my hands when I saw a familiar SUV nearing. It stopped in front of us, and I happily went inside when it opened automatically. "Hello po kuya! Sila Violet?" Masayang ngumiti naman ito. "Naku ay nasa fieldtrip, hindi mo alam?" Oh, oo nga pala, she is out to capture beautiful sceneries. "Oh yes! I just remembered."
"Good afternoon, mang Raul!" Nadia greeted.
"Sila Mama po?" Tanong ko muli. "Ah, si ma'am Samantha nasa cavite. Si sir Eros naman nasa San pascual batangas sila ng kuya mo para daw mag golf." I nodded again. But I thought Mama would cook for us? Hayst. How lonely. "Ah, sya nga pala pinag luto ka ng Mama mo ng masarap na adobo! I reheat mo na lang daw at yon nga hindi sya makaka sabay sayo sa dinner at may bigla project visit sya banda sa cavite." Tumango na lang ako at sumandal sa car seat.
"As always. Anyways I have Nadia with me, naman, so it's okay. I guess."
When I was a kid, I wanted to grow fast to decide for my own. But as I got older, I realized I wanted to stay as a child. No problems, no heartaches, and no pain. I wanted my parents' attention back. Each of my siblings has their own lives now, bawat isa sa amin may kanya kanya ng pangarap na sinusundan. Kuya Damian wants to pursue architecture, gusto n'yang sumunod sa yapak ni Mama. Violet wants to be a professional photographer and a lawyer. While our dear sister wants to be anything. And here I am, lost.
I was an adventurous kid, I loved surfing, I love travelling, and I love challenging activities. But then, one day, I found myself losing everything slowly. I wasn't able to love the things I used to love before. I don't understand. "Hey, are you okay?" I flinched when Nadia snapped her fingers. "Oh, sorry, what?" She pouted and rolled her eyes on me. "You're not okay, eh, kanina pa. What's up?" I sighed. "I am fine, Nads. I think I am just so tired." She then nodded. She knows how secretive I am, so she didn't push through it anymore.
"Oh sya sige, my driver is outside na eh." I smiled and kissed her goodbye. Hinatid ko na lang to palabas at pumasok na rin ako para mag review. "So tahimik ng bahay!!" I miss my sissies and kuya. Kellilah naman is in mamita's care. I went upstairs to get myself locked up and review for our upcoming exam.
I woke up from a knock on my door. Oh geez! I feel so heavy! Buti na lang at sabado na ngayon at baka na late na ako. Antok na tumayo naman ako sa pagkaka upo—yes I fell asleep while reviewing my subjects. I opened the door and was shocked to see Gerome in front. Tumalikod muna ako at pumasok sa banyo para mag hilamos manlang. Pag balik ko naka upo na sya sa kama ko at naka tingin sa study table ko.
"Ahm, hey? What are you doing here?"
"Tita called me to check on you." I nodded. "She shouldn't have to do that. I'm fine. You should go home." He sighed and lay down on my bed. "Akala ko ba we'll stay friends?" The nerve of this guy?
"Just go, go, Gerome. I want to sleep." I said emotionless. He groaned and got up. "What if I don't?" I rolled my eyes on him. "Oh edi dito kana." Tumalikod na lang ako at dumeretso sa pinto para lumabas at mag agahan na rin. "I cooked you breakfast already." Hindi ko ito pinansin at bumaba na lang. "Thanks, but no thanks." I said when I saw what was on the table. I ate rice na kagabi, and it's too early for rice and adobo.
"Ya? May pancakes po?" I called my yaya Fei. "Naku ei mag g-grocery pa lang si manang eh." I just nodded, kumuha ng tasa at nag timpla na lang ng tea. "You should eat." I just nodded and didn't say more. On my peripheral view, I saw him take a single plate, spoon, and fork. At saka baso. "Sayang yan kung hindi mo kakainin. I cooked that for you." I looked at Gerome silently as he put rice and adobo on the plate he got.
Maybe we aren't really for a romantic relationship, right? Kung hindi siguro naging kami ay talagang walang awkwardness akong mararamdaman ngayon. "Hindi ka na lalahok sa competition?" I just shrug my shoulders and nod. "How have you been?" I asked. It was a long silence between us. It was awkward and really stiff. "I'm fine, I won soccer, I learned to bake and I enjoyed life. I'm fine." I nodded slowly. Good to hear that then.
"Your mom is worried of you."
"Ha? What is there to be worried about? I'm totally doing just good. Lol. Mom is just guilty for leaving me here all alone with my yayas and manang." Kumunot naman ang noo nito. "Anyway, don't worry. I'll eat that you can leave." He stopped from pouring a cold pineapple juice on my glass and looked at me. "I swear I'll eat. Umalis kana at na abala na ang oras mo." He just nodded, and i smiled.
"Hindi ko kailangan ngumiti ng peke." I raised a brow ang chuckled. "Ha? What do you mean? Really. You can go now." With that, he bid goodbye and reminded me to eat and so on and on.
I ate his adobo and it was indeed good as it was before.
Days had passed. I have taken my midterm exams and enjoyed a 9-day break from school. I spend that long weekend in bora with my family! And this is the last two days of the break. We're currently eating in one of the famous resto here. The spicebird. I love their grilled piri piri chicken and also their calamansi cheesecake. I was enjoying my food sa sulok, not minding everyone while they talk when I smelled a familiar scent on my right side. I turned to look at it and was shocked to see Gerome. "Ang cute mo pa rin talaga." Pinapatak ko pa ang crab dito eh! What is he doing here? I took a look at my family and saw them talking to Gerome's family.
"Oh, hija! Ang saya mo panoorin dyan na kumakain lang! Nakaka tuwa ka talaga ang gandang bata." I smiled shyly and looked at my twin sister. Nakakaloko ang ngiting nagpapahiwatig. I don't fucking get Gerome. Seriously? What is he doing just right now? So close to me like nothing really happened? I sighed and glared at her. Uminom muna ako bago tumayo at nag excuse. "They will surely talk about business which I will be bored and uninterested at all. I better take photos of the view and swim." Pagka usap ko sa sarili nang maka layo na sa banda nila. But I almost jumped when someone said. "O baka iniiwasan mo lang ako?"
"Pota! Bat ka ba sisipot bigla bigla ha?" I said as I held my chest. "'Kay, I'm sorry. I just wanna talk to you." Inirapan ko to at nag lakad muli inayos ang DSLR camera ko. "Talk about what?" Sabi ko at inangat ang camera para kumuha ng litrato. Ang gago humarang at ng peace sign pa. "Are you that heartless?" Binaba ko ang camera at ngayon ay tumitig sa mga mata nya. "Can't you feel?" I asked again seriously with my straight face.
He sighed. "Yeah, look. I'll take this opportunity to address the issues between us." I sighed. "It's okay, Gerome." Umiling ito.
"I know there's a lot of questions running through your mind now. I'm ashamed every day facing your family. Your kuya at tatay specifically. I know it's long overdue. But will you hear me out?"
"I experience identity crisis." It's enough for me. I get it now. "I get it now. You don't have to elaborate on it. It's okay. That is okay."
"But then I realized I was excited, I just got so excited. But I'm really into you. This is the dumbfull reason to break up, but I'll win your trust back. I'll win your love back. I'll do everything for you. If you tell me to jump off that dark blue ocean, I'll do it."
"Just love me back again."
I don't even know what to say. I never unloved him. Even after confessing that he had experienced that crisis in his identity. My love for him is still there. But I just don't know what exactly to say. "You don't have to answer me rightwards. I'll do everything. Itataya ko ang buhay ko sa lahat we will fix this once again."
"I love you."